OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
MerSaysEh
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OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
i hate this so much. i thought i was soooo lucky and my FILS are so great and this is going to be a breeze. Well after 2 weeks and 14 venues i FINALLY find one i LOVE which is the RIGHT price. me and my planner spent all day yesterday negotiating while FH throws curveballs at every corner nitpicking on the smallest details. finally we come to an agreement on pricing and food that i am happy with and i finally convince FH and everything is great until he decides we should send the contract to ALL our parents to review and all of a sudden its a sh*tstorm with both moms wanting to change/add things that keep jacking up the price and make me feel totally useless and like an idiot and FH is at work and yelling at me that its not his fault and I'M the one who has to go back and forth with everyone over and over even thoughh HE is the reason it took so long to find an f-ing venue and i'm soooooooooooooooooooooo frustrated and crying and i want to bury my head in a pillow until my wedding day and grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
grkbarbie
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
this wedding is supposed to be out the 2 of you!!! not your parents and not his parents!!! why are they giving u a hard time and why would yuor fh go and send out the contract to your families????
AngnShaun
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
are the parents paying for it?
if they arent then whatever they want doesnt matter
kris_gets_hitched
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
Posted by AngnShaun
are the parents paying for it?
if they arent then whatever they want doesnt matter
Agreed!
AdriandSteve
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
yeaaah. My mom came with us so she knows the contract but FMIL has no clue. If she found out how much it was p/person she'd flip out (and we got an AWESOME awesome price).
The only people who know anything about our contract is me, FH, and my mom (she's the negotiator).
If they want to upgrade and add things let them, but then they have to pay for that upgrade. If they are willing to do that then cool, it's better off for you. If not, then they have no say.
MerSaysEh
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
Posted by grkbarbie
this wedding is supposed to be out the 2 of you!!! not your parents and not his parents!!! why are they giving u a hard time and why would yuor fh go and send out the contract to your families????
he said 'he wants to have as many eyes review it to make sure we didnt miss anything' when he ALREADY PICKED AT EVERY POSSIBLE DETAILS! and then his mom wants to add two stations and my mom wants another course and all this is jacking up the amazing price i worked on soooo hard. and then he's like 'i didnt know people would want to change it so much.' he's a grown up can't he look at contract on his own? with me AND the planner looking at it why does his mom (who is away in argentina by the way) AND both my parents have to see it? I dont mind my dad seeing it he's reasonable and looks things over and either says 'great' or 'make sure they clarify this one thing' but my mom is NUTS and he KNOWS that and its soooooo annoying!
grrrrrr sorry i'm still sooooooooo frustrated!
allegracristina
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
Breathe!!! It's gonna be fine!!!! These are COMPLETELY normal occurrences you're describing. The most important thing is for you to try not to get heated and all worked up, and for you and your FH to try to be on the same team 100%. You can't be going head to head with each other, or nothing you want will get resolved.
I know this venue, the caterers menu, and their pricing structure well.
What is the menu you decided upon?
What are the changes the mom's want to make?
Are they footing the bill for the changes?
Are they footing the bill overall?
We are here to help you get through this!!! We allll went through stuff like this and worse!!! Promise!!!
jennybee
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
Posted by kris_gets_hitched
Posted by AngnShaun
are the parents paying for it?
if they arent then whatever they want doesnt matter
Agreed!
And even if they're 'helping out', it should be their pleasure to help you create the wedding of YOUR dreams. Don't cry. Eat chocolate.
MerSaysEh
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
my dad and his parents are splitting it - so yes they should ahve a say but the thing i left out is they DID have a say in the original contract and now they KEEP adding things AFTER its supposed to be done! my mom isnt paying so you're right she should have no say but try telling her that - my mom is actually nuts, like more so than most moms, she is bipolar and has borderline personality disorder so she is legit really hard to deal with. it just makes me feel so useless like i'm a failure at this and FH doesnt trust me so he needs to have his mom check on it - everything that we have done so far for the wedding has ended in me feeling like FH and his mom think i'm an idiot.....
grkbarbie
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
hes a turd. lol i dont know... i mean i know his intentions were good ones.. but he shouldnt involve every single person... more ppl = more opinion = more stress= more drama --= NO BUENO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Becca2010
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
Posted by jennybee
And even if they're 'helping out', it should be their pleasure to help you create the wedding of YOUR dreams. Don't cry. Eat chocolate.
Yes! Eat something sweet to get this sour taste out of your mouth!
In the end, just yes them and when it comes time to sign, forget that crap they're all saying. Tell FH that too. Sit with him and talk about the additions. If he says they're unnecessary too, then just don't say anything to anyone and sign your original contract. I'm sure that when the big day comes, they won't even notice that their suggestions aren't there.
GiannisWifey
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
OHGOD!! take it from me.........
you will never please everyoneeeee!! My father always says, you ask 10 different people their opinion, you will get 10 different answers. Yes, they should have a say for important things in one aspect but they can't run and rule your entire wedding, regardless if they are paying or not. I learned early on after a lot of heachaches that at the end of the day, it is me and FH's wedding.....yes i do ask for input but at the end of the day, its what me and him really want that will happen. I do value others opinions butttt i have to make sure WE are happy also!
AdriandSteve
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
s*cky situation. I'd try to look at the other side of it. If they are paying then let them add whatever they want. As for your mom, that's a really rough situation and I feel for you. TRY not to take anything personally and realize she's acting the way she is b/c of her disorders and it's really nothing personal. As for FH and FMIL, you and him need to have a discussion and set some boundary rules. Once you guys are on the same page it'll be easier.
kris_gets_hitched
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
Don't feel like an idiot. Let me ask you something - when was the last time you planned a formal event for 100+ people that you were the center of? Probably never. It can be stressful, but it can also be enjoyable. Let this be a lesson that when you go in to book other vendors, keep it between you and your FH. Other people don't need to be involved - too many cooks spoil the broth.
ETA: At some point, your FH will say to you what all of our's say to us when it comes to booking vendors, pricing and packages: 'Why don't you see what the girls on the board think?'
NYYankeeGirl72
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
Posted by kris_gets_hitched
Don't feel like an idiot. Let me ask you something - when was the last time you planned a formal event for 100+ people that you were the center of? Probably never. It can be stressful, but it can also be enjoyable. Let this be a lesson that when you go in to book other vendors, keep it between you and your FH. Other people don't need to be involved - too many cooks spoil the broth.
ETA: At some point, your FH will say to you what all of our's say to us when it comes to booking vendors, pricing and packages: 'Why don't you see what the girls on the board think?'
ITA!! Good Luck
MerSaysEh
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
i know everything you guys are saying is true and right and i 100% agree and would be giving myself the same advice. its just hard when you're feeling so frustrated and annoyed and everyone keeps calling me (FH, FMIL, my mom) and i told them all i dont want to talk about it for a few hours and i just want to be left alone and i hung up on FH and then he texted me and was like 'i SAID i love you' like HE'S the one who needs the reassurance here.
and to top it all off i'm on my last day off for months and MY CABLE ISN'T WORKING!!!!!
p.s. thank you all soooo much
MerSaysEh
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
Posted by kris_gets_hitched
Don't feel like an idiot. Let me ask you something - when was the last time you planned a formal event for 100+ people that you were the center of? Probably never. It can be stressful, but it can also be enjoyable. Let this be a lesson that when you go in to book other vendors, keep it between you and your FH. Other people don't need to be involved - too many cooks spoil the broth.
ETA: At some point, your FH will say to you what all of our's say to us when it comes to booking vendors, pricing and packages: 'Why don't you see what the girls on the board think?'
oh he already says that constantly lol but then when i tell him its not good enough, i need to ask every possible person for him to feel satisfied!
halfbaked
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
I've been in your exact shoes!! WOW! I think I posted this exact paragraph, in May of last year. The best decision FH and I ever made was to book the RH without going to our parents. The first time we took all of them to see the RH before it ended very badly. The next time, just go and make it based on YOUR decision. It's not their weddings! And if they want any extras, they can pay for it! Good luck!!!
rdubs
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
First you really need to tell them all not to bother you at work....this is something that needs to be taken care of later. You should not have to deal with this headache right now.
I know that your families are contributing and I know other brides are saying they have a say BUT only to a certain point. If they want to pick a station that is INCLUDED in the RH fee already, fine, but asking you to do extras without adding more money really isn't really reasonable. It isn't their weddings you are planning, its yours and it seems like you are being trampled over.
I think that if you sit and explain your frustrations to FH later this evening after things have calmed down, you can explain that he needs to be on your side!
You'll be okay and it WILL work out.
jackieee
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Re: OMG I want to cry and then bury my head in a pillow until the wedding day (vent....probably long...)
Posted by AngnShaun
are the parents paying for it?
if they arent then whatever they want doesnt matter
ITA!!!! And even if they are helping, this is YOUR day. It's about you and FH!! They need to respect that and not cause stress.
Take a breather and try to talk to them calmly. This should be a happy time, not a stressful time. Im sorry you are upset and going through this. I would try to sti down and talk to everyone, and really make it clear that YOU AND FH have to love the place and make the decisions.
