Name Change Problem

I don't want to change my last name when I get married, but my fiance is pretty passionate about me taking his name. I've very torn right now. I want to keep my name, but I don't want to break his heart in the process. We've been trying to hold off on this conversation, but as we get closer to the wedding it seems to be coming up more frequently. Is anyone else having this dilemma?

Name Change Problem

Is there a reason why you dont want to change your name? Maybe you can keep your name for business reasons but use your fiancee name for everything else. Just a suggestion.

Name Change Problem

you can also hyphenate name too

Name Change Problem

I am having the same problem. My fiance's name is a name people make fun of. If you tell anyone his last name they just laugh at you. He is constantly getting made fun of. He is insistent that I take his name. I tried to talk him into hyphenating my name but he didn't go for it. I will use my maiden name at work and probably use his everywhere else. I won't be in any rush to change it though. He feels that I should have the same name as his children and if the children had a choice they would choose my last name. He thinks this would insult his family. By the way he is from England where his last name is not a big deal.

Name Change Problem

My problem is it's not an issue of whether I like my FH's last name (which I actually do), it's more of an issue of I don't see why I should change my name. It's been part of who I am for the last 26 years, and I don't feel like I should have to part with it. It's hard to get my FH to understand this though. I was just curious if anyone had any tactics that they used to help their FH understand.

Name Change Problem

Sorry I can't help b/c we are having this same problem as well. I suggested that I keep my maiden name professionally and use his for everything else. Needless to say, he was not very happy with that idea. I am not sure what to do but nothing I say seems to change his mind.

Name Change Problem

I'm having the same problem too. I'm getting married on July 4th of this year and I've suggested to my fiance that I keep my madien name but he says that it's disrespectful. I feel the same way that July3Bride feels. My last name has been part of who I am for the past 25 years so I don't see why I should have to change it. We too have been avoiding the subject but I think that for now I'll just go ahead and change it so that we don't have anything to aruge about. Let me know what you gals are doing. I'd love to hear all about it. Best of luck to all!

Name Change Problem- Why are they upset?

Why are they so upset about you wanting to keep your name? I think you really need to talk about this issue. What does it represent to them for you to change your name and what does it represent for you to keep them.

What I did about this issue

I told my FH from the very beginning that I do not plan on changing my name. He never got mad or upset about it. I have had friends who had their husbands get upset over this issue and I always thought it was unfair. Maybe this sounds a bit harsh but my name is not something that is really up for disccussion. It is my name, not a financial matter, not a household decision. I did, however, offer to him my last name. I told him that if he would like to, he could change his name. He ,of course,said No thankyou. So I asked, 'why are you asking me to do something that you are not willing to do yourself'. He never got angry at me for wanting to keep my name but I think that question really helped him to understand why I feel the way I do. To be honest, I get more crap about it from a few friends than I do from him. And I love the 'What about your children' question. My children will have their father's last name. I am sure that their friends will end up calling me by my husband's last name. I am sure their teachers will say 'Hello Mrs. husband's last name. That is okay with me. I understand that. But I expect family and friends to respect my decision about this. I just don't feel that I can actually do it. It is part of who I am. I feel that by changing my name I am giving up a fundemental part of myself. And the only reason people do it is because men made up a tradition many years ago. Not a good enough reason for me. For everyone whose FHs are getting mad about it ask them the question, 'Will you change yours to mine' It is just not fair to force this type of change on adult women. Do they really want you to do something that makes you this upset? Is that what marriage is all about. And does changing a name mean yoou love someone more. Of course not. Look at all of the divorced women who kept their married names. It is a personal decision that a women needs to make for herself, by yourself.

I don't think its the same thing

asking your husband to take your name is not the same. Technically its the same so maybe he could understand your feelings somewhat but its the traditional views of society that make it difficult for a man to accept it when his wife doesn't take his name. Thats the sad truth. How will his family react? How will other people respond to that? How do you address mail to the family? I think society makes it easier and more acceptable to change your name. Not that I'm saying I agree with that. I think you should absolutely keep you name if you feel strongly about it. I'm just explaining why it might be difficult to accept. I am changing my name but not because my fiance want me to (neither of his sister's changed their names) and he would have been fine with me keeping mine, but I don't feel a strong need to (and I never liked my last name anyway :-) One thing a friend of mine is doing - she's keeping her name until they have children and then her last name will become her middle name (not hyphenated) so she'll have the same last name as her children.

I don`t think its the same thing

That's a tough one. I agree that you need to talk about it and ultimately it is not the end of the world if you dont' change your name. I would put up a fight. I am also going to use my last name as my middle name and take my FH last name, b/c mine is more foreign. I can't wait for a last name that people can pronouce.

Name changing...

We have had similar discussions. He doesn't really care if I don't change it. I am not 100% for or against changing my name, but when I suggested we both change our names to a combination (that sounds really good together) the response I got was 'But I don't want to change my name that's my grandmother's married name'. (He was very close to her and she passed away several years ago) I of course was furious since we were also talking about my father's name (who also passed away.) This took the argument off topic. Now he is thinking maybe we could both change our name. We have time to figure it out.

Name Change Problem

I too have a problem with changing my name also. I havent really discussed it much with him, but it has come up briefly and he insists I change my name to his. I am definetely keeping my name for business reasons. I think part of it is that this is the name I had all my life also as others have stated. Boy, I thought I was the only one with this problem and that everyone loved changing their names. I havent really decided what I am going to do yet, but I really DONT want to give up my name.

Name Change Problem

First off I am changing my name from one mispronounced last name to another...but I want to show my support to all of you who want to keep yours... One of my cousin's moved her last name to her middle...her sister hyphinated...at first it was a pain to figure out how to address them, but I and the whole family are used to it... I babysat a couple where the woman did not change her last name and the first child (son) took the fathers last name and the second child (daughter) had the mom's name... Just to give you guys something to think about...the idea of the woman taking the last name of the man comes from the idea that the woman LEFT her family all together and joined the husband's family...in todays world the daughter definitely does not leave her family...either way as a teacher, I see so many parents with different last names...I NEVER assume...always have the student write down their parent's last names... I like the question Michele posted..

I am so happy to see so many of you keeping your name!

I was married this past June and posted about this last year - I did what Michele did and proposed the question to my husband 'why don't you take my name or why don't we both use both names' well he didn't want to change his name and therefore, he could see where I was coming from. I agree that it is not fair that a woman should have to change her name - I felt very stongly about it - I was keeping mine - (Children I guess we will cross that road when we get to it) I always look at it like this - my name now is my fathers name and that is who I feel like - and I think that is so unfair to my mother - I don't really associate myself as her maiden name - It's as if your last name just disappears - I'm just as proud of my family is my husbad is of his - and I feel that by giving it up I was losing something very special to me - Please don't get me wrong - I don't think there is anything wrong with taking your husbands name - I know it's tradition - I'm just so happy to see so many other people feel the way I did. I've kept my name and I am so happy I did. Mark Kaufmann once posted that when people get introduced as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe - it's as if you just disappear - therefore, I was introduced simply First time as husband and wife Jim & Tara Good Luck

I'm not a big fan of the Mr. & Mrs. John Doe addressing

I prefer John & Jane Doe, or Mr. & Mrs. Doe. But for formal addressing, what's proper? I'm running into this dilemma with addressing my invitations. I want to use titles but also acknowledge the wife. Any suggestions?

Thank you June bride!

Your post really says it all. That is exactly how I feel. I feel like I am losing a part of myself.

Same situation...

I don`t think I`ll change my name. Ever since my father passed away, I feel more strongly than ever that I should keep my maiden name. I don`t think my FH would prefer it, but then again, it is MY NAME, and it`s my choice. Our children will take their father`s last name - plus, it`s easier to pronounce and spell!

Not really sure

Perhaps it is because I am 31 - I don't know - I used to feel that I spent a lifetime figuring out who I am any name represents the ME that I have worked so hard on. I was even upset when my sister got married and changed her name. Now I realize that I have indeed spent my lifetime creating a person and defining who I am and a name doesn't change who I am. I will probably change my last name although for the record my fi is ok with it if I don't. That's just my view - Good luck to all of you that are struggling with this.

What's in a name?

Ahhhhh, I still miss my maiden name. After almost 36(!!!) years with it, I also struggled through the process of changing it 3 months ago. My father is deceased as is 1 of my 3 brothers. My 2 married sisters hyphenate. Incidentally, their children have their fathers' last names and EVERYONE outside of my family calls them both Mrs. Husband's last name. I have a lot of pride associated with my easy to pronounce name. I like it better than my husband's - as a last name goes. BUT. The look pride that he exudes when he says my new name is incredible. I FEEL married when I hear his name. I think I'd feel like my mom if someone called me Mrs. Maiden Name. By the way, we had the discussion of my not changing it at all or hyphenating it. He disagreed but fully understood that it was something I would do if I felt I had to. Everyone needs to do what makes them happy. Try to remember that it's a decision that affects you both. Frankly, I feel that the choice has a much more profound affect on him than you whether you make a change or not. Best of luck ladies!! :)