is anyone else having a hard time with this? Who is keeping their last name, who's using both, and who's changing it and using only your married name?
I think I'm going to use both, but no hyphen I'll just have three names.
Jen2999
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Re: Losing your last name
Im a teacher so I think I will have the kids calls me my last name and take his or everything else.
nicknmb
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Posted by LoriSantagata
is anyone else having a hard time with this? Who is keeping their last name, who's using both, and who's changing it and using only your married name?
I think I'm going to use both, but no hyphen I'll just have three names.
The advantage to doing this is that you can legally use either last name. I am changing mine though. My fh likes the fact that i am becoming italian!
janwinterbridejoy
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Posted by DebsNY
I hate my last name... it's a Z and no one can pronounce right... i can't wait to get rid of it...
i had a hard to pronounce z name but i miss it but dh never asks for anything and my taking his name was very important to him so now i have a f name
leese
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I am also going to have a hard time with it.
I am planning on keeping my maiden as my middle and going by it at my job.
Interestingly, FI and I had a fight about it two days before we got engaged. He just gave up and said 'whatever you want'.... little did I know he just didn't want to fight for the rest of the week!
For me, I get quoted by papers all week long with my name and it is important to me personally. But I also kinda like the idea of having the same name as him...seems like fun to be 'The LastName Family' - when i sent xmas cards out, I loved writing that to my new married friends!
Elaina
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im losing it but im going to be really sad about it. I thought of hyphenating it but hes an old fashioned Italian b
May05Bride
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A friend of mine just told me about an interesting article she read in the magazine about the 'new age women' of our generation that decide to hyphenate their name. Its an intersting concept at first, and may work within this generation.. where the last name becomes 'His-Hers' and that is what they pass on to their kids.. a combination of the lastname of the mother and father. Thus, instead of changing names, the mother and father keep theirs, and they combine them for the kids. However, this kind of trend doesn't really work looking on generations. Because when their kids will get married and do that, they will hyphenate that, and now they have 'his-hers-otherhis-otherhers' and so on... with it just being WAY too long.. Also, this almost obliterates the family trees, because you can't really trace back since there will be so many versions of hyphenation. Also it noted, that since woman's last names get lost anyway (even w/out hyphenation the children take the farther's name) and the women's lastnames essentially dissapear (how many of you remember your grandmother's maidenname?) - its almost worth just switching names.. that way the family tree is preserved....
Just something to think about I guess... I wish I had the article!
hbradio
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Re: Losing your last name
I am going to change my name but I am not in a great hurry to do it after the wedding - I will do it in time. I am going from a short name thats memorable (I love it) to a long Italian name. I am hoping I can maybe keep it as a second middle name. I am also thinking that I will keep it professionally - not that I am sooooo established but I dont know....its such a hard decision.
hbradio
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Posted by David'sbride
I'm defintely an exception here.
First of all I am taking his last name for several reasons.
1. Historically, women 'don't have' last names. Seriously, what was your mother's? You have your father's last name as we emphasize the male line. Not true in all cultures. Come in Africa are matrilineal. I once had a feminist history professor tell my class this when we were surprized she took her husband's last name. She had us do an exercise, take out a piece of paper and write down your mother's last name... she never had one it's your father's or husband's.
2. I'm older than the majority of brides on this site (34). I have two professional degrees, investments, published material in my own name, property, pension fund and I am even my father's power of attorney and co-signer on all of his accounts. I have a lot more forms to fill out than most bride's in less complicated situations but, yes, I am changing my name. It's more paperwork.
3. My name is not the essence of who I am. Yes, I know it seems weird to imagine your parents giving you another name and would you still be the same person? What makes me who I am are my characteristics.
4. We are a team in life and I want that to be fully reflected.
5. I don't believe in hyphenating. What would my daughter do? When do we stop it? How many boxes can we put on the SAT form?
I respect other people's opinions. I think other's will have a more difficult time of it than I will. Now, Dad and I have a different last name and dealing with his medical and financial records and having to prove who I am with a different last name will be a pain at first. Yes, I have to change all of the headings on my classroom materials. Yes, my students and colleagues have to get used to it. Yes, I am known in my field but after some reminding people will adjust.
FH's ex-wife was officially hyphenated but she only used her maiden. When I expalined my reasons for taking his name I think it shed some light on her reluctance given their particular situation.
I am also going from having a last name of a type of bird to a type of fish!
I am proud to say we will be
The Karp's Established July 4, 2004 [/QUOTE
VERY well said and something to ponder.........
ckgmwedding
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Posted by LoriSantagata
is anyone else having a hard time with this? Who is keeping their last name, who's using both, and who's changing it and using only your married name?
I think I'm going to use both, but no hyphen I'll just have three names.
That's what I am going to do. You last name becomes your middle name. I have such a common name that I use my middle name all the time now so it won't be such an adjustment to me.
eogara
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I can't wait to change mine but it's only because I have an apostrophe in it and every computer system in the world tells me I have an 'invalid' last name.
Janice
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when I first got married I was signing everything
Mrs. L. ****
well his name is Leo, mine is janice, my mother said it made her sick. hehe. she said that is taking it too far. but I really love being his family. ok, and this is going to sound crazy to some, but I love being branded with his name and love being his possesion!!
nylibride
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Posted by eogara
I can't wait to change mine but it's only because I have an apostrophe in it and every computer system in the world tells me I have an 'invalid' last name.
That is so funny that you said this. I also have an apostrophe in my last name and it has caused all sorts of funny situations and sometimes some really frustrating ones. Sorry, just an aside, but I can totally relate. :) Still don't think I can let it go, but may add his name legally even if I don't use it. Not sure.
I still think that this is just such a personal choice. No one has the right to tell any of us what we 'should' do. Not cool.
I actually have liked reading about everyone's different reasons for changing or not changing, very interesting stuff!
PerfectPair05
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I will be very sad to lose my maiden name... it flows so nicely with my given name. But.... tradition tradition, I will take the name of the love of my life!
NYtherapist
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I'm planning to use both, though I haven't decided if I'll hyphenate or just use the 2 last names. Professionally, I'll use solely my maiden name.
I have a strong connection to my last name. It's who I've been since birth. I see no reason to give my name up simply because I'm getting married.
For me, it goes back to when the man ruled the home. People just expect women to take the husband's last name. Why don't we ever expect the husband to take the wife's last name?
I can't say that's the real issue for me because the truth is, I like my last name. My last name is who I am. I'm adding his because I don't want to have a completely different last name than my children (wwhen we have them). If not for that, I'd solely use my maiden name.
It really is an individual choice. I don't find it strange when a woman chooses to take her husband's name, nor do I find it odd when she chooses not to.
wood2be
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I am also having a very hard time giving up my Maiden name. It's very sad. It is hyphenated on my marriage license, but I keep forgetting it when I give my name to someone.
I am 37 and that is who I am and have been for a looong time. I have no brothers, and my father was an only child with that last name, as was his father. I almost feel guilty changing it
xjulietx
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I hyphenated and even though my name became really long, I love the fact that I have a little of both of us in my name.
My children will carry their father's name, but I am Mrs. R-F
sept20yay
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Here is a tip for all of you and you can do this. I did.
The first change you will make will be with social secutiry. What you put on their card will be your name and you can use any combo of that name you would like. You can use any combo of that name on your drivers license/passport/introducing yourself/mail/bank that you like legally.
Here is an example:
My name was Marisa Allyson X My name now is Marisa Allyson X Y (Added my husbands name and did not drop my name on the social security card) My ss card reads all 4 names.
On my drivers license, my maiden name is dropped and I am Marisa Y. I could go to a job interview as arisa X and that still would be legally correct.
Point is you don't have to hyphenate or lose your last name legally.
stevejamnik
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well i want to keep my last name and hypenate it. My FH is not too happy about this. He feels insulted. I tried to explain to him that it's important to me because it's apart of my, but he just doesn't get it. Oh well I have a while to convince him. IM KEEPING MY LAST NAME!!!!!!!!!!!
DjPiLL
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Not for nothing... but I think hyphenating your name is the most annoying thing out there.
Pick a goddam name. And its not even like you MUST take the man's name. I can respect a bride that just decides to not change her name for whatever reason... over somebody that wants to hyphenate.
Sorry ladies that have done this or plan on doing it... its just my opinion.
Hell.... i'd even stretch how I feel and say if somebody MUST keep part of their maiden name... then change your MIDDLE name to your maiden name so at least there is no hyphenation going on.
Sweetpea130000
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I am changing my last name, and even though I have had slight second thoughts about it (my dad has 3 girls, if one of us doesn't keep it, our name is gone), I am still going to change it.
I have never been super close to my dad (parents divorced when I was 9 months old) so taking my FI last name is the right thing for me to do.
Also I will be Mrs C (i have visions of Happy Days everytime I think of that. )
