Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
I'd give them tea kettles.
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Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Original post by leeserd
FH and I are completely footing the bill for the entire wedding. Do we still have to give parent gifts at the rehersal dinner? Traditionally the bride and groom give the parents gifts in thanks for the wedding that their parents have paid for for them, but our parents didn't pay. Should we still give them something for being our parents and supporting us or are we off the hook? I don't mean to sound cheap but its getting down to the end and we have big payments due and every penny counts.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Who desn't like a shiny tea kettle? ![]()
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Posted by leeserd
First of all, as I stated, the gifts to the parents are traditionally given because they paid for the wedding and while it might be ideal in modern times to give parents gifts just for being parents, the reality of having to pay for an entire wedding during hard economic times may not allow for that type of generosity. As I also stated, I am not trying to be cheap, but big payments are looming. You are also assuming that everyone has the type of relationship with their parents that you are describing.
You didn't state that you didn't want to give gifts to your parents because you don't have the kind of relationship with them--so simmer down.
You DID state that you are reaching the end and every penny counts -- therefore the assumption is that you don't want to spend the MONEY on gifts for your parents because you need it elsewhere....THAT is what I'm addressing from your statements.
I don't care what you think the reasoning is for giving gifts to your parents at the wedding is, from my perspective as well as many people in my family and friends, gifts are given to the parents NOT because they paid for ther wedding, but because they are thanking them for being their parents.
For me I made sure I budgeted enough to have money for gifts for my parents and BP, it was more important to me than having the fanciest flowers or whatnot -- so that is what I considered important. You can have whatever you think is important to spend your money on, and that's fine. But to me I don't understand how it wouldn't be a priiority. But that's just MY OPINION - and you of all people should know that everyone has different ones on here.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Posted by MJDoc12
I don't see why you wouldn't provide a gift to your parents anyway no matter if they paid or not?What does that have to do with it?
A gift is from your HEART and it should say 'Thank you for giving birth to me, raising me and allowing me to grow up and find the perfect person that I can spend the rest of my life with, without your guidance and help thru the years, I wouldn't be the person I am today---THANK YOU'
DH and I paid for our wedding ourselves, and we still gave gifts to our parents because it wasn't about the materialistic aspect of the wedding -- it was about the fact that they are our parents and we love them.
The state of my relationship with my parents was irrelevant to my question, as it was an issue of proper etiquette in this situation, meaning is it proper and therefore mandatory or not? Your answer had to do being grateful for parental guidance and support. I made the point that not everyone has the same reason in mind that your answer above implied, but conceded that it would, indeed, be ideal to give gifts just to give gifts.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
I dont think you have to give parents gifts at all. Its up to you. a personal decision.
Why does everything have to be dramatic. Everyone should do what they want to do. Some people dont have close relationships with their parents. I think to each his own.
Its seems like some people on this board love to jump down peoples throats for asking questions that they dont agree with. Wonder what you are like in real life![]()
Why does everything have to be dramatic. Everyone should do what they want to do. Some people dont have close relationships with their parents. I think to each his own.
Its seems like some people on this board love to jump down peoples throats for asking questions that they dont agree with. Wonder what you are like in real life
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Posted by leeserd
The state of my relationship with my parents was irrelevant to my question, as it was an issue of proper etiquette in this situation, meaning is it proper and therefore mandatory or not? Your answer had to do being grateful for parental guidance and support. I made the point that not everyone has the same reason in mind that your answer above implied, but conceded that it would, indeed, be ideal to give gifts just to give gifts.
Listen, its clear you wanted people to just say 'Yeah its fine that you don't buy gifts for your parents cause they aren't helping.' You gave facts in your statement, and using the information given I formulated an opinion about it.
My answer about how it is a way to show gratitude is about the very nature of why you give the gift in the first place, so me questioning why you wouldn't is valid in my point. Its not about the money its about the thought, for ME and that is why I answered.
Its truly amazing to see the things that seem to matter to you when it comes to wedding planning and etiquette considering the things you've posted on here. Just, wow.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
I see, so your not interested in the etiquette question at all, you just want to find a way to bash me? Ok, well, not interested. I don't even know you. If you are looking for some drama, there is a decent squabble going under the topic titled 'about these boards' where a girl tried to post a nice reminder that we should all strive not to be nasty and start fights with one another and of course, a girl just like yourself who enjoys the drama of it all, attacked her for it and I believe one of the other girls just made a personal attack on her about how she probably isn't a very good mother. I think you would enjoy that more.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Posted by leeserd
I see, so your not interested in the etiquette question at all, you just want to find a way to bash me? Ok, well, not interested. I don't even know you. If you are looking for some drama, there is a decent squabble going under the topic titled 'about these boards' where a girl tried to post a nice reminder that we should all strive not to be nasty and start fights with one another and of course, a girl just like yourself who enjoys the drama of it all, attacked her for it and I believe one of the other girls just made a personal attack on her about how she probably isn't a very good mother. I think you would enjoy that more.
I answered the etiquette question in how I see it...I stated and still believe that IMO its about thanking your parents for BEING your parents. That is the *etiquette* as I have seen it for just about everyone I know who has had a wedding.
You seem to be 'aghast' at the idea of someone registering without their FH (oh no!) and feel the need to turn up your nose at people who live at home after the age of around 18 and having to send them their own invites, and to YOU those are just terrible things. Well for ME I find it shocking and am just as amazed as YOU for those things, that you wouldn't consider getting your parents a gift just because you don't want to spend the money cause you're nearing the end. (Which is what YOU stated in your OP.)
Just goes to show that there are different strokes for different folks....what amazes and shocks/disgusts you is something that doesn't bother me one bit, yet something I find amazed seems normal to you.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Ok well thanks for playing. Your opinion has been voiced and considered. Does anyone know the actual etiquette answer on this?
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Posted by leeserd
Ok well thanks for playing. Your opinion has been voiced and considered. Does anyone know the actual etiquette answer on this?
From theknot.com:
Q&A: Wedding Etiquette: Do Parents Get Gifts?
Q.Should my fiance and I purchase gifts for our parents, as we did for our wedding party?
A.
Yes. It's such a nice thank-you for all the help they've given you with the wedding -- financial, emotional, and otherwise -- not to mention all the support and love they've given you throughout the years while you were growing up. A personalized photo album of wedding pictures, an amazing picture frame, a gift certificate for a special dinner, a poem you've written, a weekend away -- anything's appropriate, as long as it's personal and within your financial bounds. Take a moment a few days (or hours!) before the wedding to share some private time with your parents and present them with your gift. You might each give your own parents a gift, or you might have the present be from both of you to each set of parents.
From Brilliant Wedding Pages
Gifts for Parents of the Bride and Groom
I receive many questions each week asking me about wedding etiquette and the like, but recently, I have received the following question several times from couples getting married, 'Kelly, should we get gifts for our parents?'
The answer is - most certainly! You should get a gift for the parents of the bride and groom especially if your parents have:
A) Contributed to the cost of your wedding
B) Contributed to the cost of your honeymoon
C) Contributed to the cost of your growing up in a
happy, healthy environment
D) Contributed to your life in any way
Weddings are a transition point in any parent-child
relationship. It is a goodbye to being a 'child' and a new beginning as a 'grownup' (no matter how old you are when you get married!). Unfortunately, though understandably, most parents have a tough time with this goodbye. It is a great idea to give a gift to the parents of the bride and groom to help ease this transition.
Your gift should include a heartfelt note of thanks for all that the parents of the bride and groom have done for you over the years. Obviously, you don't need to point each little thing out, but acknowledging how many big and small things they have done for you is a great way to let them know how much you appreciate them, their hard work, and their sacrifice and commitment to you as their child.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
To answer the OP, I had actually never heard of giving parents a gift before I read it on this board. It just isnt a tradition in my family.
My parents are actually helping with the wedding alot but their response to our getting them a gift would be.. 'we're here to help you, dont spend your money on a gift we dont need it'.
That being said, I have gotten ideas from these boards about ways of saying thank you and expressing our gratitude without buying a priceyl gift which I would have never thought of-- I love the idea of a really heartfelt card that they can have forever and maybe even a hanky or blanket with a poem on it -- the gifts would be more for sentimental purposes as they could read over and over again, I know my parents will love that more than anything material so that is what I will do to say thank you and I love you.
My parents are actually helping with the wedding alot but their response to our getting them a gift would be.. 'we're here to help you, dont spend your money on a gift we dont need it'.
That being said, I have gotten ideas from these boards about ways of saying thank you and expressing our gratitude without buying a priceyl gift which I would have never thought of-- I love the idea of a really heartfelt card that they can have forever and maybe even a hanky or blanket with a poem on it -- the gifts would be more for sentimental purposes as they could read over and over again, I know my parents will love that more than anything material so that is what I will do to say thank you and I love you.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
From the knot :
Q.Should my fiance and I purchase gifts for our parents, as we did for our wedding party?
A.
Yes. It's such a nice thank-you for all the help they've given you with the wedding -- financial, emotional, and otherwise -- not to mention all the support and love they've given you throughout the years while you were growing up. A personalized photo album of wedding pictures, an amazing picture frame, a gift certificate for a special dinner, a poem you've written, a weekend away -- anything's appropriate, as long as it's personal and within your financial bounds. Take a moment a few days (or hours!) before the wedding to share some private time with your parents and present them with your gift. You might each give your own parents a gift, or you might have the present be from both of you to each set of parents.
****************
all you had to do is google the question, rather than posting it on here since you do not have the manners to post the question properly without raising controversy.
Although either set of parents have not contributed financially to your wedding, as you have stated, they did give life to you and your intended, and raised you to where you are now.
Q.Should my fiance and I purchase gifts for our parents, as we did for our wedding party?
A.
Yes. It's such a nice thank-you for all the help they've given you with the wedding -- financial, emotional, and otherwise -- not to mention all the support and love they've given you throughout the years while you were growing up. A personalized photo album of wedding pictures, an amazing picture frame, a gift certificate for a special dinner, a poem you've written, a weekend away -- anything's appropriate, as long as it's personal and within your financial bounds. Take a moment a few days (or hours!) before the wedding to share some private time with your parents and present them with your gift. You might each give your own parents a gift, or you might have the present be from both of you to each set of parents.
****************
all you had to do is google the question, rather than posting it on here since you do not have the manners to post the question properly without raising controversy.
Although either set of parents have not contributed financially to your wedding, as you have stated, they did give life to you and your intended, and raised you to where you are now.
Member since
Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Posted by MJDoc12
From theknot.com:
Q&A: Wedding Etiquette: Do Parents Get Gifts?
Q.Should my fiance and I purchase gifts for our parents, as we did for our wedding party?
A.
Yes. It's such a nice thank-you for all the help they've given you with the wedding -- financial, emotional, and otherwise -- not to mention all the support and love they've given you throughout the years while you were growing up. A personalized photo album of wedding pictures, an amazing picture frame, a gift certificate for a special dinner, a poem you've written, a weekend away -- anything's appropriate, as long as it's personal and within your financial bounds. Take a moment a few days (or hours!) before the wedding to share some private time with your parents and present them with your gift. You might each give your own parents a gift, or you might have the present be from both of you to each set of parents.
Thank you for doing the research on the issue of the etiquette . I really do appreciate it. The rest of that entry reads as follows:
Gifts for Parents of the Bride and Groom
I receive many questions each week asking me about
wedding etiquette and the like, but recently, I have received the following question several times from
couples getting married, 'Kelly, should we get gifts
for our parents?'
The answer is - most certainly! You should get a giftfor the parents of the bride and groom especially if your parents have:
A) Contributed to the cost of your wedding
B) Contributed to the cost of your honeymoon
C) Contributed to the cost of your growing up in a
happy, healthy environment
D) Contributed to your life in any way
Weddings are a transition point in any parent-child
relationship. It is a goodbye to being a 'child' and a new beginning as a 'grownup' (no matter how old you are when you get married!). Unfortunately, though understandably, most parents have a tough time with this goodbye. It is a great idea to give a gift to the parents of the bride and groom to help ease this transition.
Your gift should include a heartfelt note of thanks for all that the parents of the bride and groom have done for you over the years. Obviously, you don't need to point each little thing out, but acknowledging how many big and small things they have done for you is a great way to let them know how much you appreciate them, their hard work, and their sacrifice and commitment to you as their child.
So the factor of if the parents have contributed financially apparently is a decent amount of the consideration on this issue.
I thank everyone who offered her opinion on this issue. I have decided to take your advice and give photo albums and a token gift like an embroidered handerchief.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
[.
****************
all you had to do is google the question, rather than posting it on here since you do not have the manners to post the question properly without raising controversy.
I think its very rude to tell someone what they can and cant ask on this board. Isn't this the purpose---to ask questions. ---Seems like the ones who are raising controversy are the ones who are attacking her.
****************
all you had to do is google the question, rather than posting it on here since you do not have the manners to post the question properly without raising controversy.
I think its very rude to tell someone what they can and cant ask on this board. Isn't this the purpose---to ask questions. ---Seems like the ones who are raising controversy are the ones who are attacking her.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Posted by bunny032002
[.
****************
all you had to do is google the question, rather than posting it on here since you do not have the manners to post the question properly without raising controversy.
I think its very rude to tell someone what they can and cant ask on this board. Isn't this the purpose---to ask questions. ---Seems like the ones who are raising controversy are the ones who are attacking her.
It was a suggestion, in light of the other posts made by this OP that have garnered so much negative attention recently.
Me thinks that someone is relishing the attention, whether negative or not.
I have other opinions too, but they shall remain untyped.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
I respect the fact that you are deeply offended by my opinions. I think you should punish me by refusing to respond to anything I post.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
IMO, you should get them something. We also paid for our entire wedding ourselves. Our photography package came w/ parent albums so that is their gift. It's nothing huge, just a little something for just being our parents.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
yea im in a similar situation- parents not paying for anything, and werent really there for me either growing up- so this is something that i think about and i think the photo albums are a perfect gift.
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
Me and FH plus my parents paying the majority of the wedding and FH father has help a little..
I'm getting somethiing nice for my parents not too expensive..
Fh parents IDK..Was thinking of a watch for FFIL and pendent for FMIL... Nothiing to big
I'm getting somethiing nice for my parents not too expensive..
Fh parents IDK..Was thinking of a watch for FFIL and pendent for FMIL... Nothiing to big
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Re: Parent Gifts For Parents Who Aren't Paying?
I think that whether or not you get them gifts is totally up to you - I think getting them gifts is nice but if you don't have the money then give them something after the wedding.
At the RD you get them a nice card with a note inside about how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate their support, etc. I don't think that gifts are expected, so you wouldn't be hurting anyone's feelings.
At the RD you get them a nice card with a note inside about how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate their support, etc. I don't think that gifts are expected, so you wouldn't be hurting anyone's feelings.
