Brides Helping Brides ™ - OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

elle Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:13 PM

OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Help!! Aidan always wants to come in our bed. I put him to sleep in his crib-- but he cries around 2 am wanting to come in with us. I guess out of laziness and exhaustion -- I just bring him in bed.. BUt I am not sure if this is a good thing or not. Dh and I dont mind him there-- but I get scared he will never leave!!!! Anyone else going thru this?

Stacey1403 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:15 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Damien is only 16 weeks and sleeps in our bed with us.

I have found that this is one of the best kept secrets.

When I would discuss it with friends and family, they would all say sure they slept in bed with us too

I couldn't believe it.

Sorry that didn't really help you

drjenn10 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:17 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Not a parent yet but a Dr who has discussed this many times. Do not bring your child into the bed because it usually will set up a pattern where the child will want to be there every night, until they are like 5 Years Old!!! try to be strong and ignore your baby's cries, or go into their room and soothe them without picking the baby up, then leave the room. This will be hard to do but you will thank me in the long run. JMO.

bearsbabe_113 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:19 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

My sister did this w/my nephew because she lived in Jersey and was working in Manhattan at the time, and the only way to get any sleep was to do this. He will be 5 in March and he still wants to sleep in her bed -- my poor BIL has been tossed out many times. She's regretting her decision because he won't leave!! She just moved and made a big deal out of making his room the way he wants, he'll fall asleep in there (someone has to be w/him), but he makes his way into my sister's bed. The funny thing is the nights when my BIL falls asleep in the room w/him, my nephew ends up w/my sister in her bed because 'daddy snores too loud'!

As for myself -- I have brought Gianna into bed w/us on the weekends in the morning when she's had enough of her crib and mommy isn't ready to get fully up. I lay her inbetween us and we talk to her. When she starts fussing, then I get up and start our day.

(Notice I said 'I get up', not youknowwho!!!! )

JennRenee Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:22 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

I haven't reached this point yet, so I can't be of much help, but I do know it's something I want to avoid.

I mean with Patrick, 'King of Sleeping on a Diagonal', the dog and me, there's just no room for anyone else!

Claud2001 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:26 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Danielle I feel your pain!

Jeff and I went through this cycle w/Paul on and off over the summer...like you said...mostly out of laziness and exhaustion. However, we have put a stop to it b/c he was waking in the middle of the night 'expecting' to come and sleep w/us. I don't really have any advice on how to get through it, b/c it is very difficult, but you just have to stand your ground and not pick him up from the crib.

I know that I spent some nights (and so did DH) sleeping on the floor in Paul's room, just to give him some comfort, but NOT take him out of his crib. Eventually, he wasn't waking anymore.
Best wishes - I know this is not an easy process, but when you get to the other side of this habit, it is so much better.

Lee Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:38 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Ryan slept in our bed until he was 6 months old. Then we started putting him in the crib. Then he started waking up crying every hour. Then he was in teething pain so we brought him back in for a week. Then we put him back in his crib. Then he woke up crying every half hour...then...the first week of December, Mommy, after crawling commando style out of his room after laying on the floor next to his crib for 45 minutes with my DAMN FINGER stuck in there for him to hold, decided to let him cry it out - suffice to say we are all resting much better now...it took 4 nights.

I LOVED having him in bed with me and will probably do it with my next one except not for as long...but I didn't tell too many people, especially Bob's family - they all criticized me for 'spoiling' him and said I would never get him out of my bed....I liked the family bed for a while, but it was definitely time to move on.

I know this has absolutely nothing to do with a toddler coming into your bed! I just know that when you reach your own breaking point with it, you will do what I did and stick to a plan of keeping him in his own bed. This is soo hard!

Stacey1403 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:41 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Posted by Lee

Ryan slept in our bed until he was 6 months old. Then we started putting him in the crib. Then he started waking up crying every hour. Then he was in teething pain so we brought him back in for a week. Then we put him back in his crib. Then he woke up crying every half hour...then...the first week of December, Mommy, after crawling commando style out of his room after laying on the floor next to his crib for 45 minutes with my DAMN FINGER stuck in there for him to hold, decided to let him cry it out - suffice to say we are all resting much better now...it took 4 nights.

I LOVED having him in bed with me and will probably do it with my next one except not for as long...but I didn't tell too many people, especially Bob's family - they all criticized me for 'spoiling' him and said I would never get him out of my bed....I liked the family bed for a while, but it was definitely time to move on.

I know this has absolutely nothing to do with a toddler coming into your bed! I just know that when you reach your own breaking point with it, you will do what I did and stick to a plan of keeping him in his own bed. This is soo hard!

Thanks for this Lee

I do plan to move Damien into his crib but just not yet This gives me encouragement. I sleep so much better with him in our bed than when he was in a co-sleeper next to us

shelzyp Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:43 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

My friend would let her so sleep in the bed with them, and they could not get him out of the bed. My friends husband was sleeping on the couch, becasue their son would sleep sideways in between them. It took them a long time to get him to sleep in his own bed, and he was 5.

NIHA Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:43 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Posted by drjenn10

Not a parent yet but a Dr who has discussed this many times. Do not bring your child into the bed because it usually will set up a pattern where the child will want to be there every night, until they are like 5 Years Old!!! try to be strong and ignore your baby's cries, or go into their room and soothe them without picking the baby up, then leave the room. This will be hard to do but you will thank me in the long run. JMO.

If anyone ever says this directly to me (which many people do), I say why don't you come over at 2am, then 3am, then 4am for a few nights and listen to my baby cry, and then try to soothe her back to sleep. And, if Lyla's ped said that to me, I will ask him if he would do that with his own children. I bet he doesn't!

Although it's a habit/pattern that may take work in breaking later on (just like pacifiers, weaning, security blankets, etc) it's worth it to me to cosleep now. I can't comment on toddlers, b/c I dont have one. But, Lyla wants to sleep near her mommy, I've resisted it for many nights at a time, and ended up falling asleep with her sitting in the glider, and became very sleep deprived. So, right now, I understand that this is what she NEEDS and I will give it to her.

SomedayBride Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:47 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

This is probably going to sound like the stupidest question ever, but here goes.
For those of you who sleep with the child in the bed, and not in a cosleeper, aren't you afraid that you might roll over onto the baby or something. I swear whenever someone mentions sleeping with their baby I think, yikes! But then again, babies, and caring for babies in general kinda scares me.

yabbobay Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:47 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Posted by JennRenee

I mean with Patrick, 'King of Sleeping on a Diagonal', the dog and me, there's just no room for anyone else!

lol thats how I feel...but we have a cat too...

Claud2001 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:48 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Niha, I completely agree w/you. One of Paul's pediatricians told us NOT to hold him during his last bottle of the night before bed and NOT to rock him to sleep. We tried it the dr's way, and life was miserable. Paul just liked to be cuddled, and you know what? I am SO GLAD I took the time to cuddle him back then b/c now that he's almost two, he has NO TIME to cuddle w/me!

alina Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:50 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

a coworker is going through this now with a 2 year old... but she hasn't tried yet letting the baby just cry through and get to sleep on its own... So she is quite sleep deprived.

Stacey1403 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 03:55 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

I actually just ordered

The no-cry sleep solution.

Gentle ways to help our baby sleep throught the night

Go here to check it out

JennRenee Posted: Jan 08, 2004 04:11 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Posted by Claud2001

One of Paul's pediatricians told us NOT to hold him during his last bottle of the night before bed

I heard this too. But DUH... how else am I supposed to feed him?? Hanging over the side of the basinette??

Lee Posted: Jan 08, 2004 04:12 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Claud - I TOTALLY agree with you! Ryan has a bottle and we rock and cuddle to sleep together before he goes down in his crib. His ped told me just yesterday to stop doing it and put him down awake - uh, NO!! As long as he is in his crib and sleeping through the night I don't care if we have cuddle time and he falls asleep - some day he won't have time for me and some day he's going to leave me and get married and I'll be the 'Mother-in-law'...o.k. I'm getting carried away but I enjoy our time and don't see how it can hurt.

Also, I agree with what was said about the baby NEEDING to be with Mommy and Daddy - people have slept in the family bed throughout time and we had no problem with it. When we were ready, we made a change. No biggie.

Stacey, I read the no-cry sleep solution. You need lots of patience, which I ran out of...

Claud2001 Posted: Jan 08, 2004 04:14 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Posted by Lee

....some day he won't have time for me and some day he's going to leave me and get married and I'll be the 'Mother-in-law'...o.k. I'm getting carried away but I enjoy our time and don't see how it can hurt.

Did you crawl inside my head and pull this thought out? I swear, that silly 'he's going to leave me and get married and I'll be the 'Mother-in-law' thing goes through MY head ALL the time!

JennRenee Posted: Jan 08, 2004 04:15 PM

Re: OK -- On to another heated topic!! Toddlers sleeping in parents bed?

Posted by Claud2001

Posted by Lee

....some day he won't have time for me and some day he's going to leave me and get married and I'll be the 'Mother-in-law'...o.k. I'm getting carried away but I enjoy our time and don't see how it can hurt.

Did you crawl inside my head and pull this thought out? I swear, that silly 'he's going to leave me and get married and I'll be the 'Mother-in-law' thing goes through MY head ALL the time!

Add me to that club.