Shamma made a good point about couples who pretend like they have the most perfect relationship, when they are obviously having problems. Do you know people who do this and have you ever done this?
I do know people who constantly talk about how perfect their relationship and how they never argue- yeah right.
I can honestly say this has never been me. MY FH and I have had our share of problems over the years and I do not sugar coat it. It annoys me when people don't own up to their problems.
I am not saying be an open book, but it is ok to say once in a while your relationship is not ideal.
Niecey
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
I feel exactly the way you do nrvbrd. I can't stand when people are all like my marriage and my relationship is 100% perfect all the time. To me that just ins't how life is. Life has it's ups and downs and as I feel you don't need to share every detail of your dirty laundry - no reason to fake perfection!
hey nrvbrd - we have been on the same page a couple times today!
nrvbrd
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
You are so right Niecey-
Sage10.03
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
I couldn't agree more with both of you..... FH and I have definitely had our share of problems and still have things that aren't perfect about our relationship.... Relationships are constant work, but if you love someone enough, the work is worth it!!!! I know no matter how many fights we have, or how many doors get slammed, or words shouted....we love and respect each other and will always make up in the end!!!!!
NOTHING IS PERFECT and I will be the first to admitt that I/we are not either.....
but we work at it, and will do so always......there is no one else I would want to 'work on it' with
EvenEdan
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
I agree with both of you! Our relationship is wonderful, healthy and happy, but we definitely have our ups and our downs! We are currently experiencing a down and I can honestly say I want to kick FI's a$$ after this weekend. However, without the downs the ups wouldn't be as good.
mishandgerard
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. everyone has different opinions and smetime they clash. dh and I don't fight or argue often, its rare, but we do. I believe everyone does. My friend always said there marriage was great then I found out they had sex 1-2 a year and it is not enough for. She has stopped getting undressed in front of him because he looks at her funny. Plus they both have stopped talking to all there friends. She suspects he cheating, but so does everyone else.
tracyg
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
I can say we hardly ever fight... but i mean bad screaming fight. But we do bicker and have our mini fights where we won't talk for a few hours. (We've only had one HUGE fight.) There are times i wish he would just go away. But id never tell people that we never fight. And there are more good times than bad... and thats what matters. People who are proud that they NEVER fight shouldn't be... cuz there must be some communication problems there!!! thats just not healthy cuz someone must be holding things in.
eternityawaits
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
We have our ups and downs, and when we do they are some *serious* ups and downs.... Nothing is perfect and I'll be the first to say that it isn't all the time.
At the same time, though, we look at some of our friends, still living at home, haven't done a thing since High School and realize we are fortunate to be arguing over weddings and where we're going to live and such... puts things in perspective a bit.
cw0904
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
FH and I are by no means perfect. None of us are perfect so why would the relationship be? Please.. After being with each other for 6 yrs (as of 9/4/03) it doesn't bother us at all that our relationship won't be perfect. We can have a great 3 weeks. But one of us may not be having a good day (work, parents, sibling) and that affects the other partner. But that is okay. I can take FH being a grump every now and then and he can handle my snappy ways when I don't feel good. We are realistic. And we have learned to cope with each others not so good habits. We all have bad habits and I am sure all of us have some habits your FH doesn't like and vice versa. Some people tell me: oh everything is perfect and he does nothing wrong! I love all his habits good and bad.. Sure... Part of the wedding vows doesn't include 'in good times and in bad' for no reason.
xjulietx
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
FH and I never fight but we do have disagreements. I think that fighting is not healthy as there usually anger involved, but disagreeing can be fun. Trying to persuade someone to see things your way is a challenge and sometimes when you disagree you are able to see something that FH has offer you that you don't have and vuce versa. Life would be boring if we agreed all the time, but life would be scary if we fought all the time.
I would never claim to have a perfect relationship because I would be blind and naive to think that and if we always agreed, it would most likely mean that one of us was lying.
chmlengr
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
I thought by the subject line that this was a more personal question.....
Our favorite saying when the going gets rough is that 'we're in this for better or for worse, and although the worse is always sneaking up on us, one day we'll be able to sit back and enjoy the good times'
Jordan
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
I honestly don't know what perfect is or means. I love Chris and I love our relationship - it takes work and patience and compromise and understanding. We disagree, but we communicate. We don't call eachother names and we're always honest with oneanother - sometimes, TOO honest. FH & I are 2 different people, OF COURSE we're going to disagree about things.
We do have friends - this 1 couple - who INSIST that they never argue. (This is the same couple who is in constant competition with FH & me. Ugh.) I find that bizarre to never disagree or argue over anything. Personally, that's just too complacent for me.
aliasPook
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
Brian and I rarely have full blown arguments. When we start to fight, one of us (usually him) says ok, this is stupid. Why are we fighting over this (again). We used to fight all of the time, and now we realize that things we used to say to eachother in anger were being brought up days and weeks after the fights. I think finances are one of the hardest parts of a relationship, and luckily we sat down and discussed that a long time before we even got engaged.
While no relationship is perfect, what good is it to sit and bad mouth your furure husband/dear husband? You fight, you learn, you move on...
I wouldn't call our relationship perfect, with the exception of dirty socks and a few dishes left in the sink, I would not change a thing about him/us.
februarybride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
Dh and I fight...usually over such stupid things. We definitely do not pretend to be the perfect couple - but it's funny how some people think we are. And I think other people have the perfect relationship. We definitely try not to fight in front of friends or family...I don't think it's appropriate or any of their business.
Perfect, there is no such thing. But we love eachother and work it out.
shamma
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
If anyone has been reading the newlywed board you will know I do not have a perfect relationship, the perfect inlaws and the list goes on and on. I never ever will try to change my husband or ask him to be something he isn't, I met him this way and this is who I agreed to marry.
I went in knowing he can be lazy, I went in knowing he doesn't give flowers, I went in knowing he procrastinates, so I am not disappointed when these things rare their ulgy heads.
Roger and I have had our share of arguments and disagreements and discussions and we have had our highs and our lows. He said it best, he said when we are in a low, he knows there is a high right around the corner and we will not be in a low forever.
I know our relationship is not perfect, but I would not exchange him for anyone else. I know with God at the center of our marriage we will be ok
Everyday will not be Sunday.
nrvbrd
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
Bravo Shamma!!!!
You said it perfectly, you knew what you were getting into and you do NOT try to change Roger.
That is key.
danigirl0
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
i feel the same way. i just gave FH a birthday card about this. how i love our relationship and its not 'perfect' and fight free...but we work at it and grow in the process. people who dont fight are in for a big surprise when something DOES come up.
i do see though how people perceive a relationship to be perfect tho. everyone thinks FH and i have the perfect relationship only becuse i dont air out our problems to everyone. but i let all my friends know that we DO have our rough times and that working them out is what makes it so special.
tracyg
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
we always say that even though it may not be perfect, we are perfect for each other.
Iloveweddings
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
Shamma, are you SURE we didn't marry the same man? LOL....You hit it right on the head for Steve and I. However, through it all, I know that I love him and that he loves me. What I remind myself most is that we grew up in two very different families and that has an affect on how men treat women. Don't get me wrong, Steve treats me well and appreciates me, but I would like him to be more sentimental at times, but hey, they are always a work in progress, right?
acp1101
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff from Shamma- do you fake it????
I have to honestly say that me and fi NEVER fight...we may disagree, but never to the point of not speaking...more bickering.
The thing that annoys me are the people who claim to have the perfect relationship (even though they shouldn't even be together) pass judgement on other couples! What is that??? Worry about your own crazy life!!
