Need Help......

So we finally met with our deacon and he refuses to have us repeat the vows for us. He wants us to memorize it ORRRR he said he'll print it up on a paper and have us read off of it.

Im sorry- but why is he so against this and have any of you ladies had a deacon or priest against this?

FH and I are going to be nervous and I dont want this to be ANOTHER thing to worry about. What should we do????


Edit to add...remember our priest canceled on us and paired us up with this deacon....

I never heard of such a thing. They usually do whatever you want....hmmm...I wouldnt like that either. Hope it works out!

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Posted by SoonToBeMrsR

oh wow I find that weird, I totally understand you not wanting another thing to worry about. Did he say why he won't let you repeat them after him?

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Yea, he basically gave us the other alternative because FH and I kept saying that we wanted to repeat after him. I dont want to read it off of a paper, HELD by him like a 10 yr old. Im so upset

How long are the vows? Is it just a sentence or is it more like a whole paragraph to memorize?

If it's a sentence or two I have a really good feeling you could do it and it will be LOVELY!!!!!!!!!! I'd be happy to get on the phone with you and go over it again and again and again and again if you want between now and your wedding!

You and FH could even make it into a little song -- like sing the vows to ABCs or something until it becomes second nature?

Sorry if this sounds goofy -- I'm really trying to help!

I've never heard of this, but I have seen people read their vows and it isn't that big a deal. At least he's giving you that option!

It'll work out and be beautiful and you will be MARRIED!!!!!!!

Let me know if I can help!

that is really strange!

i mean whats the big deal if u repeat..dont he realize people get nervous and might 4 get? is there any way of talking to him?

if not try to have fun with it..every night u n fh practice it..then on the big day u can shove it in this guys face that u 2 knew it by heart

I have never heard of this

This is strange, but if you're getting married in a church I feel like it's night and day between each priest even, let alone each parish! This deacon obviously has a thing about this, who the freak knows why????!?! So weird. I think you should have FH assertively speak with him about it for sure, since it's so silly he won't accommodate you on this. However I still feel like in a church they can make you do whatever they feel like and there's not too much you can do about it. We have an officiant, a priest who is marrying us at the RH. We know the marriage is not recognized by the Catholic Church, and we both are fine with this as we do not practice or go to church in our adult lives. In our situation we are able to pick and choose every aspect of our ceremony including our vows. I feel lucky since I see so many girls going through hell practically with some of their priests/parishes! I feel terribly for them, like girls who can't use a particular unity candle or aisle runner, or petals, or readings, or this or that. Good luck, I really hope you can work this out with him. If not, remember you can always just accept it for what it is and make it a real joint project to memorize your vows for each other Good luck again

Honestly whats the deacon's problem?! Hes supposed to do what YOU want. Its YOUR wedding. Is there anyway you can talk to someone about this? This isnt meant rude but its not like your getting married there for free, your paying for it! You should get what YOU WANT and not what hes forcing you to do. I totally agree that you will be nervous and DONT need anything else to worry about on top of everything else. That to me is just straight ridiculous and I would tell him there is no way your memorizing it and you dont want cards at your wedding, its his job to please you and he should have no problem with the repeating of vows. I would try to find out what his problem is AND if anything yet again find another priest or deacon if possible...

I have NEVER heard of that before in my life and Ive seen and heard of some REALLY tough restrictions before in churches. This one takes the cake though! =/

REALLY sorry your going through this!

Wow....I never heard of that....like the other girls said, maybe it is just this Deacon and the way he chooses to do things.

I know our church is giving us the vows and wants us to go over them several times just to be familiar with the words...but our priest will be saying the vows and we will repeat them.

Is there any way anyone in the church can talk to the Deacon?

Hope everything works out!

Thanks ladies for your advice and kind words. Yes, I could totally understand going over them so we are familiar with them and I know how much more it would mean to memorize them ... BUT I know I am going to be a nervous wreck and I dont want to have to worry about missing a whole sentence or leaving out parts of our vows. I dont get why this deacon is making such a big deal about this.

FH said he would call and bring it up again and say that this is something that we really wanted and if he cant do it, then we might have to find another deacon.

What bothers me the most is that this deacon wasnt even supposed to be the one marrying us. A priest was supposed to marry us, and then like a month ago he canceled and said he wouldnt be here for our wedding anymore.... so its not like I felt comfortable with this deacon in the first place.

I've always envisioned repeating my vows after the prist when getting married- sorry as stupid as that sounds... its true, its something I've always wanted. FH doesnt want to memorize it either, he doesnt feel comfortable because he doesnt want to mess up our vows either.

I'm so confused as to why they would do it that way. Is it the same deacon that was at our last night of pre-cana? I'm sorry you've been having so many issues with HNM. God knows I better not have the same ones or I will be raising hell. Every wedding I've been to at HNM does it the traditional way. Why is this any different?

I'd definitely call and try to figure this one out. Maybe try talking to either the rehearsal lady or the wedding coordinator.

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Posted by Lsorrent

I'm so confused as to why they would do it that way. Is it the same deacon that was at our last night of pre-cana? I'm sorry you've been having so many issues with HNM. God knows I better not have the same ones or I will be raising hell. Every wedding I've been to at HNM does it the traditional way. Why is this any different?

I'd definitely call and try to figure this one out. Maybe try talking to either the rehearsal lady or the wedding coordinator.

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No, the one at our precana isnt the same one. Maybe I should really ask for him...ughhhh this is so annoying!! I was 2 seconds from emailing Father Robert last night asking him what to do about this, but FH told me not to and that if the deacon hears about it from Father Robert, he might think we are sneaking around his back.... which we arent really because we already tried talking to him with no luck

They are really starting to drive me crazy at HNM, and this is something that I really shouldnt be stressing out about.... but its a big deal to me


Do you think FH should just call, but what if he STILL says no? Should we email Father Robert and ask him what to do?

FFIL is a deacon. And he has a lot of church friends! He is also marrying us.

With that being said... I NEVER EVER EVER heard of them making you memorize the vows! That's insanity! Personally... I would CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT!!! I would memorize them to the best that I can... then when it comes time to say that part... if I forget a line... I'd pull out a little piece of paper and CHEAT!!
Type them up on the smallest font you can... and then tape it to something... like the inside of your Bo-k or hand. Or have the MOH hold it. Maybe even attach it to a hankercheif. Make it super small though.
I know that sounds silly and all.. but what else can you do? Even if it ticks him off... at that point there's nothing he can do about it.

If you really want... you can talk to the priest about it... explain your quams about it. Maybe then something can be done. Also, have you tried to talk to the deacon about it?

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Posted by xosweetiexo

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Posted by Lsorrent

I'm so confused as to why they would do it that way. Is it the same deacon that was at our last night of pre-cana? I'm sorry you've been having so many issues with HNM. God knows I better not have the same ones or I will be raising hell. Every wedding I've been to at HNM does it the traditional way. Why is this any different?

I'd definitely call and try to figure this one out. Maybe try talking to either the rehearsal lady or the wedding coordinator.

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No, the one at our precana isnt the same one. Maybe I should really ask for him...ughhhh this is so annoying!! I was 2 seconds from emailing Father Robert last night asking him what to do about this, but FH told me not to and that if the deacon hears about it from Father Robert, he might think we are sneaking around his back.... which we arent really because we already tried talking to him with no luck

They are really starting to drive me crazy at HNM, and this is something that I really shouldnt be stressing out about.... but its a big deal to me


Do you think FH should just call, but what if he STILL says no? Should we email Father Robert and ask him what to do?

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Personally, I'd call AND email.

i think that is very weird. whats the reason behind it?

i would just memorize them ...it might end of flowing nice anyways