Re: Memorial quote on my invitations?
Times have changed and traditions vary from family to family. What one couple does for themselves, may not rest comfortably with another couple and not everything is as simple as it seems.
My father passed away six months before our wedding after suffering for 9 months in various hospital settings. We had to order invitations less than two months after we buried him so it had been rather bittersweet for us. Not to mention, that our period of mourning (we are Jewish) had just started and would continue for still another 6 months until we unveiled his stone. Planning a wedding while a patriarch (or matriarch) is dying or has passed away is nothing I would wish upon my worst enemy. It was hell - pure hell.
However, the bottom line for us was that my father's hard work and 50 years on his feet made it possible for us to afford our wedding day. He most certainly deserved the honor of acknowledgement, but my family was not comfortable having him listed as a host in an invitation line that would have started as 'Mr. and Mrs. John Smith'. After conferring with my mother, we all decided the best way to do this was to have the invitation read:
Mrs. John Smith
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter....
We felt that until and unless my mother remarried, she will always be my father's wife and thus would retain his the use of his name. A father CAN be mentioned if deceased and our wording did it in a very appropriate way that pleased and did not alienate anyone - especially my father. We had been complimented many times on the wording we chose.
I posted this before in months before my wedding and after my wedding and I have no qualms about it. There are too many factors to consider before rushing to judgement about right and wrong. There are no universals. If my opinions and thoughts offended people who have lost loved ones, it had never been my intent. But I will never hold myself accountable or responsible for how other's interpret my choices or opinions.
My father passed away six months before our wedding after suffering for 9 months in various hospital settings. We had to order invitations less than two months after we buried him so it had been rather bittersweet for us. Not to mention, that our period of mourning (we are Jewish) had just started and would continue for still another 6 months until we unveiled his stone. Planning a wedding while a patriarch (or matriarch) is dying or has passed away is nothing I would wish upon my worst enemy. It was hell - pure hell.
However, the bottom line for us was that my father's hard work and 50 years on his feet made it possible for us to afford our wedding day. He most certainly deserved the honor of acknowledgement, but my family was not comfortable having him listed as a host in an invitation line that would have started as 'Mr. and Mrs. John Smith'. After conferring with my mother, we all decided the best way to do this was to have the invitation read:
Mrs. John Smith
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter....
We felt that until and unless my mother remarried, she will always be my father's wife and thus would retain his the use of his name. A father CAN be mentioned if deceased and our wording did it in a very appropriate way that pleased and did not alienate anyone - especially my father. We had been complimented many times on the wording we chose.
I posted this before in months before my wedding and after my wedding and I have no qualms about it. There are too many factors to consider before rushing to judgement about right and wrong. There are no universals. If my opinions and thoughts offended people who have lost loved ones, it had never been my intent. But I will never hold myself accountable or responsible for how other's interpret my choices or opinions.
