so my FH and i just planned our engagement party, put a non-refundable deposit down on a tent ($700) and ordered invitations (which shipped already). the party was supposed to be at my parents house on the beach. i dont get along with them, but i thought we would be a cool idea for a party. My mother was excited to have it there and kept talking about it. she even made me change the date of the party because she knew family was going to be on vacation. well anyway- back story, i dont want my father to walk me down the aisle- im 27 and he has never been there for me, has never been a father figure to me, so i feel like he doesnt deserve to walk me down. My mother is delusional and thinks we are the brady bunch when we are so far from it. My brother, sister and i are very close because we are all each other has. My sister was forced to have him walk her down and she hated every minute. and she also cried her whole father daughter dance because she didnt want to dance with him. so after i booked the tent and ordered the invitations i called my mother to tell her that we booked everything so we are definitely having it there. she decides then to ask me if i will have him walk me down the aisle (which she already knew my answer), and then threatened me that if i dont have him or both of them walk me down then #1 she wont give us a wedding gift, and #2 cancel my tent order and i cant have the party at her house. now i dont know what to do. i dont think i could get my money back on the tent. my FH wants me to try and i would but im so embarrassed because i haggled with the guy and got an awesome price, took like 3 days of talking with him over the phone to book it and now i have to call and cancel??? Everyone already knows when and where it was going to be. like everyone we know.
ugh this is so fustrating!!! sorry to vent on here but i figured everyone that knows is telling me that she is mean and cant believe she would do that. to do what i want, its my wedding day, etc. but i dont know if people are appeasing me or not. im just so upset with this whole situation.
Any thoughts??
Sweeteey51
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TELL HER YOU WILL LET HIM WALK YOU DOWN THE AISLE. THEN A MONTH BEFORE THE WEDDING SAY YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND....that way you wont lose your tent money. ITs not right to blackmail you into having your father walk you down when he from what you said wasnt a part of your life like that.
Oh i didnt read the post ahead of mine lol.. we said the same thing lol. i think you should do it.
leeserd
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Without getting into details, this sounds like my life. I don't know if this sounds really bad but if your mom would put you through this then in my opinion it is perfectly ok to lie to her and tell her that dad will walk you down the aisle and then after the party 'change your mind'. It is fairly obvious that she did all of this on purpose to try to force the issue with you and get her way. So you play her game. Good Luck!
dutchessev
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Posted by NYMETBRIDE
This might sound dishonest, but maybe just appease her for now and after the party tell her you've thought about it and changed your mind. Its not about the gift, just the fact that you've already spent money and sent the invitations. If they choose to not be apart of the day later, thats their choice but at least you'll know well enough in advance!
I secomd this.
Kimbalina
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Your wedding is over a year away,,, it is a while to think about it. You don't have to know the absolute answer right now for your self. I would appease your mom for the time being. If you relationship is what it is then let it be and agree.. However there are other options.. you walking down alone (say that you are a GROWN woman and walking with someone doesnt suit you) but you want your Dad to give you away and meet you at the end of the aisle.
I had similar issues and the day of .... none of it mattered.
RPMG26599
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Posted by Kimbalina
Your wedding is over a year away,,, it is a while to think about it. You don't have to know the absolute answer right now for your self. I would appease your mom for the time being. If you relationship is what it is then let it be and agree.. However there are other options.. you walking down alone (say that you are a GROWN woman and walking with someone doesnt suit you) but you want your Dad to give you away and meet you at the end of the aisle.
I had similar issues and the day of .... none of it mattered.
I agree with this Lis......You could walk down by yourself and then just have him give you a peck at the end of the isle (I know you wouldnt even want that but its better than him doing the actual walking with you down the isle.....).
Liv123
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I don't really like being dishonest, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.
Try talking to your mom first and letting her know 1). WHY it is so important to you that your dad NOT walk you down the aisle - what repercussions it could have (ie. pics coming out with you looking miserable). 2). how you feel about her making these threats to you
and seeing if that helps you out.
If not, I agree - you should just 'change your mind' later. You are just playing the same game she played when she offered up her house before she asked you about who was walking down the aisle.
Third Option would be to call her bluff which can result in either a) nothing - you still have the party there, b) she cancels the party at her house, gives you no gift - but then how would you feel ??
Would the 'change your mind' tactic ruin your relationship any more than her calling off the party ? If not, thats what I would do.
Soon2bMrsH
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Posted by RPMG26599
Posted by Kimbalina
Your wedding is over a year away,,, it is a while to think about it. You don't have to know the absolute answer right now for your self. I would appease your mom for the time being. If you relationship is what it is then let it be and agree.. However there are other options.. you walking down alone (say that you are a GROWN woman and walking with someone doesnt suit you) but you want your Dad to give you away and meet you at the end of the aisle.
I had similar issues and the day of .... none of it mattered.
I agree with this Lis......You could walk down by yourself and then just have him give you a peck at the end of the isle (I know you wouldnt even want that but its better than him doing the actual walking with you down the isle.....).
Actually, maybe i could work with this idea, have my brother walk me down, and then my brother can lift my veil and then right before i step on teh alter my father could be standing there and give a peck (gross). its a thought! thanks girls!
