No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Original post by JessesGirl

Jul 16, 2008 01:30 PM

Ok, so just wondering if anyone else has a 'No Kids' policy for their wedding. Since FH's friends and family have more than 20 children, and at least 10 under the age of 3, we decided to have a no kids allowed policy, even for family. We love our cousins, etc. but dont want our dance floor turning into a playpen or having to worry about kids falling down or spilling stuff on people.

My mom's cousin, who I call my aunt called my mom yesterday FUMING at her that my 9 yr old and 12 yr old cousins ( her children) aren't invited. She said that her friends think its absolutely awful that her children can't come and that they are 'going to be crushed'! She won't even bring the little girl to my shower because it will get her too excited for a wedding she cant go too and she ever made the point that 15 years ago, 'she accomodated for kids at her wedding'. Well this is NOT HER WEDDING, it's mine and im pissed that she started world war 3 with my mother over something that was my decision. The fight of course got personal and now she might not even come to the wedding. I called her last night to explain and she didn't pick up and wont call me back.

Is anyone else going through this? I don't think it's rude to not invite kids when the reception starts at 8:30Pm and goes until 1am.

ps. This same cousin's mother is not invited to my wedding either b/c she doesnt get along with my grandparents but that is a totally seperate issue. Because of it though, she is taking the kids thing personally! ERRRRRR

pps. Forgot to add that Im not even having a ringbearer or flowergirl. No kids means no one under the age of 17 ( FH's sis is 17).

JodyLC Posted: Jul 26, 2008 01:20 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by dannisayz

Posted by bluegreen08

Posted by dannisayz

Posted by Sweeteey51

Y not a ring bearer or flower girl do you hate kids? F.Y.I- there are wedding planners that offer babysitting services for i think like $150 if you sit all kids at there own table they will watch them, thats what im doing. But people do and will get offended if you say no kids & they have kids b/c then they have to find babysitters etc! Im sure if you had & kid & u were invited to a big function that said no kids & ur daughter/son thought they were going u would get upset too, oh well it is your day.

I'm glad you can afford to have a babysitter for your friends/family's kids. However, not all of us are that fortunate.

I think your comment was quite crass. Yet, I smell a fake.

I love my cats very much and I dont insist on bringing them to weddings and clubs and places they dont really belong. I think it's perfectly normal to have an event like a wedding be adults only.

I, on the othe rhand , refuse to leave home without my cats. I get insulted if they are not invited everywhere.

and i MUST bring my 3 VERY LARGE dogs everywhere.. although the ARE etter mannered them some children I have seen!

alymikewedding08 Posted: Jul 26, 2008 01:40 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

I totally feel for you.. I have experienced that people ALWAYS take it personally when their children are not invited. My brother's wedding they excluded all kids under 16 and people were FUMING!

My situation was different because we invited few children.. which is actually kind of bad.. because we were specific about which kids we had there.. I admit it was rude.. but I'm a biotch so I'm ok with it. I was paying almost ninety bucks for kids to have chicken fingers and I wasn't inviting every kid we've ever met!

dannisayz Posted: Jul 26, 2008 01:43 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by JodyLC

Posted by dannisayz

Posted by bluegreen08

Posted by dannisayz

Posted by Sweeteey51

Y not a ring bearer or flower girl do you hate kids? F.Y.I- there are wedding planners that offer babysitting services for i think like $150 if you sit all kids at there own table they will watch them, thats what im doing. But people do and will get offended if you say no kids & they have kids b/c then they have to find babysitters etc! Im sure if you had & kid & u were invited to a big function that said no kids & ur daughter/son thought they were going u would get upset too, oh well it is your day.

I'm glad you can afford to have a babysitter for your friends/family's kids. However, not all of us are that fortunate.

I think your comment was quite crass. Yet, I smell a fake.

I love my cats very much and I dont insist on bringing them to weddings and clubs and places they dont really belong. I think it's perfectly normal to have an event like a wedding be adults only.

I, on the othe rhand , refuse to leave home without my cats. I get insulted if they are not invited everywhere.

and i MUST bring my 3 VERY LARGE dogs everywhere.. although the ARE etter mannered them some children I have seen!

I agree. My pets just shed hair everywhere. Otherwise, my boys just sleep all day (which is what they are doing right now).

bluegreen08 Posted: Jul 26, 2008 02:06 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by CD516

I had No kids at all at my wedding. NO flowergirls, ring bearers, etc. And its not because i hate children. I love kids, i just dont think its appropriate for them to be at a night time reception. Any wedding i have been to that had alot of kids at night- the kids were running around the dance floor tripping people, throwing food, then sleeping on the chairs and floor by 9pm. This is your wedding and you make the rules as to how you want things to be. If you have a certain vision then go with it. Dont worry about how others react- its not their day.

We aren't really having kids either -- no flowergirls or ring bearers because there are no young kids on either side of the family (well, except for my dad's second cousins children who i've met maybe twice). would have loved to have a flowergirl, but unless i borrowed someone's kid off the street there's nobody to be one!

we're having one mature 8 year old, a mature 15 year old, and then a handful of 'kids' in the 17-20 range and everyone else is 21 and up. if there were a lot of younger kids, i dont think we would have invited them, but we just didnt have to deal with that.

Heather101208 Posted: Jul 26, 2008 02:33 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

We are only inviting first cousins under 17, that means 6 kids total which FH isn't even happy about. But I am having my 12 year old cousin as a JBM and I couldn't not invite her twin brother and younger brother. And FH has 3 cousins of similar age that we couldn't invite either. FH first cousins are all much older and have children ranging in age from infants to teenagers. We've already received questions, and anticipate some of his cousins not to come. But thats the way it is. I am not looking forward to having to deal with what the next few weeks of RSVP's will bring. Thankfully my father who is graciously hosting the reception offered to handle any questions.

kirstenjk Posted: Jul 27, 2008 09:48 AM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

We have a 'no children' policy at our wedding. It did cause some issues early on but we once explained our reasons, it seems to have quieted down. Now that the invites are out, we shall see if any of this resurfaces again.

We offered to help them to find babysitters (people we knew who were not invited) to watch the children in their hotel rooms. And suggested that they bring someone with them to watch their children, if a babysitter was unacceptable.

Personally, I don't think that children belong at a wedding unless they are in the wedding party or are the children of the bride/groom. It's a long, tiring, and over-stimulating day where melt-downs and temper tantrums can ruin special moments.

When I was about 5 my aunt got married and my brother and I were in the wedding party. We were allowed to stay for the cocktail hour and were sent home with our sitter for the rest of the evening. Our parents were able to enjoy themselves and we were not cranky and over-tired.

MushesGirl Posted: Jul 27, 2008 09:58 AM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by CD516

I had No kids at all at my wedding. NO flowergirls, ring bearers, etc. And its not because i hate children. I love kids, i just dont think its appropriate for them to be at a night time reception. Any wedding i have been to that had alot of kids at night- the kids were running around the dance floor tripping people, throwing food, then sleeping on the chairs and floor by 9pm. This is your wedding and you make the rules as to how you want things to be. If you have a certain vision then go with it. Dont worry about how others react- its not their day.

I did exactly the same. only 1 person had a problem, and the wife stayed home to watch the kids and the husband came (the husband was my friend anyway)

meli722 Posted: Jul 27, 2008 11:31 AM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by Sweeteey51

Y not a ring bearer or flower girl do you hate kids? F.Y.I- there are wedding planners that offer babysitting services for i think like $150 if you sit all kids at there own table they will watch them, thats what im doing. But people do and will get offended if you say no kids & they have kids b/c then they have to find babysitters etc! Im sure if you had & kid & u were invited to a big function that said no kids & ur daughter/son thought they were going u would get upset too, oh well it is your day.

thats funny because i have a child, and dont get offended when she isnt invited to ADULT events....and i LOVE kids, but if its an adult event then they dont belong there. And i dont think they should get offended when you say no kids just because they have to find babysitters, im sure these people go get babysitters when they have a night out with just their husbands/girlfriends/adults only places, so there shouldnt be a problem for finding a babysitter for another adult event.

Snowflake08 Posted: Jul 27, 2008 11:38 AM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

To each their own
but many of you that are 'against' children being there keep mentioning 'temper tantrums' and meltdowns - im not saying that this NEVER happens in my family; but this was not an issue at our wedding

Our nieces and nephews were and are well behaved and were kept occupied -

I just interpret this as somewhat of a negative view of children
Children KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TAUGHT and if this behavior is accepted at home, then sure, they will display it outside the home as well
but if proper behavior is taught at home, and they are brought to affairs and restaurants, they are more likely to follow through on the PROPER behavior that should be taught and expected of them

Hey, I even see kids on 'platinum weddings' LOL

again JMO and we had about 12 kids at ours; ages 5-14 (all of our nieces and nephews)

meli722 Posted: Jul 27, 2008 11:44 AM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by Snowflake08

To each their own
but many of you that are 'against' children being there keep mentioning 'temper tantrums' and meltdowns - im not saying that this NEVER happens in my family; but this was not an issue at our wedding

Our nieces and nephews were and are well behaved and were kept occupied -

I just interpret this as somewhat of a negative view of children
Children KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TAUGHT and if this behavior is accepted at home, then sure, they will display it outside the home as well
but if proper behavior is taught at home, and they are brought to affairs and restaurants, they are more likely to follow through on the PROPER behavior that should be taught and expected of them

Hey, I even see kids on 'platinum weddings' LOL

again JMO and we had about 12 kids at ours; ages 5-14 (all of our nieces and nephews)

I agree with that one, because i was the type of child that was very well behaved and sat so quietly people wouldnt even know i was there.....i just dont want kids because i dont want them there , i want adults only for a number of reasons lol

dannisayz Posted: Jul 27, 2008 12:08 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by meli722

Posted by Snowflake08

To each their own
but many of you that are 'against' children being there keep mentioning 'temper tantrums' and meltdowns - im not saying that this NEVER happens in my family; but this was not an issue at our wedding

Our nieces and nephews were and are well behaved and were kept occupied -

I just interpret this as somewhat of a negative view of children
Children KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TAUGHT and if this behavior is accepted at home, then sure, they will display it outside the home as well
but if proper behavior is taught at home, and they are brought to affairs and restaurants, they are more likely to follow through on the PROPER behavior that should be taught and expected of them

Hey, I even see kids on 'platinum weddings' LOL

again JMO and we had about 12 kids at ours; ages 5-14 (all of our nieces and nephews)

I agree with that one, because i was the type of child that was very well behaved and sat so quietly people wouldnt even know i was there.....i just dont want kids because i dont want them there , i want adults only for a number of reasons lol

But there are children who do not know how to behave. I believe this is the type of child the OP is talking about at her wedding.

Friends of ours wanted to bring their son. He's 2 1/2 and autistic. He's well behaved one minute and throwing a fit the next. I nicely told them that he wasn't invited. They understood.

We all have our reasons as to why we didn't want children at the wedding. We don't hate children. It's expensive enough for an adult in the headcount. Even though it was half-price for a child at East Wind, $75 is still a lot of money for chicken fingers.

meli722 Posted: Jul 27, 2008 12:10 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by dannisayz

Posted by meli722

Posted by Snowflake08

To each their own
but many of you that are 'against' children being there keep mentioning 'temper tantrums' and meltdowns - im not saying that this NEVER happens in my family; but this was not an issue at our wedding

Our nieces and nephews were and are well behaved and were kept occupied -

I just interpret this as somewhat of a negative view of children
Children KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TAUGHT and if this behavior is accepted at home, then sure, they will display it outside the home as well
but if proper behavior is taught at home, and they are brought to affairs and restaurants, they are more likely to follow through on the PROPER behavior that should be taught and expected of them

Hey, I even see kids on 'platinum weddings' LOL

again JMO and we had about 12 kids at ours; ages 5-14 (all of our nieces and nephews)

I agree with that one, because i was the type of child that was very well behaved and sat so quietly people wouldnt even know i was there.....i just dont want kids because i dont want them there , i want adults only for a number of reasons lol

But there are children who do not know how to behave. I believe this is the type of child the OP is talking about at her wedding.

Friends of ours wanted to bring their son. He's 2 1/2 and autistic. He's well behaved one minute and throwing a fit the next. I nicely told them that he wasn't invited. They understood.

We all have our reasons as to why we didn't want children at the wedding. We don't hate children. It's expensive enough for an adult in the headcount. Even though it was half-price for a child at East Wind, $75 is still a lot of money for chicken fingers.

Yes i agree, my daughter is well behaved, but like most children when she gets tired she gets very cranky, im 25 and i still get cranky when im tired too! lol so imagine how a child feels, who wants to go home and whos tired..........i agree with the prices too, at $75 a head thats crazy for some fries and chicken fingers, when the kids there dont even know what a wedding is.

willbMrsTE Posted: Jul 27, 2008 01:00 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Espo22 Posted: Jul 27, 2008 03:41 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by Sweeteey51

Y not a ring bearer or flower girl do you hate kids? F.Y.I- there are wedding planners that offer babysitting services for i think like $150 if you sit all kids at there own table they will watch them, thats what im doing. But people do and will get offended if you say no kids & they have kids b/c then they have to find babysitters etc! Im sure if you had & kid & u were invited to a big function that said no kids & ur daughter/son thought they were going u would get upset too, oh well it is your day.

actually, if i had a kid and i attended an evening event that started around 8pm lets say and ended anywhere from midnight or later then NO i would not bring my kid. I am not going to keep my kid up that late, i think its wrong. Your child will get tired alot earlier if they are used to going to bed early. Especially if i had a baby, they sleep ALOT and then they will be forced to sleep with loud music and so much other noise. Why would i do that to my kid? Our rb and fg were there for the beginning but they knocked out quickly after it began. As a parent i would think about my kid first, if i put them to bed around 9-10pm regularly then why would i have them sleeping on chairs, and having them all cranky bc they are tired. Most parents who bring kids dont want to leave after an hour or two so they stay until later even though the kid is tired just so they can stay and have fun, that i think is wrong. And like i said above, lets not even get into babies at these events, i would not want to bring my baby to an evening wedding, the last thing they need is music blasting in their ears while they are trying to sleep.

Ive been to so many events where ive seen kids sleep uncomfortably on chairs, then the parents have to put them in the cars at the end of the night and this wakes up the kids many times...Then by the time they get home its late and again you wake up the kid when trying to bring them into the house, i just dont get this part. If my kid is sleeping i wouldnt want him to sleep in a chair for one and second i am not going to wake up my kid twice while they are sleeping.

Snowflake08 Posted: Jul 27, 2008 04:10 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

it depends on their ages Denise
My sister is extremely 'scheduled' when it comes to my nephews and they are IN BED by 730
well, that is when my ceremony started; but they wre 5 and 7; not 3 years old

that is also why it is a special occassion
lots of parents keep their kids up on new years even or christmas eve - which happens every year

a wedding is not a yearly event

again - JMO and as i stated yesterday; if you didnt grow up as a kid being a part of these types of family affairs, then i guess you are more inclined to not include them yourself
and waking them up while they are sleeping - i mean its not a regularly occurring thing

special circumstances

Gigi08 Posted: Jul 27, 2008 04:25 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Posted by Snowflake08

it depends on their ages Denise
My sister is extremely 'scheduled' when it comes to my nephews and they are IN BED by 730
well, that is when my ceremony started; but they wre 5 and 7; not 3 years old

that is also why it is a special occassion
lots of parents keep their kids up on new years even or christmas eve - which happens every year

a wedding is not a yearly event

again - JMO and as i stated yesterday; if you didnt grow up as a kid being a part of these types of family affairs, then i guess you are more inclined to not include them yourself
and waking them up while they are sleeping - i mean its not a regularly occurring thing

special circumstances

That's why I feel this is just such a personal decision, which people need to respect if you choose not to have children. I agree with both sides of this (yours and Denise's). I too grew up going to family affairs and was ALWAYS well behaved. So, I do agree that depending on how you are raised, and if you are accustomed to being at adult parties, you may be more behaved because you know that is what is expected. I also agree very much with what Denise is saying, too. It is not fair to a young child to have them sleeping on chairs and have their sleep disrupted, but then again like you said, if a child is on a good schedule, and it's only being thrown off for a 'special occasion' then it's just one night and not too bad. Again, personal preference, up to the individual. But, money is often the issue too which people need to respect.

Snowflake08 Posted: Jul 27, 2008 04:39 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

absolutely and I just dont understand people that do not read to whom the invitation was addressed - THAT is rude

mRm2008 Posted: Jul 27, 2008 04:53 PM

Re: No Kids Invited = DRAMA

Just a side note....
My cousin's wedding was last evening, at a country club in Pennsylvania. There were around a dozen children there, as her 3 siblings have kids from 3 -16. During cocktail hour the younger kids were off running through the upper green just below the deck. They made it through dinner very nicely. When the dancefloor opened up, they spent the majority of the night running, chasing and rolling around people's feet. To the hosts as well as guests of THIS wedding, it was acceptable because no one corrected the behavior that was happinging.

Was it perfectly fine for my cousin...YES!!
Is this what I have envisioned for my day.....NO. FH and I also have no younger children in our families and that is why we set our cut off at 16.
People all have different views its just a matter of respecting them, and sometimes guests just don't get it