So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Original post by BKtoLI

Jun 01, 2007 10:27 AM

And I am more confused than ever.

He agreed he would start discussing things with me and I agreed to stop being accusatory. But the counselor basically said we have to be living together to work things out or just get a divorce.

I don't want to move. I like where I am now. I just signed a year long lease. And I am not in the mood to deal with the LIRR every day into Penn Station or pay $300 a month to get there.

He finally compromised on moving to Nassau (I wanted Queens, he wanted to stay in Suffolk) but I still don't know what to do. He's not willing to move to Brooklyn. I feel like ok now I get to give up everything again to work things out, but what if I do that and things don't work out again?

Basically I was told to weigh the pros and cons of both situations. So I will have to start a list.

Although I will mention one funny and awkward moment. Keep in mind the counselor was this kind old woman. And there she is asking Andrew if he masturbates. We both looked at each other in stunned shock and I was embarrassed for him that he had to answer!!

I'll keep you posted where this goes. Hopefully something will develop this month.

leighdvm Posted: Jun 04, 2007 10:32 AM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Janna, I truly hope that no matter what you decide to do, you find happiness in your heart.......I think of you and wish you well, I sincerely do...

Audreygirl Posted: Jun 04, 2007 10:37 AM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

I hope everything works out for you.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Jun 04, 2007 12:06 PM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

msnora Posted: Jun 04, 2007 03:48 PM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

I had to read through the whole thing to get a better understanding as to what is going on. I can understand your position. compromise works when both people are willing to do it.

I would say that you should maybe look into finding a different counselor. Eventhough her statement was hysterical You may need to stay seperated and go through counseling to give that time to take affect on your relationship before moving back in together. Talk to DH and find out where he sees the situation as far as the counseling goes and see if you both have the same goals in what you hope to gain from the counseling to better your relationship.

MayBride06 Posted: Jun 04, 2007 04:54 PM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Posted by BKtoLI

but a lot of things were said that made me question if I was ever truly happy. I would put on the show for everyone but deep down I was dying inside.

This statement says a lot. Only you truly know what is best for you and Andrew. Good luck sweetie!

Jen2999 Posted: Jun 04, 2007 04:58 PM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Good luck Janna... we are all hoping for the best for YOU!!!

KandE917 Posted: Jun 04, 2007 05:33 PM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Posted by MayBride06

Posted by BKtoLI

but a lot of things were said that made me question if I was ever truly happy. I would put on the show for everyone but deep down I was dying inside.

This statement says a lot. Only you truly know what is best for you and Andrew. Good luck sweetie!

Agreed!
That statement really says a lot...
If you were never happy with him I'm not sure you ever will be. You have to do what is best for you!
But then again if you want to try to make it work...go for it! It's so hard - my sister went thru something similar...had a few month separation, went to counseling and got back together. Probably should have never gotten back together...they had a child (I call him a 9/11 baby - my sister's hubby was down near WTC that day and she was so scared of losing him that I think that event made her love him a little more for the time being that they made a baby)...separated again when their son was just 3 months old. Divorce was final a few months later.
My sister is now remarried with 2 more kids - 3 boys - and happier than I've ever seen her! Her and ex-hubby are also now very close friends...which works so nicely for their son. Her ex is at all our family events - it's great when it's not an ugly nasty divorce!

Best of luck to you!

ssdbk Posted: Jun 04, 2007 05:58 PM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Posted by BKtoLI

I don't know if that gives anyone clarification. Just thought I would try to defend myself a bit here.

I don't think you needed to defend yourself. It's just that anyone who is in a situation like yours will have to face some cold hard truths. You're not a bad person if you don't leave Brooklyn now. I don't think that you will end up with Andrew if you don't move back in together now, but you can always prove me wrong and I shouldn't make predictions. And if you are not meant to stay together, that's no reflection on you as a person anyway.

NPTbride Posted: Jun 05, 2007 09:09 PM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Janna, I'm so sorry to hear what you have been going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers Weekend Twin.

Jennie0898 Posted: Jun 05, 2007 11:25 PM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Keeping in mind that I'm a relative newbie and that we've only met once, I'm not going to offer any advice but just wanted to let you know I will keep you in my prayers and hope you find the inner strength to find the answers you're looking for.

You are in a very difficult situation and I hope it works out well for you both. Whether it means you stay together or not, you deserve to be happy.

I will offer one piece of advice... Be honest with yourself. Look at the situation as objectively and honestly as possible and deep down, you will find the answers you seek.

Hang in there, this too shall pass and remember, that which does not kill us, only makes us stronger.

Smiles111 Posted: Jun 08, 2007 11:06 AM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Janna, I sent you FM with a book recommendation. Let me know if you got it.

BKtoLI Posted: Jun 08, 2007 12:28 PM

Re: So counseling came and went....Edited with an explanation at bottom

Yes I did and thanks for everything!!

I will try to pick up the book over the weekend. However I will be in Long Island for most of it since we're trying to spend some time together.