Random: BP related

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Posted by Munchkn16

Only if it affects your relationship with her. IMO I don't think this means she disrespects relationshops in general. I'd ask why she wants to be the 'other woman.' It sounds like there's more going on in her scenario than may appear to be.

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Exactly and you dont just abandon your friend and give up on them when they are obviously going through things and probably need help.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by jgl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by jgl

i dont see it as a trust issue i see it as a respect and values issue.

this girl lacks morals and values if she is dating another girls bf.

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yeah but in that case most of us wouldn't have friends. Then we would have to also look at the guys in the BP, what if they cheat too, and sorry to say but alot of them do. What if the guys have fooled around with girls who had bf's

And not just with cheating but other things too, everybody has made mistakes, i cant think of one person i know who hasn't, we'd really have no friends lol.



ITs only herself she has no respect for

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I dont think that is true that we wouldnt have friends. The people i am friends with, arent like that. I have stopped being friends with people that did things i disagreed with (ie; a friend meeting guys off the internet and sleeping with them - to me that was disgusting and i stopped being that persons friend) To me this is the same thing.

i wouldnt be able to look at that person the same way.
but that is just how I feel about it.

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I understand but lets say your best friend who has always been there for you cheated on somebody would you stop talking to them?

and im not talking about just cheating or sleeping with other people...Theres other things that people do too, like for example the drug thing i mentioned

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I dont know, i understand what you are saying, but i think what i am focusing on is the fact that this has been a continued thing (18 months) not a 1 time mistake. that is what is getting under my skin. and if a friend thinks its okay, then i would feel like a hypocrite to be friends with them since i feel so strongly against that.

Of crouse these are just all my opinions and perspectives and how i THINK i would deal with it. Overall, it is a tough situation and honestly i think that none of us can really answer it until we are in the situation and really know all the details.

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Posted by jgl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by jgl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by jgl

i dont see it as a trust issue i see it as a respect and values issue.

this girl lacks morals and values if she is dating another girls bf.

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yeah but in that case most of us wouldn't have friends. Then we would have to also look at the guys in the BP, what if they cheat too, and sorry to say but alot of them do. What if the guys have fooled around with girls who had bf's

And not just with cheating but other things too, everybody has made mistakes, i cant think of one person i know who hasn't, we'd really have no friends lol.



ITs only herself she has no respect for

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I dont think that is true that we wouldnt have friends. The people i am friends with, arent like that. I have stopped being friends with people that did things i disagreed with (ie; a friend meeting guys off the internet and sleeping with them - to me that was disgusting and i stopped being that persons friend) To me this is the same thing.

i wouldnt be able to look at that person the same way.
but that is just how I feel about it.

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I understand but lets say your best friend who has always been there for you cheated on somebody would you stop talking to them?

and im not talking about just cheating or sleeping with other people...Theres other things that people do too, like for example the drug thing i mentioned

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i sortof understand what you are saying, but this girl has been doing this for 18 months. its not a one time thing, she made a mistake. And yes it is hard to drop a good friend like that, but i think its harder to sit and ignore things they are doing that go against what you believe in. If she is doing this for 18 months then she prob doesnt think there is anything wrong with that. IF a friend is in trouble and in a bad spot, that is different.

maybe i have a double standard but if a friend of mine was into drugs, i would try to help them, but honestly if they arent willing to help themselves and take the help then yes, i wouldnt be friends with that person. Im not going to be friends with a drug addict or a person who chooses to continues cheating.

Of crouse these are just all my opinions and perspectives and how i THINK i would deal with it. Overall, it is a tough situation and honestly i think that none of us can really answer it until we are in the situation and really know all the details.

she has to go with your gut.

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I have been in this situation, Well i am against cheating and had to grow up with this so i really am against it and i dont think there are excuses. I had a real close friend who cheated on her bf of many years, i never agreed with it and also voiced my opinion about it and the consequences of it. I knew this girl since we were kids, and yes i didnt agree with what she was doing with her personal life but at the same time this is a friend who i grew up with and cared for, i wasn't going to end our friendship. When it came down to it she was just hurting herself, but as far as our friendship went she wasn't doing anything to me personally and i couldn't just forget all the times she was there for me and everything she did do for me.

Its very hard but at the same time we are all individuals and all so different from one another. I will never agree with everything a person does

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by jgl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by jgl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by jgl

i dont see it as a trust issue i see it as a respect and values issue.

this girl lacks morals and values if she is dating another girls bf.

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yeah but in that case most of us wouldn't have friends. Then we would have to also look at the guys in the BP, what if they cheat too, and sorry to say but alot of them do. What if the guys have fooled around with girls who had bf's

And not just with cheating but other things too, everybody has made mistakes, i cant think of one person i know who hasn't, we'd really have no friends lol.



ITs only herself she has no respect for

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I dont think that is true that we wouldnt have friends. The people i am friends with, arent like that. I have stopped being friends with people that did things i disagreed with (ie; a friend meeting guys off the internet and sleeping with them - to me that was disgusting and i stopped being that persons friend) To me this is the same thing.

i wouldnt be able to look at that person the same way.
but that is just how I feel about it.

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I understand but lets say your best friend who has always been there for you cheated on somebody would you stop talking to them?

and im not talking about just cheating or sleeping with other people...Theres other things that people do too, like for example the drug thing i mentioned

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i sortof understand what you are saying, but this girl has been doing this for 18 months. its not a one time thing, she made a mistake. And yes it is hard to drop a good friend like that, but i think its harder to sit and ignore things they are doing that go against what you believe in. If she is doing this for 18 months then she prob doesnt think there is anything wrong with that. IF a friend is in trouble and in a bad spot, that is different.

maybe i have a double standard but if a friend of mine was into drugs, i would try to help them, but honestly if they arent willing to help themselves and take the help then yes, i wouldnt be friends with that person. Im not going to be friends with a drug addict or a person who chooses to continues cheating.

Of crouse these are just all my opinions and perspectives and how i THINK i would deal with it. Overall, it is a tough situation and honestly i think that none of us can really answer it until we are in the situation and really know all the details.

she has to go with your gut.

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I have been in this situation, Well i am against cheating and had to grow up with this so i really am against it and i dont think there are excuses. I had a real close friend who cheated on her bf of many years, i never agreed with it and also voiced my opinion about it and the consequences of it. I knew this girl since we were kids, and yes i didnt agree with what she was doing with her personal life but at the same time this is a friend who i grew up with and cared for, i wasn't going to end our friendship. When it came down to it she was just hurting herself, but as far as our friendship went she wasn't doing anything to me personally and i couldn't just forget all the times she was there for me and everything she did do for me.

Its very hard but at the same time we are all individuals and all so different from one another. I will never agree with everything a person does

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very true......im with u on that one....like i said b4 im against the whole cheating thing...........but i dont feel that u should lose a good friend over it.....if you cant talk and voice your opinion...then maybe shes not as good of a friend as u thought, ya no?

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I have been in this situation, Well i am against cheating and had to grow up with this so i really am against it and i dont think there are excuses. I had a real close friend who cheated on her bf of many years, i never agreed with it and also voiced my opinion about it and the consequences of it. I knew this girl since we were kids, and yes i didnt agree with what she was doing with her personal life but at the same time this is a friend who i grew up with and cared for, i wasn't going to end our friendship. When it came down to it she was just hurting herself, but as far as our friendship went she wasn't doing anything to me personally and i couldn't just forget all the times she was there for me and everything she did do for me.

Its very hard but at the same time we are all individuals and all so different from one another. I will never agree with everything a person does

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very true......im with u on that one....like i said b4 im against the whole cheating thing...........but i dont feel that u should lose a good friend over it.....if you cant talk and voice your opinion...then maybe shes not as good of a friend as u thought, ya no?

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ok agreed..

but if you found out a year before your wedding that that girl was cheating on her bf/FH for a long time and she was in your BP... you wouldnt be upset, it wouldnt bother you to have her in your BP? esp since you are so against it, having grown up with that?

i think the fact of her being in the BP is bothering me more.

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Posted by jgl

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I have been in this situation, Well i am against cheating and had to grow up with this so i really am against it and i dont think there are excuses. I had a real close friend who cheated on her bf of many years, i never agreed with it and also voiced my opinion about it and the consequences of it. I knew this girl since we were kids, and yes i didnt agree with what she was doing with her personal life but at the same time this is a friend who i grew up with and cared for, i wasn't going to end our friendship. When it came down to it she was just hurting herself, but as far as our friendship went she wasn't doing anything to me personally and i couldn't just forget all the times she was there for me and everything she did do for me.

Its very hard but at the same time we are all individuals and all so different from one another. I will never agree with everything a person does

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very true......im with u on that one....like i said b4 im against the whole cheating thing...........but i dont feel that u should lose a good friend over it.....if you cant talk and voice your opinion...then maybe shes not as good of a friend as u thought, ya no?

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ok agreed..

but if you found out a year before your wedding that that girl was cheating on her bf/FH for a long time and she was in your BP... you wouldnt be upset, it wouldnt bother you to have her in your BP? esp since you are so against it, having grown up with that?

i think the fact of her being in the BP is bothering me more.

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yes i would be upset....id probably just tell her to break up with him if shes gunna cheat on him anyway....but i really dont know, but even tho i dont approve of everything my friends do, sometimes they are there for me more than my family, so yes it is a hard decision and i totally agree with u, but if u would feel uncomfortable then i wouldnt have her in the BP, its a very hard choice

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Posted by beachbum05
Hmm, I think I'm in the minority on this one.

I'm thinking about it if the tables were turned (not that I would ever do that....but more of a hypothetical).

I would probably be embarrassed about the situation, and therefore I'd probably hide it too. I'm sure she isn't proud of what she is doing. She's probably friends with a lot of people who are involved in loving relationships - like you - and probably feels uncomfortable talking to you or anyone else about it.

That is HER choice to do it. Sure, you can be disappointed in her as a friend. It's not a wise decision on her part. But at the same time, she probably needs some friends right now to talk to her and tell her that it's the wrong thing to do.

I think I'm more disgusted by the guy she's dating. It was HIS CHOICE to cheat on his wife. I'm not saying she's innocent. But we all know stories like this one. It sounds to me like this girl has a low self-esteem and doesn't realize that she can be in a relationship with a man who can devote himself entirely to her.

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I agree...i think she needs a friend to talk to her about what going on. She needs to see what shes doing is wrong and if this guy really wants to be with her, he would leave his girlfriend, but its been 18months or whatever it is, and he hasnt....so it looks to me like hes going to have his cake...and eat it too!!! Be there for your friend, talk to her and ask her what she would feel like if she was this guys girlfriend and he was cheating on her with another girl. and FYI Once a cheater always a cheater!! If you cant mend your relationship with this girl, then you can say you gave it your all and sometimes thats just the way life happens, but give her a shot and help her out

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Posted by jgl

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I have been in this situation, Well i am against cheating and had to grow up with this so i really am against it and i dont think there are excuses. I had a real close friend who cheated on her bf of many years, i never agreed with it and also voiced my opinion about it and the consequences of it. I knew this girl since we were kids, and yes i didnt agree with what she was doing with her personal life but at the same time this is a friend who i grew up with and cared for, i wasn't going to end our friendship. When it came down to it she was just hurting herself, but as far as our friendship went she wasn't doing anything to me personally and i couldn't just forget all the times she was there for me and everything she did do for me.

Its very hard but at the same time we are all individuals and all so different from one another. I will never agree with everything a person does

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very true......im with u on that one....like i said b4 im against the whole cheating thing...........but i dont feel that u should lose a good friend over it.....if you cant talk and voice your opinion...then maybe shes not as good of a friend as u thought, ya no?

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ok agreed..

but if you found out a year before your wedding that that girl was cheating on her bf/FH for a long time and she was in your BP... you wouldnt be upset, it wouldnt bother you to have her in your BP? esp since you are so against it, having grown up with that?

i think the fact of her being in the BP is bothering me more.

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if i decided to stay friends with her then i would also want her in the bp. Again its your day and about your love for you and FH not about her personal life.

What about guests? that i can guarantee MANY of your guests have cheated or are cheating, ALOT of people cheat, and if a person knows how you'll react then yes they wont tell you.

I used to hang out with a HUGE group of guys, we all grew up together and i was in a relationship with one of them for a while anyways they all hung out together all the time, i knew EVERYTHING they did bc they always told me about it, even things alot of others didn't know. I am just gonna worry about my wedding and not what everyone is doing in their personal life.

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Posted by Espo22

but this is me and how i feel about it. Everyone should do whatever they feel comfortable with

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im with ya on that one......

Thanks everyone for all of your help

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Posted by perfectpair

Thanks everyone for all of your help

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Last night I called her before I went to see The Waitress, and left her a vm. That movie was great if you havn't seen it yet I suggest you do . The movie showed various perspectives on cheating, and I felt more empathy for her when we spoke later last night. Altho I have chosen not to continue the friendship , so obvil, she is no longer in our BP...

Which makes our girls:guys ratio even more off balance, so do I ask someone else, we're just about @ the1 year mark & we' havn't formally asked the BP yet, we're doing that in July. Or no, leave only those I orignally palnned on having in it & get creative w/ the progressional/ recessional?

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Posted by Mizzdimple

I think she should be in your wedding party based on the relationship she has with either you or you and FH.,

I think her private life should stay out of the scope of your decision to put her in your BP.

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I TOTALLY agree