Some sad news= venting and new your help!!!!

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Posted by cbcf

Sorry I know I am always venting about this- but it seems as if you girls are the only ones I can talk to about this- my other friends dont seem to want to hear about it or hear me ask them for help or advice 'forlorn:

1st- THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT!!! I appreciate everyone's comments and Kerri please dont feel you would get **** for what you said!! I completely understand your view. And I know you arent saying FH is selfish or anything. But I also dont want to be selfish either. I dont want FH to regret not going to Iraq. But I dont want him or I regreting changing our wedding. I know it is only a date and we can push it back. We have talked about it already. And I will be calling our vendors today and tomorrow to ask about open dates. But I wanted to see what all you ladies would do. And kerri Chris (my FH) even said what yuo said- he understands it isnt just him anymore and he has to think about me and that is why this is so hard on him. And i feel bad I am making it hard on him because I told him I kinda dont want him to go mostly for safety reason whether there was a wedding or not I would be worried. But I also dont want to hold him back. And he keeps saying but you have to help me decide because you will be my wife...ughh this is soo hard!!!

2nd- Matilde I understand what you are saying as well. Yes war changes people and sometimes not always for the better. And FH and I have talked about that as well. And it worries us but sometimes it seems this is the last of our problems since he has alot of friends who came back from going to Iraq 2 or 3 times and do not have all of the symptoms others soldiers have= but it is all relevent. AND I KNOW ABOUT REGRET!! That is one thing we are worried about we both dont want to regret anything. And I even told him it kinda is a lose lose situation. If he goes I'll be sad but if he doesnt I will feel like I held him back just because of a wedding.

this *****!!!

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Posted by bemyyoko

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Posted by ant n tilde

first of all for you

i think you are a wonderful person for supporting him in his decision - i know that it is hard. . . but regret is something that can tear a relationship apart later down the road.

now to the wedding, i dont think you should have a problem pushing the date back BUT please know that the marines CAN keep him past his date. . .it has happened in the past and it will happen again. Also, you have to think about his mindset when he returns from war. Is he going to be able to be in front of all those people just three weeks after returning to 'civilian life'?

Can you talk to marines who have come back already? I think that you should really consider these factors in choosing your new date

we are all here for you!

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Those are excellent points. One of my best friends came home from the war zone and was a wreck for months. I mean, he was 'okay' but didn't do well in crowds and things like that.
PTSD is a lot more common than I think people realize with this war. Most of us are so far removed from it...
War changes people. Not in a bad way, but it does. I personally believe that anyone who tells you otherwise is full of it.
I would discuss that with him as well.
Also, the same friend mentioned above was kept almost a year longer than his date. Once they are in the war zone, all bets are off as to when they come home.

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Posted by bemyyoko

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Posted by cbcf

Sorry I know I am always venting about this- but it seems as if you girls are the only ones I can talk to about this- my other friends dont seem to want to hear about it or hear me ask them for help or advice 'forlorn:

1st- THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT!!! I appreciate everyone's comments and Kerri please dont feel you would get **** for what you said!! I completely understand your view. And I know you arent saying FH is selfish or anything. But I also dont want to be selfish either. I dont want FH to regret not going to Iraq. But I dont want him or I regreting changing our wedding. I know it is only a date and we can push it back. We have talked about it already. And I will be calling our vendors today and tomorrow to ask about open dates. But I wanted to see what all you ladies would do. And kerri Chris (my FH) even said what yuo said- he understands it isnt just him anymore and he has to think about me and that is why this is so hard on him. And i feel bad I am making it hard on him because I told him I kinda dont want him to go mostly for safety reason whether there was a wedding or not I would be worried. But I also dont want to hold him back. And he keeps saying but you have to help me decide because you will be my wife...ughh this is soo hard!!!

2nd- Matilde I understand what you are saying as well. Yes war changes people and sometimes not always for the better. And FH and I have talked about that as well. And it worries us but sometimes it seems this is the last of our problems since he has alot of friends who came back from going to Iraq 2 or 3 times and do not have all of the symptoms others soldiers have= but it is all relevent. AND I KNOW ABOUT REGRET!! That is one thing we are worried about we both dont want to regret anything. And I even told him it kinda is a lose lose situation. If he goes I'll be sad but if he doesnt I will feel like I held him back just because of a wedding.

this *****!!!

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No one wants to say this... and I don't want to say it either. So I won't... but i'm sure you know what it is that i'm thinking.
I'm not trying to scare you. But that worry is a very real and valid emotion.
I have days that I cannot function b/c one of my good friends is involved with the war, and the worry just makes me sick. And he's just a friend...
I can't imagine what it would be like to worry about my fiance. I cry when FH is out driving in a really bad thunderstorm!

I've been in a similar situation though. One that I shouldn't post here. I will send you an FM.

You shouldn't feel selfish for wanting to keep him out of harms way. It's not like you're sitting here going 'BUT I WANT MY WEDDING!! WAAAHHH!!!'
you are concerned about his safety and his life.

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by bemyyoko

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Posted by ant n tilde

first of all for you

i think you are a wonderful person for supporting him in his decision - i know that it is hard. . . but regret is something that can tear a relationship apart later down the road.

now to the wedding, i dont think you should have a problem pushing the date back BUT please know that the marines CAN keep him past his date. . .it has happened in the past and it will happen again. Also, you have to think about his mindset when he returns from war. Is he going to be able to be in front of all those people just three weeks after returning to 'civilian life'?

Can you talk to marines who have come back already? I think that you should really consider these factors in choosing your new date

we are all here for you!

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Those are excellent points. One of my best friends came home from the war zone and was a wreck for months. I mean, he was 'okay' but didn't do well in crowds and things like that.
PTSD is a lot more common than I think people realize with this war. Most of us are so far removed from it...
War changes people. Not in a bad way, but it does. I personally believe that anyone who tells you otherwise is full of it.
I would discuss that with him as well.
Also, the same friend mentioned above was kept almost a year longer than his date. Once they are in the war zone, all bets are off as to when they come home.

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yeah i understand that as well...i mean i def do haha i see it in some of his friends especially his last boss...but then i dont see it in others..it is def relevant to certain...but like you said WAR DOES CHANGE PPL!!! And whoever says otherwise is wrong and ignorant IMO. But yes that is another thing I mentioned to FH about what happens if his unit says oh well we have to stay for another month= well having a nov wedding wouldnt work then haha so i dont know.

i talked to my mom and my Nana about this- My Nana wanted to know someones phone # so she could call and tell them FH isnt going haha so was so cute. She said dont they care he is getting married in sept why cant they send him home before that...it doesnt work that way though haha.

but yeah my mom was mad at me that i wasnt more upset about this- but i guess for the last 3 1/2 years i have been immune to it by now..yeah the MArines suck sometimes but what can you do i love my FH more than anything and that is why i deal with this all...

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Posted by rkl1130

I am so sorry you are going through this.



As a Marine Corp wife, I know how difficult it can be.

Like others have said, you do owe it to not only yourself but to him to tell him how you feel about his decision to want to go. Has he been before? A marriage is about compromise, and he needs to really take into consideration how you feel about it as well before making the choice to definitely go. His desire to go is admirable and I absolutely commend him on it, but has he thought about the ramifications of his actions and how that can affect you?

Also, the Marine Corp is notorious for telling people they will be back by a certain date and push that date back more than once (it happened to us on both deployments), so there will not be any definitely guarantees that he will be home by the date they say he will be. Will postponing hurt you a lot financially?

Is the Marine Corp his career? Personally, I think it's a bit selfish to make this deicision without your input because this adversely affects YOU. I know you would support him in whatever decision he makes, but his decisions should be made based on whats best for you both.

If you need to talk, FM me.

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Posted by bemyyoko

I might get **** for this but i don't care.

I understand why you would find it hard to tell him No.
However... you two can't really make big important decisions like this without discussing and agreeing on the terms.

It is not fair for him to decide he's going, which means changing all your plans you had. Sure, a wedding can be rescheduled... but it's not just a party that he's putting off by going. He's putting your marriage on hold.

Also, I can understand his POV for wanting to go to Iraq. I really can... but there are so many wives, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and children and on and on who would do anything to have their loved ones HOME.
While his reasons for wanting to go are admirable... I also think they are a little selfish. He has a family here, a soon to be wife here, who he needs to think about.

The fact that he told you to tell him NO if you want to, means a lot. I do not think your FH is a selfish person, so please, don't think i'm talking badly of him or the troops who choose to go over. I'm not.

I just want you to realize that your feelings of negativitiy are valid. If you do not want him to go, I think you owe it to yourself, and the future of your relationship to at least voice that to him. I'd hate for him to go, and you resent him for it, or hold it against him without realizing it.

This is a tough situation, and none of us can tell you what to do. Just know, that whatever decision you make, you should make together, and we'll all be here to support you no matter what it is.

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Posted by cbcf


thank you for your advice!!! i greatly appreciate especially since you have been through this before. now yes we have talked about this...and FH told me flat out that if I say NO i dont want you to go he wont he doesnt want to just think about himself he wants to know what i feel and everything. we have talked about this all weekend and it just makes me sick to think i have to make a decision with him on this. i dont want to regret anything. yeah he doesnt want to make this decisionwithout me...but i just dont know what to do

and yes i even mentioned how upsetting it would be if they kept him there longer because i know they do that believe me haha

but he also doesnt want to make a career out of it well he wants to re-enlist as a reservist not active duty.

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i forgot to add that your FH is brave for joining the military - and he doesnt need to prove himself.....i would NEVER have the guts to join!!

the person i was talking about earlier was a reservist and he was deployed to Iraq and fought in the war - so you aren't even safe doing reserves.....so your FH is def a BRAVE guy for joining and wanting to continue after his time is up! i just wanted to say how brave your FH is!

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i forgot to add that your FH is brave for joining the military - and he doesnt need to prove himself.....i would NEVER have the guts to join!!

the person i was talking about earlier was a reservist and he was deployed to Iraq and fought in the war - so you aren't even safe doing reserves.....so your FH is def a BRAVE guy for joining and wanting to continue after his time is up! i just wanted to say how brave your FH is!

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thanks Nicole!!!

i think that is another thing FH is thinking about. that he joined the Marines to go...and if he doesnt go he did nothing...you know. he doesnt want to be considered a Hero but he wants people to not look down on him because he didnt go to Iraq in his 4 yrs active duty. I think alot of it has to do with the monitor (he is the guy who helps them with reenlisting and stuff) and he told FH he should re-evaluate himself as a Marine because FH told him he didnt want to re-enlist as active duty and that he wasnt going to Iraq if I didnt want him to.
I WAS LIKE WHAT!!?? But that is the Marine Corps mentality. And once a life time Marine they dont understand the reasoning of getting out of the MArine Corps and not wanting to go to Iraq! Ughh sometimes I wish I could just tell him we dont need a wedding (which we dont but we both ahve always dreamt about having our dream wedding).

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