Losing your last name

I'm dreading this party like you wouldnt believe......
so all i can do without pi$$ing off fh is since i dont have a middle name, my maiden name will become my middle name.

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Posted by cantwait2bewed

It should be an honor to change your last name. I dont understand when women dont want to change their last name. I guess its some type of 'im a strong woman' thing.

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I think you may want to consider that there are a lot of diverse people in the world. We grow up with different experiences, values, etc., and no one's experiences/values are 'better' than anyone elses. I don't have a global opinion on what women should or should not do about their last name. I think it's a very personal decision.

I love that we can post divergent opinions, that's part of what makes this board great, but WOW did I feel angry when I read your narrow-minded, ill-informed post that keeping your last name is some sort of 'I'm a strong woman thing.' I have a friend whose parents died before she married, she wanted to continue the family name in their honor. This is just one random example to at least get you to consider that not taking the stereotypically 'traditional' road happens for a lot of reasons. Including a wonderful little thing called FREE WILL.

If you want to take a new name and that makes you happy, I think that's great. But why do you need to post such a pejorative, negative response aimed at people who may choose something different than you?

And as a complete aside, name change or not, what could possibly be wrong with being a 'strong' woman?

I'm losing mine. It's Van Dyne right now and I'll be going to Ring. Ugh!! It sounds horrible but hey all in the name of love. He can't wait for me to change my name!

I didn't change my name, because I didn't want to. I have had this name for 37 years, and can't imagine going by anything else. I could not love my husband more and it has nothing to do with him or his name, but rather my desire to maintain my own identity, the connection to my parents, who are deceased, and the fact that I have 3 degrees and am in the process of obtaining a professional license - all in my maiden name.

It is a very individual choice and I think everyone should choose to do what is best for them and not worry about what other people do or think about it.

I just wanted to add that I don't really get offended if people call me Mrs. HisLastName, or we get mail addressed to Mr. & Mrs. I just see it as they view us as a family. I am more amused by seeing who 'knows' I kept my maiden name and who didn't.

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Posted by cantwait2bewed

It should be an honor to change your last name. I dont understand when women dont want to change their last name. I guess its some type of 'im a strong woman' thing.

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I dont agree with the 'i'm a strong woman comment' Yeah i am honored to take FH's name - but when you live your life wiht one name and have all your accomplishments with your maiden name - that is who you are - yeah changing your name doesnt change who you are - but i see my accomplishments as a reflection of the support that my parents have given me throughout my life - it is a respect thing to your own family too -

I'm actually going to change my last name to FH's - and since i dont have a middle name - i'm going to make my maiden name my middle name. I will still use my maiden name professionally and FH's name socially

I hate my last name, and always looked forward to changing it However, now that I actually will do it, it makes me feel really uneazy. I do want both of us to have the same name.. because that, to me, really indicates that we are a family. Plus, when we have kids, I want everyone to have the same name.. same family. Just like when I grew up, with us 1 big 'happy' family . Surprisingly, my mother, is trying to convince me not to change my name - she did - but for some reason feels I should keep mine. I think it may have something to do with me still being her family, if I keep my last name, rather than his. Honestly, I view the lastname change as 2 people, uniting. Since, I know he is not going to change his - for more reasons than I can name (including he is the only boy with that last name, and I have a brother) I will be changing mine...

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Posted by nylibride

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Posted by cantwait2bewed

It should be an honor to change your last name. I dont understand when women dont want to change their last name. I guess its some type of 'im a strong woman' thing.

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I think you may want to consider that there are a lot of diverse people in the world. We grow up with different experiences, values, etc., and no one's experiences/values are 'better' than anyone elses. I don't have a global opinion on what women should or should not do about their last name. I think it's a very personal decision.

I love that we can post divergent opinions, that's part of what makes this board great, but WOW did I feel angry when I read your narrow-minded, ill-informed post that keeping your last name is some sort of 'I'm a strong woman thing.' I have a friend whose parents died before she married, she wanted to continue the family name in their honor. This is just one random example to at least get you to consider that not taking the stereotypically 'traditional' road happens for a lot of reasons. Including a wonderful little thing called FREE WILL.

If you want to take a new name and that makes you happy, I think that's great. But why do you need to post such a pejorative, negative response aimed at people who may choose something different than you?

And as a complete aside, name change or not, what could possibly be wrong with being a 'strong' woman?

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I really dont care that you think my comment was negative. That is my opinion, and like u said everyone else has there own opinions. I just think that if u are going to get married 'than why not change your last name'. It is solely my opinion and to me it seems as thought u dont respect others opinions at all. The post asks should u change or not change you rname and i gave my opinion. So if u would like to start another post saying 'Please give your opinions on xxx so that I can tell you, u are wrong' go right ahead. I didnt tell the girl not to change or name. Originally i wanted to keep my last name too because of my degrees and for professional purpose, but i though what the heck I am marrying the man of my dreams and it will be an honor to take his name. As far as the strong woman thing, what i meant by that and maybe you didnt understand, is that yes we might all be strong women but if that is what u are trying to prove by keeping your name then I think there are other ways to prove you are a strong woman. But that is my opinion, and I am most definitely entitled to it.

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Posted by cantwait2bewed

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Posted by nylibride

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Posted by cantwait2bewed

It should be an honor to change your last name. I dont understand when women dont want to change their last name. I guess its some type of 'im a strong woman' thing.

---

I think you may want to consider that there are a lot of diverse people in the world. We grow up with different experiences, values, etc., and no one's experiences/values are 'better' than anyone elses. I don't have a global opinion on what women should or should not do about their last name. I think it's a very personal decision.

I love that we can post divergent opinions, that's part of what makes this board great, but WOW did I feel angry when I read your narrow-minded, ill-informed post that keeping your last name is some sort of 'I'm a strong woman thing.' I have a friend whose parents died before she married, she wanted to continue the family name in their honor. This is just one random example to at least get you to consider that not taking the stereotypically 'traditional' road happens for a lot of reasons. Including a wonderful little thing called FREE WILL.

If you want to take a new name and that makes you happy, I think that's great. But why do you need to post such a pejorative, negative response aimed at people who may choose something different than you?

And as a complete aside, name change or not, what could possibly be wrong with being a 'strong' woman?

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I really dont care that you think my comment was negative. That is my opinion, and like u said everyone else has there own opinions. I just think that if u are going to get married 'than why not change your last name'. It is solely my opinion and to me it seems as thought u dont respect others opinions at all. The post asks should u change or not change you rname and i gave my opinion. So if u would like to start another post saying 'Please give your opinions on xxx so that I can tell you, u are wrong' go right ahead. I didnt tell the girl not to change or name. Originally i wanted to keep my last name too because of my degrees and for professional purpose, but i though what the heck I am marrying the man of my dreams and it will be an honor to take his name. As far as the strong woman thing, what i meant by that and maybe you didnt understand, is that yes we might all be strong women but if that is what u are trying to prove by keeping your name then I think there are other ways to prove you are a strong woman. But that is my opinion, and I am most definitely entitled to it.

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I think we are essentially saying the same thing--it is an opinion that everyone is entitled to, a very personal decision. I do indeed care about others' opinions and feelings, that is why I responded to your post. I think that comment by you was made out of anger, but is highly erroneous with regards to who I am. I did not intend to make you defensive, but I also think if you re-read my post, you miscontrued what I said. Not worth an argument to me. You are absoultely entitled to your opinion. I wish you the best in your marriage.

I can't wait to get my new last name! I'm actually excited about it.

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Posted by AtticaQT

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Posted by cantwait2bewed

It should be an honor to change your last name. I dont understand when women dont want to change their last name. I guess its some type of 'im a strong woman' thing.

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I dont agree with the 'i'm a strong woman comment' Yeah i am honored to take FH's name - but when you live your life wiht one name and have all your accomplishments with your maiden name - that is who you are - yeah changing your name doesnt change who you are - but i see my accomplishments as a reflection of the support that my parents have given me throughout my life - it is a respect thing to your own family too -

I'm actually going to change my last name to FH's - and since i dont have a middle name - i'm going to make my maiden name my middle name. I will still use my maiden name professionally and FH's name socially

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I agree with this. Saying some type of 'im a strong woman' implies that all of us who consider not changing our name are feminazis. I haven't changed my name yet (partly because marriage was enough of a change to get used to first), though I plan to so that when I have children my name will be the same as theirs. I don't think of it as an 'honor'--it was an honor marrying the man I love, whether or not I choose to change my name. For those of us who have been working a while and are known in our fields of work, I think it is a bigger deal--if you are known as one name, published, spoken at conferences, etc.--it is difficult to get the word out that hereafter you will be known by another name. I plan on using my maiden name professionally, but using his socially. Obviously, to each her own, but there are valid reasons for not changing it, and everyone is entitled to her own reasons for why they will or won't take it.

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Posted by isuser

wow.. am i the only one that is keeping my last name??

am just lazy and don't want to go through all the troubles to change my name on all documents and stuff... FH and future in-laws have absolutely no problem with it!

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That is so great, and great that the inlaws and FH are cool with it. Its amazing that women still have this issue although ours mothers probably didn't even consider it so I guess we have come a ways. I'll probably use one prof. and the other socially - even though my BF is very adamant about taking his name. How did all this name thing start - was it about ownership?

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Posted by CubanBride

I should state that I am a bit old-fashioned. I would never keep my name and my FH would probably be offended if I did. I think its about personal growth and acceptance of the new family. I also don't think a person's accomplishments are attached to a person's name. I don't think there are any real reasons, other than sentimental, for keeping the maiden name. I mean, if you do, you won't have the same name as your children. Now that is weird.

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There are several posters who plan on using the maiden name professionally, but changing it for social use, and so that it will match their children's last name. I do think accomplishments are to some extent attached to a name though--I have been published in journals, and they won't change the by-line just because I change my name. Doing a google search for me will no longer come up with 50 sites or whatever--to some extent it is starting from scratch.

Before getting married, I was 100% sure that I was going to take DH's name. After the wedding, I am having a harder time with it. I can't get past that I won't be Stephanie D anymore. I've been this person my whole life.

I plan to change it officially in the new year. We're expecting our 1st child in May and I want my married last name on the birth certificate. JMO, it's important for me for our family to have the same name.

It's definitely a women's perogative whether or not to change her name. As long as the couple is OK with the decision that's all that matters.

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Posted by nov04LIbride
There are several posters who plan on using the maiden name professionally, but changing it for social use, and so that it will match their children's last name. I do think accomplishments are to some extent attached to a name though--I have been published in journals, and they won't change the by-line just because I change my name. Doing a google search for me will no longer come up with 50 sites or whatever--to some extent it is starting from scratch.

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I have been published as well so I know what you asre talking about. But it just doesn't seem like that is something that would keep me from changing my name.

I guess it just depends on what is more important to a person.

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Posted by cantwait2bewed

It should be an honor to change your last name. I dont understand when women dont want to change their last name. I guess its some type of 'im a strong woman' thing.

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haha...if it was such an honor the guy would do it!!

im changing my last name -