RD Question.... (LONG)

Hey ladies, ok, I have a dumb question, do I hand out the gifts BEFORE dinner or AFTER the dinner???? Reason being My Maid of Honor (who's been a huge pain & not to mention useless) just informed me that she has to leave the dinner early. She just got a new boyfriend who lives in CA & is coming in to be with her at my wedding. This girl went to Vegas for my Bachlorette party & spent a total of THREE hours with me while she was there because she spent the rest of it with him. That really annoyed me and now she's doing it AGAIN to me. My FIL's are paying per head for a nice dinner & she's got the nerve to tell me she's leaving early because SHE FEELS bad he's by himself for a few hours!!!! He's 30 years old for crying out loud! I told her that I thought that was wrong & now she's telling me that she has to leave because it's her mom's birthday which I know is a lie because her mom's b'day is the next day.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

I would give her her gift as she was leaving and hand out the rest at the end of the night. I would still be politically correct w/ her and see if maybe, just maybe, she'd feel bad. The saying is 'Kill 'em with kindness'.....

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

The RD's I've been to gave out the gifts after the dinner. But, I don't think there are any rules that say you must give them out at any certain time.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

wasn't the boyfriend invited to the rehearsal dinner? Aren't dates usually invited to this, I haven't done my invites yet, but I thought they were. all of the ones I've been to I've been invited with a date, especially if the date is coming from out of town. Actually, I 've been invited to the RD of weddings where I wan't in the wedding party, but I was in from out of town. Maybe this is her way (although incorrect) of tellingyou she feels he should have been invited?

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

i don't think you should care so much about hurting the feelings of a MOH who hasn't been much of a friend to you...this is your day and she should be more cognizant of that...but to answer your question, give her the gift when she leaves...

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

We gave out gifts after dinner, while dessert was being passed out.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

My FH and I didn't think it was fair to ask his parents to pay for dates, we have immidiate family, some out of town friends & family & the bridal party, all invited so we decided not to include people who we didn't even know (they have only been dating less than two months). They won't tell us how much they are paying but I'm sure a lot since they are geting a private room & want to pick a nice place to eat. They have been more than generous with us, we don't want to take advantage. If it were a casual thing, like a BBQ or something, than yes, he would have been invited.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

I have to be very honest. I think he should have been invited to the dinner. If my MOH had a new boyfriend and he flew in from out-of-town to go to the wedding then I would have asked him to join her at the RD. I understand that you do not want to take advantage of your FILs so I would have told them that we would like to pay for an extra guest.
You invited other out-of-town guests to the RD, while I am sure they are family, this guy still flew in to attend the wedding. It might be nice if you got to know him- as he is your MOH's boyfriend.
Unless this adds on a ton of extra guests (due to other BP members bring dates) I would invite him to join you.
I think MOH is being selfish leaving early but that is a totally different issue.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

Evelyn, why even give her something if she has been such a pain? may be I am in a 'guerrilla' mood thanks to our dear guest Fanna with those horrible comments that later she deleted sorry

But truly ... if she has been so nasty to you, don't even bother, I don't think that her new boyfriend came to your wedding, he came to be with her, so don't feel guilty.

abrazos,

Elena

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

When it comes time for our RD, we're going to invite the bridal party's dates that are from out of town. I think it would be a nice gesture since they came all the way to attend the wedding. I also don't want to leave them alone in the hotel to find something to do and have dinner alone. Some of them have never been to NY.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

We're just having our parents and the bridal party with us for the rehearsal dinner. Fh's parents are paying and I don't think its necessary for everyone to bring dates. Then the party doubles.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

Elena & Novemberbride, thank you!!!! Both of you are soooo right about her! No he's not coming to attend my wedding he's coming to see her, like he did in Vegas. She had the balls to ask me if he could come do dinner in Vegas one night when it was supposed to be just the girls! She is a VERY selfish person & unfortunately, I didn't see this side of her until I asked her to be part of my wedding. If he was a long time serious boyfriend then yes, I would have made it a point to include him (and I know my FFIL, they WOULD have paid for him with no problem, but that wasn't the point). Their 'dates' are getting free meals at my reception & I'm paying a lot of $ for people I don't even know, why should these people be a part of something that's supposed to be intimate & personal no????? I think the rehersal dinner should be for those rehersing & those who are close to you & your family to come, it's a way of saying 'Thank You for everything' not 'here's another free expensive meal, even though we don't know you.' Once you start inviting all of these people it just becomes huge & not as intimate. I want it to be a special time to say 'thanks for being a part of our special day.' Even though this girl has done nothing but bring drama & stress my way.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

Honestly, if my FH (even when he was just a boyfriend) left me to eat alone in a strange town after flying in to go to the wedding with him, I would be very upset. So I can see why your MOH feels that she has to make up an excuse.

She may have been useless and rude all along and perhaps you are still angry at her about that - but I see her situation in this scenario as being difficult at best. The important thing is that she will be there to rehearse.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

I think this problem is more to do with you and your friend than not inviting her boyfriend to the RD. Maybe you two should sit down and talk out whatever is going on between you two. There must be a ton of stress added to your life over the problems with her.
And regardless to why he flew out, he did fly out. I do NOT condon her behavior at ALL- she should NOT have spent time with him in Vegas during your party! But he is an out of town guest and you mentioned invited others to the RD. Maybe she is jealous of the wedding and she is trying to include her new boyfriend as a way of making herself happy.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

I can see that you are upset, Evelyn, and I don't want to make anything more difficult on you, but don't you think you should be supportive of your MOH's relationship? I think if my MOH started dating someone a few months before my wedding, I would welcome him into the celebration. Since they are flying across the country to see each other, I assume they are more than casual. Michele makes a good point that maybe you should try to get to know him at your wedding. He had NO place at your bachelorette party!

To be honest, I don't see the great offense. You have the right to control your guest list. If you don't want to invite dates, that is up to you and she should respect that. But if your MOH wants to spend time with her boyfriend who is not invited, you should respect that, too. It would be different if he lived on LI, or even in the tristate area.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

Becky,

Yes I support her relationship, I want her to be happy but this girl thinks of no one but herself. She wanted to back out of being in my wedding because she thought I wanted her to be 'just a bridesmaid' as she put it, then in vegas she went out there for THREE days and spent a total of THREE hours with me because she went out to spend time with him. I've already met him because he did come to dinner that night even after I told her no! She obviously doesn't care about me. For my shower she showed up five minutes before I got there & left early, didn't help the other girls at all, I mean NOTHING!!!! I want EVERYONE to find their 'special someone' but don't treat me like dirt in the process. I would never do what she has done to another friend!! Like I said it's not the point, she does what she wants, she WANTED to be my Maid of Honor but doesn't act like it.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

I think this brings up an excellent point for all future or newly engaged brides- DO NOT LET ANYONE PICK THEMSELVES AS YOUR MOH.
There was a huge post on this a while back. Your MOH is not someone who is upset because 'they are just a bridesmaid' they are the person who wouldn't care one way or the other and is just happy to be with you on your special day. That is a true friend. If someone has to hint to be asked, they are not the right person to ask.
You and your friend need a major sit-down. I am sure there is a ton of tension and it is just going to get worse.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

Michelle31,
I agree 100% with you, I didn't let her 'pick herself as my MOH' I wanted her to be my MOH back when I thought she was the friend I thought she was at the time, this is what I meant by she's caused me a lot of 'drama' she got upset when she misunderstood that I was also having a 'Matron of Honor' she thought I demoted her so for weeks she was nasty to me & she I did speak with her she said she didn't want to be in my wedding if she was only going to be a bridesmaid. UGH...... I just wanted someone who I thought was a good friend, her true colors have come out since then, nothing has changed from my front, I've asked VERY little of her, she hasn't helped me with much so it's not like I've asked the impossible from her. But her relationship with me has changed ever since I got engaged so I think she's jealous, other people that know both of us thinks the same thing & it's sad because if that was her, I would be so happy for her & support her. Like I said I did speak to her about her leaving the RD early, only for her to lie to me about changing her story about leaving early, so no remorse on her part.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

I'm sorry that you are having so many problems with your MOH. They always say you find out a lot about a person during wedding planning. She has not treated you right at all. However, I think you should consider inviting her date to the RD. Let us know what happens.

Re: RD Question.... (LONG)

Evelyn- I feel so bad for you. That really stinks that you have to be going through this when it's suppose to be one of the happiest times of your life! My MOH went through something similar when she got married in May, but it was with a BM. Thank god she found out about her 'true colors' a month before the wedding and kicked her out of the wedding party( it was 4 days before her shower too, so i had to kick in her part of the money. )

As far as the RD goes, she didn't let us bring any dates because her FIL were also paying and they felt bad. Honestly, I was pissed because everyone else had boyfriend/girlfriends but Anthony and I were engaged and I was her MOH. I thought they should have let me and the Best man at least bring our dates. Also that puts me in a bad situation because now I don't want to invite her husband to our RD ( and were paying for it ourselves). Sorry, I guess that was still bothering me and I had to vent. Anyway, I did tell her it bothered me but in the end I just let it go because I wanted her to be happy on her day and not have to worry about my feelings being hurt. You just do whatever brings less stress to your day! Good Luck!!