Meredith,
A lot of other girls, KarenG, Shamee, Shamma and Lizlen, have said exactly what I would say.
You do have resentment in you, and for whatever reason, he may have some resentment with you. There is power in forgiveness, and the both of you have to let that go if your relationship is going to work. You having resentment towards him isn't bad for him, it's bad for you. You BOTH have to be willing to forgive the past, and start a new. Never speaking to eachother as you have. Threatening the wedding. If you choose to move forward, then move forward.
I say this, as I too, had to take time. FH and I were dating for 2 years when he broke up with me. I thought my world had come to an end. He was the love of my life and I couldn't imagine being w/out him. I took most of the blame and really beat myself up over it. A friend of mine gave me this book, In the Meantime by Van Sant. It wasn't until I read this, that I realized that he was selfish and mean and etc.. and to blame as well. I had some growing up to do, and did it. I knew that my future relationships would not be any better if I didn't look at myself. 6 months of being apart, FH came knocking on my window at midnight one night.
It was at this time that he wanted to try again, that I finally had the strenght to tell him, this is what I want in a man. If you think you can be this man, call me. If you can not provide me w/ these needs, do not. It was harsh, but true. I had learned to live w/out him and did not want to be treated the way he had treated me before. (As some of my actions were reations to him)
You repeatedly say 'the way you deserve'. We all know what you mean, but does HE know what you expect and deserve?
My FH and I are polar opposites. I was worried about this too until a wise older woman told me, it's ok to be different. It's ok to have and want different things. The main thing, is if you have the same goals. As long as your goals are the same, the path you choose to achieve them is the only thing you 2 have to work out. Planning this wedding has proven that to be true to me. We do want the same things in life- however, we have different views of how to get there. We compromise, after he thinks I'm crazy for wanting to spend more $$ on a HM than we should etc... but it doesn't mean that we don't want the same big picture.
I've spoken of my cousin before on this board. She married the wrong person. She was so concerned about the $$ and what the family would think if she called off her wedding to this man that treats her like garbage, that she married him. She has been miserable ever since. She thinks a child will help him realize what's important etc.. etc.. We all see how unhappy she is, and it's her fault. I do not feel sorry for her in the least bit. She made a choice, and she allows herself to be treated that way. So be it.
You are in a postition to take control of how you are being treated. However, you have to think of what outcome you want, and how to go about getting that outcome. Your approach to this situation will be key. (I also read Dr. Phil's doing what works- great advice) My best suggestion would be to let go of the resentment, and try to talk to FH from your heart. He should be very open and receptive of your feelings. His response in actions will be greater to you than any words he could possibly say.
I wish you the best of luck in getting through this difficult time. It will all work out, it always does.
FM me if you ever need an ear.
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Michelle
