My Fi's grandmother says she won't come....

Here's the story... Neither myself, nor my Fi are very religious. I have a Christian background. Fi's father is Jewish, his mother is Christian. Although Fi identifies with Judaism and had a bar mitvah, Fi and FFIL rarely attend services and never keep the Sabbath. Fi has one aunt who is religious and keeps the Sabbath regularly, no one else in his family does. For various reasons, including $$, Fi and I decide to have our wedding on a Friday evening, outside with an inter-faith minister (we're getting married under a huppah and plan to incorporate Jewish traditions into the ceremony and celebration, but it is not a Jewish wedding). We asked his religious aunt if she would attend and she said of course she would come. We set the date and booked the hall. Then, out of nowhere his grandmother called FFIL crying and saying that we are being sacreligious and that she won't come if we hold the wedding on a Friday and that Fi is turning his back on his faith. This is a woman who never attends services and never keeps the Sabbath. She attends all kinds of parties, etc. on Fridays. Events on Friday nights have never been an issue with her.

I feel like she is trying to manipulate us, b/c she is angry w/ Fi for attending a party w/ my family, instead of attending a party w/ his family on the same night (long story, I am from another state and never see my family). She called everyone in his family to try to get them to guilt trip him into attending his family's party instead of seeing my family. But he went out of town w/ me to my family's party anyway.

Needless to say, she has completely upset everyone in the family. Fi and FFIL are sick about it. I feel like she is being cruel and manipulative and that our wedding is not about her or her religious views. At the same time, I hate to see Fi so upset. The hall is already booked and I can't stand the thought of being manipulated into changing our wedding.....HELP......

Re: My Fi's grandmother says she won't come....

Sweetie, if you and your FI are happy with the day then why feel guilty she is only one person. If she chooses not to come it will be her loss. Sorry to be so frank but it seems as if when family hear weddings they think its all about them. Do what makes you and your FI happy. THis is not fair of her to do this to you and your FI. Reading it reminds me of tattle taling children...grow up already and just be happy for you 2...SHEESH

Re: My Fi's grandmother says she won't come....

I'm sorry FI's grandmother is upsetting you and your FH. I think when it comes to planning your wedding, everyone starts telling you what they want and seem to forget its your day. Hopefully she will change her tune. I'm sure she truly wants to be there.

Re: My Fi's grandmother says she won't come....

Lesleyw:
If she is not too religious, you could say that its a blessing to be married on Shabbas. There is a shabbas blessing that blesses the 'shabbas bride'...
Thats how we made our fi's father feel ok about the whole wedding on shabbas thing.

From what I know, weddings are not forbidden on shabbas, only work is... (i.e. you're not allowed to do all the party stuff, but can still have the ceremony). I wouldn't cancel the wedding, and it looks like the grandmother has her priorities mixed up ===> perhaps have the FFIL talk with her?!?

Re: My Fi's grandmother says she won't come....

I agree with Shamma. It's your day and if you and your FH are happy with the date, then don't worry about anyone else's feelings. Don't feel guilty. You have no reason to feel this way.

Maybe she will have a change of heart...

Re: My Fi's grandmother says she won't come....

I am so sorry that she is doing this to you two but hopefully she will change her mind.
My FH's grandmother said that she was not going to come to our wedding at first because it is in LI (she lives in Nantucket and has has never been off the island since the time she came to the US). FH was pretty upset about it but there wasn't much we could do. We had originally looked into trying to have our wedding there but it's even more expensive then LI. But in the end his dad was able to convince her to come...so mabe your FFIL can do the same.
Good luck, I hope she changes her mind.