Spin-off to Jen's Catholic church- If you are not baptizing your children..

how do you think they will feel when they are older??


My mother is Jewish and my dad Roman Catholic so we were raised with neither religion. Growing up I didn't have a 'sense' of belonging to to one group or another. I felt like an outsider on both sides. It sucked to be honest. Now that we are having a child, we are going to have it baptized but are searching for a church that we will feel comfortable with.

While I completely understand when you say you don't agree with the Catholic Church, how do you think your children will feel when they are a little older and their friends have religion classes and confirmations, bar mitzahs and such and they don't? I am curious if you have thought about it from their stand point being that I was raised like that.

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Posted by reallybehind!

i think i said it in the other post, but i'm still unsure what i'd do. right now i'm leaning towards not baptizing them. if they ask i will explain to them the reasons why we chose this. you can always get baptized and join a religion later on, so if they decide they'd like to do that i'll be supportive and help them. but it doesn't seem right to be just to have my child baptized so they can feel like part of a group. though i totally see where you're coming from and why it would be hard for a kid. still i feel like i'd be a hypocrite if i said well mommy doesn't believe in god or organized religion but she's going to send you to religion classes.

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Prettty much agree with this ...

I was baptised as a baby but it never went past that (my brother made his communion but that was it).

Jamie - I undertsand what you are saying about not being part of a group sucked but yout know, that is something that has made me resent religion and the role it plays in some peoples lives ... that some people use their religious beliefs as a way to exclude other people and to me that's just wrong and I cannot imagine that is what religion and beliefs are supposed to be about.

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Posted by wc0143

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Posted by reallybehind!

i think i said it in the other post, but i'm still unsure what i'd do. right now i'm leaning towards not baptizing them. if they ask i will explain to them the reasons why we chose this. you can always get baptized and join a religion later on, so if they decide they'd like to do that i'll be supportive and help them. but it doesn't seem right to be just to have my child baptized so they can feel like part of a group. though i totally see where you're coming from and why it would be hard for a kid. still i feel like i'd be a hypocrite if i said well mommy doesn't believe in god or organized religion but she's going to send you to religion classes.

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Prettty much agree with this ...

I was baptised as a baby but it never went past that (my brother made his communion but that was it).

Jamie - I undertsand what you are saying about not being part of a group sucked but yout know, that is something that has made me resent religion and the role it plays in some peoples lives ... that some people use their religious beliefs as a way to exclude other people and to me that's just wrong and I cannot imagine that is what religion and beliefs are supposed to be about.

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Very good points on both parts!!!

You don't want to be a hypocrite, I TOTALLY get that!!!

Wendy- you know the Catholic church is doing that to my family now. That ticks me off too, I am looking into the Unitarian church now because of that.

we will probably have some type of Christian baptism... although I have a hard time with institutional churches, I am a Christian and believe in the new testament and the teachings/lessons and Jesus, etc etc...

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Posted by wc0143

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Posted by reallybehind!

i think i said it in the other post, but i'm still unsure what i'd do. right now i'm leaning towards not baptizing them. if they ask i will explain to them the reasons why we chose this. you can always get baptized and join a religion later on, so if they decide they'd like to do that i'll be supportive and help them. but it doesn't seem right to be just to have my child baptized so they can feel like part of a group. though i totally see where you're coming from and why it would be hard for a kid. still i feel like i'd be a hypocrite if i said well mommy doesn't believe in god or organized religion but she's going to send you to religion classes.

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Prettty much agree with this ...

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SO then the two of you would not be celebrating any religious holidays with your children? Not Christmas, Easter, Passover or Hanakkah? Nothing?

I will be baptizing my child when the time comes. My DH and i are both Catholics and were raised as such..

I do feel that religious schooling is very important to a childs self awareness and gives them a sense of identity. If later in life my child wants to explore other religious outlets that they feel more comfortable with..i would support their decision.

I feel that a child will most definately feel left out and lost if they have no religious attachment..I feel that they will feel awkward and alone if a 8 year old child is asked 'So what are you?' and they have nothing to say. And having a parent say...well timmy..we don't belive in this, that and the other...So that is why we are not anything. They don't really understand that. What they do understand is that all the kids are making Christmas, Easter, passover and Hanukkah cards in class and talking about their holidays and they are NOT. Is that right, is that a reason to raise your child with a specific religion..no. But will they feel that YES! Without a doubt!

But this is just my opinion

I was raised Catholic but will not raise my children catholic. I agree that they do need some sort of spiritual training to help develop their identity, but I am not sure what I'll do about that. Whether or not I will baptise my children in any particular religion remains to be decided.

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Posted by oct.2004bride

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Posted by wc0143

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Posted by reallybehind!

i think i said it in the other post, but i'm still unsure what i'd do. right now i'm leaning towards not baptizing them. if they ask i will explain to them the reasons why we chose this. you can always get baptized and join a religion later on, so if they decide they'd like to do that i'll be supportive and help them. but it doesn't seem right to be just to have my child baptized so they can feel like part of a group. though i totally see where you're coming from and why it would be hard for a kid. still i feel like i'd be a hypocrite if i said well mommy doesn't believe in god or organized religion but she's going to send you to religion classes.

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Prettty much agree with this ...

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SO then the two of you would not be celebrating any religious holidays with your children? Not Christmas, Easter, Passover or Hanakkah? Nothing?

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We will 'celebrate' Xmas & Easter because the rest of the family does. But for us (as it was when I was growing up), it's a reason for the family to get together, not a religious celebration.

I don't think I was EVER asked by another child growing up 'What are you?' so I don't see that as an issue. I went to public school all my life surrounded by kids of all beliefs so it was never as though I was the ONLY kid who didn't go to religious instruction ...

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Posted by wc0143

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Posted by oct.2004bride

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Posted by wc0143

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Posted by reallybehind!

i think i said it in the other post, but i'm still unsure what i'd do. right now i'm leaning towards not baptizing them. if they ask i will explain to them the reasons why we chose this. you can always get baptized and join a religion later on, so if they decide they'd like to do that i'll be supportive and help them. but it doesn't seem right to be just to have my child baptized so they can feel like part of a group. though i totally see where you're coming from and why it would be hard for a kid. still i feel like i'd be a hypocrite if i said well mommy doesn't believe in god or organized religion but she's going to send you to religion classes.

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Prettty much agree with this ...

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SO then the two of you would not be celebrating any religious holidays with your children? Not Christmas, Easter, Passover or Hanakkah? Nothing?

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We will 'celebrate' Xmas & Easter because the rest of the family does. But for us (as it was when I was growing up), it's a reason for the family to get together, not a religious celebration.

I don't think I was EVER asked by another child growing up 'What are you?' so I don't see that as an issue. I went to public school all my life surrounded by kids of all beliefs so it was never as though I was the ONLY kid who didn't go to religious instruction ...

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exactly what she said great minds think alike

My cousins were raised with neither. Their dad is Jewish & they went to bar/bat mitzvah's for their cousins on his side. I don't thini they really celebrated Jewish Holidays with h his family, but they wenre't local.

Their mom ( my dad's sister) was raised Episcopalian, with some Catholic influence from my grandpa. They celebrated Christmas with my grandparents.

The got married by a JoP & the kids didn't have any religion. I felt bad for them when my aunt died.
Religion can be a comfort at times like that.

They are in college now & we don't keep in touch, so I don't know how this has affected them as adults.

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Posted by wc0143

I don't think I was EVER asked by another child growing up 'What are you?' so I don't see that as an issue. I went to public school all my life surrounded by kids of all beliefs so it was never as though I was the ONLY kid who didn't go to religious instruction ...

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Well i know i definately was asked...
I have a friend who is Muslim and celebrated Christmas and Easter holidays because her son would get sooo upset watching the other kids celebrate these holidays and he felt left out!

They do notice the festivities going on at those times of the year...

ETA...i guess i kinda find it odd that you would celebrate certain catholic holidays when you aren't raising your children catholic?
When they ask you about Jesus and the meaning of CHristmas...what do you say? The Catholic view of this? I guess i am confused myself on this part

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Posted by oct.2004bride

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Posted by wc0143

I don't think I was EVER asked by another child growing up 'What are you?' so I don't see that as an issue. I went to public school all my life surrounded by kids of all beliefs so it was never as though I was the ONLY kid who didn't go to religious instruction ...

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Well i know i definately was asked...
I have a friend who is Muslim and celebrated Christmas and Easter holidays because her son would get sooo upset watching the other kids celebrate these holidays and he felt left out!

They do notice the festivities going on at those times of the year...

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Your opinion is your opinion but you keep talking about THEY and I am talking about MY own personal experience is all ...

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Posted by wc0143

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Posted by oct.2004bride

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Posted by wc0143

I don't think I was EVER asked by another child growing up 'What are you?' so I don't see that as an issue. I went to public school all my life surrounded by kids of all beliefs so it was never as though I was the ONLY kid who didn't go to religious instruction ...

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Well i know i definately was asked...
I have a friend who is Muslim and celebrated Christmas and Easter holidays because her son would get sooo upset watching the other kids celebrate these holidays and he felt left out!

They do notice the festivities going on at those times of the year...

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Your opinion is your opinion but you keep talking about THEY and I am talking about MY own personal experience is all ...

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i understand that...but i guess i don't get not raising your children catholic and yet celebrating the holidays it has...I understand it is a family gathering thing but yet somewhat hypocritical..no?
are you planning on giving your child gifts for x-mas? or is it just a gathering of family?

yes celebrating the holidays would be hypocritical. but there are tons of non-practicing, non-believing catholics that do it now, so i'm willing to let it slide. the things i like about christmas have nothing to do with the religious part of the holiday, like the tree, the lights, the baking cookies, gathering with family. i would give my kids gifts and i'd probably tell them the meaning of the holiday when they're old enough or ask, but explain that we look at it as a time to celebrate our own family not jesus'. it probably doesn't make sense and it's confusing, but lots of things in religion don't make sense and are confusing so oh well.

just wondering on where you'd draw the line with kids noticing festivities and wanting to celebrate? what if your child went to a predominantly jewish school and saw all the kids celebrating hanukah, would you celebrate it just to make your kid feel included?

A co-worker of mine is Catholic & her husband is Jewish & she said she wants to expose then to both religions & they celebrate with their familes but at home, she said she wants to get a nativity scene & a menorah, but not a tree, etc. . .

I thought that was interesting. . .

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Posted by reallybehind!

yes celebrating the holidays would be hypocritical. but there are tons of non-practicing, non-believing catholics that do it now, so i'm willing to let it slide. the things i like about christmas have nothing to do with the religious part of the holiday, like the tree, the lights, the baking cookies, gathering with family. i would give my kids gifts and i'd probably tell them the meaning of the holiday when they're old enough or ask, but explain that we look at it as a time to celebrate our own family not jesus'. it probably doesn't make sense and it's confusing, but lots of things in religion don't make sense and are confusing so oh well.

just wondering on where you'd draw the line with kids noticing festivities and wanting to celebrate? what if your child went to a predominantly jewish school and saw all the kids celebrating hanukah, would you celebrate it just to make your kid feel included?

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1. i personally just find it odd that someone who does not believe in the catholic religion and doesn't want to raise their child catholic religion would celebrate the holidays...I understand that the togetherness and family gatherings is great...but why the catholic holiday? Why not the jewish holidays? THey have the same togetherness and family aspect of gift giving and festivities? Why are you choosing the catholic holidays?

2. If my child, even though it would never occur, was to attend a primarily jewish school. I would definately encourage my child to learn about other faiths and their traditions..making dradles and such...that is apart of learning...BUT i wouldn't be celebrating passover or hanukkah at home. As a family we would be only observing OUR holidays.....To celebrate jewish holidays would be silly to me

1. why catholic holidays? because i was raised catholic and the rest of my family celebrates them. i don't just not believe in the catholic religion, i don't believe in ANY organized religion. just wanted that to be clear. also christmas and easter are really christian holidays not just catholic.

2. i was just asking b/c you said you had a muslim friend who celebrated christmas and easter. so i was just wondering how you felt about it.

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Posted by reallybehind!

1. why catholic holidays? because i was raised catholic and the rest of my family celebrates them. i don't just not believe in the catholic religion, i don't believe in ANY organized religion. just wanted that to be clear. also christmas and easter are really christian holidays not just catholic.

2. i was just asking b/c you said you had a muslim friend who celebrated christmas and easter. so i was just wondering how you felt about it.

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gotcha..