My heart breaks for FH (sorry its long)

Thank you ladies

I won't get specific per your request, but I'm sorry that this is happening and hope for the best for you all.

Very sorry to hear this. Be strong for FH he is really going to need you through this

I'm sorry you and your FH are going through this...

This broke my heart. I wish your FH and his family all the comfort that they will need.

It's so difficult to deal with and we've had this in our family. Ugh, I don't know what to say other than I wish you guys lots of love and thank God that you have each other.

first off

second my heart breaks for u and ur fh,i cant imagine what u r going through

i cant imagne why a father would not want to be there but if he has a problem then he does not see the bigger picture,kwim?

i hope he can get the help he needs and that u can be strong for fh cause he needs u now more than ever...anytime u want to vent/talk/scream send me the fm..always here to talk

Thank you ladies for the support I am really hoping that this note FH wrote will hit home and maybe he will realize what he is doing. I hope for FH's sake... FH is the best person I know, he doesn't deserve this at all.

I am so sorry you and he are going through this! BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!! and be strong. I hope things change for the better soon!

aww my heart goes out to you! im sure this is very hard on you and your FH! im sure everything will work out the way they should!!

Aww i'm so sorry you and fh have to deal with this.

I'm so sorry your FH has to go thru this during a happy time. I really hopes his father can change for at least to be there for his son. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, FH and his family

I am so sorry to hear this, it is a terrible situation to be in.

I don't want to lecture you, but I would like to put it out there that this is a disease, and at this point, is not something he has control over any longer. No person would choose what he is doing to himself.

At any rate, though, it's a horrible situation and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through it.

Aww Jen! I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you and your FH feel. My father was a very bad alcoholic.
I didn't invite him to the wedding... he didn't even know I was engaged. I couldn't tell him. I didn't know what I was going to do.
He died in November, so now I think my father will be there just in spirit.
I know what it feels like to not feel loved or important enough for the drinking to stop....but its not your FHs fault.
The best advice I can give to you is to be strong for your FH, let him be sad, angry... anything... just be there and thats the best thing you can do.
If you want to talk more privately please FM me.

The only thing i would suggest to you and FH is realize that at this point it's not his decision or in his control to stop drinking at this point.

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Posted by AdriandSteve



The only thing i would suggest to you and FH is realize that at this point it's not his decision or in his control to stop drinking at this point.

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Yeah my mom was telling me the same thing and I told FH this a million times last night and he totally understands that.. but i guess its hard to fully accept and takes time to sink in.

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

Aww Jen! I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you and your FH feel. My father was a very bad alcoholic.
I didn't invite him to the wedding... he didn't even know I was engaged. I couldn't tell him. I didn't know what I was going to do.
He died in November, so now I think my father will be there just in spirit.
I know what it feels like to not feel loved or important enough for the drinking to stop....but its not your FHs fault.
The best advice I can give to you is to be strong for your FH, let him be sad, angry... anything... just be there and thats the best thing you can do.
If you want to talk more privately please FM me.

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I am so sorry to hear all that. It is such a sad thing to watch someone go through and watch the family deal with it. I am so sorry

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I don't want to lecture you, but I would like to put it out there that this is a disease, and at this point, is not something he has control over any longer. No person would choose what he is doing to himself.

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I agree. I wish FH would realize that tho. He seems to think that his dad does have control over it because he controlled it once before. It will take some time for him to realize that

WOW!! I think you might have posted about this in the past. I kinda remember reading about it before.

I think FFIL needs serious help... like rehab and therapy. I think the family who is immediately involved with this issue may also need some therapy too... even if just to find out how best to deal with the disease of alcoholism.
You wrote: 'I could never ever imagine my father not being at my wedding because of something he has control over but wont do anything about'. I think it's VERY important for you and the rest of the family to really understand how this illness works and how much they actually DO NOT have CONTROL over things. It's not his choice anymore and it sounds like it's totally out of control. He is probably at the point where he NEEDS the alcohol and has NO IDEA how to stop needing it.

Living with an alcoholic is not easy by any means. I feel for your FH's family who lives with this on a day to day basis. I'm sooo sorry to hear about this.
Does FFIL work? I'm assuming not. But then where does he get the means to support his habit? I think it's also important for people to not support his habit in ANY way. Because that only adds to the problem. Usually they need to hit rock bottom for them to realize that change has to occur or they will die.

Unfortunately I'm not sure that any of the family will be able to talk him into changing and going to rehab. He has to make that decision for himself. And until he is ready to do so, he won't do it. That's just how addicts are.

All I keep thinking about is that show... ahh what's it called.... INTERVENTION!!! The odds on that show are actually pretty good. Most have gone to rehab (I think there were a few that didn't go) and of the ones that went to rehab the % of how many stayed clean is higher than the norm 10%. Some have slip ups after... but for the most part it does seem to work. I think having them see themselves and the way they are acting and the things they do probably plays a huge role in their recovery. It probably sounds really dumb... but look into it. At the very least there must be some pointers on their site about how to deal with this situation.

I'm sooo sorry!!

Kerri

I agree with you that everyone needs help to understand this disease, even me. I find myself saying that he needs to do something about it cause he can, but then on the other hand telling FH that his dad has no control over this. I never dealt with this before so it gets confusing. I agree he doesnt have control over drinking. What he does have control over is going to the doctor and taking care of himself (altho I am sure the drinking doesnt allow him to want to do that). He has been seizures lately and refuses to get medical attention. I think that is what I refer to when I say he has control over his health. I dont know. its all confusing at the moment.

All i know is that FH takes it to heart and feels like he should be able to help him when obviously his dad needs much more help than that.