Random: BP related

If you found out someone in your bridal party (one of your 'closest' friends) was the 'other' women in a relationship, would you ask her not to be in your BP?

I found out one of my girls is dating a guy for about 18months & the guy has been in another relationship for approx. 3 years


The girl in the BP knew about this the whole time

Am I being a bridezilla? I feel if someone doesn't respect relationships or commitment, and is ok w/ being the chick some guy cheats on his girlfriend with, how good of a friend can this person be. I just found out about her 'bf's' other girlfriend (who doesn't know about her) and & I immeditly lost all respect for her,

How would you feel & how would you react?

I think she should be in your wedding party based on the relationship she has with either you or you and FH.,

I think her private life should stay out of the scope of your decision to put her in your BP.

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Posted by Mizzdimple

I think she should be in your wedding party based on the relationship she has with either you or you and FH.,

I think her private life should stay out of the scope of your decision to put her in your BP.

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i agree BUT then the question becomes - would i be able to remain a friend to someone who was doing this? would i trust this friend around my FH? would i want to discuss my wedding with her when she apparently has no respect for a committed relationship?

i mean, i have made some mistakes in the past and my friends never judged me and they were always there for me and they let me grow past them - but those were momentary errors in judgement NOT a long term thing. . .

this is a tough one - good luck with your decision

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Mizzdimple

I think she should be in your wedding party based on the relationship she has with either you or you and FH.,

I think her private life should stay out of the scope of your decision to put her in your BP.

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i agree BUT then the question becomes - would i be able to remain a friend to someone who was doing this? would i trust this friend around my FH? would i want to discuss my wedding with her when she apparently has no respect for a committed relationship?

i mean, i have made some mistakes in the past and my friends never judged me and they were always there for me and they let me grow past them - but those were momentary errors in judgement NOT a long term thing. . .

this is a tough one - good luck with your decision

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Good point., I would totally not want her around my FH.

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by Mizzdimple

I think she should be in your wedding party based on the relationship she has with either you or you and FH.,

I think her private life should stay out of the scope of your decision to put her in your BP.

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i agree BUT then the question becomes - would i be able to remain a friend to someone who was doing this? would i trust this friend around my FH? would i want to discuss my wedding with her when she apparently has no respect for a committed relationship?

i mean, i have made some mistakes in the past and my friends never judged me and they were always there for me and they let me grow past them - but those were momentary errors in judgement NOT a long term thing. . .

this is a tough one - good luck with your decision

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That's it excatly Tilde, I don';t respect her. If it was a momentary lapse in judgement it would be one thing. This is a long term thing, & she kept a major factor of her relationship a secret...

For someone who neglects to respect commited relationships to be a part of a wedding (my wedding) is kinda hyprocritical... don't you think?

I'm not sure if I even feel comfortable continuing the friendship

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Posted by perfectpair

For someone who neglects to respect commited relationships to be a part of a wedding (my wedding) is kinda hyprocritical... don't you think?

I'm not sure if I even feel comfortable continuing the friendship

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That was my thought when I read your post. It's one thing to make bad choices, but like you said, to have some be part of your day that shows no respect for committed relationships doesn't seem right.
If I were in your situation I would talk to the girl, explain how you feel, and express that you are having doubts about her being part of your wedding day - being part of a ceremony completely about committment.
That's a really tough situation to be in, good luck with everything.

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Posted by KSquared

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Posted by perfectpair

For someone who neglects to respect commited relationships to be a part of a wedding (my wedding) is kinda hyprocritical... don't you think?

I'm not sure if I even feel comfortable continuing the friendship

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That was my thought when I read your post. It's one thing to make bad choices, but like you said, to have some be part of your day that shows no respect for committed relationships doesn't seem right.
If I were in your situation I would talk to the girl, explain how you feel, and express that you are having doubts about her being part of your wedding day - being part of a ceremony completely about committment.
That's a really tough situation to be in, good luck with everything.

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I know, I 'm glad alot of you feel the same way as I do, I thought I was being zilla about it

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Posted by GinaBambina88

that is almost like what happened on sex and the city when carrie was in charlotte's wedding while she was cheating with big....but yeah, I could definitely understand your predicament..have you spoken to her about it? That really doesn't say much about the type of person she is...the way I see it, if you're willing to continue your friendship with her then you should be willing to keep her in your bp and vice versa....but if you can't even stand to be her friend anymore, then she definitely shouldn't be in the BP...

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Thanks the ladder is what I'm feeling

I'm in no way condoning what your friend did, but I think you'd be overreacting by kicking her out of the BP (JMHO) because of something she is taking part in that has no bearing on you and your relationship.

Think about it, you didn't pick her as a BM because of the way she values commitment and relationships, you picked her because she is/was your friend and you wanted her by your side on your special day.

I think you've made up your mind too, but really think about it because you may be losing a friend and if that doesn't bother you in one way or another than cut her loose, otherwise, really think hard about it.

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Posted by Mizzdimple

I think she should be in your wedding party based on the relationship she has with either you or you and FH.,

I think her private life should stay out of the scope of your decision to put her in your BP.

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I agree even though you don't agree with her actions that doesn't change how she has been in your life

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Posted by love2plan1

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Posted by Mizzdimple

I think she should be in your wedding party based on the relationship she has with either you or you and FH.,

I think her private life should stay out of the scope of your decision to put her in your BP.

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I agree even though you don't agree with her actions that doesn't change how she has been in your life

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I also agreed with this point. But it does seem like you made up your mind and I wouldn't trust her around my FH. If you don't think you want to continue the friendship then I wouldn't want her to be my BM.

Hmm, I think I'm in the minority on this one.

I'm thinking about it if the tables were turned (not that I would ever do that....but more of a hypothetical).

I would probably be embarrassed about the situation, and therefore I'd probably hide it too. I'm sure she isn't proud of what she is doing. She's probably friends with a lot of people who are involved in loving relationships - like you - and probably feels uncomfortable talking to you or anyone else about it.

That is HER choice to do it. Sure, you can be disappointed in her as a friend. It's not a wise decision on her part. But at the same time, she probably needs some friends right now to talk to her and tell her that it's the wrong thing to do.

I think I'm more disgusted by the guy she's dating. It was HIS CHOICE to cheat on his wife. I'm not saying she's innocent. But we all know stories like this one. It sounds to me like this girl has a low self-esteem and doesn't realize that she can be in a relationship with a man who can devote himself entirely to her.

I say don't kick her out. Don't condone what she is doing either...but encourage her to get out of the relationship and find someone who isn't married.

It's really sad to me. Hearing the story didn't anger me, but made me really sad.

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Posted by beachbum05

Hmm, I think I'm in the minority on this one.

I'm thinking about it if the tables were turned (not that I would ever do that....but more of a hypothetical).

I would probably be embarrassed about the situation, and therefore I'd probably hide it too. I'm sure she isn't proud of what she is doing. She's probably friends with a lot of people who are involved in loving relationships - like you - and probably feels uncomfortable talking to you or anyone else about it.

That is HER choice to do it. Sure, you can be disappointed in her as a friend. It's not a wise decision on her part. But at the same time, she probably needs some friends right now to talk to her and tell her that it's the wrong thing to do.

I think I'm more disgusted by the guy she's dating. It was HIS CHOICE to cheat on his wife. I'm not saying she's innocent. But we all know stories like this one. It sounds to me like this girl has a low self-esteem and doesn't realize that she can be in a relationship with a man who can devote himself entirely to her.

I say don't kick her out. Don't condone what she is doing either...but encourage her to get out of the relationship and find someone who isn't married.

It's really sad to me. Hearing the story didn't anger me, but made me really sad.

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i coldnt have responded any better. good job bon bon! i agree if i were her id be embarrased. and if i knew my firends found out i would want them to be there for me and maybe 'knock' a little sense into me. thats what friends are about.

i wouldnt kick her out. JMO

Ooh, I just noticed that the guy isn't married. Sorry - I don't know why I assumed that.

i completely understand what you are saying Bonnie - i dont think it should be simple like:

what she is doing is wrong = she shouldnt be in the BP

*BUT* i just think that if i had a friend going through that FOR SUCH A LONG TIME i would have to question my relationship with that person.

it is a tough choice - like i said, my friends have totally stood by me through some HORRID decision making and who knows where i would be without them? BUT i think it is the whole LENGTH of the relationship that bugs me. . .it would totally make me question keeping this person in my life