Need advice on hurt feelings Update

Okay anyone who has read any of my topics knows that I have a problem with myFMIL stirring trouble. Well today I was told that my FH cousin who is getting married in January deceided that they needed to cut back on their invite list sooooooooo
They deceided that if your not married into the family your not invited. So even though I live with my FH and we have kids together because we are not married I am not invited now. I am not the only one they are doing this too either. My FH other cousin is in the same situation as us except they aren't planning on getting married(no big deal) and his girlfriend isn't invited either. But of course FMIL had to let me know and even though I tried not to discuss it she kept it up. This on the heels of my FH brother getting married in May and his wife trying to keep me and our children out of the family pictures because Im not according to her sooooo she'll be elated to know she's invited to this wedding and Im not! Sorry I really needed to vent. Feelings are really hurt!

That is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! If someone is with a person for an extended period of time, even if they are not getting married, I would never think of not inviting the significant other.

The fact that you are engaged, the mother of his children and not invited is an outrage!

---

Posted by Sweetpea130000

That is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! If someone is with a person for an extended period of time, even if they are not getting married, I would never think of not inviting the significant other.

The fact that you are engaged, the mother of his children and not invited is an outrage!

---

Thanks that's exactly how I feel especially since I've invited both of them to every function we've had. My Future family is full of people like this. I have been with my FH for 4years and my FH sister in law(not mine since Im not part of the family)met and married his brother within a year. FH cousin has cut cost every way he could, having the wedding in Jan., having it on a Friday night, having it in a hall that her mother works in(which i fully understand:weddings are far from inexpensive)but I think that this is going to far! It also bothers me that my FMIL was busting at the seams to tell me.

That is one of the worst things I have read here. HOW AWFUL! What the hell is wrong with these people? I would be so hurt if I were you.

I could see if you and FH had been dating for 6 months, but you are a serious part of his life and you have children together.

I am sorry to say this, but your FH needs to stand up to his mother and family. He needs to nip this is in the bud NOW!!! (sorry to be so blunt) If you aren't invited then he should not go. This is just terrible. I am so sorry. I am totally on your side. This SH** pisses me off like you would not believe. Why do people have to be so caddy?

WOW, that is RIDICULOUS! I can not believe they are doing this! You guys are engaged, and have kids! what is their problem? I wouldn't want to come, AND, wouldn't let my FI go either! There, you save them 2 pp right there!

That is disgusting!

Thats horrible. I am sorry engaged/not engaged marriage/no marriage you clearly are family, so this is soooooo wrong.

How does your FI feel about this? I hope he does not plan on attending this wedding.

Good luck!

that is absolutely insane. I don;t understand why you will not me in FSIL's wedding pics though..

Do you get along with this family? Does your FH?

Life is too short to be surrounding yourself with such negativity..

That's outrageous! By changing the rules how many people are they really cutting? From your post it only seems like two. That's ridiculous. You are clearly family whether they like it or not. If they are only saving a few plates then it doesn't seem like this is about money. What's two more plates? Even if it's 10 or 15 plates, still you are clearly as close to spouses as you get. You have every right to be upset.


Why must people be so ridiculously inappropriate?

I'm so sorry for you.

I'd print out these posts and show them to your FH.

I'm so sorry!! That is beyond outrageous. I totally agree, though, that your FH really needs to stand by your side on this one and either insist that you are invited as you are just as much family as anyone else, or boycott the wedding and spend some quality time with you and the kids instead.

These people are on their own planet. I am so sorry!!!

Thank You it's nice to finally have people understand how Im feeling. My FH doesn't even know yet. My FMIL came home from work this morning and told me. I know that my FH wont go but it's just the fact that these people are nuts! I'll add a little more to the history so you can understand why when I finally post pics from our wedding that I might be bald
When my FBIL got married all of the sudden I over heard them talking saying that i was jealous that they were getting married first. Then I found out that his wife would tell my FMIL nasty things about me and my children. My two older ones are from a previous relationship well she refuses to even let my FBIL buy them gifts anymore because they are not family. She told my FMIL that she had a conversation with her mother and her mother told her not to worry about me because I may have the grandchildren but she'll be the first daughter in law. When they were doing seating arrangements I was told at first that i would be sitting with friends from work(not the family table). When family pics came up my mother in law asked when they were being taken so I knew how to dress the kids for church. I didn't want them to have formal outfits on and get them dirty(not that I would've brought them in jeans)His now wife told me to dress down for church and family pictures would be done at the hall. So that's what I did. After church my FH went to the photographer to find out what time I needed to have the kids at the hall for family photos and he told my FH that the bride wanted to do them now(Im sure thinking that I had already left). Needless to say my MIL left because as she told the photographer her family wasn't there so there was no need to take pics until the hall as planned. During the receiving line, I congratulated her mother (who ignored me at the rehearsal dinner)and was told, 'I figured out who you were last night so I saw no need to introduce myself'. Said this with a smile too! I know this is long and Im sorry if Im boring anyone but getting it all out seems to be helping... The day after the wedding I congratulated them again and asked so how does it feel to be married and was told by my FBIL,'Don't worry some day you'll get were we are'!----What the #@%*? I hope not!!
These are the same people who gave my son towels this past year for his christening okay(didn't bother to wrap them either just through them at me as I walked in the house)You see they didn't come because they had to go to one of three bridal showers they through themselves instead. My FH has had arguements numerous times with my FIL over this stupid garbage and it gets no where. Unfortunetly we live with them right now while we save for a house. I don't know how Im gonna survive much longer

---

Posted by randella

that is absolutely insane. I don;t understand why you will not me in FSIL's wedding pics though..

Do you get along with this family? Does your FH?

Life is too short to be surrounding yourself with such negativity..

---

Well my FBIL was married in May and she just felt that I was not part of the family since we are not married and didn't want me in the family pictures. I can't really answer your question about getting along with them because they are S*$% stirrers. They're nice when they want to be and make up stories when your not around. I was friends with my FH brother when no one in his family would talk to him I even convinced him to date this girl(boy was I wrong about her).

---

Posted by David'sbride

That's outrageous! By changing the rules how many people are they really cutting? From your post it only seems like two. That's ridiculous. You are clearly family whether they like it or not. If they are only saving a few plates then it doesn't seem like this is about money. What's two more plates? Even if it's 10 or 15 plates, still you are clearly as close to spouses as you get. You have every right to be upset.


Why must people be so ridiculously inappropriate?

I'm so sorry for you.

I'd print out these posts and show them to your FH.

---

Thank you for the hugs I needed them. From what I was told they are only inviting the single people not there boyfriends or girlfriends, no matter how long they are together or the situation. His brother has a girlfriend and she's not being invited either(The grooms brother that is)

---

Posted by nylibride

I'm so sorry!! That is beyond outrageous. I totally agree, though, that your FH really needs to stand by your side on this one and either insist that you are invited as you are just as much family as anyone else, or boycott the wedding and spend some quality time with you and the kids instead.

These people are on their own planet. I am so sorry!!!

---

Well as far as Im concerned I don't want to be invited now, and I definetly dont want my FH to insist on me being invited because I think it would kinda make me look pathetic ya know, but I cant wait to tell my FH when he gets home from work.

Almost the same thing happened to my co-worker.

Her bf's niece was getting married and the only people she invited I believe was her parents siblings I think. Really close relatives. The thing was that she didn't invite her cousins or anyone else younger in the generation. My co-worker couldn't even go as a date.

So all in all it seemed like she only invited the people (the bride that is) that she knew had $$$$.

I feel what you are going threw, it's seems so stupid to me. IMO

Seriously, that is the most insensitive thing ever. You are right not to go to the wedding and neither should your FI -- if the mother of her grandchildren is not 'family tie' enough then what the hell is? I am sorry that you are dealing with this sort of nonsense when you must have so much on your plate (wedding, kids)
Good luck and all my best.

---

Posted by ANA6178


I am sorry to say this, but your FH needs to stand up to his mother and family. He needs to nip this is in the bud NOW!!! (sorry to be so blunt) If you aren't invited then he should not go. This is just terrible. I am so sorry. I am totally on your side. This SH** pisses me off like you would not believe. Why do people have to be so caddy?

---

i agree one hundred percent..fh should stand up for you or not go at all.

That is poor judgement on the couple getting married in January's part. They should have included serious significant others (engaged, living together, together for a long time, etc) should be invited. I think that is horrible! I'm sorry that you were hurt in this. Maybe your FH can call his cousin and ask them to invite you considering the circumstances.