So sad... cried all day updated MORE. need advice

click here..for the reasons before


i cried all day today.... and i cant stop crying... im pretty sensitive deep down... FH knows it...i dont think he even knows what to do...he's put in to such a comprimising postion...its like wife vs. mom ...theres just so many itty bitty things she does probably PURPOSELY

hes always been a 'momma's boy' so hes not really one to say something so negative about her..or agree shes a ******* psycho...


Im at the point were i really desperately wish i wasnt marrying him...i dont even know what to do ..or if its normal to feel this way...ive cried my eyes out...

i feel all ALONE.

to top it all off... 17 days till the wedding

UPDATE: FH's mom has BRAINWASHED him..along with his sister...and FH called me and says i should say sorry to his mom for any misunderstanding, ill feelings, or distance...or any action of mine or words of mine she may or may not have liked....just say 'SORRY' he said. So she feels better...

and i dont want to say sorry..i dont feel like i did anything .... i have always been nice. SHES the one whose cold and unfriendly...and now FH is saying if i dont say sorry he wont talk to me??? what the helll

what on earth should i dO??????

please dont ever, ever feel like you're alone!!!!!
we are all hear for you to vent away to!!!!

i said this on the other thread
i dont feel like you should have to go through ANY of this!!!!!Its not fair at all

and again, im sorry if im overstepping, but i truly believe your fh needs to STEP UP and stand up for you and have a serious talk with his mother. You are going to be his wife, his partner in life. Of course you need to matter more than his mother.

I fear if he doesnt speak up now, once you're married, he never will and it will get much worse

Nope I dont matter more than his mother...


Remember because without his mother he wouldnt have been here today...she raised him, took care of him, blah blah

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Posted by luvabul

Nope I dont matter more than his mother...


Remember because without his mother he wouldnt have been here today...she raised him, took care of him, blah blah

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again
plese dont ever feel youre alone
you've got all of us

i'm so sorry that you are going thru this.

i know it seems odd but maybe the 3 of you need to sit down and talk. like you have to sit her down, with him, and say 'you are making me feel like you think i'm the worst person ever--and if you even CARED about your son's feelings or happiness you will work with me and we can figure out what the problem is and handle it----because like it or not i'm going to become your DIL'

its drastic, but at this point, if its not addressed in person, it will ruin your wedding day....cause you'll be worried the entire time if she is going to pull something. perhaps your FH isn't totally understanding what is at stake here and how much this is hurting your feelings, cause you are not letting him know the full extent. this is the time to address this issue--before the walk down the aisle.

i wish i could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you---but the only advice i can give is communication....you gotta communicate this all and get it out in the open!

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Posted by MJDoc12

i'm so sorry that you are going thru this.

i know it seems odd but maybe the 3 of you need to sit down and talk. like you have to sit her down, with him, and say 'you are making me feel like you think i'm the worst person ever--and if you even CARED about your son's feelings or happiness you will work with me and we can figure out what the problem is and handle it----because like it or not i'm going to become your DIL'

its drastic, but at this point, if its not addressed in person, it will ruin your wedding day....cause you'll be worried the entire time if she is going to pull something. perhaps your FH isn't totally understanding what is at stake here and how much this is hurting your feelings, cause you are not letting him know the full extent. this is the time to address this issue--before the walk down the aisle.

i wish i could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you---but the only advice i can give is communication....you gotta communicate this all and get it out in the open!

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I totally agree. Perfectly put!

I totally agree with the girls above but I must say you still have 18 days before you do this....and if he can't step up...well I hope he does for your sake and I hope its soon. Sending lots of hugs!

ditto

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Posted by PapayaChic

please dont ever, ever feel like you're alone!!!!!
we are all hear for you to vent away to!!!!

i said this on the other thread
i dont feel like you should have to go through ANY of this!!!!!Its not fair at all

and again, im sorry if im overstepping, but i truly believe your fh needs to STEP UP and stand up for you and have a serious talk with his mother. You are going to be his wife, his partner in life. Of course you need to matter more than his mother.

I fear if he doesnt speak up now, once you're married, he never will and it will get much worse

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I agree. He needs to step up to his mom. I was fighting so much with FH when we first got engaged cuz my FMIL treats me like Im just another girl and that bothers me cuz I am gonna be his wife whether she likes it or not. I started talking to him about it and he finally sees whats going on with her, He stands up for me now. But it took a while for him to see what her f******* problem was. My parents would never treat FH that way. They love him to death. It certainly p*sses my mother off when I tell my mom all the sh*t shes pulling. Hang in there.

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Posted by twinkletoes807




I TOTALLY AGREE>>>>>>>

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Posted by MJDoc12

i'm so sorry that you are going thru this.

i know it seems odd but maybe the 3 of you need to sit down and talk. like you have to sit her down, with him, and say 'you are making me feel like you think i'm the worst person ever--and if you even CARED about your son's feelings or happiness you will work with me and we can figure out what the problem is and handle it----because like it or not i'm going to become your DIL'

its drastic, but at this point, if its not addressed in person, it will ruin your wedding day....cause you'll be worried the entire time if she is going to pull something. perhaps your FH isn't totally understanding what is at stake here and how much this is hurting your feelings, cause you are not letting him know the full extent. this is the time to address this issue--before the walk down the aisle.

i wish i could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you---but the only advice i can give is communication....you gotta communicate this all and get it out in the open!

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I totally agree. Perfectly put!

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i'm so sorry you are feeling this way with just 18 days until your wedding. i know how stubborn FH's can be at times, so i understand how you can't get him to see your point of view on this. what's i've learned over the years with my FH is you just need to keep at it and eventually, he will come around. while he still might be spewing the whole 'she put me on this earth' stuff, eventually he might start to realize that regardless that she put him on this earth, it's not like you're trying to take him away from her, but just be a part of their family! i know it's hard to talk through these issues, but i really wish you guys the best and hope you can work it out!

To be honest, I don't know why you're so upset that she showed up hours late to the shower--sounds like a GOOD thing to me. Think of all the terrible things she could have said and done in those two hours! And she didn't embarrass YOU by showing up late, she embarrassed HERSELF. No one shows up late to her son's fiance's bridal shower, except a total b!tch who is trying to be a drama queen and make some sort of stupid point. I'm sure that no one thought any worst of you, they only felt sorry for you being saddled with such a horrible FMiL.

Anyway , that said, you need to have a serious conversation with your FH. I don't care if he's a momma's boy. Part of getting married is about cleaving from your parents and forming a new family with your new spouse. His first loyalty is supposed to be to you , not to her. If she is making you feel like this, then something is very wrong, and he needs to accept that there is something wrong and he needs to take your side. Either he needs to speak to his mother and tell her to lay off, this is the woman I love who is shortly going to be my wife, or you will have to spend much less time with her after the wedding. This is how it has to be--it's a very serious thing. I wouldn't marry someone who didn't put me first, or who didn't take my feelings seriously. You are obviously terribly upset about this, and he's ignoring that. You HAVE to talk with him, and don't let him brush you off. Tell him that you are at a point where you wish you weren't marrying him. Maybe that will wake him up.

I don't really think this will prevent your marriage, but I think your FH needs a slap upside the head to make him realize that this is a serious problem that will not just go away, he needs to deal with it, or he may not get married. If he is the man you thought worthy of marrying, he will step up. Good luck.

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Posted by MJDoc12

i'm so sorry that you are going thru this.

i know it seems odd but maybe the 3 of you need to sit down and talk. like you have to sit her down, with him, and say 'you are making me feel like you think i'm the worst person ever--and if you even CARED about your son's feelings or happiness you will work with me and we can figure out what the problem is and handle it----because like it or not i'm going to become your DIL'

its drastic, but at this point, if its not addressed in person, it will ruin your wedding day....cause you'll be worried the entire time if she is going to pull something. perhaps your FH isn't totally understanding what is at stake here and how much this is hurting your feelings, cause you are not letting him know the full extent. this is the time to address this issue--before the walk down the aisle.

i wish i could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you---but the only advice i can give is communication....you gotta communicate this all and get it out in the open!

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I agree also. This may not cure everything but it will be a step in the right direction.

I am concerned that if he doesnt step up to his mom now.. its only going to be harder in the future if you dont come to some sort of understanding NOW.

Ive been in your shoes.... its not fun. I thought my MIL hated me for the last 20 years. She called me crying one night and said all she wanted was for me to treat her like a mom... and have a close relationship. I was SHOCKED.. I was 'distant' from her because she was always so mean to me. I guess it was the only way she knew how to reach out to me.. she didnt even know how many times she hurt me with comments or actions.
The only thing....my husband (then)... ALWAYS took my side.. even tho he is a mamas boy... he stood up to her. It didnt effect their relationship but it did help ours.

Good luck sweetie. I mean that. I pray you have a beautiful wedding and that things straighten out quickly.

ps.. if you SERIOUSLY... think you cannot marry him because of this.. you need to voice that to him NOW.. perhaps that is a kick in the pants he needs. Please do not hold it in.

No. 1 YOUR NOT ALONE (as the other ladies have said)

No.2 I had major issues with FH's sister which ended up with me not being included in much since they all cater to her b/c she is a pain. She is a lot better now but I totally understand the toll it takes on your relationship. It is an awful feeling to be like I want out and to know you don't deserve this behavior and it keeps happening.

I wish I could make it better but the best I can do is say I understand how you feel and you have EVERY reason to feel this way.

i'm sure you two have discussed this over and over again. But you need one more convo re: this topic and somethingn eeds to be resolved ASAP. You do not deserve to feel this way and it needs to be stopped.

This is suppose to be the most exciting time in your life and you don't need this stress cmon a wedding alone is stress enough!

Good luck!! I hope everything works out for you!

you need to get your FH to step up NOW and talk to his mother. . . . . you have posted several times on the boards about your crazy FMIL and it doesn't look like anything has changed. your marriage is at stake if this doesn't get worked out....

my Best friend's MIL is a complete psycho.... she even convinced her DH to let her move in with them for awhile... it almost ruined their marriage because it was always a battle between her and the mother. luckily, they finally got her to move out, but it was a lot of drama and pain for everyone involved.

good luck!!!

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Posted by MJDoc12

i'm so sorry that you are going thru this.

i know it seems odd but maybe the 3 of you need to sit down and talk. like you have to sit her down, with him, and say 'you are making me feel like you think i'm the worst person ever--and if you even CARED about your son's feelings or happiness you will work with me and we can figure out what the problem is and handle it----because like it or not i'm going to become your DIL'

its drastic, but at this point, if its not addressed in person, it will ruin your wedding day....cause you'll be worried the entire time if she is going to pull something. perhaps your FH isn't totally understanding what is at stake here and how much this is hurting your feelings, cause you are not letting him know the full extent. this is the time to address this issue--before the walk down the aisle.

i wish i could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you---but the only advice i can give is communication....you gotta communicate this all and get it out in the open!

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I couldn't have said it better myself!

I agree with the others. I hope you can have the opportunity to sit down and open up about your feelings. Good luck! Everyone is here for you.

That ***** owes you an apology. Not vice versa.


A sit down is in order and your Fh needs to defend you as well as your family. He needs to tell you FMIL thayt HER behavior is unacceptable.


I hope it all works out !!!!