So I am a Grandmother...

I am so sorrry!

It is completely understandable that you are upset with your daughter right now. Its is so unfortunate that she was too scared to tell you and for that, you missed out on her pregnancy and on the birth of your grandchild.

I hope you and your daughter can reconnect and that you will have a strong relationship with the new addition to the family. It will take some time, but you will come around. And so will your daughter.

Best of luck to you

Like I posted before I think you need to sit down with just her nobody else and really hash out your feelings with each other. Obviously she sounds a little confused maybe its just too much for her to admit right now! Good Luck with everything!

wow...i cant believe she hid it for the whole time...wow....i think you should congratulate her as a mother...no matter what baby is a blessing and im sure she wants you to love him/her..and be a part of babys life as a loving grandmother ....a lot of people say that they dont want to be a grandmothers yet..but what are you going to do...the baby is here and the best thing to do is to accept and forgive

Oh, Jody, I am so sorry for what you're going thru right now

I know that if I were in your shoes I'd probably be feeling the exact same way. I never understood how people can 'hide' a pregnancy - I guess she was pretty tiny at 9 months. It is so sad that she is still lying to you. Maybe she truly isn't sure yet what she does want, but I am sure she does want her mom there to support her.

Once you get past the hurt and the lies and the betrayal, I am sure you'll stand behind your daughter and spoil that little boy rotten! You know we are all here for you!!!

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Posted by JodyLC

Well I kinda flipped out last night (enough I took 2 valium and went to bed). I was going off on her for lying to me and her Fing boyfriend (who I might add I let live with us this year when his mother passed away and his dad took up with another woman 2 days later). Anyway he went off on me in my own house and told me you're to scared to be a grandmother, then he proceeded to call me ALOT of names. I wasn't even freaking over the baby I was freaking over her lying to me and him too!! But no!! No one can understand that the daughter that i was so proud of and thought we shared everything lied to me about something that should of been one of the most exciting things in my life... I'm not allowed to be pissed over it. FH is not speaking to me because 'I was not acting like an adult'. But yet HE FREAKED when he found out, called me ALL night at work ranting, then when I come home it was all OK. and I was supposed to be all happy... happy...joy...joy... NOT. I needed my time to snap also...

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WOW i am so sorry, I can definitely understand why you are mad.

Regardless of the fact that she thought you would get mad, she had to realize you will find out at some point so don't see the point of hiding it. This just made it worse because not only did you have to deal with her getting pregnant, which she was scared of but now you have to deal with the fact that she lied to you all along.

I also think its very sad because your initial reaction i am sure would've been to get upset if she had told you from the beginning but im sure you would've let it sink in and gotten over it. You would've had the time to accept this fact and be happy about it. But the saddest part is that she took away big moments for you. Didn't she think that maybe you would've wanted to be at the hospital when she delivered the baby. To be there for her during her pregnancy, see her sonograms, maybe even throw her a baby shower and be part of all the things that grandmothers are excited to be part of.

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Posted by RKellner

I can understand you being upset for her lying to you and hiding it from you the whole time...
But if she had came to you and told you she was pregnant what would you have done and said?
what exactly are you the most upset over, the fact that she hid it or the fact that you are a grandmother at 39?
I dont want this to sound rude but a baby is a blessing no matter what...
Maybe you should be happy and look at you GRANDCHILD and give that baby a kiss....
Just the way you came off and said what you said, is wrong in my opinion...That BABY is YOUR grandchild...
Congrats to your daughter.. I wont say congrats to you because you dont want to hear that and I personally dont think you deserve a congrats after the way you spoke of the baby...

I only say this the way I do because I came home pregnant at 20 and my parents accepted me AND my daughter.. And my daughter means more to my parents then anything in this world...
They never would have talked about my baby the way you are of your grandchild....

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i think its more about the fact that she would lie about this and hide it from her.

Now I know if i had come home at a young age saying that i was pregnant, my parents would be very upset BUT there would be nothing they can really do and then after a little bit of time they would accept it and be happy and be there for me and excited about their grandchild. BUT if i hid it from them the entire time and just showed up at their house with a baby, i think they would FLIP OUT. No matter how upset they initially will be, a parent still wants to be there during the most important time of their childs life. My mom would be extremely hurt that i wouldn't be able to talk to her about this and she would be upset because she would think we had a better relationship with this.

You said you came home pregnant at the age of 20. So you didn't hide this from your parents the whole time. I am sure if you hid it from them the entire time and just showed up with the baby then they would've been a bit upset.

You have a daughter and when she gets older, your friendship with her will matter alot. You would think she can come to you with anything, and im sure it would hurt if she kept such a huge thing a secret for so long. I think thats what it comes down to.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by JodyLC

Well I kinda flipped out last night (enough I took 2 valium and went to bed). I was going off on her for lying to me and her Fing boyfriend (who I might add I let live with us this year when his mother passed away and his dad took up with another woman 2 days later). Anyway he went off on me in my own house and told me you're to scared to be a grandmother, then he proceeded to call me ALOT of names. I wasn't even freaking over the baby I was freaking over her lying to me and him too!! But no!! No one can understand that the daughter that i was so proud of and thought we shared everything lied to me about something that should of been one of the most exciting things in my life... I'm not allowed to be pissed over it. FH is not speaking to me because 'I was not acting like an adult'. But yet HE FREAKED when he found out, called me ALL night at work ranting, then when I come home it was all OK. and I was supposed to be all happy... happy...joy...joy... NOT. I needed my time to snap also...

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WOW i am so sorry, I can definitely understand why you are mad.

Regardless of the fact that she thought you would get mad, she had to realize you will find out at some point so don't see the point of hiding it. This just made it worse because not only did you have to deal with her getting pregnant, which she was scared of but now you have to deal with the fact that she lied to you all along.

I also think its very sad because your initial reaction i am sure would've been to get upset if she had told you from the beginning but im sure you would've let it sink in and gotten over it. You would've had the time to accept this fact and be happy about it. But the saddest part is that she took away big moments for you. Didn't she think that maybe you would've wanted to be at the hospital when she delivered the baby. To be there for her during her pregnancy, see her sonograms, maybe even throw her a baby shower and be part of all the things that grandmothers are excited to be part of.

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jodi, maybe it would be best to write a letter or something like that - im sure that what denise said has a lot to do with what your feeling - you missed out on a lot of things - i think that maybe it would be best to admit to your daughter that yes, you may have 'freaked' when she told you the news, but that together you could have figured out a plan and instead of having of her having to go through the time alone you could have gone through it together - and you shoud let her know that it hurt you that you werent there for all the special moments moms have with their daughters - then maybe she can understand where you are coming from and she will understand why you you hurting - and you should do the same - try to understand where she was coming from - she must have been scared and felt alone and afraid - i am sure it wasnt easy for her and maybe you can be more understanding once she tells you everything openly and honestly.... i am sure that you guys can work it out - you just need to be honest with eachother - maybe if you and her talk ALONE without your FH and without her boyfriend present it would be best - KWIM? or if its too soon to talk maybe expressing your feelings in a letter?

Like I said.. I didnt mean for what I said to come out harsh... And if I was face to face, it would be heard differently than read....
I do feel for you Jody that your daughter felt that she couldnt tell you and that you are the last one to find out about this baby boy....
I do think that maybe you should sit down with your daughter, alone, and tell her your feelings but maybe also tell her that you are happy for her if this is what makes her happy....
Offer her your ear to tell you her feelings.... Offer her your help with anything she may need...
But before you sit down with her alone, get the baby a little something.. That might help ease the tension...
Obviously you are not as close with your daughter as you thought you were or she would have told you in the first place... But when better than now to start a new and closer relationship with her.. After all you are both mothers now and there is nothing in this world like being able to discuss motherhood with your own mother... Its a very special bond....

Jody I can totally understand why you are so upset about your daughter lying to you. We are all here to support you

Everyone has a different way of dealing with things, so feel free to ignore this idea. But maybe you and your daughter could go meet with some sort of therapist to discuss this with a 3rd party. Myabe this will help for you to better understand why she felt she had to hide something so important from you. And maybe it'll help her understand why you feel so betrayed and hurt. Maybe you both could have this conversation on your own after you have had some time to cool down. But i was just thinking that a therapist might know a good way to get the convo going by knowing what questions to ask when etc.

I know it will all work out- its just probably going to take some time.

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Posted by GinaZ

Everyone has a different way of dealing with things, so feel free to ignore this idea. But maybe you and your daughter could go meet with some sort of therapist to discuss this with a 3rd party. Myabe this will help for you to better understand why she felt she had to hide something so important from you. And maybe it'll help her understand why you feel so betrayed and hurt. Maybe you both could have this conversation on your own after you have had some time to cool down. But i was just thinking that a therapist might know a good way to get the convo going by knowing what questions to ask when etc.

I know it will all work out- its just probably going to take some time.

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Good idea Gina!

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Posted by GinaZ

Everyone has a different way of dealing with things, so feel free to ignore this idea. But maybe you and your daughter could go meet with some sort of therapist to discuss this with a 3rd party. Myabe this will help for you to better understand why she felt she had to hide something so important from you. And maybe it'll help her understand why you feel so betrayed and hurt. Maybe you both could have this conversation on your own after you have had some time to cool down. But i was just thinking that a therapist might know a good way to get the convo going by knowing what questions to ask when etc.

I know it will all work out- its just probably going to take some time.

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I thinks thats an excellent idea if they are both agreeable

I came home pregnant (not at 18 though) and my parents were VERY supportive of me, even though I knew I disappointed my mother.

my son's paternal grandmother didn't find out about *us* until my son was a few months old.

she asked me why I didn't have an abortion and not to give her any of that *catholic crap* She also said that if her son wanted nothing to do with the baby then neither did she.

My son is now eight... and she has been involved in EVERY milestone of his life... she even attended my wedding. His father is not involved in my son's life whats so ever which makes it even more remarkable and special that she IS...

She needed a few days to cool off... and then realized, there is a beautiful baby involved who is HER flesh and blood.

I understand you are upset about your daughter lying to you.

but if an unplanned pregnancy is the worse thing that could happen to you... consider yourself very very lucky.

I hope you resolve this soon... and I wish you the best..

give it some time.

you must be so upset. try to look past the lies and the deception. your daughter must have been so scared, i couldnt imagine being pregnant and not being able to call and get adivce or vent to my mom. so she must have been going through a lot on her own.

take the time you need to adjust. and then i think the best thing to do is reestablish your relationship with your daughter. she is only 18 and needs a loving mother more than anything. (and the baby needs a loving and supporting grandmother)

I know you probably dont want it hear it right now but a baby is a blessing. Stay strong, my mom was very upset when my sister was a teenage mom but my neice was what kept her happy when she was very ill.

Hang in there