My turn to Vent (Updated)

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Posted by Soon2bMrsB91511

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Posted by DANAnPATRICK

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Posted by Soon2bMrsB91511



Obviously, I'm not thrilled about this, and I'm sure few girls looks forward to their FHs bachelor parties, but it comes with the territory of getting married and its one of those things we all dread.

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I do not agree with the statement that strippers come with the territory of marriage, Me and my FH have been to strip clubs together with friends multiple times so I'm definitely not the uptight prude wife material but nowhere in our engagement did it say in order to get married we have to play with half naked strangers first with our bridal party around to root us on.
My FH and I have agreed that theres no need to separately see sweaty half naked people grind on us right before we commit our love to each other...

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I never specified that 'strippers come with the territory'. What I was saying was that 'bachelor/bachelorette parties' come with the territories of marriage.

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My mistake...the topic at hand was about strippers so thats what I figured you were referring to.

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Posted by adelz

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Posted by Soon2bMrsB91511

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Posted by DANAnPATRICK

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Posted by Soon2bMrsB91511



Obviously, I'm not thrilled about this, and I'm sure few girls looks forward to their FHs bachelor parties, but it comes with the territory of getting married and its one of those things we all dread.

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I do not agree with the statement that strippers come with the territory of marriage, Me and my FH have been to strip clubs together with friends multiple times so I'm definitely not the uptight prude wife material but nowhere in our engagement did it say in order to get married we have to play with half naked strangers first with our bridal party around to root us on.
My FH and I have agreed that theres no need to separately see sweaty half naked people grind on us right before we commit our love to each other...

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I never specified that 'strippers come with the territory'. What I was saying was that 'bachelor/bachelorette parties' come with the territories of marriage.

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FH and I agreed that we both didn't want to have a bachelor or bachelorette party...I hope that means we can still get married

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Were all doing a weekend getaway together...both sides of the bridal party and some added friends...I love all my friends guys and gals and couldnt imagine partying without them all...and honestly my FH is my best friend and I love going out with him there.

Thanks everyone for all your support.

It's been a very tough day for me. A lot of tears were shed. After I made the post this morning, I decided to just get out of the house and get my hair done. My phone has been ringing like crazy from all the girls and the craziness that went on last night. Apparently these stupid biAtches took toys with them and started inserting them in their parts. From what I have heard they put up a very good show. It was pure nastiness. I have no respect for women like this. I'm not against strip clubs but having women come over to your house and make a porn out of it, it's disgusting.

I did talk to FH and I want to believe in what he tells me. He said that what they were doing was disgusting but none the less put a good show. He swear that nobody crossed the line but they all have boy code and what happen last night only them and God knows. I have no proof and just having gut feelings isn't going to prove anything. Right now, I feel disgusted and want nothing to do with him. I'm sleeping with my daughters and am taking it day by day. Just sucks that I'm less than 2 weeks away and don't have time to be upset.

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Posted by AugustFeather

WOW... I am sorry I would not be happy either. I think its very disrespectful for the groomsmen to plan these 'girls' to come over privately. I really don't understand the whole need to see naked chicks before you get married.. and I think private 'strippers' is really rediculous. FH's had plenty of time before we came into the picture and they decided to marry us. Thankfully my FH is not into strippers or any other female entertainment for B-party. he said he was never into strip clubs.. so why would he suddenly wanna go... makes no sense. He wants to go camping! I trust him 100000% either way... but that doesn't mean I want some gross chick dancing for him!
I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel..
Were any guys from your family or your side of friends there?? Maybe you can talk to them

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No, they made sure they didn't invite anyone from my family side. And I'm so happy they weren't there to see it. What respect would they have for my FH or his family.

Sue, I'm here for ya' if you need someone to chat with.

Oh my

That is disgusting and disrespectful

Personally, I would have a hard time moving forward at this juncture

I am so sorry

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Posted by adelz

Sue, I'm here for ya' if you need someone to chat with.

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Thanks Adelina.
The only thing that saves him a bit is that it was all a surprise. He never had a clue of what they were planning for him. He didn't even find out the day until 1 day before the party. So in reality he had no say or control of the situation.

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Posted by sujeire

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Posted by adelz

Sue, I'm here for ya' if you need someone to chat with.

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Thanks Adelina.
The only thing that saves him a bit is that it was all a surprise. He never had a clue of what they were planning for him. He didn't even find out the day until 1 day before the party. So in reality he had no say or control of the situation.

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Yeah, that is true - it doesn't sound like he had any control in it, and if he did, I doubt he would be okay with it. I think it's good your taking the night to stay w/ your girls, and just to get hopefully some rest in your mind.

Luckily I know FH hates strippers- FH was in montreal and more excited about Hockey and beer than other girls boobs. I never would doubt that he lied but i am 150 percent sure b/c his bro called his gf every 5 min which was lame.

its hard if you think that something did go on .... I would go with your gut. I have been in a few relationships that i thought could lead to marriage.... any time i went with my gut i was right....Sadly your heart is smarter than your mind...... Just ask to ease your mind. Girls also like to play things up to get other girls annoyed... One of the gm girlfriends kept texting one of the other ones about when they were going to the strip club b/c she knew the other girl wasn't compeletely aware they were-- just to annoy her.. grrr girls... Ask if you are worried....

that is just gross. I hope tomorrow is a better day

You guys need to take some time to really talk this out. Make it a positive thing. Go somewhere you enjoy and just talk. You need to make what you love about one another come back to the surface. Only you can decide what you can forgive. If your feelings don't change, then you'll have to make a decision from there. Unfortunately, you can't marry somebody who you can't even face out of disgust. We're all hoping for the best for you.

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Posted by Soon2bMrsB91511

My FH is having his Bachelor Party (too many BP abbreviations lol) in Montreal as well...they're doing some VIP package where I think strippers come to their door too . But, I'm most likely having strippers come to my hotel room as well, and he knows it.

Obviously, I'm not thrilled about this, and I'm sure few girls looks forward to their FHs bachelor parties, but it comes with the territory of getting married and its one of those things we all dread.

I realize its tough to question and be uncertain, but honestly, if you love him and you trust him, you gotta let it go, otherwise you'll just drive yourself crazy. If you're still uneasy about it, you need to talk to him, but again, you need to trust him, and trust that he'll be honest with you about what happened.

The way I see it, if he has given you no reason not to trust him thus far, its not something to go crazy over.

ETA: I would NOT recommend asking his friends. Not only will it may you appear totally insecure, but you'll also be 'that girl', and let's face it, bro's before ho's. His boys will always have his back before yours...if you're gonna ask anyone, ask him.

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This! ITA. Im sorry youre going thru this though.... Hope you feel better and talk to him about your feelings.

Sue,

It really stinks you are going throught this. Honestly when we started talking about bparties, we both agree on ' no strippers' to me is just plain nasty and pointless.

I don't think your FH would do something his not suppose to specially in front of his friends, because eventually it will come out. So my suggestion to you is to sit down and speak your mind and tell him what your feeling and hopefully he can make you feel better or give your certanty that nothing really went down.

I would def. be feeling the same way if I was in your shoes.

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Posted by sujeire

Thanks everyone for all your support.

It's been a very tough day for me. A lot of tears were shed. After I made the post this morning, I decided to just get out of the house and get my hair done. My phone has been ringing like crazy from all the girls and the craziness that went on last night. Apparently these stupid biAtches took toys with them and started inserting them in their parts. From what I have heard they put up a very good show. It was pure nastiness. I have no respect for women like this. I'm not against strip clubs but having women come over to your house and make a porn out of it, it's disgusting.

I did talk to FH and I want to believe in what he tells me. He said that what they were doing was disgusting but none the less put a good show. He swear that nobody crossed the line but they all have boy code and what happen last night only them and God knows. I have no proof and just having gut feelings isn't going to prove anything. Right now, I feel disgusted and want nothing to do with him. I'm sleeping with my daughters and am taking it day by day. Just sucks that I'm less than 2 weeks away and don't have time to be upset.

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Omg Sue,

I want to throw up with that story. I wish I can help you in any way.

omg, just read your update Effing disgusting pigs! That is crossing the line IMO.

'Private Strippers' are super shady IMO as are private rooms in strip clubs. If you have to include naked girls at a bach party, go to a strip club and watch from your seat (i hate them but at least there are rules).

FH and other guys have told me about bach parties. Some with private girls who do filthy things and even sleep with men at the parties BUT the FH's vary. Some do cheat and some like FBIL don't even drink and was bored to death at a strip club.

So I really believe that even in the most tempting of circumstances, not EVERY MAN will misbehave. Unfortunately, his friends put you and your man in a bad situation and for what? a cheap thrill??

I'm so sorry you have to even think about this. Just tell him how hurt you are and disgusted you feel. He needs to know that it's not okay for him to even be WATCHING a 'show' like that. It's so disrespectful!

CRASHING...

I competely understand why you would be upset! Bach Parties are always hard to face and then hearing things is even harder. The most important thing I had to remind myself is that I trusted my DH, even if I didn't trust his friends. I knew DH would tell his friends 'no' or just leave if it got to be too much. I still to this day have NO IDEA what happened at his long weekend away and nor was it important for me to know. Remember, he didn't plan anything. My bff is a guy and he told me 'even if the groom doesn't like strippers, other people in the group might and that's why it happens...'

If you feel like you need to know what happened and make sure all is fine then do so. There is enough stress 2 weeks before the wedding and marriage is about communication. Better to start now and talk to him about it, then regret not asking and talking about it after your married.

Good luck!

Sorry I just read your update after I posted the above. I still stand by what I said. If you are still upset, talk to him about it more. If you want to understand more, then talk to him for the next 2 weeks. Make sure you are ready for the wedding and completely comfortable with marrying him. Make sure you trust him to the fullest and everything that he says. Tell him that something just feels off and make him sit and talk (no yelling) until both of you are happy. Remember, like I said, communication is KEY in a marriage and you don't want to start off having second thoughts.

Me, personally, I would tell my girlfriends that I wouldn't want to hear anything anymore. You heard what you need to and at this point it's more like the game 'telephone'. Talk to FH, trust me, it's the best thing you can do.

Good luck!

i am a jealous person when it comes to other women encroaching on what i know to be mine (FH )
FH knows i loathe strippers in any form and knows better than to ever go near one. We both wanted a joint bachelor -bachelorette party since it would be easier to get everyone together this way, but i am so sorry for you.
gut insticts are there for a reason, and women bring toys with them to play with themselves in front of a group of strangers is completely disgusting. why any one would demean themselves for money is beyond me. it shows little self worth and character, imo.

if i was you, i would find out what happened, from him and unfortunately, i would try to corroborate his story with someone else. because i'm sure one of the guys went home and bragged to someone else and that is how news spreads initially anyway.
this is just what i would do, and i'm not saying you should do this, but if this had happened to me, i wouldn't be comfortable not knowing, especially if your getting married in 2 weeks and have a lifetime commitment ahead of you.

again, this is just my opinion, but i have a very low tolerance for 'so called friends' who would even plan something like this for a groom knowing how much turmoil this could potentially cause in a relationship. doesn't sound like these people are much 'Friends' at all.

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Posted by Cataverri

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Posted by sujeire

Thanks everyone for all your support.

It's been a very tough day for me. A lot of tears were shed. After I made the post this morning, I decided to just get out of the house and get my hair done. My phone has been ringing like crazy from all the girls and the craziness that went on last night. Apparently these stupid biAtches took toys with them and started inserting them in their parts. From what I have heard they put up a very good show. It was pure nastiness. I have no respect for women like this. I'm not against strip clubs but having women come over to your house and make a porn out of it, it's disgusting.

I did talk to FH and I want to believe in what he tells me. He said that what they were doing was disgusting but none the less put a good show. He swear that nobody crossed the line but they all have boy code and what happen last night only them and God knows. I have no proof and just having gut feelings isn't going to prove anything. Right now, I feel disgusted and want nothing to do with him. I'm sleeping with my daughters and am taking it day by day. Just sucks that I'm less than 2 weeks away and don't have time to be upset.

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Omg Sue,

I want to throw up with that story. I wish I can help you in any way.

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OMG Sue...
Just like Catalina, I am more disgusted by this.
I AM SO SORRY for what ur going thru but knowing myself
I cant Forgive & forget the 'THey put up a good show.... They were doing disgusted things...' O M G... Just the thought of Fh doing that makes em shivers & get teary bc that is a Deal breaker for me....
Sorry Sue but this is what FH and I stand for... We both think is completely DISRESPECTFUL to TOUCH in any wa/shape/form a stripper (or even another woman/man)...

this is not a 'At the end of the day, She/He comes home to U' because i feel that its like saying 'I dont care if he/she fuks the whole world but he is coming home to me'... I hate that phrase is disgusted!!!!!

Im sorry Sue, I should probably be helping u know feel better but I may do the worse...
I go with my Gut feeling... Ur Mind sees more than ur heart too...
Talk to him Chica... but one thing Ill tell ya, it hurts but starting ur marriage with THIS its not a good idea...
If you truly FORGIVE HIM, make sure you ACTUALLY DOING FROM UR HEART... bc if u said 'yeah sure i forgive u' But deep down U dont... You will never trust him In ur marriage then things will get uglier....


FM if u wanna talk chica, Here for U!

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Posted by GlitterBox24

Fh and i are actually have 2 destination bach parties and 2 weeks before are doing a huge joint one at a strip club (im in the not against strip clubs) but anyway, if it makes you feel any better, ive help organized those types of bach parties for my cousins, and those girls do NOT go alone. For secutiries reasons they go witha bouncer, so that things do not get out of line.. Im not sure where these girls are from, but all the ones we have hired always come with a bouncer, and the same rules that apply at the strip club also apply at these private parties.

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This is def. not true in all cases!

I know one story in particular where these 'private house call strippers' did have sexual contact with some of the guys at a Bachelor Party. The groom did not do anything, but I know that some of the other (single) guys did (oral etc..).. Also another story where the guys did do stuff to the girls.. but had rubber gloves on.. Sorry but gloves/condoms.. same thing.. These house call strippers def do way more than girls at actual strip clubs.
On the upside both stories I heard the only guys who 'did' anything were single and neither groom participated..

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Posted by sujeire

Thanks everyone for all your support.

It's been a very tough day for me. A lot of tears were shed. After I made the post this morning, I decided to just get out of the house and get my hair done. My phone has been ringing like crazy from all the girls and the craziness that went on last night. Apparently these stupid biAtches took toys with them and started inserting them in their parts. From what I have heard they put up a very good show. It was pure nastiness. I have no respect for women like this. I'm not against strip clubs but having women come over to your house and make a porn out of it, it's disgusting.

I did talk to FH and I want to believe in what he tells me. He said that what they were doing was disgusting but none the less put a good show. He swear that nobody crossed the line but they all have boy code and what happen last night only them and God knows. I have no proof and just having gut feelings isn't going to prove anything. Right now, I feel disgusted and want nothing to do with him. I'm sleeping with my daughters and am taking it day by day. Just sucks that I'm less than 2 weeks away and don't have time to be upset.

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I am really sorry you have to deal with this..

I hope that somehow you feel 100% before your wedding day and this is resolved