Losing your last name

I'm having a hard time with it because my FH's last name is 'Swallow.' When people think of that name, at least 60% think of the body function as opposed to the bird!

I would like to take his last name to show I am proud to be his wife, but it would be a lot easier if his name didn't have two connotations. I don't have a middle name so I want to make my maiden name my official middle name.

I have friends who started out hyphenating their names and then stopped and just use their married name because it was confusing people or was simply too much of a mouthful. I have other friends who kept their maiden name and now I am trying to figure out if I address them as Ms. --- or Mrs. Maiden Name on our invites! LOL.

There is no easy decision here.

I'm defintely an exception here.

First of all I am taking his last name for several reasons.

1. Historically, women 'don't have' last names. Seriously, what was your mother's? You have your father's last name as we emphasize the male line. Not true in all cultures. Come in Africa are matrilineal. I once had a feminist history professor tell my class this when we were surprized she took her husband's last name. She had us do an exercise, take out a piece of paper and write down your mother's last name... she never had one it's your father's or husband's.

2. I'm older than the majority of brides on this site (34). I have two professional degrees, investments, published material in my own name, property, pension fund and I am even my father's power of attorney and co-signer on all of his accounts. I have a lot more forms to fill out than most bride's in less complicated situations but, yes, I am changing my name. It's more paperwork.

3. My name is not the essence of who I am. Yes, I know it seems weird to imagine your parents giving you another name and would you still be the same person? What makes me who I am are my characteristics.

4. We are a team in life and I want that to be fully reflected.

5. I don't believe in hyphenating. What would my daughter do? When do we stop it? How many boxes can we put on the SAT form?

I respect other people's opinions. I think other's will have a more difficult time of it than I will. Now, Dad and I have a different last name and dealing with his medical and financial records and having to prove who I am with a different last name will be a pain at first. Yes, I have to change all of the headings on my classroom materials. Yes, my students and colleagues have to get used to it. Yes, I am known in my field but after some reminding people will adjust.

FH's ex-wife was officially hyphenated but she only used her maiden. When I expalined my reasons for taking his name I think it shed some light on her reluctance given their particular situation.

I am also going from having a last name of a type of bird to a type of fish!

I am proud to say we will be

The Karp's
Established July 4, 2004

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Posted by LoriSantagata

Im glad I'm not the only one. My FH says he doesn't care, but I know he does. My Future mother in law already passed a comment about how much she hates women that keep their last name after marriage. Makes me want to do it just to piss her off! lol

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My DH feels the same way. I'm not changing mine. Partly because of professional reasons and partly because I like having an Italian name and his is not. I'm goign to assume that you're Italian too. Just tell your FMIL that you are just being old fashioned! Women in Italy do not change their names. People can call them Mrs. so-and-so but on all official business they go by their maiden names. To them it would be a great smack in the face of your father and his family to renounce his name.

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Posted by DebsNY

I hate my last name... it's a Z and no one can pronounce right... i can't wait to get rid of it...

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Same here!

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Posted by hmm8191

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Posted by cantwait2bewed

It should be an honor to change your last name. I dont understand when women dont want to change their last name. I guess its some type of 'im a strong woman' thing.

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haha...if it was an honor the guy would do it!!

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Very true - although feminist and against the 'tradition' of a woman becoming part of a man.

When you think of the bottom line of it all though - you cant call someone feminist for not wanting to change her name - the whole idea of changing names started because the woman became part of the man - if marriage is a new unity - then neither individual should part with their name and a new name should be created (I know this is ridiculous - but think about it - why dont men change their name??)

I was never going to change my name- but then had a slight change of heart.

I am going to hyphenate for legal reasons-- and then I can be Randi Maidenname and Randi MarriedName in the appropriate company. I cannot give up my last name completely-- it just doesn't feel right to me.

All i have to say is that i cannot wait to change my name.
I want to have the same name as my children. and he has a cool last name much better then mine.

i used to hate my last name and couldn't wait to change it. that was until i got engaged. it just seems that its such a big part of me.

FH gets upset when i say that i wont change it, so then i simply say why dont you take my last name? its the same thing. a friend of his is actually taking his future wife's name.

but anyway, its going to be hard. especially with school and having to deal with changing around all my loans/grants and everything. so worst comes to worst i might just wait a while and then change it.

i know that eventually i will change it, i just know it won't be the first thing i run out and do after the honeymoon. it's weird.

I don't want to give up my name. -
And yes it IS a 'strong woman thing' and i'n not ashamed of that - I just LIKE my name ! it's MINE you know ?? -
But FH got very upset and insulted when I said I wanted to hypenate it . - I'd just use it for work, and everything else I'd use his name........- I don't LIKE his name ! My name is SO Italian and his is SO German !!

I am taking my FH's last name. It's funny b/c we had only known each other a few months when he said 'If we got married, you know you'd better take my name!' He said this b/c his ex before me was a very 'woman-empowered' liberated non-traditional girl and said she was not going to take his name if they got married and asked him to take hers!

FH and I are VERY traditional people. I am so looking forward to his last name, even though it's often mispronounced! A lovely 9 letter Russian last name! But to me, it's an honor to have his family's name!

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Posted by cantwait2bewed

It should be an honor to change your last name. I dont understand when women dont want to change their last name. I guess its some type of 'im a strong woman' thing.

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I completely disagree, I honestly just do not like the way it sounds. I have a very Italian first name and for the last 26 years it has gone great with my last name. Now I am changing it to a very Irish name, of which I am not even close to being Irish, so why should I represent something which I am not?

I am obviously still taking his last name and not liking one bit of it, but why don't we ask the groom's to take our names? We should be HONORED to take thier last names, but turn our backs on who we were before we even met FHs?

That's a little silly....

[
I completely disagree, I honestly just do not like the way it sounds. I have a very Italian first name and for the last 26 years it has gone great with my last name. Now I am changing it to a very Irish name, of which I am not even close to being Irish, so why should I represent something which I am not?

That's a little silly....

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OMG! Me too. My first name is so very Italian, lots of syllables and noone in the midwest can pronounce it. I feel weird not having an Italian last name too....
Although from what everyone else has mentioned about it being easier to keep your last name. I've found the opposite to be true so far. I'm having a hard time proving that we're married and we're family becasue we have different last names...

my last name is very Italian. My new last name? ... Will be 'White' like the color!

I love my Mikey (FH) very much but my family name represents history, and I can go back over 100 years of ancestory. My parents immigrated from Italy. Women in Italy do not change their names, they are born and die with the same name. Although like chicagogal said, they are addressed as Mr&Mrs. (I like that)

I've made a decision while reading all of your posts and that is I'm going to use both. I will make my last name my middle name and add my married name. (I don't have a middle name, that's an italian thing too!)
That way my children WILL have the same last name as me which is important to me too.

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Posted by David'sbride

I'm defintely an exception here.

First of all I am taking his last name for several reasons.

1. Historically, women 'don't have' last names. Seriously, what was your mother's? You have your father's last name as we emphasize the male line. Not true in all cultures. Come in Africa are matrilineal. I once had a feminist history professor tell my class this when we were surprized she took her husband's last name. She had us do an exercise, take out a piece of paper and write down your mother's last name... she never had one it's your father's or husband's.

2. I'm older than the majority of brides on this site (34). I have two professional degrees, investments, published material in my own name, property, pension fund and I am even my father's power of attorney and co-signer on all of his accounts. I have a lot more forms to fill out than most bride's in less complicated situations but, yes, I am changing my name. It's more paperwork.

3. My name is not the essence of who I am. Yes, I know it seems weird to imagine your parents giving you another name and would you still be the same person? What makes me who I am are my characteristics.

4. We are a team in life and I want that to be fully reflected.

5. I don't believe in hyphenating. What would my daughter do? When do we stop it? How many boxes can we put on the SAT form?

I respect other people's opinions. I think other's will have a more difficult time of it than I will. Now, Dad and I have a different last name and dealing with his medical and financial records and having to prove who I am with a different last name will be a pain at first. Yes, I have to change all of the headings on my classroom materials. Yes, my students and colleagues have to get used to it. Yes, I am known in my field but after some reminding people will adjust.

FH's ex-wife was officially hyphenated but she only used her maiden. When I expalined my reasons for taking his name I think it shed some light on her reluctance given their particular situation.

I am also going from having a last name of a type of bird to a type of fish!

I am proud to say we will be

The Karp's
Established July 4, 2004

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Very well said!

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Posted by 1005bride

I'm having a VERY hard time with this. I really do not want to change my name when we get married, but it is one of the few things that my FH feels strongly about. I think that I will end up using both as a compromise...

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DITTO!

i had the hugest hard time with this because i think changin your name basically makes the woman disappear - its always mr and mrs john doe
never john and mary doe

so i didnt want to change my name , but my new husband was so upset that i wasnt going to do it - i figured it just want worth it.
i figured i would learn to get over it - being mrs john doe isnt too bad -

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by David'sbride

I'm defintely an exception here.

First of all I am taking his last name for several reasons.

1. Historically, women 'don't have' last names. Seriously, what was your mother's? You have your father's last name as we emphasize the male line. Not true in all cultures. Come in Africa are matrilineal. I once had a feminist history professor tell my class this when we were surprized she took her husband's last name. She had us do an exercise, take out a piece of paper and write down your mother's last name... she never had one it's your father's or husband's.

2. I'm older than the majority of brides on this site (34). I have two professional degrees, investments, published material in my own name, property, pension fund and I am even my father's power of attorney and co-signer on all of his accounts. I have a lot more forms to fill out than most bride's in less complicated situations but, yes, I am changing my name. It's more paperwork.

3. My name is not the essence of who I am. Yes, I know it seems weird to imagine your parents giving you another name and would you still be the same person? What makes me who I am are my characteristics.

4. We are a team in life and I want that to be fully reflected.

5. I don't believe in hyphenating. What would my daughter do? When do we stop it? How many boxes can we put on the SAT form?

I respect other people's opinions. I think other's will have a more difficult time of it than I will. Now, Dad and I have a different last name and dealing with his medical and financial records and having to prove who I am with a different last name will be a pain at first. Yes, I have to change all of the headings on my classroom materials. Yes, my students and colleagues have to get used to it. Yes, I am known in my field but after some reminding people will adjust.

FH's ex-wife was officially hyphenated but she only used her maiden. When I expalined my reasons for taking his name I think it shed some light on her reluctance given their particular situation.

I am also going from having a last name of a type of bird to a type of fish!

I am proud to say we will be

The Karp's
Established July 4, 2004

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Very well said!

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very well said indeed - something to make you think- thank you

I'll be losing my last name. It's going to take some time to get used to.