Re: Well...

I would love to give my BM's great gifts. I'm trying to come with something. Just living out of state for years makes it hard to know their tastes. Of course I'm going to get them something I think they'll like. I thought they'd like the jewelry boxes. I just don't know for sure. But for the comment about the BM's helping, etc. Since I live out of state, our BM's or groomsmen, Best Man, etc, have done absolutely nothing to help with our wedding plans. They've only been giving us grief about getting fittings, etc. They know nothing about the wedding plans, they've never even asked in detail. All they want to know is how are their significant others suppose to get around if we're all in limos??? Personally, that's not my problem, but... Also, I never had a Bridal Shower, and nothing is planned, and my wedding is 2.5 weeks away. So, of course they're good friends, but living out of state, makes it hard to communicate with everyone. My BM's have only spent about $200 each, and the groomsmen only $125. It's not about the money they've spent, or what they have or have not contributed towards the wedding. They are friends of ours, and we can only get what we can afford. I'm sure they'll appreciate anything we get them. And if they don't, well that just shows how good of friends they are. My FI and I are upset that we have not gotten any support we would of liked, but what can you do. But thank you to all of your opinions. I do appreciate them all.

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

Michele, you are right on a lot of the points you made, but if you knew me off of this board, you'd know I meant what I said, in my case. I'm glad we can agree to disagree.

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

Melissa: Totally off topic but I just want to let you know that I don't think being out of state gives your BMs a good excuse NOT to throw you some sort of bridal shower or bachelorette party. Even if its just a few girls - you deserve that.

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

I know... it's no excuse. What can I do? It is upsetting. I know that a lot of the brides on this board live out of state, and they had or are going to have a Shower of some sort. My FMIL said, hey, you don't have a shower, than you'll get more money for a wedding gift. Real nice.

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Melissa, I feel bad for you and only hope for the best! I would give you a bridal shower!

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Melissa.... **HUGS**
If I knew you-I would throw you a shower too! I know you have been going through A LOT as of late. Hang in there!!

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I cant keep my mouth shut any longer...some people on these boards are very rude and think they know all. I know these boards are about opinions but sometimes some of us just do not have as much money as others. And that is fine!!!!! None of us are wedding professionals...we r all getting married and probably for the first time. None of us knows everything about weddings or etiquette or anything else for that matter. Yes we can disagree of course, but there is a way to do it without hurting others. It just makes me a little mad that some of us seem to think that our wedding is going to be better than someone else's. I am happy for everyone on these boards...no matter what! I just had to vent!

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

Melissa - I take it all back. If your bridal party is not helping you in any way - then they deserve nothing. Don't even think about this for another moment and spend that time and money pampering yourself.

NYC: I assume that comment was directed at me. You may think it is rude to state my opinion and that is your perogative. I never said my wedding would be better than anyone else's. However, when someone posts on this board then you are ASKING for people to comment on your decisions/choices. If you don't like how I commented on someone choices then you are free to AVOID reading my posts. But unlike some brides on this board - I will not say everything is 'great' and 'perfect' just because thats what people want to here. I am here for honest opinions and I know most of the brides here are too. Feel free to sugarcoat your opinions at will - although you won't be helping anyone.

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

Never said who I was directing my comments at..although it is to certain brides. I post my honest opinions all the time but sometimes it gets very sickening that some of us think that they are the best. If someone can afford an all out wedding than more power to ya but if not I would not try to make people feel bad by stating my honest 'opinion'. As I said, I was not directing my comments to you but if you feel that I was maybe its because you feel that way..do not put it on me. Thank you!

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

Nycchic_24-
I sent you a forum email btw about one of your other posts!

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

i sent you an email leelee

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i sent you an email nyc

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u sent me an email to where?? i dont know how to get it!! lol

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look in your mailbox-let me know or check your pc email (aol or whatever you're using)

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NYCchic - I emailed you too...

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

I've been a bridesmaid in quite a few weddings.

So my closet and jewelry box IS full of useless crap that I would never wear again. Was I offended?
Honestly? Yes! If these brides are my friends, then friends shouldn't take my efforts for granted.
Whether I spend $150 0r $1500 to be in a wedding party, chances are I still extended myself in terms of my time to make sure the bride's planning went as smoothly as possible. THAT SHOULD BE ACKNOWLEDGED. So to end up with some cookie cutter gift that I know didn't involve ANY thought except 'these earrings will go great with that pastel yellow dress htat I'm forcing my girls to wear' after I spend MONTHS putting my thought and my energy into this other person...I've considered it self-centered and selfish on the brides part.

BUT- The issue was never about money.
As Stef pointed out, you should spend what you can afford, no matter what that budget may be, but I would have been happier with a 3X5 picture in a $4 frame than a $20 set of earrings that were obviouly picked out to match the dress and I'd never wear again...

I could so easily be that bride, now that it's my day, but after my own experiences, I did work into my budget a set amount for attendants gifts. But if I had NO budget I'd still take the time to think of something thoughtful and they certainly wouldn't end up with a random set of jewelry that'll end up collecting dust.

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

Melissa,
I'm sorry you seem to have the kind of bridal party that isn't going the extra mile for you and I applaud your efforts to even consider going into debt to buy them anything A bridemaid gift is a token of THANKS. In your case, you've gotten absolutely NO SUPPORT so I don't see what you should be thanking them for.
I think a simple 'thank you for taking part in my day' card would be most appropriate.
But I love the picture and frame idea and since you say they are your friends, I'd take that option into consideration.

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

This thread has gone completely off topic, but that's besides the point. Seeing that it has become a thread of flaming, and childishly talking behind eachother's backs with forum mail, I had to add my two cents. I'll have to agree with SonicStef here. If you post a question, asking for an opinion, don't expect everyone to say exactly what you want to hear. If you're already 100% confident in your choice, then the opinions of strangers shouldn't matter. Yes, some of us have budgeted enough money to get our bridesmaids unique, thoughtful gifts. Nobody ever said that a gift had to be 'ritzy' to be thoughtful. I think in Mellisa's case, where her attendants haven't been helpful, something small would suffice. I also agree with some of the other posters that we don't agree to be in a wedding party expecting a huge gift in the end, but I always think it's nice when I get something other than the normal bridesmaid stuff. I've never been in a bridal party where each bridesmaid got an extravagant gift, say from Tiffany & Co. However, my favorite gift was from a friend who was getting married on a budget, she gave each girl a small photo album of pictures with her with each of us. She also added a really beautiful poem that she wrote for each of us individually. Her gift wasn't expensive, but it was heartfelt and appreciative, and that meant more than any gift she could have bought.

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Actually, I sent a forum mail based on my own experiences that obviously related to hers, which I chose not to make public, because some things I don't want to put on the boards. I resent the fact that you wrote that I am talking about someone behind their back or that I'm 'childish'.

Re: Ok... My mom has a Macys card...

Sorry, I just didn't see it as being necessary for everyone to chime in 'I sent you forum mail!' When she opens her mailbox she'll see it there, don't worry.