My mom mailed out my shower invitations last night, so people should get them saturday, monday tuesday! So exiting mailing them.
FMIL was really dead set against on inviting her family to my shower, both FFIL, and FMIL did not understand why their side would be invited to my shower. So after all is said and done, there will be 1 or 2 people from FH's side at my shower. She did invite some of her friends but fought me tooth and nail on that as well.
What irks me is that the other day when i posted about them standing up with us at the ceremony, people really attacked me and said that i was known to start stuff on the boards and i have done it before. It hurts because as much as they are nice people i feel like i am doing Everything they want, as far as traditions, we are having a chuppah, We are signing the Ketubah, having yarmulkes, doing the 7 blessings, kiddush cup, drinking wine, glass breaking, having a cantor sing hebrew songs.
And she doesnt want to do anything involving my traditions. FIL's even went on to say in the begining how they only wanted rabbi because they did not like how it looks having 2 officiants.
Basically i feel like i am giving in to everything they want, and losing control over the ceremony. Wich is a reason i was not happy with the idea they would be standing up there with us. Yes i think it is very weird that FMIL wont invite her family to my shower, and if weird offends people im sorry but its how it makes me feel as a person.
ETA:spelling and grammar
missliss
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! With mini Vent
Posted by AMGBride2008
I'm very frustrated for you and your situation Nicole. While I understand how hard Lee works, he needs to take some time out of his schedule and discuss the issues you are having with HIS parents.
I agree 100%. I'm really concerned that you had to email him to discuss this. I understand that he owns his own business and works very hard. But this is of extreme importance to BOTH of you and he needs to find and take time to physically sit down with you, hear you out and then help you communicate your feelings to his mom.
Snowflake08
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! With mini Vent
i agree that it seems like FMIL is not willing to compromise HOWEVER, much of this may be due to nicole yessing her
if you yes people, they think you AGREE WITH THEM so why would she stop if you keep saying yes??
Espo22
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! With mini Vent
Posted by Snowflake08
i agree that it seems like FMIL is not willing to compromise HOWEVER, much of this may be due to nicole yessing her
if you yes people, they think you AGREE WITH THEM so why would she stop if you keep saying yes??
its true, Nicole you need to stop yessing her. She is doing it because she knows she can
ChristineAaron08
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! With mini Vent
You definitely need to talk to them!
It's as important to involve your traditions as well as theirs. Plain and simple.
They know their son is marrying a Christian girl so it shouldnt be a shock to them.
We are having both a reverend and a Rabbi and we wouldnt have it any other way. There is no reason for you to give anything up.
Are you getting married at the RH?
I am adding things to the ceremony that show my side (unity candle and readings and some other things I havent figured out yet).
As far as showers..I am having one and most of the guests are from FHs family (I have a small fam.) But all of his cousins have showers so its normal for them. I know they dont do baby showers though.
Maybe she feels like its asking for gifts since its not the norm for her family to have showers..idk
ChristineAaron08
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! With mini Vent
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
Posted by nifheim
all i have to say is i feel bad for when you have kids - MAN that is going to be a hard day.
All i can say is good luck and yet again I am so greatful i am not religious and neither is FH.
Yup, I already know what a fight everything will be. Especially which name we pick, they have already made it a point to tell me that they name after the deceased so I know i will have no say in what name i choose for my child, if i ever have one. They have also sat down and said i MUST raise the child jewish, and that i shouldnt have them celebrate both because the kids will be so confused. I pretty much Yes'd them to death, but you bring up such a good point. I envy you
What?!?!?
What does Lee think about how to raise your kids?
Key word being 'your'..not theirs
The def. have no right butting in..whheew GL
DGoldfarb0776
Posted:
Member since
Re: Shower Invites are Out! With mini Vent
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
My mom mailed out my shower invitations last night, so people should get them saturday, monday tuesday! So exiting mailing them.
FMIL was really dead set against on inviting her family to my shower, both FFIL, and FMIL did not understand why their side would be invited to my shower. So after all is said and done, there will be 1 or 2 people from FH's side at my shower. She did invite some of her friends but fought me tooth and nail on that as well.
What irks me is that the other day when i posted about them standing up with us at the ceremony, people really attacked me and said that i was known to start stuff on the boards and i have done it before. It hurts because as much as they are nice people i feel like i am doing Everything they want, as far as traditions, we are having a chuppah, We are signing the Ketubah, having yarmulkes, doing the 7 blessings, kiddush cup, drinking wine, glass breaking, having a cantor sing hebrew songs.
And she doesnt want to do anything involving my traditions. FIL's even went on to say in the begining how they only wanted rabbi because they did not like how it looks having 2 officiants.
Basically i feel like i am giving in to everything they want, and losing control over the ceremony. Wich is a reason i was not happy with the idea they would be standing up there with us. Yes i think it is very weird that FMIL wont invite her family to my shower, and if weird offends people im sorry but its how it makes me feel as a person.
ETA:spelling and grammar
I'm so sorry that your FMIL and FFIL are putting you through all this nonesense.
I think it's great that you're doing everything possible to make them happy but I can't understand why your FMIL won't invite her family to your shower.
As for having two officiants- that's not weird because I'm also having both a rabbi and a cantor- so what if you have both - I think it's great and that you do whatever you want to do...its your wedding. Personally I think it is wonderful to have both a rabbi and a cantor performing the cerermony.
I hope that it all works out for you and that your FMIL needs to chill out and relax and have some fun.
Also I think you and your FH need to discuss the issues that you're having with his parents so he can understand what's going on.
MrsD71208
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! With mini Vent
After reading this whole thread I really think that the main reason why anything goes the way you DON'T want it to go is because of you! Not to sound mean, but if you are giving in with EVERYTHING and his mom knows she rules the roost, she will take that and run with it! I know you aren't religious, but if YOU want a priest at your wedding or a Deacon, I think you should find one NOW and ask him to marry you ALONG with the Rabbi. I think that you should incorporate things that are from your religion to balance out his religion. It doesn't make sense to have a Jewish ceremony ONLY if you aren't Jewish! Yes, you are marrying a Jewish guy, however, you are NOT Jewish! If FMIL has something wrong with it then TOUGH!
Now if you are converting to Judiasm, that's a different story.
With the whole kid situation, to say that 'I know I won't have a say in what I name them' is just outrageous! If you even give her the thought that she wil name your kid then you are outright nuts. If you are converting and want to follow the religous customs, then fine..if not you really need to stop being passive and speak up for once! I know you are really passive with people, but this is your life now and it's time to speak out...if not, your life will be what FMIL says it will be and that's prison for life!
Toucan311
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! With mini Vent
Nicole - it shouldn't matter what ANYONE thinks or what anyone says about you - not us, not your future in laws, no one. Its YOUR wedding. You have to do what makes you happy. Of course, you'll have to make some concessions for family, but you have to be comfortable with them as well! Its your wedding, its your marriage... having your in laws over involved at the ceremony seems like a forshadow of having them overly involved in your life! Stand up for what YOU want.
Bridezilla
TheFutureMrsM
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! With mini Vent
Here is an Update i just got an email from FH. I emailed him because that is the BEST way to talk with him, he checks it 2335405495073434 times a day
Here is his response!
i am in full agreement, maybe we can sit down one night this weekend and discuss it all, i am willing to 100% discuss it with you like an adult if you listen to my opinions and i listen to yours and jsut make decisions together as you and me and not everyone else.
Even thought it is important to make everyone as happy as possible i agree taht these types of decisions have to be between you and me only..
So lets talk this weekend and I am sure we can work through it.
CAD0608
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! UPDATED ON PAGE 2
Posted by Espo22
i think relationships are all about compromise but doesn't seem like she is compromising at all...Its her way or the highway. She only wants you to follow their traditions and she has no interest in yours or even cares. Now as i had said in the other thread, you should do things to honor their traditions BUT if they are disregarding yours completely then that is different. Seems like you are the only one following theirs and yours is not even important.
and she has no right to ever tell you what you HAVE to raise your kids...that is a conversation she should not be involved in, that is between yu and FH. I would flip out if our parents told us what we HAVE to do and yes even if my own parents told me what we HAVE to do. I would tell them its between me and fh and they can't tell him what he has to do.
you should talk to lee or else this will go on for the rest of your life...Tell him how you feel that your traditions are not important meaning you feel like you're not important.
You took the words right out of my mouth
nifheim
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! UPDATED ON PAGE 2
Good!
Belongs2DanBuckley
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! UPDATED ON PAGE 2
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
Here is an Update i just got an email from FH. I emailed him because that is the BEST way to talk with him, he checks it 2335405495073434 times a day
Here is his response!
i am in full agreement, maybe we can sit down one night this weekend and discuss it all, i am willing to 100% discuss it with you like an adult if you listen to my opinions and i listen to yours and jsut make decisions together as you and me and not everyone else.
Even thought it is important to make everyone as happy as possible i agree taht these types of decisions have to be between you and me only..
So lets talk this weekend and I am sure we can work through it.
ok that sounds like a step in the right direction....hopefully you guys can come to some kind of an agreement
Espo22
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! UPDATED ON PAGE 2
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
Here is an Update i just got an email from FH. I emailed him because that is the BEST way to talk with him, he checks it 2335405495073434 times a day
Here is his response!
i am in full agreement, maybe we can sit down one night this weekend and discuss it all, i am willing to 100% discuss it with you like an adult if you listen to my opinions and i listen to yours and jsut make decisions together as you and me and not everyone else.
Even thought it is important to make everyone as happy as possible i agree taht these types of decisions have to be between you and me only..
So lets talk this weekend and I am sure we can work through it.
good for you nicole, hope it all works out...The only way to do this is to have Lee by your side.
ILOVEBRIAN2008
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! UPDATED ON PAGE 2
im so sorry you are going through this all!!!! theres not much i can say that others havent...but def have a good talk with Lee and decide what the two of you want...then let him tell his parents...if they ask about it later on just tell them thats what both of you have decided bc its both of your weddings and want to incorporate somethings from both sides...as for the baby naming(when it comes up) tell them that u dont know what you having, that u want it to be a surprise,same with what you are naming it, and then wholla out comes a baby that has a name...and its not like u can change it lol
sassygirl9
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! UPDATED ON PAGE 2
Yea I'm glad your fh is going to take some time and work this out with you. I wish you all the best and as long as you stick together and defend one another you're gonna get through this.
Emily08
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! UPDATED ON PAGE 2
Good for you! Glad to hear he is willing to sit and discuss everything with you. Make sure to be honest and true to yourself, and tell him everything that's bothering you!
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: Shower Invites are Out! UPDATED ON PAGE 2
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
Here is an Update i just got an email from FH. I emailed him because that is the BEST way to talk with him, he checks it 2335405495073434 times a day
Here is his response!
i am in full agreement, maybe we can sit down one night this weekend and discuss it all, i am willing to 100% discuss it with you like an adult if you listen to my opinions and i listen to yours and jsut make decisions together as you and me and not everyone else.
Even thought it is important to make everyone as happy as possible i agree taht these types of decisions have to be between you and me only..
So lets talk this weekend and I am sure we can work through it.
aww that's great, at least he's willing to talk it out. That's good news!! Good Luck!!!
