She Hates Me!

Original post by Taken2005

Feb 10, 2006 10:38 AM

Ok, now I know that my mother-in-law and I dont have the greatest relationship. I mean, I really dont care for her, but always put a smile on my face and keep my mouth shut. But now she has just gone too far.

We got the proofs back from the wedding, and she came over to pick out the ones she wanted for her Parent Album. Also, she wanted to have a picture blown up to 11x14. So she chose to have a family picture enlarged. She chose the photo of her family (her, her husband, my husband and her other 2 childred) - I AM NOT IN THE PHOTO. Now she had 2 photos in her hand, one with me in and one without me in it.. and she turns to me and says 'I want this one' and hands me the photo with me missing.

When I told my husband, he flipped out and called her to see if maybe she made a mistake (I did not want him too, but he was way upset). She said 'no, I didnt make a mistake. I just want a photo of my family'.

This is really really bugging me and my husband. He is very upset. He told me that I dont have to call her mom anymore, and I am not. She totally disrespected me.

Any comments/advise?

SomethingBlu Posted: Feb 10, 2006 11:54 AM

Re: She Hates Me!

Posted by Taken2005
She said 'no, I didnt make a mistake. I just want a photo of my family'.

Steph honey I am so sorry!! This statement hurt me. I'm sure (and I hope) she meant it in another way. But that's still no excuse. I'm sorry!

SeptBride70 Posted: Feb 10, 2006 11:54 AM

Re: She Hates Me!

oh i cringe for other brides when i read stories like these... but this one hit really close to home for me!!
most of the girls on here all know my name is ALWAYS on the 'another prob with FMIL/MIL' posts b/c i can relate so much.
this story in particular sounds so much like my FMIL and your DH sounds just like my FH... it's so great that you have your DH b/c that's what really matters and you have his support!!!
THANK GOD I have my FH otherwise I don't know where we would be! I am so sorry you have to go through this, the best thing you can do is what a lot of the girls have been saying... give her a taste of her own med.--distance yourself from her and politely but firmly stick up for yourself when you can so she will know realize that if she wants to see you and her son she'd better be on her 'best behavior'.
at x-mas time my fmil will say okay lets take fam pics and she will never ask me to be in one and then she'll take just a pic of me and my FH and then she'll say okay, now Danielle get out and let's take one of the family. And it's just the way she words it--I can almost see her wanting some pics of just her family I guess but why say it like that? And why did your MIL have to make it so obvious that it's your wedding and you are excluded?? And she had the one with you in it right in her hand??
I totally understand why you are upset and it would upset me just as much--- infact I worry that in about two years I'm going to be back on here with the SAME exact situtation--Guarantee it!
I hope you have a thick skin and you and your DH get through this together and I hope so much that her terrible behavior improves!

Sunrise813 Posted: Feb 10, 2006 12:03 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

WOW, I’m sorry, that must have really hurt your feelings

I am shocked that someone would do that, I think a wedding is the joining of two lives and two families as one. I can understand wanting just a “blood family” picture (that sounds weird, but you know what I mean), but she should want a picture of you in it. Good luck , I hope she reconsiders.

roxyspark Posted: Feb 10, 2006 12:08 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

I would have DH approach her and say, 'Maybe you don't realize that this is hurtful, but it is'

If she still doesn't budge then she is a troll.

Also tell her that most normal MILS have a picture of their family with the Bride and Groom in it.

ellebelle1 Posted: Feb 10, 2006 12:08 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

Woah! Your MIL is sick in the head, seriously. My mom had an evil step-mother who did something similar to her. You are so blessed to have a husband who will always stick by yourside. Just her saying 'my family', um it's not her family anymore, sorry. It is your family now. I mean, hello- it's not her son's bar-mitzvah album, this is a wedding. How can you blow up a picture of only your own son, without his wife.

Taken2005 Posted: Feb 10, 2006 12:11 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

The situation we are in now is tough. My DH dad is very sick and going through radiation/kemo. The drs. say he is going to make it, but his mom has always been like this and we (me and my hubby) dont want to start problems in the family while his dad is going through this really hard time. If his mom wasnt always like this and it just started now, I would give her some slack b/c of what she is going through. I just feel now that she is using the fact that no one will 'step to her' b/c her husband is sick and she can act however she wants.

My DH told us both to lay low until either
a-his dad is all better
b-his dad sees the 11x14 photo and says 'where is Stephanie' Then the **** is going to hit the fan.

I love his dad, greatest guy on earth!

jnrrb Posted: Feb 10, 2006 12:22 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

I am so sorry the both of you are going through this. Try to post this on the MOM Chat Forums, maybe another mom can help you better then we can.

Mikeysgirl Posted: Feb 10, 2006 12:31 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

Something similar happened to me. I was invited to my fiance's for easter dinner last year and his mother was taking pictures of everyone. Can you believe that she left me out of hte pictures? I wasn't in one picture and she even took pictures of the people at the table where I was sitting. She managed to not get me in any pictures. It was very obvious that she did this on purpose. My fiance said that I was exagerating, but when she got the pictures developed I wasn't in a single picture. It was as if I had never even attended their dinner. Fiance was upset but we never confronted her. She always does things like that and sometimes my fiance confronts her. I just don't care anymore. If she wants to behave like a child she can. I think i'm going to delete this after a day just in case she reads it. I think she goes on this site.

bluesashbride Posted: Feb 10, 2006 12:31 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

I'd just have to tell her in person how hurtful it is that she would say that. And maybe tell her you won't give her the picture since she's being nasty.

Mikeysgirl Posted: Feb 10, 2006 12:35 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

Posted by Taken2005

It really hurts me, b/c I have never given her a reason to dislike me. She is a cold hard woman. She practically wore white to my wedding, bitched about everything about my wedding, I have just had it with her.

Example: i am allergic to cats- BAD... and she had a cat, I would go to the house and she would 'try' to keep the cat in the other room, but for some reason, would always get out. It wasnt that bad, i would just get the sneezes and that was it. but as if that wasnt enough, she went out and got ANOTHER CAT! and told my husband that I was 'making my allergies up b/c I dont want to go to her house'

I have just had it!

OMG!! Do we have the same MIL? I am also allergic to cats and everytime I'm there she lets the cat into the house. THe worst thing about it is that its not even a house cat. Most of the time when I'm not there the cat lives in the garage or wanders around outside. I am super allergic, I get hives and a runny nose, and sometimes pink eye. If I'm around a cat for too long my muscles ache and i'm sick with flu like sympotms for a week! She knows all of this yet somehow everytime I'm at her house the cat manages to get in and lay on my coat!!!

Taken2005 Posted: Feb 10, 2006 01:18 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

Here is an old post about my MIL....this was last May
*******************************
Hello Ladies,

We went to brunch yesterday and proceeded to tell me she had a TERRIBLE time at my shower and that the food was horrible. Ok..yeah, I am not making this stuff up. She also kept looking at my plate at what I was eating. I have lost 15 lbs and I am really proud of that, I am working very hard, so I stuck to my diet yesterday. I had 1/2 of eggplant rollatine and she says 'Is that on your diet' and when I took a bite of my FH Brownie she commented on that too.

Not to even mention that my FH ended up in the ER on Friday b/c his blood pressure was through the roof! Did she call to see if he was feeling better at all this weekend? NO! did she stop by his apartment to see if he needed anything NO! he has to go for all these tests and I am a total mess and she is only concerned if we were going to see her on mother's day!

ellebelle1 Posted: Feb 10, 2006 01:22 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

Girl, you need to STOP having brunch with that woman. Refuse to her until things improve.

Taken2005 Posted: Feb 10, 2006 01:25 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

I WOULD NEVER SPEND TIME WITH THAT WOMAN UNLESS I HAD TOO.. it was Mother's Day..had to go.. but I am learning to be busy from now on when it comes to her..

Please I am throwing my husband a surprise 30th bday in 3 weeks, she is invited of course, she has not asked me once if I need anything, or called to see how plans were going, i just HATE HER!

Soon2BeMrsS Posted: Feb 10, 2006 01:28 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

akaMrsT Posted: Feb 10, 2006 01:58 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

Posted by Taken2005

Ok, now I know that my mother-in-law and I dont have the greatest relationship. I mean, I really dont care for her, but always put a smile on my face and keep my mouth shut. But now she has just gone too far.

We got the proofs back from the wedding, and she came over to pick out the ones she wanted for her Parent Album. Also, she wanted to have a picture blown up to 11x14. So she chose to have a family picture enlarged. She chose the photo of her family (her, her husband, my husband and her other 2 childred) - I AM NOT IN THE PHOTO. Now she had 2 photos in her hand, one with me in and one without me in it.. and she turns to me and says 'I want this one' and hands me the photo with me missing.

When I told my husband, he flipped out and called her to see if maybe she made a mistake (I did not want him too, but he was way upset). She said 'no, I didnt make a mistake. I just want a photo of my family'.

This is really really bugging me and my husband. He is very upset. He told me that I dont have to call her mom anymore, and I am not. She totally disrespected me.

Any comments/advise?

It is a bit odd that she would pick from your WEDDING photos and want the one without you in it. However, our family had photos taken - all the siblings, my brother's wife and their kids (not a wedding) and my mom picked to have the one enlarged with just the family (not my SIL). it was not a slight toward my brother's wife at all so maybe his mom is the same and means nothing by it

ETA - this is just the enlargement right She did pick photos with you in them for the parent album

ntunison Posted: Feb 10, 2006 02:03 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

that's just mean!! I'm so sorry!!!

TheBigDay Posted: Feb 10, 2006 02:07 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

I wouldnt care too much if i were you.. i do agree it is insulting.. mainly to use your wedding pics as family photos.. the wedding is about you two.. she should have had family photos taken in a studio or something if she wanted one of HER family... Not only that but if she is not fond of you and visa versa, then eat it up she did such a thing to FH... if he is pissed at her, she brought it upon her self and let sit on her mind.. not that she doesnt consider you family! My FMIL will only be fake considering me family i know that... and I DONT CARE.. FH is my family that that is what really matters!

autumn Posted: Feb 10, 2006 02:30 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

I am truly sorry for your pain. It is tough when someone has to go thru this. I hope this never happens to me. In the beginning of FH and I relationship, I know his mom wasn't to crazy about me. At the time I was 22, immature and loving the party scene. Through the years we have gotten to know one another. Now I can say I have a good relationship with her. Thank god you have your FH on your side, if not you can be one of those daughters-in-laws on a lifetime movie (scary)

curliegirl Posted: Feb 10, 2006 02:35 PM

Re: She Hates Me!

I would have the other one enlarged and have DH give it to her and say, your DIL is now a part of this family, so here's your family photo.......eat that!