My fiance and I have only been engaged for one week and people have already been saying mean things to us about our engagement. Is this normal?
Apparently my fiance's cousin said that I must be a superficial b*tch who is only marrying him for his money because my engagement ring is on the larger side.
My best friend who I thought would be so happy for me and who I was going to ask to be my MOH has been avoiding me since our engagement.
FH's older sister told us we're way too young to be getting married.
Lastly, we haven't set a date yet and we're already getting snide comments about it. We are hoping to get married on the first of a month (since we started dating on the first of a month and were engaged on the first of a month) and we were told this is 'stupid' by multiple people. We're also hoping to get married in 2008 since we got engaged on New Year's and feel like this is 'our year.' I overheard my brother's girlfriend saying that I'm probably pregnant and using this as an excuse to have a shotgun wedding.
This is supposed to be a joyful time for us and all of these comments are making it hard to be happy. Shouldn't these people be happy for us, especially since they are FAMILY and close friends?
JessicaLuvsDanny
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
I don't want to jump to conclusions and assume everyone is jealous. We've been together 3 years. I don't know my fiance's cousin very well at all which is why it shocks me that he would say this. He in a long relationship himself so maybe he's getting pressure from his girlfriend?
My fiance's sister is single and only 4 years older than us so I don't know what her problem is. I also dont know what the problem is with my brother's girlfriend. We always got along great. They started dating 6 months before us and we used to double date all the time.
As for my best friend, she's the only one of the bunch that I'm really close with so I don't know what the problem is. Maybe she's afraid she's going to lose me? Should I keep making more of an effort to hang out with her? She was fine before we were engaged...
JessicaLuvsDanny
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
Soon2beAlberti, that is crazy
Mici n KC
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
Posted by JessicaLuvsDanny
I don't want to jump to conclusions and assume everyone is jealous. We've been together 3 years. I don't know my fiance's cousin very well at all which is why it shocks me that he would say this. He in a long relationship himself so maybe he's getting pressure from his girlfriend?
FH's sister is single and only 4 years older than us so I don't know what her problem is. I also dont know what the problem is with my brother's girlfriend. We always got along great. They started dating 6 months before us and we used to double date all the time.
As for my best friend, she's the only one of the bunch that I'm really close with so I don't know what the problem is. Maybe she's afraid she's going to lose me? Should I keep making more of an effort to hang out with her? She was fine before we were engaged...
So sorry you're dealing with this. While you're planning your wedding, you definitely see people's real sides. Since you mentioned some of the family that has been dating longer than the two of you and FSIL is a few years older and single, they may feel jealous. With your best friend, I would just ask her what's going on because it's bothering you how she is acting. Talk to her. I'm sure she will appreciate it especially since you want her to be your MOH. She should be very happy for you!
DnellD809
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
Your best friend definitely might just be worried about losing you! Marriage is a big step and planning a wedding takes a lot of time so maybe she's kinda bummed. I would for sure try to see what her deal is and show her that you love her and this won't change your friendship!
cbcf
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I think it happens to the best of us.
I got the remarks of how we are too young because i will only be 23 when married and was engaged at 21. But i ignore people.
I have also gotten couldn't your um fiance get a bigger ring for you. I have 1.5 carats so some people :cough: someone who i thought was a good friend :cough: said that it was stupid and pointless to not want or get a ring that isn't 2 carats or more. I didn't get why they felt that way I am not marrying my fiance because of the ring i am marrying him because i love him
i do feel alot of it has to do with jealousy. Some of it has to do with worrying. Like from family when they say you are too young they don't realize that it's not 1920 anymore where they felt if they werent married at 19 they were never going to get married lolol.
i think we all get our fair share of snide remarks just let it roll of your shoulderrs. sure its hard at first since you are excited and happy and want to plan and not alot of people are sharing in your excitment. But who cares share it with your FH!!!!
AMGBride2008
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
Posted by JessicaLuvsDanny
I don't want to jump to conclusions and assume everyone is jealous. We've been together 3 years. I don't know my fiance's cousin very well at all which is why it shocks me that he would say this. He in a long relationship himself so maybe he's getting pressure from his girlfriend?
My fiance's sister is single and only 4 years older than us so I don't know what her problem is. I also dont know what the problem is with my brother's girlfriend. We always got along great. They started dating 6 months before us and we used to double date all the time.
As for my best friend, she's the only one of the bunch that I'm really close with so I don't know what the problem is. Maybe she's afraid she's going to lose me? Should I keep making more of an effort to hang out with her? She was fine before we were engaged...
Cousin = jealous... and miserable esp. if his GF is leaning on him for a ring.
FSIL = jealous... she's older and single.. her little brother is getting hitched before her.. that's gotta sting
Bro's GF = jealous because her and your brother have been together longer... why aren't they engaged yet??
Your BFF... are you sure there isn't something going on with her that has nothing to do with you? I would definitely reach out to her. Make sure that everything is OK and reassure you that you'll be around and that you want her to be around to help you and be there for you.
PS... i hate to sound cynical about the first three people, but wedding's bring out the worst in people....
yelley77
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
I think that engagements bring out the worst in people. I've lost friends since I've been engaged and have become distant with others.... I don't want to chalk it ALL up to jealousy, but I do think that has something to do with it.
As long as you and your FH are happy and in love, nothing else should matter. It's your life and I don't care how young/old you are... if this is what you want, then eff everyone else.
Congrats!
carolinebr
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
Be prepared - people are not always going to be as excited about your wedding as you are.... but everyone on this board will be!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I WAS pregnant when we got engaged But no one ever had the NERVE to say anything to my face (Oh they talked about me alright.... ) And in the end, I had a kick a$$ wedding.
So F 'em
JessicaLuvsDanny
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
thank you everyone for your comments. a lot of these were said behind my back (pretty much everything except the comments about the date, which don't really bother me too much except for the fact that people are being snotty instead of happy) but should I say anything to these people? My fiance's cousin? My brother's girlfriend? My fiance's sister? Should he say anything to them?
I will talk to my best friend tonight when she gets out of school. Should I wait to ask her to be my MOH and see if things get better or worse or do you think asking her now will make her feel more important to me?
AMGBride2008
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
Posted by JessicaLuvsDanny
thank you everyone for your comments. a lot of these were said behind my back (pretty much everything except the comments about the date, which don't really bother me too much except for the fact that people are being snotty instead of happy) but should I say anything to these people? My fiance's cousin? My brother's girlfriend? My fiance's sister? Should he say anything to them?
I will talk to my best friend tonight when she gets out of school. Should I wait to ask her to be my MOH and see if things get better or worse or do you think asking her now will make her feel more important to me?
Talk to your brother about the GF comments and have your FH talk to his sister about her comments.
Definitely hold off a little while asking your BFF to be MOH (or anyone to be in the bridal party).
KickinDandelions
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don't let those comments get to you! i had people say some pretty rude things to me, but i know at least 1/2 of them were rooted in jealousy...some people just want to mess with you..don't worry! it only reflects poorly on them, not you!
missliss
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
Posted by AMGBride2008
PS... i hate to sound cynical about the first three people, but wedding's bring out the worst in people....
This is the truth unfortunately.....
Sugaplum08
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
Posted by missliss
Posted by AMGBride2008
PS... i hate to sound cynical about the first three people, but wedding's bring out the worst in people....
This is the truth unfortunately.....
Agreed Just enjoy this time wth FH and dont let anyone bring it down for you! Congrats on your engagement!
Toucan311
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There are SO many people in the world who just do not care about your wedding... I've learned this by trying to talk to people about mine, and they dont really care... Thats what we're all here for! We love to talk weddings 24/7!!
Espo22
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
Posted by JessicaLuvsDanny
I don't want to jump to conclusions and assume everyone is jealous. We've been together 3 years. I don't know my fiance's cousin very well at all which is why it shocks me that he would say this. He in a long relationship himself so maybe he's getting pressure from his girlfriend?
My fiance's sister is single and only 4 years older than us so I don't know what her problem is. I also dont know what the problem is with my brother's girlfriend. We always got along great. They started dating 6 months before us and we used to double date all the time.
As for my best friend, she's the only one of the bunch that I'm really close with so I don't know what the problem is. Maybe she's afraid she's going to lose me? Should I keep making more of an effort to hang out with her? She was fine before we were engaged...
WELL there goes your answer for some of them. You said fiance's sister is single and 4 years older, to her regardless of how many years it is she is still the older sister. Your brothers gf, like you said they started dating before you so thats whyshe probably feels like that.
From what i saw some feel pressure when others get engaged, i know when fh and i got engaged a few ofhis friends were like 'oh great now my gf will probably expect it' they were happy for us though and didnt make snide remarks though.
It doesn't make it right and people shouldn't feel like that, everything happens for a reason. I am sure they are probably even surprised by their own reaction but people can't help how they feel.
mipinky
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
It is your wedding, you are the bride...Who gives a sh!t what they say.
I got engaged on Christmas Eve and people are nagging me about setting the date...my answer:'If you are willing to donate the cost of the hall, I will get married this year' and they shut up. People can be annoying. Enjoy your engagement and do not let the Jealous people ruin it for you. I had one 'friend' say good for you...r u kidding, that is it. what a biatch! LOL!!
Congrats!!
hannahshim
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Re: Snide remarks about your engagement?
let me just say you are gorgeous~
people are just probably jealous or worried... sorry your going through this but I got alot of negative remarks from my family (saying im too young and i'm making a mistake. I can find someone better) now everything is good... they said they were happy but worried..
i hope everything works out for you
TheFutureMrsM
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Unfortunately from being on this site a while, i have read alot of stories about how people change once you get engaged, and how mean, rude and jealous people can be. You have to have a thick skin, and you will really see who your true friends are.
Thankfully i have been fortunate that this type of situation has not happened to me. But i could only imagine what you must be going through when this is seriously the happiest time of your life!
DD628
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DO NOT listen to all these people. they are all just jealous. Listen, I have a ring on the larger side too and I heard all that...Its just not true...If your FH's wanna get us a nice ring, well its not OUR fault.
And Iknow what you mean about your friend ignoring you...i had a few of those.
Dont let this get you down...Its not worth it.
U r happy and thats all that matters Screw everyone else!
LOL
Miblove
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I've come to realize that in both the best of times and the worst of times, the WORST in ppl come out.
I had similiar remarks when my FH and I got engaged......it's sad how jealousy and anger really could get at ppl.
Keep your head up and try to IGNORE the bs - b/c it wont stop there......I think it's something we all have to deal w/.
