please help me ladies - long but insane situation

hi all

i have a huge problem.
yesterday, i was speaking to FH and he started saying that we should move into my parents empty apartment that they have not rented yet.

i replied, 'ok, but lets see if we have to pay anything' (i do not expect to live there for free automatically, i have respect)

he replies 'we should live there for free'

im like 'well thats not our decision'

him 'and after we move out 2-3 years , we will collect rent money from that apartment so we can apply it to our mortage, etc.'

me: um thats not our decision how dare you think you can take that money without asking my parents first.

him: well my parents are giving us 'x' money, and your parents should give the same.

me: so because your parents are giving us a gift, mine should match it?

so we got into a big fight because he basically believes that we should collect rent from something that is not even ours. he believes (and has calculated in his mind) how much money my father has as income from properties he owns - i have never done that myself, how dare he do that?)

FH then proceeded to say that my father buys cheap things and he just wants to TAKE ALL IS MONEY TO HIS GRAVE!

how DARE FH say such a thing about my father? i am SO DISGUSTED, i feel like i dont even know him anymore. how can i marry someone who is APPARENTLY looking out for his own bet interest????

i told FH, if we cant save enough money to buy a house, then thats our problem. hes like even if we do, we need money to 'enjoy our lives' .

WHAT NERVE IS THAT? ????
I am SO appauled. In fact, I had the worst migraine of my life, and threw up several times last night. i need your opinions please. i dont even think i should marry him anymore. who speaks like that? even if you think those thigns, who says that?????? i told him hes signing a prenup, and he was sarcastic with me.
OH THE BEST PART IS he told me not to dare tell our parents what he said bc it will cause tension AND
if i do i will be alone for the rest of my life, and not to come knocking on his door.

thats crazy!

I'm sure it will blow over eventually but I would get him to sign a prenump.. he seems a bit obsessed with your fathers earnings!

he mentioned getting that rent money in the past. and i had told him thats not our place now he started again.

now tho he seemed so uncle scrooge about matching every penny.

he also seems very lazy as compared to a year ago. like he wont push himself at work, and wont do any extra days like he used to.

i think the worst part is when he told me

ur guna be alone all your life - threatened me

and that he cares what my dad does w his income (which btw, my dad has health problems and does not have what FH is imagining) and i dont think its FHs business either way.

well i dont know why he would think he'd be able to collect money from rental properties he doesn't own.

Wow! You weren't kidding when you said it was an insane situation.

I think you need to sit down with your FH and tell him that you are really hurt by the things he said about your father. Explain to him that your dad worked really hard for everything he has and that you don't feel he should just GIVE you his earnings - that's not the way you were brought up. Maybe he'll change his tune if you talk things through calmly.

But I would still get a pre-nup. JMO

Good luck

Im so sorry to hear this. I have to agree with you.. your parents money is their business and is not his concern. Nor should he suggest taking rent money from your parent's apartment when they rent it out. At this point I would not even have your parents apt be an option to move into.. What a tough situation!

THANKS GIRLS

yea at this point i dont even want to get married

i feel so controlled. its not the first time he told me im going to be alone all my life. what if he gets worst once we marry

def have him sign a prenup and def guna tell his parents what he said & how he threatened me.
if he wants to leave good.

i re-read this and I'm adding:

my parents have money. I mean they currently have a LOT of money. I'm an only child. I'm not even expecting them to pay for the wedding. it would be nice, but I dont expect anything.

They worked hard all their lives and my dad's a mess health wise. My mom got hit by a car while walking 2 years ago and they went through hell dealing w her recovery.

FH's family doesn't have any money. Again, we dont expect anything from them other than them showing up and supporting and loving us.

despite this, I feel blessed to have these amazing sets of parents.

I think your FH needs to open his eyes and stop being lazy and greedy. And just because his family is paying a certain amount doesn't mean yours has to pay the same. If he wants to live rent free then tell him to ask HIS parents and not to expect yours to offer. maybe your parents need that rental income.

If he's demanding money I;d wonder and worry what your future holds in store for you.

Money is the worst stress starter ever. Its the one thing my FH and I argue about constantly.

Oh no this is so sad! But you know what I think I would stand up for myself and talk to him...tell him everything you are feeling...maybe this is going to break-up the relationship but it's better to do this now than after the wedding. I was engaged once before and I cancelled the wedding 4 months before...it was a very hard thing I had to do but sometimes you gut tells you the right thing to do. Good luck love...and keep us posted

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Posted by pleasehelp1
AND
if i do i will be alone for the rest of my life, and not to come knocking on his door.

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Wow. How dare he speak to you like that? I would have told him no problem and to not let the door slam him on the *** on the way out.

That's awful....I feel terrible for you!

That would cause a huge problem in any relationship....if my FH ever counted my parents money like that.....I would question what kind of person he is like you are doing now

It would worry me for our lives together in the future.

You definitely have every right to be feeling like you do. I would talk to him like the other girls suggested!

Keep us posted!

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Posted by jenhef

thats crazy!

I'm sure it will blow over eventually but I would get him to sign a prenump.. he seems a bit obsessed with your fathers earnings!

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this

wow this is a hard situation

I fight w FH alot of things and sometimes it gets pretty intense, but at the end of the day when we have cooled down and are thinking ratioanlly we always end up coming to an agreement

You need to speak w him calmly and levelheaded and say how much he has hurt you, and things need to be fixed before you move forward. I know how hard it is to swallow your pride, but it alwaus takes a bigger person to start the conversation and say ok how to we work this out, then one to hold a grudge and be mean.

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Posted by squeeky126

Oh no this is so sad! But you know what I think I would stand up for myself and talk to him...tell him everything you are feeling...maybe this is going to break-up the relationship but it's better to do this now than after the wedding. I was engaged once before and I cancelled the wedding 4 months before...it was a very hard thing I had to do but sometimes you gut tells you the right thing to do. Good luck love...and keep us posted

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I agree with this. IT really is a sad situation, but you really need to tell him how you feel and see how he reacts and as said above, the results might not be pretty - but MUCH better to do this before the wedding rather than after.

i'm going to give you advice from another perspective:

i understand where your FH is coming from (though i disagree with it). from his point of view, his family is giving you guys a certain amount of money, and he feels like his family is being cheated out of that money since your parents aren't going to give the same amount.

i understand (and agree) that gifts are gifts and you don't look at it the way he is ... but maybe you could forgive him a little if you understood where he is coming from.

i would definitely sit and talk with him honestly about everything you're feeling ... i know you're angry but don't do anything you'll regret later .... rather than cancelling your wedding, maybe you should just postpone it a bit if you can't come to a common ground

sorry you're dealing with his stupidity ... it really does suck!

the problem is he threatened me

the other problem is, if soemone gives a gift and is going to hold it against you, then dont give it at all.

third, my mom (who i told this to) told me she was hoping by next year that she would be able to give us as much as his family is.

of course i can understand he wants to be even, but then whats a gift if youre expecting soemthing in return???????

and then to tell me im going to be alone in life - its not the first time he told me this. thats y its even more f*%*( up

i dont even feel loved at this point.

today on the phone he was venting SO LOUD to me about work. i was like i had a migraine cant u lower ur voice? he still wouldnt. then hes like u wont listen to me vent. the other night i was crying to him about how my parents are going thru **** and he was screaming at me. no respect at all.

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Posted by pleasehelp1

p.s. my moms paying for the wedding for us.

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wait...your moms paying for your wedding and he still is complaining about $?