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Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate? UPDATED -- She canceled the order

Original post by JimmysBride

My mom ordered her gown this weekend... she sorta mentioned it to me beforehand but never showed me a pic until now that it was ordered... Actually, she told me she was 'considering' it and probably would not get it..... because..... well, it's a bride's gown. She's getting it in Ivory and Gold though... and my gown is white.... well, silk white.

She told me about the colors before she ordered but never told me that it was an actual wedding dress until after. I'm okay with it but FH is kinda annoyed. He can't believe she is wearing an Ivory wedding gown on my wedding day. He says that his family is going to rip her apart talking about her.... I'm afraid to tell his mom for fear of the look on her face....

Anyway... this gown is just for the ceremony... she's changing into a red Versace gown for the reception.... I've yet to see a pic of that gown which is now starting to worry me a little. You see, my mom is a hottie, which is great, but FH thinks she dresses a little 'too young' for her age sometimes.....

FH thinks I should say something to her about the Ivory and he's also pissed at the fact that her two dresses are costing as much as mine (which is alot) and she's not really contributing to the wedding but she can blow over $3k on two dresses that he feels are inappropriate!


So here's the gown... she ordered it in Ivory and Gold.... I'm okay with it... I know she will look good in it and to me, it doesn't really look alot like a traditional wedding gown anyway.... It's Demetrios Couture...
but do you guys think it's going to look really inappropriate??


ETA: She canceled the order....

Well, I emailed her last night (I know, spineless) and very delicately expressed my concerns about the dress... she wrote me back and though the first paragraph could easily be interpreted as the obligatory motherly guilt trip, she said she 'definitely didn't want the dress anymore' and she called and canceled the order. Of course I feel bad.

I then started emailing her pics of some other gowns I thought she might like. She then wrote me back and told me that she canceled the order and Demetrios won't give her her deposit back but she can apply the money to another dress....

I immediately picked up the phone and called Demetrios in Florida, ready to rip them a new one. Unfortunately, the moron who sold her the dress was off today and conveniently, so was the store mgr... it took all my strength not to let loose on the poor woman on the phone (since she had nothing to do with it) but believe me, that mgr is going to get an earful tomorrow.
Misplaced anger, perhaps... but I have nothing to lose by trying to get them to give her her money back.... she had paid the gown in full so I feel like a real jerk....


Anyway, I don't know how she's really taking this because I haven't actually spoken to her (jellyfish that I am) and I couldn't really read the mood of her email...

Sigh. I really just don't need this crap. And they wonder why some us turn into bridezillas!

Thanks everyone for your support and for listening!
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Janine24 Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

its a pretty dress... but maybe she should just wear the red one... why does she want 2 dresses...
I would def talk to your mom about this...especially if you are upset...
nferrandi Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?


the part that's bugging me the most is that while she told me that it was Ivory & Gold when she was considering it, she never told me it was a wedding gown... why???


I don't know what you relationship with your mom is like, but why don't you ask her why she kept that very significant detail from you? Try to be kind of casual about it and tell her the red dress is gorgeous, I'm assuming, and you're not sure why she needs the added expense of a second dress. It sounds as though the dress has just been ordered so I'm sure she could cancel, there's no way the dress has been made yet. If she doesn't seem responsive and this really bothers you, than I think you have to be more direct. Let her know that the color isn't as much your problem as the fact that she bought a wedding gown for YOUR wedding. Good luck, keep us posted.
RedHead Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

Well i would be worried too. I agree that this dress is completely inappropriate for her to wear. My mom is wearing Platinum and i was nervous. But this looks like a bridal gown. She should have told you first so i wouldn't feel bad about telling her not to wear it..
What also worries me is that the other dress is going to be too much for the ceremony part too. Make sure you see it soon! IF it is ok..tell her to wear that only!
DjPiLL Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

It wouldn't really annoy me if mom was wearing the dress cause she wanted to look good. I don't see it as really stealing your show since it will be pretty obvious to everyone that YOU are the one getting married and its your show. If my girl's mom wanted to wear a dress like that I don't think it would bother me. If people are going to talk about her... thats their business.

HOWEVER... if she spent that kind of cash on TWO dresses... and didn't even offer to help out with the wedding (key word is offer)... then I would be FURIOUS. Of course if she offered to help you guys out on the wedding and you declined... well what can you do.

Tough situation you are in and I dont envy what you have to do.
nehaliasz Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

Posted by nferrandi

Sorry, I have to jump on the band wagon here, the dress is innapropriate, IMHO. The fact that she 'needs' two dresses would piss me off to begin with. I truely don't mean to offend you, but what is she trying to prove? It's your and FH's day and you should be the stars of the 'show.' Forgetting about that fact that's it's ivory, it's a wedding gown! Why would she even be looking at wedding gowns? If she fell in love with a dress in Bloomingdales and it happened to be ivory or beige (like my FMIL did) I think it would be a bit more understandable. But the fact that she went out and tried on wedding gowns would really get under my skin. You should handle it however you feel comfortable, I just wanted to share my opinion.

edited for spelling


I definitely agree. I don't know why she would start trying on wedding gowns in the bridal department of a store to begin with, and I don't see the need for a wardrobe change.
MrsBrad Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

i dont know why she would do that. that is so weird. i think my mom will try and pull something like that too - a little worried. but, i honestly think she can get away with it. can we see a contrast of your dress to hers? cause if yours is very princessy ppl might not be able to tell. BUT why is she getting two dresses?

tourist Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?


Don't stress- way too much effort is put into what other peopel wear.

It doesn't look like a wedding gown. My friends mother in law ( grooms' mom) wore a light ivory dress & no one msitook her for the bride. It was short & simple though. It hink people won't think she is wearing a brides dress, but may wonder why she is wearing a white dress. Do you know how dark the ivory is?

I remember what your dress looks like. It is VERY differwnt, & with a veil , you'll stand out & your mom won't overshadow you.

prncssrachel Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

What concerns me more than the fact that it's a bridal gown is the fact that she has ANOTHER dress to change into. It's almost like she's trying to 'steal' the spotlight. I think a very gentle heart to heart with her about it being your and FH's day might be needed soon. Very soon.

DjPiLL Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

Posted by 121502

What concerns me more than the fact that it's a bridal gown is the fact that she has ANOTHER dress to change into. It's almost like she's trying to 'steal' the spotlight. I think a very gentle heart to heart with her about it being your and FH's day might be needed soon. Very soon.



Maybe I am just stupid... but whats the big deal out of a change of wardrobe? Frankly if I was at a wedding and someone changed dresses... i wouldn't think anything of it. Maybe its just a male thing.

Like I said above... i'd be more pissed of she spent all this cash on two dresses without even offering to help you. But if she is just wealthy and offered to help you and wants to wear two separate dresses... why not?
suven Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

I agree with your FH

regi Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

Posted by 121502

What concerns me more than the fact that it's a bridal gown is the fact that she has ANOTHER dress to change into. It's almost like she's trying to 'steal' the spotlight. I think a very gentle heart to heart with her about it being your and FH's day might be needed soon. Very soon.


I agree with 121502. Why is she changing dresses?? Why is she wearing a wedding dress to your wedding. U should have a talk with her. Good Luck
MrsTC Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

exactly why is she changing her gown from the ceremony to the reception? what other reason would there be but then to attract attention? to me this would be unacceptable. i'm sorry
nj42305 Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

I'm sorry but I too think its inappropriate for mom to be wearing a wedding gown on your wedding day. If I were you, I would ask her why she chose a wedding dress..who knows, maybe to her she thought it would be symbolic or something to wear a gown also, as mother of the bride.

I would discuss it and try to get an understanding of her reasoning here. Not sure if it really bothers you or not because initially, it didn't seem like this upset you. However, it does seem to bother FH and being that this too is his wedding day, you may want to ask your mom to re-consider her decision. Good luck!
chichila15 Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

I basically agree with everyone... it's definitely inappropriate that your mom chose a wedding gown... and I'm sure we all know that you agree, too, because otherwise you wouldn't have posted this topic.

My opinion: tell her that she cannot wear the wedding dress, and to just stay with the red versace one. Point blank: it's your day, and you basically make the calls. It's a little rude that she's trying to steal your 'thunder'. I mean, kudos that she's a hot mom, but it's her daughter's day/night... she should grant you the spotlight.
Marisa&Brian Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

It doesn't look like a 'traditional' wedding gown- but that is totally besides the point. - First of all, why does your mom need 2 gowns ?? - and WHO wears white / ivory - whatever to a wedding BESIDES the bride ?? - I think your mom needs to realize she's the Mother of the Bride. - But hey, if it doens't bother you, and it doesn't bother her that she's going to be the talk of the weddig.- let your FH stress over it

BlondeJD Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

Here's how you should tell your mom she's wrong: 'Mom, you're not Celine Dion, Madonna, or Britney. You don't get to have costume changes between performances.'
wedding2004 Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

Posted by jenniesunshine

Here's how you should tell your mom she's wrong: 'Mom, you're not Celine Dion, Madonna, or Britney. You don't get to have costume changes between performances.'



tourist Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

Posted by jenniesunshine

Here's how you should tell your mom she's wrong: 'Mom, you're not Celine Dion, Madonna, or Britney. You don't get to have costume changes between performances.'


I wonder if the red dress is not appropriate for church. . .
JimmysBride Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

Posted by tourist

Posted by jenniesunshine

Here's how you should tell your mom she's wrong: 'Mom, you're not Celine Dion, Madonna, or Britney. You don't get to have costume changes between performances.'


I wonder if the red dress is not appropriate for church. . .




Thanks for making me laugh.... Yes, the reason she wants a 2nd dress is because she feels that the Red gown is not appropriate for church... which now scares me more than it did when she first told me!


I have yet to see a picture of this now notorious red gown... But again, I was not initally concerned at first because although my mom is known for wearing outrageous things, I figured that whatever she chose she would only make herself look silly at worst... I never in a million years fathomed that she would even TRY ON a wedding gown.... I didn't really let it hit me at first... now that's it's sinking in I can't stop asking myself why on earth she wouldn't tell me it was a wedding gown BEFORE she ordered if she didn't think there was anything wrong with it....

Now that I am upset... FH doesn't even want to hear about it... he only wants to hear me say that I'm going to tell her not to wear it... he doesn't even try to understand why it might be difficult for me to talk to her that way.....

Oh, and I also just got an email back from myglassslipper.com telling me that my Vera Wang shoes that I just ordered on sale yesterday were sold out... looks like they tried to lure me in with the old bait & switch


Let me tell you girls (and guys)...three months without a cigarette came very close to going down the drain tonight!!!


BlondeJD Posted:

Re: Mom ordered her gown! FH is pissed...Is this inappropriate?

Guys can be so annoying sometimes. They're very resolution oriented, so once they tell you how to resolve the issue (telling your mom not to wear it), they don't see the point in having a discussion about how you're feeling. That's why you have us!

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