not sending invitations to those who got stds......

is it really bad if people we sent save the dates to, if now we don't invite them to the wedding?

FH no longer wants to send his old coworkers invitations after they got save the dates months ago.

also some people my parents had me send save the dates to I didn't realize some of the people they haven't seen in like 20 years!!! I'm trying to cut our guest list and I don't want to cut out closer friends to have to invite people my parents haven't seen in decades.

so is it really horrible if we don't invite them now? my dad insists it's rude and horrible. I mean will basically strangers really care that much?

I have no idea what to do. I should have sat down and interviewed my parents on who each person was lol. before sending out save the dates last year.

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but I feel if you send a save the date, you must send an invitation. I had this happen to me once- got the save the date and wasn't invited to the wedding. I didn't care so much about not being invited (wasn't close to the girl AT ALL), but I thought it was incredibly rude on the bride's part.

Re: not sending invitations to those who got stds......

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Posted by larlynn

I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but I feel if you send a save the date, you must send an invitation. I had this happen to me once- got the save the date and wasn't invited to the wedding. I didn't care so much about not being invited (wasn't close to the girl AT ALL), but I thought it was incredibly rude on the bride's part.

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yeah I feel horrible. I wish we never did them for my parents friends/etc lol. I mean I just got a list of addresses and never questioned anyone until now we're getting ready to invite to wedding and I'm like wait who exactly is that?

my mom even invited people like distant family that she never technically met but talks to on facebook!!!!! I was like that's not the kind of people you invite! I've barely been sleeping this week doing our guest list. meanwhile fh's mom just gave us a list of her friends she wants invited which is only a few but at least she knows them, he knows them and they see each other all the time. my parents have invited people they haven't seen since I was either a baby or before I was born!!

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

I think if you're completely OK with never speaking to them it's ok.. but you'd have to think of something to say just in case of an awkward sighting of them

Re: not sending invitations to those who got stds......

I actually ended up doing that. When I started the process I sent STD's to family members out of respect for my dad but barely know them, needless to say my dad is not walking me down the aisle and I actually went back and forth for MONTHS on whether or not to invite him (long story, rocky relationship) needless to say, I am NOT inviting the cluster of people I originally intended to for my father. I don't know them and STD or not, I refuse to pay for people that were additional invites and not people I care about anyway. Things happen, if you don't want to, you don't HAVE to. At the end of the day it is YOUR WEDDING & YOUR MONEY being spent and FH and I refuse to spend it on people who don't have a relationship with. Good luck!

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

I have to say, I really don't think you can not invite them. Once the STDs go out, you're locked in.

Re: not sending invitations to those who got stds......

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Posted by Kroedel87

I have to say, I really don't think you can not invite them. Once the STDs go out, you're locked in.

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I have to agree with this ....you never know they may end up responding no anyways

Re: not sending invitations to those who got stds......

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Posted by Amanda2022

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Posted by Kroedel87

I have to say, I really don't think you can not invite them. Once the STDs go out, you're locked in.

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I have to agree with this ....you never know they may end up responding no anyways

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I feel the same way. I would think it would be kind of crummy receiving a STD and then not receiving an invitation. What do you say when the person calls you out on it? I feel if you cared enough to send the STD then you should send the invite and hope they respond 'no'

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

I have to agree as well that if you sent them a STD, they should be invited. I'm sort of struggling with the same situation right now - there are 2 people (plus their 2 dates) that I have had ZERO contact with since about a month after we got engaged which is well over a year. There are no hard feelings, but I really feel like I don't want anyone there that's not a significant part of my life. I'm just assuming that they'll feel the same way once they get the invite and reply that they're not able to make it.

Re: not sending invitations to those who got stds......

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Posted by MrsDtoBe

I have to agree as well that if you sent them a STD, they should be invited. I'm sort of struggling with the same situation right now - there are 2 people (plus their 2 dates) that I have had ZERO contact with since about a month after we got engaged which is well over a year. There are no hard feelings, but I really feel like I don't want anyone there that's not a significant part of my life. I'm just assuming that they'll feel the same way once they get the invite and reply that they're not able to make it.

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yeah I think I'm gonna leave list alone for the most part. my mom took off a few people but that was her decision and those are her friends. so if they ever say anything she can deal with it lol.

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

I feel that if you sent out a save the date, sending them an invite would be the polite thing to do. FH and I haven't sent out our save the dates yet, and we are making sure to only send them to people we are certain we are inviting to the wedding. We aren't sending them to people we are unsure of, they might just get an invite depending on our situation then.

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

I understand what is polite and what isn't and believe me I struggled for months with my decision. It ultimately came down to that these people were probably wondering why they even received an STD because we don't know each other. We may have met one time. In the end, I am always polite and well mannered but this is my wedding day and I don't need to be funding people who I don't know at all especially when they were only invited for my father who is not even coming...

Re: not sending invitations to those who got stds......

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Posted by MrsDtoBe

I have to agree as well that if you sent them a STD, they should be invited. I'm sort of struggling with the same situation right now - there are 2 people (plus their 2 dates) that I have had ZERO contact with since about a month after we got engaged which is well over a year. There are no hard feelings, but I really feel like I don't want anyone there that's not a significant part of my life. I'm just assuming that they'll feel the same way once they get the invite and reply that they're not able to make it.

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I'm in the same situation. I was close to a few people when I sent them STD and since they seemed to have dropped off the planet. Thankfully I only addressed the STD to them and not 'and guest' so I'm sending them an invitation without a plus one and hoping they say no lol

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

This happened with my FH. He got the save the date for his friends wedding, but wasn't invited to the wedding. It was rude and mean. I didn't think it was right. We even went to their engagement party! So needless to say they aren't friends anymore. If you are comfortable with not speaking to them anymore, then go for it. Otherwise I would say send the invite and pray they don't come!

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

For the few people that I am shaky on if I truly want to invite them to the wedding I am not going to send them the save the dates bc I don't want to be stuck in that situation and a year from now.

Re: not sending invitations to those who got stds......

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Posted by melhunny46

This happened with my FH. He got the save the date for his friends wedding, but wasn't invited to the wedding. It was rude and mean. I didn't think it was right. We even went to their engagement party! So needless to say they aren't friends anymore. If you are comfortable with not speaking to them anymore, then go for it. Otherwise I would say send the invite and pray they don't come!

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see that's def mean lol. I mean you guys went to their engagement party. the people we might not invite we literally haven't seen in years or some I've never even met. like my mom's thing is hey we don't even speak now what's the big deal if they get mad? plus she doesn't even live in NY anymore so most of her friends she prob won't see ever again.... and I never met them so it's not like I'll run into them lol.

Re: not sending invitations to those who got stds......

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Posted by Soon2BeMrsPy

I understand what is polite and what isn't and believe me I struggled for months with my decision. It ultimately came down to that these people were probably wondering why they even received an STD because we don't know each other. We may have met one time. In the end, I am always polite and well mannered but this is my wedding day and I don't need to be funding people who I don't know at all especially when they were only invited for my father who is not even coming...

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my bff just told me how her wedding a few weeks ago she left people on list that got stds even though she didn't wanna invite them anymore. just because she didn't want to be rude or mean to people she might see again so she invited them. well they came obviously just for the free food/open bar. gave her $50 in a card and left before she even cut the cake! that was only 1 couple btw. 6 of the others backed out last minute! and some other random people she barely knew left even before dinner was served (they ordered their food too) so they just wasted food too. oh and 4 others backed out too day of wedding! (2 people with 1 guest each)

meanwhile she cut her mom's former coworkers who prob would have came and given her money... not that a wedding is only about money but she literally spent tons of it for empty seats. and had to literally rearrange a whole table the night before her wedding.

I guess it just shows when people barely know you they don't really care if they do stuff like that. she was like I wish I was rude and didn't invite them because in return look how rude they were to her. not that every couple you don't know will do that lol.

not sending invitations to those who got stds...... - Long Island Weddings

Honestly, it's really incredibly rude to send someone a Save the Date and not invite them to your wedding. People may have made arrangements to come already, especially if they're traveling. I know hindsight is 20/20, but this is why it's usually a good idea not to send STD's to everyone on your guest list, especially if it's not finalized yet.

Invite everyone that got a STD. If you're not close, there's a good chance they won't come anyway.

Re: not sending invitations to those who got stds......

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Posted by Diorprincess

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Posted by Soon2BeMrsPy

I understand what is polite and what isn't and believe me I struggled for months with my decision. It ultimately came down to that these people were probably wondering why they even received an STD because we don't know each other. We may have met one time. In the end, I am always polite and well mannered but this is my wedding day and I don't need to be funding people who I don't know at all especially when they were only invited for my father who is not even coming...

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my bff just told me how her wedding a few weeks ago she left people on list that got stds even though she didn't wanna invite them anymore. just because she didn't want to be rude or mean to people she might see again so she invited them. well they came obviously just for the free food/open bar. gave her $50 in a card and left before she even cut the cake! that was only 1 couple btw. 6 of the others backed out last minute! and some other random people she barely knew left even before dinner was served (they ordered their food too) so they just wasted food too. oh and 4 others backed out too day of wedding! (2 people with 1 guest each)

meanwhile she cut her mom's former coworkers who prob would have came and given her money... not that a wedding is only about money but she literally spent tons of it for empty seats. and had to literally rearrange a whole table the night before her wedding.

I guess it just shows when people barely know you they don't really care if they do stuff like that. she was like I wish I was rude and didn't invite them because in return look how rude they were to her. not that every couple you don't know will do that lol.

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Exactly my point and I refuse to do it. Rude or not rude, who cares I am 27 years old and have seen these people 1 time, didn't even know their names, I am not worried about what they think of me or my choices.