Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans... Update on pg 2

Original post by Kris10546

Jun 18, 2007 09:46 PM

Sorry its long...

I haven't been on that much lately because last weekend FH dropped a bomb on me.... He wants to push the wedding back at least a year. I was hysterical and I didnt even want to talk about it but I had to stop and listen to him. We haven't booked a ton of vendors yet because we dont even want to put the money out. He thinks (and I have to agree) that we dont have the money to do it right now. We are both in debt with student loans, car loans and a little CC debt. He wants to have our CCs payed off before we really get into the wedding planning. I agree with him there but I am so nervous. I havent said anything to my parents yet (who have put about $7k down on the RH for us so far!) and I am so nervous to! My mom and I went dress shopping the day after he dropped the bomb on me and I couldnt tell her - she would have been crushed! But FH is right, he said he doesnt want to get a divorce because we are financially stressed ($ problems is the #1 reason for divorce). We both live with our parents, rent free so we dont even pay rent. He doesnt want to be 'that' couple that can't do things because we cant afford to do anything but pay bills, rent, and utilites, especially on Long Island where rent is sky high!!! So now we have to do a few things. I just left a message for my BM at my RH so I can ask her tomorrow about the policy on changing the date. If we push it to July 4, 2009 it will be a Saturday night, which means $20 more a head! My parents might KILL me! and I dont want to be liable for any cancellation fees of the RH date in 2008. Any words of advise on this? I know the obvious - dont spend, save, get another job. But do any of you know about how RHs feel about postponing the event? We are absolutely getting married, we have been together almost 7 years and plan on a million more, just not right now.

I am really sad to possibly not being an 08 bride anymore - I love all of you girls! No matter what - I will still be on these boards so dont look at me weird!

Oh, if anyone has the winning lottery numbers - please FM me...I will share, I promise!

Teamhurldon Posted: Jun 18, 2007 11:19 PM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

Sorry about whats happening kris... I mean you gotta do whats best and if waiting a bit is best, then go for it.... however you could also not go too elaborate and still get married.... We are spending very little... it can be done, but if will jeopardize the two of you thats whats important.... Hopefully your parents will understand.... my understanding of some halls is you can get different date yadda IF the hall is able to sell your date to someone else.... I'm sure this doesn't go for all, but I did get that quote for many.... Good luck and best wishes

graezie Posted: Jun 18, 2007 11:24 PM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

I'm sorry to hear that you're pushing your wedding date but it seems like a logical solution right now. you'll always be an 08 to us! it is wise to wait and be financially stable. wedding is expensive and you dont want to drown in debt when starting a new life together. i wish you all the best.

stay in touch.

ILOVEBRIAN2008 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 05:59 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

aww thats stinks that you have to move it back..but like other girls said you are making the right decision..u really dont want to start your life together in debt so its better off that you pay everything you can off first so that when u get married you are starting off on the right foot

TommysWife08 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 06:37 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

Posted by MikeandJess

aww this is not the worst thing that can happen! I know you were looking forward to an 08 wedding but you and FH show a lot of maturity and sensibility by pushing the wedding back. This is for you Don't be upset, you'll still have your dream wedding and with a hell a lot less stress after paying off those cc bills

totally agree!!

i know it *****, but try to keep a smile on your face!! and you can still hang around the 08 boards any time you want!!!

dream426 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 07:16 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

I am so sorry about this. But like all the girls said you are doing it for the right reasons. FH and I are having a 2 year engagement to save money. We live with my parents now so it helps when we don't have to pay rent. We didn't even start planning as soon as we got engaged because we needed to figure out financially when we could start. It is hard now but you are being very smart putting off the wedding. You can save a lot of money in a year. You will be better off. You can still come on the 08 boards. You are always welcome.

futuremrsfab Posted: Jun 19, 2007 08:48 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

i know it all seems bad now- but it is a great thing that you are doing- you will go into the wedding with so much less stress & really be able to enjoy it..

good luck

Mizzdimple Posted: Jun 19, 2007 08:55 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

FH has a great point., you shouldnt have the burden of wedding expenses when you have CC debt. I know that you are eager to be his wife., but you have to look at the long run of things.

MJDoc12 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 09:04 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

sorry to hear about your situation---but at least your FH has a goold head on his shoulders and is thinking about the future!

where is your hall located? if it is in suffolk county....you shouldn't have to worry about cancellation fees and such. (you have the right to cancel a wedding, 6 months or more in advance, and the hall can only keep up to $100 of your deposit). however, this only applies to suffolk county.

i think , before you make any decisions about postponement or anything--you should talk with your parents first. perhaps they can take the $7K they already put in, and hold it in a high yield savings account and make a couple dolllars on it for the next year, rather than it just sit in the account of a catering hall---while they collect interest on it.

i had a 2 yr engagement with my DH, and i'm glad we waited. some days were tougher than others cause i just wanted to be married already! but if you can put it off a year and afford it better....it will be worthwhile

kellybean Posted: Jun 19, 2007 09:06 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

It sounds like although a hard choice it was a responsible decision ! I hope you are doing ok !!

LuckyMe Posted: Jun 19, 2007 09:16 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

We went through the same thing but our RH was great we actually changed the date 3 times. I would sit your parents down and just explain to them that you feel this is what you need to do. Not many people would show the control for their future that you and FH are. Dont be down but proud of yourselves and Good Luck!!

KarinAmanda Posted: Jun 19, 2007 09:20 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

we have had our fair share of arguments about $$ lately, it is deffinately very hard... very stressful. Just do what is best for the two of you, to keep the two of you and your relationship happy and healthy!

We are playing the lotto also if we win (im PRAYING me do ) i will be sure to send some your way

sassygirl9 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 11:00 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

I'm sorry you are going through this. Is there a possibility of downsizing the wedding a bit.
What about less guests, a ceremony in Cantral Park and dinner with close family and friends at a beautiful restaurant?

As far as the date change, the RH should accommodate, they might even give you the same price. Ask them to it doesn't hurt.

I wish you luck

Autumn08 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 11:13 AM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

I understand everything completely!

With an engagement a few months short of 3 years it's a long time to be planning for one day. One of the things I would have done differently would be to not have as long of an engagement period. It's about spending life together not just a party.

My suggestion is to think about what is more important to you. This is something that only you and FH can come up with the answer. Are you willing to wait for just one day? The day will be beautiful no matter is you have it sooner and are more of a 'budget bride' or if you wait and have a more elaborate affair.

Which ever way you choose to do this only the two of you can decide. The most important thing is that you will be sharing a life and more importantly a lifetime of celebrations!

Kris10546 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 02:00 PM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

Thank you ladies for your love and support! I will still be a LI 08 Bride at heart and I cant wait to hear about all of your weddings too!

SoontobeMrsH Posted: Jun 19, 2007 02:05 PM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

What happened w/ your RH?

GinaBambina08 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 02:14 PM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

I think it's a wise decision for both of you to push the wedding back so that you can start your marriage on the right foot because really, what's more important, having a successful, long lasting relationship or getting married in 2008...and like you said, financial problems is the leading cause for divorce, that shouldn't be taken lightly. I think you should do whatever you can to set a date for 2009 at your RH....I truly don't think they'll have a problem if you change your date, especially since you did it way in advance (they'll still be able to get that date booked) But I think both of you really need to sit down and compare costs..will it really be cost effective if you push the date to 2009 and pay $20 more per person?There's a good chance that all the money you save in that extra year will still have to go towards the wedding? In which case, it wouldn't even make sense to push the wedding back since you'll still be in the same financial situation...

Kris10546 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 07:57 PM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans...

Posted by perfectpair

What happened w/ your RH?

Ugh so I spoke with my BM today....she said that for July 4, 2009 they are 95% booked - they are just waiting for a deposit for a 300 person anniversary party! If for some reason they dont put down the deposit, it will be $20 more pp still at my 150 minimum = $3000 + tax + 20% gratuity which ends up being well over $3600. If they do not rebook my date we will also loose the $1500 deposit that my parents put down! So we can end up being stuck with over $5000 in extra charges for the RH! which is the exact reason why we would push it back to begin with. I know we dont have to have July 4th, but that is our original anniversary and I love the holiday and I know it will be perfect for us! So now FH is thinking that we could probably do it but I will have to sacrafice now and probably get a 2nd job ...so now I am going to post about ideas for another job!

beachbum05 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 08:08 PM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans... Update on pg 2

Aww - Kris! I didn't see this post before.

This suckss! Do you think you're going to keep it in 2008??

jgl Posted: Jun 19, 2007 08:10 PM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans... Update on pg 2

awww.. that stinks i was really hoping that would work out for you.

after finding out how much more $ it will be does it pay to wait the extra year?

Kris10546 Posted: Jun 19, 2007 08:19 PM

Re: Okay ladies...its time for me to spill the beans... Update on pg 2

Posted by beachbum05

Aww - Kris! I didn't see this post before.

This suckss! Do you think you're going to keep it in 2008??

Thanks Bon! I think we will now, but FH isnt really talking to me about it now and I am not going to push him...the Mets are getting their a$$es kicked and he is in a bad mood!! Damn Mets