question for moms with married children

Do you treat your children any differently now that they are married?

We have found that our moms still treat us like we're kids. My mom kind of catches herself and will usually say something like, 'oh, well, you're an adult, you work and pay your own bills, do what you want.'

Re: question for moms with married children

This is a really good question.
For me, I'm very sad that my children have grown up. Its a sign they don't need me like they used to. I was always the type of mom that loved when they were home from school for the summer and cried when they had first days back. I never pawned my children off on my parents or sitters so I could do my thing. I was a stay at home mom. Though there were times when we really could of used a second income, I didn't have children just so I couldn't be there.

My daughter has lived on her own for 10 years, went to college, excelled from there and never moved back home. She learned through her own lifes ups and downs what life is all about. She is the type (never was) to run to mom/dad, she was her own solver of whatever was happening at that time. My son stayed with me until 6 months before he got married.

I refuse to treat my children as kids though they are MY kids, they're adults and if i speak out of place, they are the first ones to put me in my place but not in a cruel way.

They have seen the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the up times finanially, and the very low sides of struggling and they know what can be done to survive. I've never said to them ''oh, well, you're an adult, you work and pay your own bills, do what you want.' I've guided them to the adults they are but teaching them through my mistakes in my life.

In todays society, its very hard for a new couple to start their own roots and by having parents, or just moms shooting them down, doens't make it easier. Some moms just need to look, listen and guide, NOT JUDGE.

I have a saying that I say outloud, 'I want to be just like my daughter when I grow up'. I had alot of respect and admiration for her and I'm proud to be the lady that brought this wonderful woman into this world.

So when you moms tell you ''oh, well, you're an adult, you work and pay your own bills, do what you want.' just say, 'Mom, thats right. I AM an adult'.

Sorry this was long. I wanted to give you some sort of inner feelings from a mom.

Re: question for moms with married children

I definitely do. I will be very honest here and say it's probably more for the sake of my SIL than for my daughter. She knows me! She can say 'Mom....' and I know to back off and she wouldn't consider me as intrusive as I worry their husband may. I don't call them at home as frequently as I may want to. They need their time together and since they work long hours at their jobs I know how short their evenings are. I also try very hard not to show them how I cringe at the huge NY city rent they pay and all the extras they indulge themselves in, and I don't call and invite them over at every little thing any more. I let them know they are welcome whenever they can make it, but I don't want to make them feel quilty if they have other things to do.
I try hard to be a considerate Mom and MIL - but it requires restraint and effort. My instincts are to call and tell her little things. My daughter lived on her own for 6 years and then moved back for one year of wedding planning. We shared everything that year and all of a sudden she's out of the house and I can't share little daily details that are important to me any more. Husbands are not always the ones you want to talk to. By the time my daughter and I get to chat every few days, it's onto something else. It's a huge adjustment for me, especially now that my son just got married this Sunday also. Now my home is totally child-free and I'm not liking it! Hopefully my puppy will get me through it and I can definitely say my working at my husband's retail store in the city a few hours each day makes the world of difference. There are familiar customers to talk with and tourists who come in from all over. I'm really tired when we get home at night so maybe I won't miss the empty house as much.
I hope this helps. Marriage is definitely an adjustment for everyone.