i have a huge problem. yesterday, i was speaking to FH and he started saying that we should move into my parents empty apartment that they have not rented yet.
i replied, 'ok, but lets see if we have to pay anything' (i do not expect to live there for free automatically, i have respect)
he replies 'we should live there for free'
im like 'well thats not our decision'
him 'and after we move out 2-3 years , we will collect rent money from that apartment so we can apply it to our mortage, etc.'
me: um thats not our decision how dare you think you can take that money without asking my parents first.
him: well my parents are giving us 'x' money, and your parents should give the same.
me: so because your parents are giving us a gift, mine should match it?
so we got into a big fight because he basically believes that we should collect rent from something that is not even ours. he believes (and has calculated in his mind) how much money my father has as income from properties he owns - i have never done that myself, how dare he do that?)
FH then proceeded to say that my father buys cheap things and he just wants to TAKE ALL IS MONEY TO HIS GRAVE!
how DARE FH say such a thing about my father? i am SO DISGUSTED, i feel like i dont even know him anymore. how can i marry someone who is APPARENTLY looking out for his own bet interest????
i told FH, if we cant save enough money to buy a house, then thats our problem. hes like even if we do, we need money to 'enjoy our lives' .
WHAT NERVE IS THAT? ???? I am SO appauled. In fact, I had the worst migraine of my life, and threw up several times last night. i need your opinions please. i dont even think i should marry him anymore. who speaks like that? even if you think those thigns, who says that?????? i told him hes signing a prenup, and he was sarcastic with me. OH THE BEST PART IS he told me not to dare tell our parents what he said bc it will cause tension AND if i do i will be alone for the rest of my life, and not to come knocking on his door.
pleasehelp1
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
hey again
i spoke to him again (told him off lol) and he apologized again i also asked if hes going to sign a prenup he said yes and he said i have to have things in my name in order to do that and i said dont worry about that
so, so far, not bad. goodnight lovely brides to be
fdnybride163
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
im glad things are going better, but just be cautious for a little while. I def agree with the couples counceling. It will help you both learn to communicate better.
Sometimes therapy gets a bad wrap but I believe that two people can be very good together, it just takes a third person to make them realize how great they can be together. There will be things you dont know about each other and you will both feel more comfortable talking in a safe open environment where you know your not attacking each other. Men have a lot of pride and it might be hard to change him right away (esp if he has been like this for his whole life)
JessNicole7EM
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
two things to do before you get married:
1. COuples Counseling 2. Prenup. Go meet with your lawyer.
pleasehelp1
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
i will def do both.
also, i told him he needs to get another job on the side (he works every 4 days)
bc he has way too much energy and time when hes off so he needs to go make money instead of sitting around.
i will keep you updated.
hugs*
fdnybride163
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
Posted by pleasehelp1
i will def do both.
also, i told him he needs to get another job on the side (he works every 4 days)
bc he has way too much energy and time when hes off so he needs to go make money instead of sitting around.
i will keep you updated.
hugs*
April_Luv
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
Oh gosh i am so sorry to read this I could only imagine how hurt you are! The way he feels about your family is crazy. Then to tell you dont tell them because it would cause tension{duh} so he ALREADY knows what he said was wrong. Also dont come crawling back and knocking his door when your lonely??? OK !!! {gosh i cant even say what i want to say//cuss out} He sounds like a manipulator to me hunn... { i want to give you a hugg}
seriously if you were my sister/cousin/bff family i would def NOT want you to be with him! JMO
**IDK about your update----- but sleep with one eye open hunnie**
lilgem250
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
Posted by BlushandBashful
Posted by pleasehelp1 AND if i do i will be alone for the rest of my life, and not to come knocking on his door.
Wow. How dare he speak to you like that? I would have told him no problem and to not let the door slam him on the *** on the way out.
I would have done the same. In my opinion that just shows his true colors and can eventually lead to abusive behavior. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
lilgem250
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
Just read more replies: prenup and couseling sound good to me. Just be careful.
nikki41579
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
That is terrible. This is a really tough situation. Your parents financial status is not his business at all. They worked for what they have and can spend it anyway they please. If his parents decide to give you both something, that is a decision that they made out of the kindness of their heart. Your parents do not need to give back equally.
Then for him to talk to you they way he did about being alone if you say anything! Wow!
I feel really bad for you. We all can easily tell you to leave, but you have to do and say what is in your heart.
Jesebelle
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Re: please help me ladies - long but insane situation
I hope counseling works for you. There were a lot of red flags when I read your posts. Be cautious, abuse doesn't have to be physical. It can be in the form of a man putting a woman down and making her rely on him for everything, making her believe she is nothing without him, that if she ever left because she was done with his behavior then she would be sorry later. The sorry and embarrassed behavior usually comes along with the abuse, it keeps the woman there. It's a viscous cycle. Please be careful and remember you are a whole person and complete, with or without him. It would probably be good for him to get another job. Being at home with nothing to do can make you crazy. I think it does something really bad to a man's ego.
