UGH! I am so upset. My husband is a SPOILED BRAT and I cannot stand it. A little background: He has been in school to be a chiropractor for 3 years now and is graduating in 6 months. I've been supporting us on my measly teacher's salary since we first moved in together (3 years ago). (He doesn't work, and I don't expect him to because he's in school for like 12 hours a day.) Anyway, he always 'wants' things...I call them pipe dreams. He's very materialistic like that...he HAS to have the nice car, nice this, nice that... The latest is that he wants a motorcycle. Keep in mind that he already has one, a 1971 Honda that his Dad gave him last year. He has spent tons of MY money fixing it up (I know it's 'our' money, but still...I'm the one working). Recently, he got it into his head that he just needs a new one, because this is the 'only time in his life' when he can ride it with his friends and 'show off' (don't know where he got that from, as his Dad is 55 and wants a motorcycle too). ANYWAY, I informed him that he may NOT get one, as I am out of work right now and we have absolutely NO income coming in. We are cutting back everywhere, and there is NO way we can afford $8,000 on something so unnecessary. Besides, I cannot stand motorcycles and think they are super dangerous. (I hate the fact that he already has one too.) Well, I just got a phone call from him; he bought a freakin BRAND NEW motorcycle without bothering to consult me (maybe because he knew what I'd say). WHAT A JERK!! I am in shock that he would do this...what the ****!?! I don't even want to speak to him. How could he do this when we have NO money???? I know, it's because his STUPID ANNOYING FATHER is lending him the money until he gets a job. I think they are forgetting that when my husband does get a job, I am NOT going to be working, we are going to be buying a house, etc...we won't have 'extra' money just laying around. How inconsiderate and immature and irresponsible can one person be? I don't have anyone to talk to...if I tell my mom, she will absolutely flip out. I tried talking to my MIL, but she was like, 'well honey, I can understand where he's coming from...you got a new baby and now he wants something new too...' WHAT THE #@&% !?!? IT'S OUR BABY, NOT JUST MINE. AAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!! Please help, I don't know what to do. I feel like packing my bags and grabbing Lyndsey and leaving.
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: please help...I'm going to KILL my husband
I just wanted to post some more support. It is obvious that your DH is not serious about this fight- or else the bike would be at his parents since they are the rightful owners and he would have told them to sell it asap! And the fact that they a)offered or b) agreed to finance it was insane. Why not give you guys $8K towards school or a home instead? I bet he thinks that 'this will just blow over' and I am sure his parents also think that. Perhaps you need to make it 100% clear that this is NOT funny, or a small matter in your eyes. And while I am not in your shoes right now I think I would honestly stay at my parents for a few days and let him see what his life is like without you and the baby but with his great new fancy bike. I wonder if his bike will give him a kiss when he comes home or support him while he is going to school? Maybe that will help him to see how unfair and immature this is. And working a small part time job is NOTHING to get a huge pat on the back for. He is a husband and a father. That money is needed for many, many things. Lots of people- men and women- work full time and go to school to support their families. And while I can totally understand why you don't want his parents at your home I doubt I would cut them out of your life forever. I would NOT want them to come to my home so soon after this though. That will also help him see that this is no joke. I just think this totally stinks Melissa.
DH is constantly 'wishing' for things...and it makes me nervous that he will spend the money...
I think I am lucky, b/c his mother would kill him if he bought a motorcycle like he wants to...since his brother has a scattered kneecap...
there is no way that DH should take the chance to make his daughter fatherless.
KarenG
Posted:
Member since
Re: please help...I'm going to KILL my husband
Although I am not TTC I am thinking about my thoughts on the matter and come here from time to time to peep in on life on the other side of the fence.
I am so very sorry that you are experiencing this. Like you, I had been supporting my husband for a short while and I understand your frustrations. It is stressful to have the weight of the 'breadwinner' on your shoulders when it is just the 2 of you....I can only imagine how concerned you are about his commitment to provide now that there are the 3 of you. (even though he had a part time job for a while there, this action speaks much louder).
I believe Lisa posted earlier about his parents v. him. While it is terribly wrong for his parents to have provided the financing, the only really wrong party here is him. I know that can/may be harder to accept given the circumstances but he is the husband, the father....he is the one that has a commitment to you and your daughter to be financially responsible. Your anger should be primarily directed to him, not them. They were merely a bank in this scenario. Their son is an adult and is soley and completely responsible for his actions.
You said something that struck a cord though. That this is the last time he'll be able to ride with the guys or something like that. I'm wondering if the bike is merely a symptom of something else. Could he be having a difficult time adjusting to the responsibilites of being a dad? Maybe - in a subconscious way - he is acting out and doesn't even realize it. In 6 months he'll have the commitment of a job, $100K debt, a mortgage, sole provider...that's a lot to take on over night (esp when you've been carrying that burden for the last 3 years). There might be something deeper going on here than just the bike.
Regardless of the reasons, this is a major marital violation and you 2 should go to counseling to discuss it if you can not resolve this on your own. The fact that he still went to get the bike is very troublesome and shows he is in denial of his reality (his obligations to his family).
