Question about fiance participation...

Original post by CubanBride

Jun 23, 2004 10:05 AM

How many of your fiance's are actively participating in the planning of the wedding? What are they doing/have they done so far?

lorsin Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:32 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Posted by FeliciaDA

FH has been very 'into' the wedding planning process. He's went to all the vendors with me (without complaining) and has made EVERY decision with me. He never complains or tells me he doesn't want to do something, etc.

However all the follow-up calls, appointments and little things (like favors, etc) he's left to me .. Since I'm a control freak, I cannot complain .. that's how I like it. I stress out over the details FAR more than he does, and while he does offer to help, he knows I'm better off left doing the little touches by myself

That's us exactly. He wants to & likes to make the big decisions with me, but after that, I take care of it. I am a perfectionist control freak, so even if he wanted to help with some of it, I probably wouldn't let him tie the bows and wrap the presents, etc.

He wants to do the tuxes on his own, but I'm not sure I can give up putting my two cents in. I guess I have to be strong!!

MegLehner Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:33 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Posted by fashionhag

Well my problem is my fiance is not really doing any work with the wedding. I do all the research. I book all the appointments. He goes with me on the appointments only because I don't have my own car. Any time I ask him questions he just smiles and nods. I am kind of getting tired of it. I don't know what to do.

I think you should just tell him how you feel and that you wish he was more excited about planning. Give him something to be in charge of, maybe entertainment. He should also be in charge of getting his tux.
I forgot to add that my FH went to look at bands and DJs with me. THat is something your FH might get into. sometimes guys just arent into wedding planning and you dont want to push the issue too much - he might start getting annoyed.

J&S Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:34 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

So far FH has been very involved. The only thing he doesn't care about are flowers (totally understandable), but everything else we will be doing together. The videography was very important to him and now he is most concerned about the DJ and transporting the guests (so they can drink-his #1 concern LOL).

chichila15 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:36 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Posted by fashionhag

Well my problem is my fiance is not really doing any work with the wedding. I do all the research. I book all the appointments. He goes with me on the appointments only because I don't have my own car. Any time I ask him questions he just smiles and nods. I am kind of getting tired of it. I don't know what to do.

I think that it would be worse if FH didn't even take you to these places, and experience what we would. It's natural that us girls are the more organized and on top of things. Not to mention that we've been thinking about getting married since we were little girls, while they played with their GI-Joes.

I say run with that! My FH is too involved. I mean, of course, I'm happy that he's involved, but it was crossing the line when he told me what type of dress to buy (in which he doesn't know that I chose what I wanted anyway)... hahahahaha.

CubanBride Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:39 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Posted by MegLehner
Give him something to be in charge of, maybe entertainment. .

He has been to a crapload of weddings. I haven't been to any. He knows people who have gotten married.

I gave him a simple assignment, find an officiant. A few weeks later, he comes back to me saying that he doesn't know where to look. I say to him that his best friend got married and he was in the wedding, ask around. In the end, I wound up doing it myself.

I am just very fed up. I have spoken to him about this already but he just doesn't seem to want to do anything. Our engagement party is next month. After that, I am not doing another thing until he starts helping. I am just too damn tired.

chichila15 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:41 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Posted by fashionhag

I am just very fed up. I have spoken to him about ths already but he just doesn't seem to want to do anything. Our engagement party is next month. After that, I am not doing another thing until he starts helping. I am just too damn tired.

Did he have a different opinion as to how to get married? Maybe your FH is the type of person not to want to make a big spectacle with the wedding, and would much rather take the shortcut...?

dm24angel Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:42 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

MY fh is not exactly the planning, following up type so I ask his opinion and negotiate and compromise but I am prepared to do all the work making arrangements...it's simpler since he wouldn't know where to begin...I think the participation situation depends on the type of person they are, and what they are used to doing...my FH doesnt like to call to order a pizza...I know this...so I cant get mad if he doesnt want to call and make appoitments and things...I was prepared so I wouldnt get frustrated....

FutureMrs Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:46 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

My fiance has been wonderful. He has gone to bridal shows with me. He went to the hall with me and my parents to look at it and sign the contracts, he went to see the limos with me, he went to see the DJ with me and sign the contract, he went to the church with me. The only thing I have done on my own so far is meet with the florist. He doesn't do anything he doesn't want to. But all the research is done by me and then we discuss it. So far so good.

mltm914 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:49 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

I think my fiance has been a little too involved. He wants to know all the little details. I'd rather handle some of it on my own.

prncssrachel Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:50 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

I guess he's involved, but considering that me, my sister, my best friend and another friend are all getting married within a 3 month span next year, us girls have pretty much taken over with eachother. I mean, we go to see vendors together and what not, so he really doesn't have much to do. He went to see catering halls last year, he went with me to photographers, DJs and what not, but in the end, he's just really easy going and pretty much is always on the same page as me, anyway, so he trusts me.
I don't feel like I'm missing out on him making decisions with me because then I have to EXPLAIN everything to him, and the effort of that just isn't worth it He's totally there when I need him for a decision, so I think we have a good system going.

janwinterbridejoy Posted: Jun 23, 2004 11:08 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

my dh went with me to most of the meetings with vendors but let me make most of the critical choices although he did pick the hall after i couldnt get my first. he liked hearing my ideas but couldnt really picture them untill the day of the wedding he finally got it

dkwife Posted: Jun 23, 2004 11:09 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Posted by steph4777

He attended all of the vendor meetings. But has not gotten too involved with the details. Before I do something, I ask his opinion but most of the time he doesn't have much to say.

Basically same here...

LIPrincess00 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 11:42 AM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

We have done everything (except my dress) together. He even wants to go with me to the florist for the sample. In a way I like it because my family and friends dont offer (they all are to busy) so its nice to have him there.

queenlizard Posted: Jun 23, 2004 12:11 PM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

He was very involved with our reception place and the menu, other than that, he couldn't care less

Xelindrya Posted: Jun 23, 2004 12:15 PM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Jim is VERY involved.

Jim helped pick the centerpieces, picked the theme, he alone decided on the invite (out of like 12 I presented him with), he’s gone to EVERY vendor meeting and/or has been on every call (via conference) for decisions, he’s helped pick out the color and design of the BM dress, pick the favors, helped decide on hair, makeup and jewelry for me (no he hasn’t seen the dress), he’s helping to pick out the BM jewelry, he was there when we picked out the BM gifts and just about EVERY aspect of this wedding.

Hell he even took a picture of a lady’s shoe while we were supposed to be kneeling in a church cause I liked the design!!!!

Bunnymonkey Posted: Jun 23, 2004 12:54 PM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Mine is fairly involved...he has a distinct opinion no everything and asks lots of (sometimes really clueless) questions, which drives me a little insane, but I suppose I should be grateful he cares about the details. I make all the final decisions, and he is ok with that.

As a psychology freak, this is a topic I have a very strong opinion on. I am very careful to say 'we' when talking about any wedding decision to anyone, becasue once you start saying 'I think we should...' you automatically disinclude him. I have heard women, in front of their fiances say 'For my wedding...' OMG! Even if the guy is not planning a thing, he is still marrying you! Give him some credit.

I think the key is finding what might even remotely interest them, and getting them excited about it with conversation and a little encouragement, not 'you really need me help out or I am going to freek out!' IMHO, men tune it out when you start to sound like a mom telling them to pick up their dirty socks. My FH's 'project', as discussed over a nice dinner out, will be to compile and create the CD favors...it's something I asked him to do, profusely compliment him on, (this is key!) and really make him feel like he is in charge of. So far, so good!

LadyPrincess Posted: Jun 23, 2004 12:54 PM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Posted by searsc

Posted by steph4777

He attended all of the vendor meetings. But has not gotten too involved with the details. Before I do something, I ask his opinion but most of the time he doesn't have much to say.

Basically same here...

Same for me

LadyPrincess Posted: Jun 23, 2004 12:56 PM

Re: Question about fiance participation...

Posted by LadyPrincess

Posted by searsc

Posted by steph4777

He attended all of the vendor meetings. But has not gotten too involved with the details. Before I do something, I ask his opinion but most of the time he doesn't have much to say.

Basically same here...

Same for me

But he will interject ideas - when he does not have a'glazed look' as to what i am talking abt gotta love 'em