Some sad news= venting and new your help!!!!

Im so sorry you are going through this The girls as usual gave great advice. The only thing I would say is to tell FH exactly how you feel about it and be honest. Don't feel bad because you are allowed to be selfish in your feeling as you are part of the relationship also. In the end, though, I think you have to let him make the decision after telling him exactly how you feel.

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Posted by cbcf


thanks Nicole!!!

i think that is another thing FH is thinking about. that he joined the Marines to go...and if he doesnt go he did nothing...you know. he doesnt want to be considered a Hero but he wants people to not look down on him because he didnt go to Iraq in his 4 yrs active duty. I think alot of it has to do with the monitor (he is the guy who helps them with reenlisting and stuff) and he told FH he should re-evaluate himself as a Marine because FH told him he didnt want to re-enlist as active duty and that he wasnt going to Iraq if I didnt want him to.
I WAS LIKE WHAT!!?? But that is the Marine Corps mentality. And once a life time Marine they dont understand the reasoning of getting out of the MArine Corps and not wanting to go to Iraq! Ughh sometimes I wish I could just tell him we dont need a wedding (which we dont but we both ahve always dreamt about having our dream wedding).

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I can see how your FH feels the way he does. After all, this is what he was trained to do.

On the other hand, he shouldn't feel guilty for not going. Plenty of people don't go. He shouldn't let a recruiter sway him and convince him to do things just for the sake of the Corp--that's their job...they're like glorified salespeople who will give you a good sell, but when all is said and done have gotten you to sign to something completely different and unexpected.

The Corp is all about group mentaility and being macho. Once a Marine, always a Marine--that doesn't mean only if you've served in a combat zone. I've met guys who have been in for a long time and have yet to be sent away--their MOS isn't needed or for some other reason--and they are okay with that because they know that even though they aren't serving in a combat zone, they are stil serving a purpose in being home and supporting the efforts and the Marines out there.

awww catie I am sooo sorry. Its hard to make a choice like that because like yous aid that is why he joined. Maybe look into moving the wedding a few months later, when you know he will be back. I dont think anyone has the answer but you and FH, talk it out some more im sure you will come to a solution.

But i do feel bad for youbecause I know how it feels to just want to be married and be with each other!

Everyone gave such good comments to you I can only cosign on them & wish you the best on a very difficult situation.

You are both very brave. We personally have a family member that we are stressing about possibly going over that we honestly wish would go, for all the obvious reasons.

May I give another suggestion beyond those that are given. If you both choose that he will go, which is a very hard decision for you!.. I suggest that you may want to have the civil service between you two before he goes. something private that only you can share. That way at least he will know he is leaving you in a state of being legally connected to you beyond the spiritual connection. You have more pull getting info or acting on his behalf in his absence if you are legally wedded. It offers you protection at least in his absence.

Mind you I know you want the 'real deal wedding' Which you certainly can still have!!! It will just something to hold you off until the wedding wedding (& if you are having a church wedding, you would be wedded under the auspices of the church). I know a couple that is doing this now.

Anyway, know that we are thinking of you & wishing you the best. BIG HUGS

aww catie im so sorry!! i wish i had some great advice or something but everyone before said all that i could write... this def must be a very hard decision for you both to make...but im sure whatever u guys decide it will work out for the best and in the end when its all married u will be back and married with FH

I am so sorry you are going through this. I read everyone's advice and don't have too much to add. I just wanted to say I can understand how you feel about supporting FH and know why your are understanding about where he is coming from. I know it's not the same, but my brother is in the Army and in Iraq now. We don't really have parents, so we are all each other has in that sense. He just re-enlisted a few months ago and as much as I hate him being over there, I was one of the people who was 100% behind his decision to stay in the military. He was unsure if he was going to stay in and after a long conversation with me, he chose to re-enlist. He's not a marine but he has that sense of loyalty to our country and the men & women he serves with. Again I know it's not the same as having FH over there, but I do understand where you are coming from and why you are so willing to support his decision.
As others have said, you should be honest with FH and tell him all of your concerns and fears. If the two of you do decide that it is in your best interest for him to extend his commitment to the Marines and go to Iraq, I do agree with some of the other girls about possibly having a private civil ceremony before he goes. Then FH will know his wife is waiting to start your lives when he returns.

I am sorry you re going through this. I cant imagine how hard it must be. I do agree with most of the girls that he needs to make the decision with you. It seems he is doing that which is great. Good luck!

wow, I don't envy you girls with FH in the services.... I love that they fight for our freedom, but what about your happiness too? It's a tough decision you'll have to reach in your heart to decide..... Wishful thinking, but maybe we'll pull out of Iraq before then...? I'm sorry I hate this war.

I understand that you want to be supportive and i really commend you for it. I can't imagine how tough it is for you but, I don't think your FH is thinking clearly right now.

I know I'll probably get reemed for it but girls I'm sorry -its JMHO, take it for what its worth. Its not like he wants to move to seattle to pursue impressionist art...he wants to go to WAR! I know he's a marine and he's been trained for this, but he's also lived on a base (corect me if I'm wrong) and feels obligated. Its VERY scary. I'm really sorry that you're in this situation.

Personally, I wouldn't want him to go. I know what a trmendous sacrifice it must be for you to put on a happy face and be so supportive. I really admire that, but personally, GOD FORBID....that's all I'm going to say.


Ultimately its your decision, please don't rush into things. Speak to his family if you can and yours...this is not something LIW can solve. God bless you both and I will pray for the both of you.

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Posted by Belongs2DanBuckley

I understand that you want to be supportive and i really commend you for it. I can't imagine how tough it is for you but, I don't think your FH is thinking clearly right now.

I know I'll probably get reemed for it but girls I'm sorry -its JMHO, take it for what its worth. Its not like he wants to move to seattle to pursue impressionist art...he wants to go to WAR! I know he's a marine and he's been trained for this, but he's also lived on a base (corect me if I'm wrong) and feels obligated. Its VERY scary. I'm really sorry that you're in this situation.

Personally, I wouldn't want him to go. I know what a trmendous sacrifice it must be for you to put on a happy face and be so supportive. I really admire that, but personally, GOD FORBID....that's all I'm going to say.


Ultimately its your decision, please don't rush into things. Speak to his family if you can and yours...this is not something LIW can solve. God bless you both and I will pray for the both of you.

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Ditto

I think he's trying to validate that he is a brave man, and he thinks he'll be less of a 'Marine' if he deciedes not to go. He wants to prove himself to the Marines, but they will NEVER be satisfied. Let him know that he is a LOT braver than most people for signing up in the first place. Furthermore, he's honorable just for considering going to WAR!

I second what other girls have said about the marines brainwashing people..don't let them do this to him. He has already done more than most people have for this Country..and he DESERVES to now take his life and start it with you.

I think its great that he wants your opinion on what he can do, and it obviously means a lot to him which is great. You guys should make decisions together. But honestly, I wouldn't be able to make a decision like the one he wants you to make.

I'd be one of those girls BEGGING him not to go, telling him EVERYTHING to make him stay.

If he went - every day that he is gone, you are going to be wishing that you told him to stay. Every time you hear a horrible story on the news that 'might' of been him, you are going to want to give everything you have to have the chance to be with him again. Your going to question yourself non-stop why you didn't just tell him to stay home, where he was safe.

It's not selfish of you AT all. I'm sure he doesn't want to put you through that.

I know you want to be strong and supportive, but maybe your letting him think you are stronger than you really are. Maybe if he knew how this would weigh on your heart everyday, and knows the extent of the pain you'd have to go through, maybe he wouldn't want to go.

I would let him know EXACTLY how this will effect you, and tell him EXACTLY how you feel about it...then tell him that you will support him either way, but at least he knows how you feel.

I'm so sorry sweetie..