I need advice really bad. FH and I fight way to much and I know he loves me, but sometimes I think that it isnt enough, he doesn't know how to love and take care of me the way I want. Not in a selfish way just that he doesn't know how to love someone the way they should when he is used to be very selfish himself. I told him that I don't think this is going to work b/c I am not happy and he said fine give me back the ring and acted like it didn't bother him. How should I take that and what should I do, if I just forgive him again and take him back he will keep doing this and walking all over me. I am very up and I don't know where to go from this point. We have a child together that makes things even worse, b/c I also want to take her feelings into consideration.
Olgaki
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
I think you did very good! You have to know one way or another, how he is going to be once this wedding is over and now is your chance to find out! You're being very strong - just give it time and see what happens!
JuneBabyBride
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
Not that I had much money to contribute before but I told him that he is going to feel it in the long run if things don't work out b/c this apartment is going in his name, so if we don't work out basically he is stuck with it and he is going to lose the money from the wedding, I said if things don't work out it is going to be because you couldn't handle it so I don't want to be the one that feels it financially. I know that I am not 100% right but if we fail it is going to be mostly b/c of him so I think he should feel the pain financially not me.
KarenG
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
You took a difficult first step. Congratulations!
You're apparently both committed to breaking the cycle but its clear (based upon your history) that you do not have the tools to make that happen.
To reiterate what was said previously by so many other women, you both need to learn how to be healthy in a relationship with one another. If you really want to make this work, you two need to commit to couple therapy.
I remember reading another woman who is a counselor and said she could get you a referral. I hope you take her up on her generous offer.
Best of luck to you!
JuneBabyBride
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
I told him as well that therapy is must along with the apartment thing. I am open to suggestions if anyone can recommend a good marriage counselor in the area of hicksville, syosset, somewhere not far, it is hard to get a babysitter so we can't travel much. Thanks again everyone I can't tell you how much it means to have this support.
Jenn524
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
Meredith you did an excellent job. You told him how you were feeling and that's exactly what you needed to do. Remember feelings are never wrong, it's how you express them that make them seem wrong. It's great that you told him what you needed him to do in order for the relationship to work. You took a really big step tonight!!
IrishTracy
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
Congratulations!!!!!! I wish you all the best!!!
Thrilled
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
Meredith, Re your situation with your FH I will only say that I agree wholeheartedly with just about all the advice you have received, and that it is wonderful that you have taken the first steps you need to take to set your life with FH straight.
But what I really want to say as well is - Isn't it wonderful how supportive and caring and loving this community is? This is LI Weddings at its finest. Period. And I think this sort of support and advice is why we put up with the drama and the crap that sometimes comes along with it.
We are really lucky.
alina
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
Meredith, you did the right thing, yay!!!
Best of luck to you
JuneBabyBride
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
Okay FH is here (just went to smoke a cig) and I read him this hole threa for the past hour and when he comes back I will let you know if he actually listened or has any feedback for me. Cross you fingers and hope it got through to him.
swags1016
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
Good Luck
shamma
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
remember he should be doing anything that he claim he is going to do w/o duress and he feels it is something that is going to make him happy, not b/c it will make you happy or the money you are going to lose from cancelling or postponing.
Elizabeth
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Re: Need Help, My Wedding Might Be Off!!
HI,
I don't know you so I wont give you advice on what to do nor did I read all the posts here but I will just say one thing - whatever is going on - keep in mind your daughter. You send a message to your daughter as her role model. If your fiance is abusive in any way and you accept it, she is learning that that is how to behave. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, just trying to point out another angle. It seems like you are very much considering your daughter but the most important thing you can do is show her with your actions how to be a strong woman. So if that means, counselling, postponing your wedding, breaking it off, working through it...whatever you do is your choice, I'm sure you know in your heart what to do but when you have a child (IMO) their welfare-present & future- has to come first.
I hope everything works out for you. I cannot be easy, I feel for you. Good luck.
