Brides Helping Brides ™ - major family problem pls help!

antoinette Posted: Aug 08, 2002 02:59 PM

major family problem pls help!

my mom has been sick for about a year noe and yest. we found out that her disease has worsened and she does not have much time left. i am beside myself with grief naturally but my moms last wish is to see her daughter get married. i dont know what to do with myself i am willing to do whatever it takes to make this happen- but i feel guilty about being happy also i feelthis day will be the happiest but sadest day- should i move the date up, should i postpone. also we are sure how long she has but she might not make it till march. i need some advice

applesfla Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:03 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I really don't have much advise but to maybe speak to her about your concerns and feelings. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. I wish you and your family all the best.

Becky Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:04 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I am so sorry to hear about your mom One of my good friends was in a similar situation about two years ago. She threw a wonderful wedding together in six weeks, so you can definitely do it sooner if you wanted to. You need to be comfortable with whatever you decide, but if I was in the same situation, I would definitely move my day up. Consider what will be more important to you ten years down the road, doing it up with plenty of time to get everything perfect or doing it with your mom present. Your family will be in my thoughts.

jenny11.9 Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:05 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

oh gosh antoinette. I am SO sorry. My heart really goes out to you. You must be so distraught and confused. I think if you can try to move it up, you should. Another option maybe is to have an intimate ceremony with a small dinner party to celebrate. Maybe the pressure will be too much for your mom with all the fanfare of a huge event. I think that if your mother misses this wonderful moment, you will never be able to forgive yourself. And it's important for you too, to know that her wishes were met.

Truly antoinette, please e-mail me privately if you need to chat. I have no experience in any of this, and I am sure you have tons of family and friends to turn to - but just in case you need it - I am available. All the best - Jennifer

Casey10 Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:05 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

Wow, Antoinette I am so sorry for your mom. I couldnt even imagine. Your very right, will be a very happy but bittersweet day. Your mom is in my prayers. I personally am very close with my mom and would move the date and or wedding to whereever it would need to be to be certain taht she can be in attendance..that is just what I would do.....best wishes..

NJ Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:12 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I'm so sorry, Antoinette. My sister went through a similar situation- her fiance's grandmother (who he was very close to) became very ill during their engagement. They were going to get married at her bedside and keep the original date, too. She ended up recovering, so they didn't go through with it, but I think it's definitely an option.

angie3 Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:16 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I am so sorry to hear of your mom's illness. About two years ago, my very close friend found out her mother only had a short period of time left. She moved her whole wedding up. It was hard but definitely doable. I have to say that it was probably the nicest, sweetest and most emotional wedding i have been too. SHe danced to a special song with her mom too and there was not a dry eye in the hall. Her mom passed away shortly thereafter.... three weeks before her originally scheduled wedding date. Thank goodness she moved it up. Little things like having all those special moments captured on professional video and photography mean a lot to her now as well. She also postponed her honeymoon as she wanted to spend as much time as possible with her mom. Most vendors will work with you if you already have a contract with them and if you can first find out what day most of your vendors are available that woudl be a big help. Oddly enough, the hardest thing was to find a church... her church was booked so she had to go outside of her parish and priests are not always the nice holy fathers we wish them to be and some refused to marry them as they were not of the parish. How horrible is that? Think about your wedding day... what is really most important?... having everyone that you love close to you, of course. I honestly think that you have no choice but to reschedule. I couldn't imagine my friend keeping her original date and how she woudl have been if her mother had passed away before then. The guilt woudl have devastated her completely. Please try to reschedule and let us know what you do. If there is any way that I can help you research anything you can email me through the forum mail. Good luck ... both you and your mom are in my prayers.

NIHA Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:18 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I know it's hard for you to make decisions right now, but my advice is to move up the wedding so that you can share it with her. My mother passed away 6 months before our wedding and there's nothing in the world that I would have wanted more than to have her there to walk me down the aisle with my father and celebrate my getting married. Luckily, my wedding day was full of joy and definitely the happiest day of my life. I know she was lending a helping hand that day so it would go smoothly. Your wedding will not be the same without her. Were you able to ask her what she wanted. There no doubt that she would want to see you get married. Do whatever it takes to move the wedding up, even if it's a small affair. My prayers are with you, your mom and your family. All the best.

Bluebaby08 Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:19 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Why don't you have a small wedding so that your mom can be included? That's the only advised I can give. All the best.

jenny11.9 Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:21 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

going on Angie3's offer. If there is ANYTHING we can do to help you research please let us know. Maybe we can all make a few calls and get some dates for you. Please let us know if you need the help!

alina Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:22 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

Antoinette
I am very sorry to hear such horrible news....Definitely move up the wedding up to make sure that your mother is there or if not make sure, at least make it more likely.... My FI and I were originally planning the wedding 3 yrs from now, in 2005, however we realized that both of our very dear grandmothers are 80 and are not getting younger. We have since moved the date up to next summer, to at least increase their likelyhood of being with us. And just on Monday, the best man's grandmother passed away, not from sickness, just old age, and she was 80 as well... Do as much as possible to have your mother be at the wedding...
Just my $.02

Cindy Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:22 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I am so so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I see your wedding is in march. Would you want to see if you hall will take the money for a different date that isnt booked? I would maybe start there if you want to move it up. If you feel you would want to move it up and it is ok with your FH, I would. Lots of luck to you!

Paiz Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:28 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I'm so sorry! Definitely try to move the date. You'll be glad that you did. My FH's mother passed away not too long ago, and I know he would give anything to have had her there. If you need any help - let us know.

I'll be praying for you and your mom.

antoinette Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:34 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

i just want to extend my deepest thanks to all the replied, i am almost certain that i am going to move the date up and i hope that my vendors and hall will be understanding of the situation. thanks again for making me feel a little bit better

angie3 Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:39 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

Again, we truly wish you and your mom the best. First call all your vendors and try coordinating a day that is open to all. Remember, even though the church may be hard to find, you have the greatest freedom here as it does not have to be the one you are currently going to. FYI - my friend got married at the Watermill and they really helped her out and put the whole affair together very quickly. her wedding was beautiful. Please, if you need anything let me know. Again, my heart goes out to you and your mom.

ALNLI Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:41 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

Do whatever you have to do to move this wedding up.

DIANE2003 Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:49 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I HOPE YOU MOVE IT UP- IT WILL MAKE YOUR MOTHER SO HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR SPEACIAL DAY. AND BE HAPPY AND MAKE THE MOST OF WHAT TIME YOU HAVE LEFT WITH YOUR MOM. INCLUDE HER IN ON THE DECISION MAKING. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS

michele31 Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:51 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I agree that you should move the date up asap. You and your Mom will have so much fun planning a quick wedding too- look at is as a happy time for the two of you to spend time together, not a sad one. I am sure your vendors will all help you out. You can consider doing a smaller wedding now, then the larger one in March. Perhaps just a ceremony and dinner now if you cannot plan a whole big affair. Don't worry if you have to do it on a Thursday or off-day to get it all done. People will just be happy that you are getting married and your Mom is sharing your day.
Let us know how we can help you.
I am sending you big hugs.....

lulu Posted: Aug 08, 2002 03:51 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Your family will be in my prayers.

IrishTracy Posted: Aug 08, 2002 04:00 PM

Re: major family problem pls help!

My heart goes out to you & all your family. Unfortunatley I know your pain! If you need a friend I (& all the girls) are here for you!
I agree with a small affair!!! You can renew your vows in March. As for the church not going to marry you in a 'rush' ceremony That's NUTS!!! My priest said that we could have a small ceremony if we want (he at the time was trying to convince us to get married before our son was born) They will do it on ANY day of the week!!! As my priest told me you only need 5 people to get married the priest the couple & 2 witnesses. Do whatever you feel you need to do!!
My prayers are with you!
Tracy