Brides Helping Brides ™ - OH GOD!

SoinLoveRwe2 Posted: Apr 12, 2007 09:15 PM

OH GOD!

FH and I have been having some in depth discussions about kids-- he really wants them & I dont think I do. We have decided that all we know is that we can't picture life without eachother- and we'll figure the rest out when the time comes--- but one of my MAJOR reasons that I dont want kids is that i love that I am #1 for him and he for me. I just dont want there to be anything that he will love more than me-- I know that sounds CRAZY- but I just dont want to share FH- I love him too much! I know that I will always be his top priority-- but I guess I'm selfish when it comes to him. I was just looking for a post from a member that got married a few years back & when I looked at the thread of all of the married former brides all of the avatar pics were of kids!!! I dont want that!! Chances are if any of us have a person in our avatar it's either us in a dress-- FH or the two of you-- I just dont want to have a child in my avatar & not my FH!! Am I nuts?!?!?!?!

Teamhurldon Posted: Apr 12, 2007 09:19 PM

Re: OH GOD!

You're not nuts! I think I want kids and FH thinks he doesnt, but he also thought he never wanted to get married... We've had those long chats too... The best we came up with is that both of our minds could change over the years and we agreed we wanted to get married regardless and that we'd cross that bridge when absolutely necessary... But I feel your confusion it's a rough one...

Soon2BMrsD Posted: Apr 12, 2007 09:24 PM

Re: OH GOD!

i dont think your nuts! everyone has different opinions on children. but the fact that it may be a conflict b/w you and FH may cause an issue so just make sure whatever you decided you BOTH are comfy with!

jgl Posted: Apr 12, 2007 09:30 PM

Re: OH GOD!

Posted by Soon2BMrsD

i dont think your nuts! everyone has different opinions on children. but the fact that it may be a conflict b/w you and FH may cause an issue so just make sure whatever you decided you BOTH are comfy with!

i agree its understandable i think we all have a little of that feeling in us, some more, some less.

But Megan is right this could cause conflict in your marriage later. if you feel like you are concerned about the fact that you need to be #1 in his life and that someone else might take that place. That might be something to adress together too. Like megan said make sure you are both comfy with your decision... even if your decision is to wait knowing that one wants and one doesnt want and that things might change, but if they don't the other is okay with that.

SoinLoveRwe2 Posted: Apr 12, 2007 09:43 PM

Re: OH GOD!

The wierd part is-- I worked with children for almost 7 years- I am great with kids and whenever a toddler is around I can make better friends with them than I can the adults!! I think the fact that i know so much about children and their stages & phases that there is no mystery involved! I know that people say that there is nothing that brings you closer-- but what could bring us closer than just being the two of us? Maybe I'll wake up one day and think differently....

I used to want kids- then my exbf and I got a dog and everything was ALL about the dog- the dog was the little baby- and I know it sounds nuts but I was TOTALLY jelous. I know that FH isnt like that (my ex was both physically & emotionally abusive) but I think somewhere that fear is ingrained in me.... FH and I DO have a dog- have had him for over a year & it is COMPETELY different than with my exbf- but I just dont know.... I dont think I'll ever want to share him.

TheFutureMrsM Posted: Apr 12, 2007 09:48 PM

Re: OH GOD!

i dont think your nuts, I dont want kids for my own selfish reasons, like not having any time for myself, not being able to sleep in late, or lounge around. getting fat, cellulite, stretchmarks and just a larger stomache or possible a c-section scar!

I defin understand your thoughts though, and im sure there are other girls out there that feel the same

SoinLoveRwe2 Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:04 PM

Re: OH GOD!

Posted by TheFutureMrsM

i dont think your nuts, I dont want kids for my own selfish reasons, like not having any time for myself, not being able to sleep in late, or lounge around. getting fat, cellulite, stretchmarks and just a larger stomache or possible a c-section scar!

I defin understand your thoughts though, and im sure there are other girls out there that feel the same

I TOTALLY feel you!! That is what I think! Do you think that you'll change one day? Does EVERYONE tell you you're going to change?!?! I just feel like... what if I dont?!?!

jgl Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:06 PM

Re: OH GOD!

Posted by SoinLoveRwe2

Posted by TheFutureMrsM

i dont think your nuts, I dont want kids for my own selfish reasons, like not having any time for myself, not being able to sleep in late, or lounge around. getting fat, cellulite, stretchmarks and just a larger stomache or possible a c-section scar!

I defin understand your thoughts though, and im sure there are other girls out there that feel the same

I TOTALLY feel you!! That is what I think! Do you think that you'll change one day? Does EVERYONE tell you you're going to change?!?! I just feel like... what if I dont?!?!

i think its okay if you don't change, as long as your FH is okay with that!

failurebydsign Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:08 PM

Re: OH GOD!

if you love him so much dont you want to take a little bit of you and a little bit of him and make a person that you will both love forever..thats just me

i want kids ASAP because of that reason alone..i loe FH so much and cant picture myself without him that it just blows my mind that he is going to give me some of him and a baby is going to grow inside me ..its too much to not havee..JMO

SoinLoveRwe2 Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:14 PM

Re: OH GOD!

Posted by failurebydsign

if you love him so much dont you want to take a little bit of you and a little bit of him and make a person that you will both love forever..thats just me

i want kids ASAP because of that reason alone..i loe FH so much and cant picture myself without him that it just blows my mind that he is going to give me some of him and a baby is going to grow inside me ..its too much to not havee..JMO

That is what my mom keeps saying-- I just dont have that urge-- is something wrong with me?!?!

Snowflake08 Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:16 PM

Re: OH GOD!

do you mind me asking how old you are??

failurebydsign Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:17 PM

Re: OH GOD!

nothing is wrong with you..maybe you will change..maybe not..its fine either way

another reason why we are having children is because me FH is the last boy in his family..if we dont have at least one boy..his name dies..and he does not want that to happen..so when its time were going to drs to try to predict the sex

Snowflake08 Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:17 PM

Re: OH GOD!

there is nothing wrong with not wanting children - there IS something wrong with not wanting them and having them

i give people a lot of credit that can admit and know that something just isnt for them

failurebydsign Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:19 PM

Re: OH GOD!

Posted by Snowflake08

there is nothing wrong with not wanting children - there IS something wrong with not wanting them and having them

i give people a lot of credit that can admit and know that something just isnt for them

i agree..people now a days have kids as accessories..like a purse or soemthing like that..

Snowflake08 Posted: Apr 12, 2007 10:21 PM

Re: OH GOD!

Posted by failurebydsign

Posted by Snowflake08

there is nothing wrong with not wanting children - there IS something wrong with not wanting them and having them

i give people a lot of credit that can admit and know that something just isnt for them

i agree..people now a days have kids as accessories..like a purse or soemthing like that..

or just because their friends are having them or they think theyre 'supposed' to

drpepper318 Posted: Apr 13, 2007 12:23 AM

Re: OH GOD!

You're not crazy!! I know what you mean. I've changed my mind so many times about having kids.. in the course of our relationship, first I wanted 4, now I think I don't want any at all... I know I'll probably keep changing my mind over the next few years. It's a hard decision and not as clear for some of us as it is for others, plus there's nothing wrong with wanting your husband all to yourself!! Not all of us are meant to be or have to be mothers, and there's nothing wrong with that. As long as both you and your FH are happy with whatever decision you make, that's the most important thing.

Kimbalina Posted: Apr 13, 2007 12:26 AM

Re: OH GOD!

No I understand, I have never been able to say YES I definately want kids! But I have been sawying~

LoveisBliss Posted: Apr 13, 2007 04:46 AM

Re: OH GOD!

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids... Everyone is different... I can understand what you're going through... i get that way too sometimes.. I do want kids.. I want a big family, but as much as i want kids, I am also a little bit selfish sometimes about wanting to have my FH all to myself and not share him!... I love being around kids, and I'm really good with kids.. But the thought of squeezing one out FREAKS the crap out of me.... Some days I'll be like I want 4 kids... Some days FH & I will be on the couch flipping through the channels and one of those pregnancy/childbirth shows will come on tlc or discovery health channel and I'll totally freak out and change the channel... Sometimes just even talking about pregnancy freaks me out...

The way you're feeling is totally normal... Kids are a big change in a person's life... It's like people who don't want to get married... They're afraid of the change marriage would bring...

Plus you never know, your feelings might change as time passes...

KickinDandelions Posted: Apr 13, 2007 10:44 AM

Re: OH GOD!

i understand what you're saying...because i partly feel like that too...i don't want to share FH (pout)... but when i see him with our niece (well..my soon to be niece since we're not married yet )..it just makes me love him so much more and i know if we were to have a kid together he'd love the kid to death..but love me even more for giving him a child (that sounds so weird). i told him very firmly, though, that i want assurance that it will always be him and me first..kids second..i understand how some people can put their kids first all the time and i give major kudos to them..but i want my marriage to be #1 because i keep thinking..after the kids leave...we'll only have each other to putter around the house with...and i don't want to be one of those couples that can't be with each other without the kids there!!