Question for those who are having church ceremonies

Have any of you been told that you can't have the following:

1-unity candle ceremony
2-a marriage blessing cup
3-your own vows
4-the kiss
5-'husband' and wife instead of 'man' and wife
6-picture of deceased parent on altar rail (not sure how many would do this, but my FH's father died and thought it would be nice to have)
7-anything thrown outside

just curious! TIA!

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

we couldnt do the throwing of things outside and we couldnt write our own vows. i didnt ask about the blessing cup and we did have the unity candle. most strict churches dont allow the kiss of the alter anymore. my priest was the coolest and was a monsignor he allowed us to kiss but turned his head so he didnt see. we said husband and wife it was a special request. my father passed away and i didnt have a picture at church but th epriest did mention him in prayer and we mentioned him in the programs. you could also display a small framed picture of him at the reception by the guest book table or parents a table behind where you and your fh will be sitting

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

Your church isn't allowing all those things? Sounds like they don't want you to have a wedding, but more of a mass instead!

1-I didn't have a unity candle ceremony, because I chose to do a unity sand thingy. If it's a fire hazard to the church, maybe you can compensate with that.... the two different colors sands change into one: unity of both families.
2-never heard of a marriage blessing cup.
3-Own vows: I think if all else, you should definitely insist on this. It shouldn't be up to the priest how traditional you'd like your wedding. It's not fair. We followed the traditional vows with our own, and it was one of the most beautiful parts of the ceremony.
4-I've never heard that a chruch doesn't allow the kiss. Frankly, I would not have chosen a church if they prohibit me to kiss my new husband at the end of most important day of our lives!
5-I like husband & wife better... it goes better.... just like man & woman go better. ie. pen & pencil, not pen & ruler.
6-I never asked about putting a picture up of both of our deceased fathers. What I did was carry both pictures with me ALLL day, and then at the reception, I placed both pictures in front of DH & I, for only us to see. The pictures were small enough to fit in my glove... and it was a surprise to DH.
7-Our church didn't allow rice, so we had rose petals. I know a lot of churchs don't allow the depature favors, but try asking what they DO allow, and try to accomodate. If all else fails, do you think that they'll actually run up to the guests to stop them from throwing petals, or blowing bubbles?

Good luck, ManhattanWoman!

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

my church does not allow aisle runners
we cannot thow anything -we are doing ribbon wands

i don't know what else we can't do yet becuase i never had the first interview

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

my church allows aisle runners, but they kind of stongly discourage it. and we are not allowed to throw anything outside of the church. we are having a mass, by our choice, but we haven't gotten as far as what we can and cannot have, aside from what i already mentioned.

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

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Posted by janwinterbridejoy

most strict churches dont allow the kiss of the alter anymore. my priest was the coolest and was a monsignor he allowed us to kiss but turned his head so he didnt see.

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realy? I neverheard ofthat.

Our preist told us when to kiss during the rehearsal & then told us to be more , well passionate about it.
It was an Epicoapl church.

Throwing things no, runner yes--didnt' ask about the other stuff.
Vows,I dont' think we could change, that's kinda the point of the church ceremony,but we mayhave been able to add. We were allowed to add a secular reading if we wanted, but we declined.

I read somewhere that 'the unity candle is not part of the Episcopal marraige tradition' but I have heard some churches let you.

I was in no state to be playing with flames.

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

Wait a sec - will your church seriously not let you substitute 'husband and wife' for 'man and wife'?? What is that about?

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

- We can't throw anything- but I don't care I'm doing rose petals anyway!!!

- No writing our own vows (thats fine)

- We can't have our own musicians or vocalist (just found that out and I'm really pissed- beacause I already book)

- No memorial candle (REALLY ANGRY- FH's father has also passed away)

- No decorating anything/ No Flowers

- We can have a unity candle

- They choose the readings

- They choose the music

I'm not happy with any of it.

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

my church is pretty laid back... we don't have any restrictions...

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

Oh... and we can't know what time our ceremony is until about 2 months before the wedding because babies who have not even been CONCEIVED yet might get baptised that day!!!!!!!

How am I supposed to order my invites!?

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

if you have restrictions and these things are very important to you, I would suggest switching churches... unless invites have gone out.....
If they have... meet with your pastor and express your concern... he may flex-- good luck

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

I am really confused about the kiss
why cant you kiss the groom/bride???
someone tell me please!!!

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

One other thing to remember is some resrictions may come based on the time of year. If you are getting married during lent, you cannot decorate the church. The MOST you can do is a green plant or two.

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

We had a full Catholic Mass and we were allowed to do all of the above. The only thing we couldn't do is receive communin from the wedding cup. We would have had to leave it in the church.

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

At my FSIL's church- they could NOT kiss!
ETA: They go to a 'traditional' Roman Catholic church (full Latin Mass). The women have to cover their heads w/ lace, women have to wear skirts that cover the knee, you have to get your Wedding gown approved by the priest. I'm not exactly sure WHY you can't kiss the bride though. Guess you can't show affection or 'intimacy' in the church?

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

I don't care what they say, I'm kissing my damn husband.

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

In my church, we were not allowed to have programs or throw anything but we did everything else but drink from the Wedding Cup.

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

I can't have pictures taken during the ceremony, they have to be 're-staged' afterwards. Also, all music played has to be religious -- no wedding march, etc. But, I've been baptized, had my communion, confirmation, etc. in this church and I couldn't dream of being married anywhere else.

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

wow--i didn't think to ask all of that. i know we can't throw anything and the photographers need to remain in certain areas of the church and we have to use their musicians but now i'm wondering if i should ask about these other things.

i'm sorry they aren't letting you do so much.

Re: Question for those who are having church ceremonies

Thanks everyone for your input! I truly appreciate it!

My church is a roman catholic church where I was baptized, made communion and confirmation, graduated from and I also teach in the school. I can't imagine getting married anywhere else. God knows they will have to fly my body in from wherever when I die so that my funeral will be there too!

The head priest will allow some things, but it's the priest who will be marrying us who objects. He is a childhood friend and I nearly strangled him when he told me I couldn't have those things. I'm still working on it! Hopefully he will change his mind about a few things. But it doesn't look promising. He's so BY THE BOOK--just not sure if it's the BIBLE! ahhaha