RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

Some men said they would leave their wives if they gained a significant amount of weight, and most women said they wouldn't.

If your FH/DH gained a good amount of weight, and you mentioned to them that it bothered you and they didn't do anything about it, do you think you'd be more likely to be unfaithful?

Obviously we are physical beings, and attraction is important. If you weren't attracted, or AS attracted to your FH/DH, do you think you'd be more likely to cheat?


ETA link to original thread:
http://www.nycityweddings.com/chat/topic.asp?ID=80809

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

i know what you mean.. bc one would think that once you lose that attraction, one would be more likely to cheat.. but i know that my love has surpassed the physical element.. and there is so much more to our marriage than what's on the outside. we've been together for 7 years.. we have seen the physical changes already. some good, some bad. it happens.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

my FH and I gained a lot of weight from when we first met. I am still attracted to him as it was day one. He is my best friend.

We joined WW this year because it was a new years resolution we wanted to stick too. We wanted to loose weight.

If he gained back double what he lost, so what. He is the same person I met. He has the same heart, the same strength, the same everything. I am the same person and weight is not a factor.

If he gained a lot of weight. I would probably pester him everyday though to start eating healthier and be concerned about his health but to leave him or cheat on him would never happen.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

FH is already a big guy and I love him the way he is. Yes, it would be wonderful if he could lose some weight. It would wonderful if I could lose some too. But I have learned by being friends with him before we dated that looks only go so far. I could never cheat on him no matter what he looks like. I couldn't cheat-period.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

I would never cheat....no one campares to my husband.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

I can only speak for the here and now, b/c nothing is guaranteed. I do not know how I will feel in the future about anything, so for now I will say I would not leave if he gained alot of weight like say 300lbs, but if who to tell what will happen 5, 10, 15 yrs from now. I would never cheat, of that I am certain, I would leave before I cheat.

Roger's comment that he would leave me before he cheated on me if I gained a ton of weight is honest and I respect him for that. I would prefer for him to leave me than to play me for a fool and cheat on me. If I don't care enough about myself, why should he believe that I care enough about our marriage. If he tells me that my weight has become a problem for him, if I don't do anything about it, then if he leaves then that's my fault.

I do not want anyone to stay with me that no longer loves me or finds me attractive just out of sympathy or b/c they feel they have to.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

Well put, Shamma, well put!

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

I think physical attraction is more important in the beginning. Its the 'initial' attraction. After awhile, the attraction continues not because of what they look like but for who they are.

The hottest guy can become completely unattractive when he opens his mouth. And it works in reverse too.

While I think my husband is pretty darn sexy, its not just how handsome/physically fit he is that makes him fabulous in my eyes.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

agreed lisa t.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

I think being overweight is (ok, should be) more of a health issue than an attraction issue. We only seem to be talking about 'what's on the outside' here... what about the fact that being obese can kill you? Sure it may make you look less desireable, but if you truly love someone you will want to spend every waking moment with them. Anything that jeopardizes that, including health issues, should make you want to do everything in your power to ensure that nothing bad happens to the person that you married. Wouldn't you try harder to help them lose weight than just leave them because you're not attracted to them anymore? That's sad, if someone would just walk away from their marriage because of a weight issue. No wonder the divorce rate is 50% in this country... What about if, God forbid, one of you gets into an accident and is paralyzed? Will the attraction still be there then, or is that also grounds for divorce? I know we're all thinking 'Of course that's a totally different situation', and yes, it is... but why should it be? Both situations are life threatening. True love should be unconditional. Too many people get divorced these days... my own mother was married 3 times. I vow to never follow in her footsteps! I wish all of the ladies here years and years of health and happiness with their husbands!

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

There is a big difference between being deformed from an accident and being deformed from overeating and lack of exercise! The later is direspectiful to both the person who let herself get to that condition and her partner! If a woman got to that stage, she doesn't care about her appearance and her partners feelings! it's very disrespectful and shows the lack of carring about the spouse and the marriage!

Accident is a whole other story!

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

since dh and i started dated we both gained 100 lbs. i went from 135 to 235 and he went from 225 to 360. my love for him or attraction towards him has never changed. i do not feel uncomfortable around and he does not feel uncomfortable around me.

Recently we both decided enough is enough and have jioned WW, but that has nothing to do with our relationship, more to do with respect for gaining ourselves/feeling good about ourselves and being healthier people. I want to bring up healthy children and i cannot do tha if I myself is unhealthy.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

You kept saying 'woman'... if a WOMAN lets herself get that far... does it work both ways?

The point of bringing up the accident issue is the question of leaving the marriage because you're no longer attracted to the person - regardless of what made them get that way (their fault or not). That's what I interpreted to be the topic of discussion: not being attracted to your spouse.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

Both FH and myself have been up and down with our weight, and at this point we both lost all of our weight. I would NEVER cheat of leave him for a weight problem I love him unconditionally. I know he would never leave or cheat on me because he luvs chubby chicks to begin with he tells me now that I need to gain weight

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

Should people stay if they are no longer attracted? Weather it’s physical or mental, or in a case I was talking about, both? I mean if your let yourself go and don’t take care of yourself anymore, should he still respect you and be attracted to you mentally, as in: like you as a person? if you don't even liek yourself enought to look after your own being?

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

i wouldnt cheat, i love him has he is, his personality, everything. I actuallyeven liked when he gained a few pounds I know that I wouldnt have to worry about him either. Once his mother(who is very thin) gained 20lbs(which is is a big amount to a thin person) and he didnt even notice!The two of us, value more personality, smiles, and having a good time together.

my BIL tells my sister, he just wants to be able to fit his arms around her

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

Thats a very good point... relationships take work, so does taking care of yourself. Gotta be in it to win it, so to speak!

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

to turn it around a little bit....why would you want to stay in a relationship if your spouse finds your unattractive.

In my previous marraige my ex told me flat out he wasn't attracted to me anymore but wanted to stay married. It wasn't because I gained weight or was in an accident or was ugly...he just didn't find me attractive. I stayed for a few months but all I kept thinking was is he disgusted that I'm getting into bed with him...does he not want to be seen with me in public...I was driving myself crazy. I finally left him because of that....among a few other issues as well but mainly because if he wasn't attracted to me after 3 years would be begin to hate me after 10? I was very self confident about my body and looks before I married him and had numerous boyfriends.....it took me many years after I left my ex to gain back that self confidence because he made me feel like I was the ugliest person on the planet. Somebody that supposedly loved me shouldn't make me feel that way.

So now I'm married to a terrific man and my ex is still single. My mom is convinced he's gay!!!!

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

Karen, that is my point exactly. We can say how much in love we are now and how we feel and how unconditionally we love each other and always will, but face the facts, no one knows what tomorrow brings. Death, Taxes and Change are the only things we are certain of.

We see people leave people all the time after 10, 15, 20 yrs, why? we don't know. Until placed in a situation we cannot speak on it. It is always easier to speak of a tight shoes when you are not the one wearing it. I am taking everything one day at a time. I will cross that bridge when I get to it. I am working on today, trying to make it the best it can be.

RE: The Infidelity thread on the NW board

Karen, I am still laughing at your mom's gay comment