Need Advice....

Ok.... So My FH Was raised by his mother. He knows who his real father is.. He was raised by a good friend of his mothers. I wanted to invite his father, but he said no. I want his father to be apart of our life. Like right now we have no kids, but we r trying...... I do not know.. We can't even talk about it because anythime i bring it up he flips out.... The man that raised him will be coming to the wedding so should i just leave it a lone?

Another one is..... My father has been apart of my life forever... Recently he cheated on my mother she kicked him out they right now are separated. But they have been together over 35 yrs.. so i know they are goin to get back together soon.. But since i have been engaged, i do not know if i want him to be at my wedding.. is that selfish?

That is complicated. I'm sorry to hear that. Have you explained to FH why you want his father to be there? I would try to talk it out with him, but I think that ultimate decision is his. As far as your parents, I think that decision is yours, but talking with FH might help! I would be furious if my father did that to my mother, but if you have had a good relationship in the past, you may look back one day and regret not having him at your wedding. Give yourself time to think it through. Best of luck!

well as for your fh's father....i think its nice that you would like to have in your life, but i think you need to respect Fh's wishes. If he's not ready to have him in his life or at the wedding...then i would drop the issue.

for your father....i totally understand that you may feel this way bc you are hurt. I wouldn't rush into making any decisions about inviting him. Since you have time, i would wait and see how you feel in a few months. If your father has always been a big part of your life, you may end up regretting he wasn't invited. Give yourself some time to cool off before making decisions.

For the first, I would say to leave it alone. If FH doesn't want this man to be a part of his life, I wouldn't push the issue.

As for your father, you should think long and hard about how you'll fell if you look back on your wedding day and your father wasn't there. I would also discuss it with your mom to see how she feels about it. There's no right or wrong answer - it's whatever you feel is right in your heart.

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Posted by LiBride23

Ok.... So My FH Was raised by his mother. He knows who his real father is.. He was raised by a good friend of his mothers. I wanted to invite his father, but he said no. I want his father to be apart of our life. Like right now we have no kids, but we r trying...... I do not know.. We can't even talk about it because anythime i bring it up he flips out.... The man that raised him will be coming to the wedding so should i just leave it a lone?

Another one is..... My father has been apart of my life forever... Recently he cheated on my mother she kicked him out they right now are separated. But they have been together over 35 yrs.. so i know they are goin to get back together soon.. But since i have been engaged, i do not know if i want him to be at my wedding.. is that selfish?

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I don't think you should invite his father. It sounds like his father has chosen not to be a part of his life. There's no reason for him to be at your wedding. Specially if FH doesn't want him there. I'm sure the man that was a father to him will make a great grandfather. I wouldn't want someone that can't even take care of their own kids around my own. JMO

I understand why you wouldn't want to invite your dad since he cheated on your mom and all. However, I think you should invite him. If he's always been there for you and he's been a good father he should be at your wedding. I know it's hard, but don't let what's going on with your parents affect what you've always had with your dad. Let them work it out.

Hope that helped and best of luck with everything

For FH's father, I'd leave that one up to him. It's his decision to make.

As for your father, I just want to throw something out there. Just because he hurt your mother, it doesn't mean it should have to ruin your relationship with him. My parents divorced about 5 years ago, mainly due to stupid mistakes my dad made; one of them being cheating years and years ago. I was hurt, angry, upset, everything. But I didn't let it ruin my relationship with my father. He was a wonderful father and always will be. He just stinks as a husband. But I could never picture him not being at my wedding.

My parents have since learned to be civilized around each other when necessary, but I've already told them both that if either of them get me angry on my wedding day, they're both going home

For the first problem...I would respect the feeling of your FH. He might change his mind on his own, but he never will if it feels forced.

As for your father, I think if that happened to me I might feel the same way. I don't think i could look at my dad again after that. But I could also imagine regretting not having him there if i one day did forgive him. Maybe he comes but you don't do all the father/daughter things. Or would that make it worse?

Id' respect Fh's wishes and work on him & his dad's relationship later on...

As far as your dad is concerned.. what he did to your mother IN NO WAY has anything to do with you. I understand you're angry at him for cheating, but that's THEIR problem. Your dad isn't going to last forever and you wouldn't want to regret him not being apart of this special day..

JMO

Yea I agree you need to leave that up to your FH as far as his biological father is concerned. Just because thats his father, it does not make him his dad. =/ That just isnt your decision to make and you cant force him to want his father in his life. He has a man who raised him and you could be offending him as well.

As far as your father is concerned, that is YOUR call and is something you should really think through. I am very sorry to hear how he has hurt your mother and I cant imagine what emotions you must be feeling, but think it through because one day you may look back at your wedding photos and regret he wasnt there. Plus who will give you away? And you will miss out on the father daughter dance =/ Just think it through before making a decision =) Good luck... And be strong you will get through it... And just be there for your mom as much as you can Im sure she needs you now =)

I know you want to invite your fh father to the wedding but you need to let it go. If he is really against it, it will just ruin his day because he doesn't want to share that day with someone he associates with not good things.

As for your father, don't rush into things. He may have cheated on your mother and though it hurts you it is their issue. If he has been a good father to you then he should def. be part of your day.

It's very nice that you want to invite FHs father, but if he doesn't want him there, don't push for it. You don't want him to be uncomfortable at the wedding.

With regards to your father, I can understand you being upset that he was unfaithful to your mother. However, if you have a relationship with your father, I think you should still invite him, regardless of how upset you are at him. Just think how upset you might be if he weren't there.

Thank you ladies...... As for my FH father I will let the issue go... It is all up to him...... Thank u.... I just needed some Brides opinions...

As for my father....... I will sit and think about it.. Weigh my opinions... Thank u... The good and bad... I do believe that i will regret my father not being there.... Thank u again

as per your FH, it's something he must decide and you should respect and suppor him. Now I assume the friend is a 'father' figure and may be able to represent him the day of the wedding.

In regards to your dad, I can only imagine how hard it is, but your decision should be based on your relationship with your dad. If he is a great/good dad and has been there for you then I think you shoul not deprive him of being there for you on your wedding day. I understand how hurt and betrayed you must feel, but the whole cheating issue is between your dad and your mom. Like you said it may work out between them, sometimes ppl make mistakes. I just want you to have teh ppl you love on your wedding day and not regret not having them there. I am sure your mom may be hurt to see him, but as your mother I am sure she is more concerned with your happiness instead of her pain. As for your father, I would think he is more concerned for your happiness than his embarressment. Please do think things through and do what's best for you. It's teh most important day of your life. Also, the same way you are concerned of yoru FH dad being part of your future kids lives, I think you are very much concerned that your dad will be there too. I am sorry hun, hopefully as the days/mnths pass things will be easier for everyone. Best of Luck to you and your family.

I'm jumping on the band wagon and saying leave it up to your FH to decide weather or not he wants is dad there.
I don't necessarily believe the saying that blood is thicker then water because sometimes it's not. He might not really view him as his father.. just someone who had a hand in 'making' him. I agree and think the man that did raise him will make a great father.

That is def a rough situation that you are in though. I wuold give it some time and let the waves settle a little bit before speaking to your mom about it. Even when you do speak with her she might say certain things out of anger and hurt but not really mean them (such as not wanting ur dad there). If he is important to you then i would invite him. Of course many people will be saying something but many will say something if he isn't there so u can't necessarily worry about others.