1. So FH hates going out. He wouldn't even go out for my MOH's engagement party and I let it slide since I know he doesn't like it. He hated going to his GM's bachelor parties, and always said he wouldn't want one. So I was looking into doing a joint thing. Now he claims he wants one.
2. 'Traditional' bachelor parties have always irked me. I feel like it's not fair that as fiancée's we are expected to just deal with the fact that our partners can go get rubbed up on by naked women etc and we have no recourse and MORE IMPORTANTLY no way to make this equal. SO after thinking long and hard I decided about a year or so ago, that in order to make FH's feel the same way as strippers etc make FB's feel, it would only be equal if FB stripped for a guy. Male strippers are just NOT the same as the multitude of female strip clubs around.
FH HATES my logic on this, and I don't care, coz I feel that it's hitting in the exact place where the fact that I am 'traditionally' supposed to be OK with a bachelor party is hitting me. It's not that I don't trust him yada yada yada it's just that I think it's disgusting and disrespectful.
I don't know where we'll end up on this... I'll probably let him go, but then let him know I will be rubbing myself ALLLLLLL over guys at my bachelorette
B853
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by AngnShaun
ETA: I would never be comfortable telling him he cant do that... cause if i wanted to i would... and im sure he wouldnt like...
I definitely dont enjoy thinking about his bachelor party but theres nothing i can do about it...
Your edit is exactly my point that's not right that you feel uncomfortable and can't do anything about it. That's not healthy to me.
I think my main issue is that I said yes to a guy that shared my opinions, and now he's saying something different on something that is a big moral issue for me.
AngnShaun
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by bethie853
Posted by AngnShaun
ETA: I would never be comfortable telling him he cant do that... cause if i wanted to i would... and im sure he wouldnt like...
I definitely dont enjoy thinking about his bachelor party but theres nothing i can do about it...
Your edit is exactly my point that's not right that you feel uncomfortable and can't do anything about it. That's not healthy to me.
I think my main issue is that I said yes to a guy that shared my opinions, and now he's saying something different on something that is a big moral issue for me.
LOL I guess its not healthy to me that i can tell him what he can and cant do... and vise versa.... BUT i can express my opinion!!!
mybabylovesmoi
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by bethie853
I think my main issue is that I said yes to a guy that shared my opinions, and now he's saying something different on something that is a big moral issue for me.
ITA. As I said, I always assumed the guy I would marry would have a bachelor party because that's what they 'traditionally' do. So I was surprised when FH wanted a joint party and in a way, it kind of confirmed my 'image' of him. So it's totally understandable that now you're like if he suddenly changed his mind. It would bother me way more than if we both understood he'd be having a bachelor party from the get go.
Hope I made sense. It's late in the day
bethie- if some of his friends are slightly suspect as you say, he is probably getting a bit of ribbing and pressure to have one.
it's a tough one since 'forbidding' one can make you look like the bad guy and could make the party sound more appealing. Just have another heart to heart like you said, and talk about how it really bothers you for all the reasons you gave here.
B853
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by AngnShaun
I think my main issue is that I said yes to a guy that shared my opinions, and now he's saying something different on something that is a big moral issue for me.
LOL I guess its not healthy to me that i can tell him what he can and cant do... and vise versa.... BUT i can express my opinion!!!
I'm not telling him what he can and can't do, I'm just telling him what I will be doing if he does that, which I believe to be putting us on equal footing. I will always express my opinion, and if it's going to cause a lifetime of worrying about one night, I can explain that to him too.
B853
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by mybabylovesmoi
ITA. As I said, I always assumed the guy I would marry would have a bachelor party because that's what they 'traditionally' do. So I was surprised when FH wanted a joint party and in a way, it kind of confirmed my 'image' of him. So it's totally understandable that now you're like if he suddenly changed his mind. It would bother me way more than if we both understood he'd be having a bachelor party from the get go.
Hope I made sense. It's late in the day
Right! I never even really objected to anything with him, he was upfront about not wanting one and I was like 'great I think they are disrespectful!' and talked to him about how it's unfair girls don't have an equal. I LOVED that he was the kind of guy that never wanted one -it was a total turn on! So the switch is really irritating. ITA that I think others are behind it. I'm going to talk to him about it tonight I think. We talked about it in ihop at the weekend
smilesjc81
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
I could handle a stripper for him- i think it's gross (so i dont want him to have one) but I'm not the jealous type
HOWEVER he would LOSE HIS MIND if he thought i had a stripper -
SO HE KNOW HE BETTER NOT EVEN TRY IT - cause if I caught wind ..... Id be on the phone ASAP for a private lap dance From Armando the sexy fireman and his large 'hose'
AngnShaun
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by bethie853
Posted by AngnShaun
I think my main issue is that I said yes to a guy that shared my opinions, and now he's saying something different on something that is a big moral issue for me.
LOL I guess its not healthy to me that i can tell him what he can and cant do... and vise versa.... BUT i can express my opinion!!!
I'm not telling him what he can and can't do, I'm just telling him what I will be doing if he does that, which I believe to be putting us on equal footing. I will always express my opinion, and if it's going to cause a lifetime of worrying about one night, I can explain that to him too.
I only said about telling him what he can and cannot do because you said you'll probably end up 'letting him go'...
B853
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by smilesjc81
I could handle a stripper for him- i think it's gross (so i dont want him to have one) but I'm not the jealous type
HOWEVER he would LOSE HIS MIND if he thought i had a stripper -
SO HE KNOW HE BETTER NOT EVEN TRY IT - cause if I caught wind ..... Id be on the phone ASAP for a private lap dance From Armando the sexy fireman and his large 'hose'
Panamasweet
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by BlushandBashful
Posted by bethie853
that in order to make FH's feel the same way as strippers etc make FB's feel, it would only be equal if FB stripped for a guy. Male strippers are just NOT the same as the multitude of female strip clubs around.
Okay, I may be dumb but what is FB? I'm having a hard time following your plan because I don't know what an FB is.
I am so with you on this
B853
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by AngnShaun
I only said about telling him what he can and cannot do because you said you'll probably end up 'letting him go'...
I said I would let him go, I didn't necessarily mean I would say 'OK you have my permission to go', but we would talk about it and I would let him know what I would do if he goes. IMO that's not telling him he can or can't go, it's telling him that if he chooses to go and do something I feel strongly disrespects me, and other women, I will do something similar, so we can both feel bad about one night of each others lives for the rest of our lives. Ultimately I would prefer if we did a joint party so we get to have fun together and not fall into old outdated traditions.
DCgirl82
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by smilesjc81
I could handle a stripper for him- i think it's gross (so i dont want him to have one) but I'm not the jealous type
HOWEVER he would LOSE HIS MIND if he thought i had a stripper -
SO HE KNOW HE BETTER NOT EVEN TRY IT - cause if I caught wind ..... Id be on the phone ASAP for a private lap dance From Armando the sexy fireman and his large 'hose'
Lmao!!!!!!!!!! Luv u!
smilesjc81
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
lol
GlitterBox24
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
For some reason Strippers just don't bother me... (men stripper i dont like at all though, so i wont be having any) but am totally fine if FH wants them. My FH is 37 he has been to soooooooo many weddings and bachelor parties in this life time, that it is really pointless right now to tell him he cant have strippers at his party. But everyone's situation is different.. this is mine!
HeatherLynna
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by bethie853
Posted by AngnShaun
I only said about telling him what he can and cannot do because you said you'll probably end up 'letting him go'...
I said I would let him go, I didn't necessarily mean I would say 'OK you have my permission to go', but we would talk about it and I would let him know what I would do if he goes. IMO that's not telling him he can or can't go, it's telling him that if he chooses to go and do something I feel strongly disrespects me, and other women, I will do something similar, so we can both feel bad about one night of each others lives for the rest of our lives. Ultimately I would prefer if we did a joint party so we get to have fun together and not fall into old outdated traditions.
I'm with you!!!!
Also, I think its perfectly healthy for a soon to be wife to tell her soon to be husband that she does not want him going to strip clubs. It's not like telling him that he can't go to his friend's house.
LaBellaVita622
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Can I just say I am so happy that you posted this..for a while I thought that I was like psycho for feeling this way.. lol I skimmed all the posts, and while it has NOTHING to do with TRUST, I feel it's disrespectful to me. That is why I don't want one either, I would feel I was disrespecting him. I voiced this to him a while ago, but again as we all stated they could tell us there wasn't one and we would never know..I think FH is pretty good with not wanting to upset me, and I don't think he really wants one, but who knows with all the other guys planning it they could just get one. I also know my brother will be there which makes me feel a little more at ease because god forbid FH did anything to me he'd kill 'em lol..but he's also 21, and may want one himself! lol..ew..I better talk to him ASAP lol..
I just don't think that either of us should be put in that situation..I went to one 4 years ago for my friend's sister's Bachelorette Party and some of her friends were making out with the strippers! and one had a BF! so I feel like nothing is impossible..especially when large amounts of alcohol are involved..
HeatherLynna
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by LaBellaVita622
Can I just say I am so happy that you posted this..for a while I thought that I was like psycho for feeling this way.. lol I skimmed all the posts, and while it has NOTHING to do with TRUST, I feel it's disrespectful to me. That is why I don't want one either, I would feel I was disrespecting him. I voiced this to him a while ago, but again as we all stated they could tell us there wasn't one and we would never know..I think FH is pretty good with not wanting to upset me, and I don't think he really wants one, but who knows with all the other guys planning it they could just get one. I also know my brother will be there which makes me feel a little more at ease because god forbid FH did anything to me he'd kill 'em lol..but he's also 21, and may want one himself! lol..ew..I better talk to him ASAP lol..
I just don't think that either of us should be put in that situation..I went to one 4 years ago for my friend's sister's Bachelorette Party and some of her friends were making out with the strippers! and one had a BF! so I feel like nothing is impossible..especially when large amounts of alcohol are involved..
Yesssssssss!!!! Alcohol can be very bad sometimes!
B853
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
It's his stupid groomsmen, just like I suspected. He's going to talk to them about coming up with other ideas. I'm going to talk to his brother, the best man. It's not his deal either, it's just the gross other guys trying to push everyone into this.
Anyone got some good things to suggest? I was thinking a track day might be cool?
B853
Posted:
Member since
Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
Posted by LaBellaVita622
Can I just say I am so happy that you posted this..for a while I thought that I was like psycho for feeling this way.. lol I skimmed all the posts, and while it has NOTHING to do with TRUST, I feel it's disrespectful to me. That is why I don't want one either, I would feel I was disrespecting him. I voiced this to him a while ago, but again as we all stated they could tell us there wasn't one and we would never know..I think FH is pretty good with not wanting to upset me, and I don't think he really wants one, but who knows with all the other guys planning it they could just get one. I also know my brother will be there which makes me feel a little more at ease because god forbid FH did anything to me he'd kill 'em lol..but he's also 21, and may want one himself! lol..ew..I better talk to him ASAP lol..
I just don't think that either of us should be put in that situation..I went to one 4 years ago for my friend's sister's Bachelorette Party and some of her friends were making out with the strippers! and one had a BF! so I feel like nothing is impossible..especially when large amounts of alcohol are involved..
And you're totally welcome! I feel like people just put up with it because they're socialized into thinking they don't have any other option. I am not about to do that!
harts2976
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Re: Slight Bachelor Party Vent
I am kind of the opposite. I have no problem with the strip club/or stripper they will get. I completely understand that most of the problem everyone has with it isn't the trust part but the disrespectful part. I know FH and he's not the type to touch or anything like that. I am actually pretty sure the stripper will be entertaining my brother, fbil, and a few certain GM more than FH. I just feel like it is what it is at the point. I'm not involved in the planning of my BP but I am pretty sure there will be a greasy annoying male stripper that will just make us laugh our *** off because it's pathetic (i hate male strippers)
i think everyone has their own feelings on the situation. I do though think what ever your feeling is on the subject it is verrrrrry important to talk to FH about it prior the BP and lay down the line. The BP is not something you want to be fighting about after the fact!!
Why don't all the FH go on there BP together and they can all watch eachother.. hehe jk
