Plus Ones

so originally when i started this whole process.. i had planned on inviting all of my friends/FH friends with a plus one.
now that we have realized the full cost/logistics, etc. i am starting to rethink that because it is going to be too expensive

now i'm thinking of just giving our BP plus ones, as well as anyone who has been in a long term relationship plus ones.
i feel bad, but at this point it is just getting to be too expensive.

do you think this is rude and will i be upsetting/offending people?

and adding to this issue- we have other people we would like to invite but won't be able to do so if we give everyone plus ones.



TIA for any advice!

---

Posted by cj52514

I hear you on this! My plan to do 'no ring no bring'. Meaning I'm going to give people who are married/engaged a plus one and the bridal party a plus one. I feel like a definitive cut off is important if everyone isn't going to get a plus one so there's no confusion as to why someone got a plus one and someone didn't. I'd love for everyone to be able to bring somebody, but it's just way too expensive! I talked to my friends who have bfs but aren't engaged and they said they understand and wouldn't be offended. At the end of the day, people know how expensive weddings are and know that it's simply about the cost.

---

I'm with you 100% on this. In our case, we have a couple of unattached friends who won't know anybody else at the wedding -- so do you make certain exceptions in those cases so they don't feel totally awkward?

---

Posted by Lori0413

---

Posted by cj52514

I hear you on this! My plan to do 'no ring no bring'. Meaning I'm going to give people who are married/engaged a plus one and the bridal party a plus one. I feel like a definitive cut off is important if everyone isn't going to get a plus one so there's no confusion as to why someone got a plus one and someone didn't. I'd love for everyone to be able to bring somebody, but it's just way too expensive! I talked to my friends who have bfs but aren't engaged and they said they understand and wouldn't be offended. At the end of the day, people know how expensive weddings are and know that it's simply about the cost.

---

I'm with you 100% on this. In our case, we have a couple of unattached friends who won't know anybody else at the wedding -- so do you make certain exceptions in those cases so they don't feel totally awkward?

---

Yeeah...I have some of those also and that's where I'm getting confused as well. One of my friends would be traveling over 5 hours if she came also. I'm using 'no ring no bring' as a general rule, but every rule is meant to be broken! lol...I don't really have that many friends who would be the odd man out, so it's not going to break the bank for me, but maybe what you can do if everyone is local is schedule a get together (a night out or a brunch or something) so your friends can become more familiar with each other and won't feel so out of place on your wedding day? I might do something like that.

---

Posted by mf324

thanks ladies... i am liking the 'no ring no bring'.. we may need to implement that!

---

Just realize that this may offend a lot of people that are in serious relationships but not engaged. I was with my FI for 3 1/2 years before we got engaged and if either of us were invited to a wedding without the other I would have been pissed and maybe not gone to the wedding. Just because someone doesn't have a ring doesn't mean their relationship is any less valuable, especially if an engagement will be on their plate in the future. I think the long term relationships and a date if you don't know anyone will be our plus ones.

---

Posted by kaw2be

---

Posted by mf324

thanks ladies... i am liking the 'no ring no bring'.. we may need to implement that!

---

Just realize that this may offend a lot of people that are in serious relationships but not engaged. I was with my FI for 3 1/2 years before we got engaged and if either of us were invited to a wedding without the other I would have been pissed and maybe not gone to the wedding. Just because someone doesn't have a ring doesn't mean their relationship is any less valuable, especially if an engagement will be on their plate in the future. I think the long term relationships and a date if you don't know anyone will be our plus ones.

---

thats a very good point.. and actually when i told my FH about this he has 2 friends who have been in long term relationships but are not yet engaged (but likely will be soon) and he thinks it would be messed up to invite one without the other.. so we will likely do it as a plus one for people who are in serious long term relationships

---

Posted by kaw2be

[Just realize that this may offend a lot of people that are in serious relationships but not engaged. I was with my FI for 3 1/2 years before we got engaged and if either of us were invited to a wedding without the other I would have been pissed and maybe not gone to the wedding. Just because someone doesn't have a ring doesn't mean their relationship is any less valuable, especially if an engagement will be on their plate in the future. I think the long term relationships and a date if you don't know anyone will be our plus ones.

---

I definitely agree with you! It's very easy to offend someone either way. I ran this by my friends who were in longer relationships (some over 5 years) but weren't engaged and they understood. I feel like you run the risk of offending though even if you make the cut off somewhere else. If you invite people in serious relationships, how do you decide what's considered 'serious'? Is it a certain length of time? Because then I feel like you run the risk of people who haven't been dating that long, but consider their relationship serious being offended. That's why I feel the engagement ring is a good cut off for me personally. I'm not choosing whose relationship is 'serious' and whose isn't. In the end I think it comes down to what works best for each group of friends and relatives.

---

Posted by cj52514

---

Posted by kaw2be

[Just realize that this may offend a lot of people that are in serious relationships but not engaged. I was with my FI for 3 1/2 years before we got engaged and if either of us were invited to a wedding without the other I would have been pissed and maybe not gone to the wedding. Just because someone doesn't have a ring doesn't mean their relationship is any less valuable, especially if an engagement will be on their plate in the future. I think the long term relationships and a date if you don't know anyone will be our plus ones.

---

I definitely agree with you! It's very easy to offend someone either way. I ran this by my friends who were in longer relationships (some over 5 years) but weren't engaged and they understood. I feel like you run the risk of offending though even if you make the cut off somewhere else. If you invite people in serious relationships, how do you decide what's considered 'serious'? Is it a certain length of time? Because then I feel like you run the risk of people who haven't been dating that long, but consider their relationship serious being offended. That's why I feel the engagement ring is a good cut off for me personally. I'm not choosing whose relationship is 'serious' and whose isn't. In the end I think it comes down to what works best for each group of friends and relatives.

---

I think it's great of you to let your friends know ahead of time, that definitely would avoid a lot of hurt feelings. If I knew ahead of time, I would take it much better than if someone just sent an invitation.

Yeah I agree, just because people arent engaged doesn't mean there relationship is any less valuable, I have friends who've been together for years and own a home together but choose to not marry. Also, I have friends who just can't afford a ring right now especially the
Economy. There is a lot of grey area to that into considerations, I don't know your friends but they must be super nice bc I'd def be offended if my boyfriend of five years wasn't invited to my friends wedding but other peoples finances were. Some people are engaged within months of knowing each other. Anyway that's just my opinion, but if it works for you then go for it. I know it gets expensive so we are all forced to make cuts.

---

Posted by db276952

Yeah I agree, just because people arent engaged doesn't mean there relationship is any less valuable, I have friends who've been together for years and own a home together but choose to not marry. Also, I have friends who just can't afford a ring right now especially the
Economy. There is a lot of grey area to that into considerations, I don't know your friends but they must be super nice bc I'd def be offended if my boyfriend of five years wasn't invited to my friends wedding but other peoples finances were. Some people are engaged within months of knowing each other. Anyway that's just my opinion, but if it works for you then go for it. I know it gets expensive so we are all forced to make cuts.

---

Well, I told them about how I was thinking of deciding plus ones or not and they said it made sense. There are exceptions like people living together but deciding not to marry and that kind of thing. My question is is there really a good way to decide plus ones? Because I agree with you when you said some people are engaged within months of knowing each other. It happened in my own family. If you don't have a clear way to show people who gets a plus one and who doesn't, how do you decide what relationship is considered 'serious?' People who are dating 6 months may be more serious than people who are dating for over a year and then you run the risk of offending people who consider their relationships serious but haven't been dating for very long. Do you have any other suggestions on how to cut? I'm open to other options

---

Posted by scottsbride

Thats a tough situation. Everyone at our wedding is getting a plus one even if they are single. I have been single and had to go to a wedding alone and its no fun. Who wants to sit at a table alone. I just remember this one time I was at a table with couples and the couples all got up to dance and I was left alone and that sucks.

---

Yeah that's true too! Ugh..plus ones are hard!

I guess I just have a group of really laid back friends lol. Several of my friends used engagements as a way to decide the plus ones so I guess I just assumed that was the best way to go. One of my friends got married when my FH and I were dating about 3 years. We weren't engaged yet, but she knew he bought the ring. She told me that she simply couldn't afford many people which is why I wasn't getting a plus 1 and I wasn't offended. I guess it was because she told me the reason. I guess the bottom line is just try to consider the feelings of the people on your guest list and do the best you can. It's always good to hear other people's opinions. Thanks ladies!

we're having a small wedding, so ours is probably a bit of a different situation

we didn't invite anyone with a plus one unless they were in a LONG term relationship, or engaged..

only 1 person made a semi comment about it-turns out we were going to be 1 or 2 people under our minimum, so we let him know he could bring his gf