Hi Ladies, I wanted to start this thread because although we are all in the same 'wedding planning process', Interfaith marriages are different. I wanted to start a thread where we can come for support and suggestions. Marriage is hard enough without adding different religions to the mix. I am head over heels in love with my FI but I see a few obstacle ahead of us. Ex. Children. I am Catholic and his family (not really he is) Penetcostal. How are you ladies dealing with this issue?? We have decided to raise them in both. Our ceremony will take place with a pastor and a priest. How about you??
Misty
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Seriously....it's amazing how many of us there are, but how few I meet!!
dsilvers
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No, it's not kids. It's can he provide for me (which suddenly we are in the '50s and i can't do anything, this from my once liberal, easy going mother), he won't make enough. he's just a civil servant. First of all, he's a soon to be detective and then sgt with the NYPD. And hopefully will be making a move to Suffolk PD soon. And besides, I also work and do well and will do better. URGH. She is highly frustrating. She doesn't like anything he says anymore. She tears it apart and tells me every little thing that bothers her. then when I tell her she's insulting me she tries to turn it around and say maybe i am upset b/c of stuff he does. Which is SO not true. My fiance is an amazing guy. So she's a pain in the A--! I love her, but it's been a year of this. She wants a jewish ceremony and doesn't care what religion his mom is. It's a mess. I feel like we can't even get the ball rolling. It's sad.
Misty
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Those kind of worries are going to be there no matter what happens, with any guy you bring home. It's basic empty nest anxiety, she's worried about you, and always will be! Sad to say, it will probably get worse after the wedding, but that's something you can control.
As for the jewish ceremony thing, it's funny, but when it comes to interfaith ceremonies, it's actually the jewish ceremony that loses the least. We can basically do all the things we would do in a regular jewish service. The Cantor or Rabbi you choose will tell you what you can and can't do. They require the same things, plain rings, bottle of kosher wine, chuppa, glass...etc. I really think speaking to a cantor or rabbi would help your mom a lot with this.
msmeanie1
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I am starting to feel a little bit like I am no longer alone. We have been dealing with many of the same issues. I am Jewish, he is catholic. We were both brought up very involved with our religions. I could not imagine getting married without a rabbi, and I couldn't imagine asking him to forgo a priest. It took a while,but we finally found a rabbi willing to do the ceremony. His name is Rabbi Lowenheim. He is from Corum. We have our first meeting with him on the 12th. I am a little worried about that. I have heard wonderful things about him (he is very liberal). He also happens to be my bosses neighbor - I found that out after I spoke with him. I am trying very hard to include all the traditional aspects of both faiths without hurting any feelings. I know that what is most important is that it is our day. It also helps that we are paying for our wedding therefor we are making the decisions. I am thankful that you have shared your wonderful idea Has anyone given any thought to how you are going to include the religious differences in your program.
CathyB
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FH is Jewish, I'm RC.
In the program, we are going to say something about how our ceremony combines traditions from both faiths, and that we have prepared explanations of those traditions that may be unfamiliar to the others. Then we'll explain the ketubbah, the chuppah, the breaking of the glass, the unity candle, the handshake of peace, etc.
Mishy626
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I'm Catholic and my FH is Jewish. We already have our priest but are still in the process of trying to find a rabbi (any recommendations?). We are attending the interfaith pre-cana Nov 16 and 17, and looking forward to it. We would really like to incorporate lots of both of our religions in the ceremony. He also wants to have the blessing of the challah during the reception. We haven't gotten too far with the specifics (our wedding is in April, so we really should get moving). Glad this thread was started...
drjenn10
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I'm Jewish an FH is half Jewish, half Christian. We are both non-practicing. Our marriage ceremony will be completely without religion. As far as our kids they will be Jewish because I am their mother, but we plan to celebrate all holidays, and I do not plan to send them to any type of religious schooling at this time. Religion is not an important part of either of our lives.
MissLinda
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I'm catholic and he's jewish but he comes from a interfaith marriage (mom is jewish, dad is catholic). There's really no problem. We are both very open and figure we will raise the kids with both religions but they will probably do all the Catholic 'stuff' (communion. ..etc. . )
Our ceromony is at a roman catholic church and we will have both a priest and rabbi present. Both sides will have a chance to do a reading. . .His aunt who is jewish broke down and cried when we asked her to do a reading because she didn;t think she'd be allowed and was touched that we included her.
I bought a book called Interfaith Marriages. . .It might be of some help to some of you . . It really didn't help me because we kind of have a handle on it but I'm holding on to it just incase
dsilvers
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do you have rabbi lowenheim's number? If you can pass it along, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Pam
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I'm so glad that this was started. I, like you all, am having an interfaith ceremony. I am Jewish, Dave is not...I thought of trying to spell what he is but being that I've been at work for almost 12 hours I'm not even going to attempt it. Anyway....I didn't know there was an interfaith precanna (spelling???). We are going to try the rabbi/priest duo deal. We haven't looked anywhere yet because our wedding isn't until 7/04. If anyone has heard of any duos let me know.
msmeanie1
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Rabbi Lowenheim's number is 698-1172. He was very friendly when I spoke with him. We have a meeting scheduled for Nov. 12th. I am looking forward to meeting with him.. I would like to know who actually will be the officiant that will legally marry us since only one person can sign the wedding license. I am also interested to find out what the going rate is for 20 minutes worth of work. I am hearing that the going rate for a rabbi is somewhere between $500 -$600.
msmeanie1
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I was given a number of a woman who is a bridal consultant, her husband is a REverend (I am not sure exactly). She in turn gave me the number of the Rabbi that We are using. They have worked together.They both seem really nice. I actually think they have information posted under venders/clergy. I think his name is Rev. Joe. His wife's name is Judy , her number is `732-1596. I would start early with your planning.
msmeanie1
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In case anyone is looking for an interfaith Ketubbah I found a web site that offers them. They have a great selection of traditional and modern. They can even be done in English and/or hebrew. It even has a line for the priest to sign. www.e-ketubah.com.
dsilvers
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I went on to that site and the ketubahs are great! I didn't see the one with the space for a priest or minister's signature, but my guess is you can ask them to place one?
CathyB
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That's where we ordered our ketubah from. It's the Nature's Bouquet one. Here's a linkNature's Bouquet Ketubah
Enrobed
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Me too!! My FH is Greek Orthodox and I am RC. We, also, agreed to marry in the Greek church and then raise our children Catholic. Both religions are quite similar, however there are some differences. Our families are OK with it also. One of the issues, however, seems to be Holy Communion. In the Greek church, the Baptism and Communion happen at the same time. In the catholic church, we don't recieve holy communion until 6 or 7. One of his family members expressed concern that it was so late and how they are able to recieve it after their baptism. I just hope that everything will work out in th end. I don't want any conflicts to arise due to religion. One thing my FH has always said is that religion is supposed to bring people together. He is right. Good luck guys!!
Sage10.03
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THIS IS SUCH A GREAT THREAD!!!!!
We are interfaith too....FH is RC and I am Jewish (although not practicing) He respects my views as do I his, but we disagree on what to do with our kids....(future kids that is....)
I have to say, I was brought up both (sort of..Mom was RC, but converted and Dad was Jewish) and it really gave me no solid grounding in either.... I honestly believe (and I am saying this FROM EXPERIENCE) you can't have it both ways....All it does is confuse the children....I never felt like I belonged to either.... Even though my Mom converted, she only did it so my Dad's family would accept the marrige... She still went to church and we still had Christmas trees.... But we also celebrated all the Jewish Holidays too.... IT WAS CONFUSING AS HE11!!!!! LOL
Now, we don't know what to do!
fallwed03
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Thank you for starting this it is so conforting to know that I am not the only one with questions My FH is Jewish and I am Lutheran We have already been faced with some issues
btrflygrl
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Wow...this is great!! I am Jewish and FH is Christian. He practices a lot more than I do...my parents never forced religion as I grew up so I kind of never knew what a great source of support it was. I've gone to church with him, participate in church activities with him, and am actively considering converting since I've had my 'revelations' but all the while, we've decided to raise our children in the church but they will know that they have jewish roots. We chose our date and time without thinking of a rabbi (it's a Sat at 11:30am-right in the middle of Sabbath) so we will have a pastor marry us (hopefully his childhood youth pastor) and hope that he will incorporate some Jewish customs (the youth pastor grew up in a Jewish home and converted).
lele4me
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ok...I am on the home stretch in terms of the planning...only 26 days to go!!!! I'm Jewish and my FH is Catholic. We both came from interfaith marriages (my mom is Jewish and dad is Catholic. His mom is Catholic and dad is Jewish- will wonders ever cease?) Where was this thread when I started? Here's some info. you may find helpful. I have a fantastic rabbi and Msgr. who married a close friend of mine about a year and a half ago. They had a wonderful ceremony so we met individually with them both and booked them too. We combined both sides traditions, had an interfaith ketubah, unity candle, chuppah, wine blessing, and are breaking a glass. I am doing a program to help explain all the customs included in the ceremony as well as the order. You'll have lot's to decide on: Who should sit where, when to stand or sit how to walk down the aisle (this differs for both religions) We were required to go to interfaith pre-cana. It was great...22 other interfaith couples attended. The support was nice. Good luck in your planning. My only advice...Remember, it's your wedding make it special for the two of you. Here's the number of Rabbi Block 718-531-7260 and Msgr. Lisante (St. Thomas the Apostle in West Hempstead) 516-489-8585. FM me if you need anything else.
