Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Original post by JimmysBride

Jan 28, 2005 10:01 AM

When my DH went away for his Bachelor Party, he did something somewhat 'questionable' as some of you might remember. Well, that's not what this is about. My DH came right out and told me what he did, which I appreciated. However, his behavior was very out of character for him and it made me wonder what else went on at that BP.

So, yeah, I admit it! I did it -- I called my little brother who was also in attendance and threatened to pummel him if he didn't dish ALL the dirt of that weekend and sure enough, he sang like a canary.

Now, I don't know for a fact that my brother told me EVERYTHING but he did tell me that my cousin's DH of 4 yrs, our Best Man, made out with some chick in this hotel room. In my book, that constitutes cheating. Not only was I furious at the BM, I was upset that DH did not tell me this. After his 'questionable' behavior admission, he told me he had told me everything there was to know about the BP.

But I was honest and told DH that I pryed my little brother for any extra dirt and I asked DH if there was anything else he wanted to tell me. And to this day, he still says no. So I have not told him that I know about our BMs indiscretions (I kinda promised my brother too). I also have not told ANYONE else, including his wife, my cousin, with whom he has 2 kids.

I know this would cause a world of hurt and problems for them. Why would I want to be the cause of that? My cousin would probably turn on me, and her DH would definitely turn on MY DH. My DH would be furious with ME for telling also. He would lose a friend too. BUT... she is my cousin and we are close, and he did wrong her. I decided this is way too ugly and I am staying way way out of it.

But... it still bugs me a little that DH has still never told me about this incident. It makes me think that he actually holds to that mysterious 'man code of ethics' that I know is out there.

Anyway, would you speak up in this situation?

june262004 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:36 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by don424

Posted by june262004

Posted by don424

Posted by Sassyz75

Thank god my DH didn't have a B party!!!

why?

Don I think I actually Agree with you. Its all in good fun if you have that TRUST!

i love when people say they agree with me, the say, 'hey don, i 'actually' agree with you'

like it's such a foreign concept

RedHead Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:38 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

I would tell my DH what i know...
But as far as your GM is concerned...well you promised your brother you wouldn't say anything...so i wouldn't BUT i would give him the evil eye and cold shoulder...

Sassyz75 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:40 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by don424

Posted by Sassyz75

Thank god my DH didn't have a B party!!!

why?

because I don't like what they signify... 'last night as a free man'... if my DH felt that trapped like he has to let loose one more time then he doesn't have to marry me- i'm not a prison warden.

I also do not appreciate my husband oggling live naked women.. it is disrespectful

violet Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:43 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

I don't see anything wrong with not liking the whole idea of bachelor parties. It's different for women. Male strippers are greasy, oily and nasty. They're more just funny, most women aren't turned on by them.

Then all this hype gets built up, and people expect it has to be the most exciting night ever. It's not as if you're not going to still hang out with your friends when you're married, for crying out loud.

don424 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:43 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

anyway

the thing is as a male, if boosh ever told me i could not have a bacehlor party or couldn't have strippers, that is a major trust thing in my book and i would question the marriage

i mean, if DH is going out to a strip club every week that's a problem

but a bachelor party is once in a blue moon. when it was mine, we sat down and i was given a list of what i could do and what i could not do -- we both talked and compromised and the next day i told her everything.

But if i was forbidden to go, or i was forbidden to have girls, not only would i resent this, but it would motivate me to lie, do it anyway, and potentially do something that i shouldn't.

like i said, trust is a 2 way street

violet Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:45 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Don, I know of a lot of guys, who when they have their bachelor party planned out, know NOTHING about what's going on, and it's basically planned out by their single guy friends. It's different that you got to pick what you did and told your wife. That doesn't happen too often.

don424 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:48 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

i had no idea what my BM had planned, but i knew girls would be involved

they tried to get me to do things that would be 'against the rules'

but i didn't

i just think this whole forbidding thing is extreme

when you forbid someone, you only entice them to do it more

Sassyz75 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:48 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by don424

anyway

the thing is as a male, if boosh ever told me i could not have a bacehlor party or couldn't have strippers, that is a major trust thing in my book and i would question the marriage

i mean, if DH is going out to a strip club every week that's a problem

but a bachelor party is once in a blue moon. when it was mine, we sat down and i was given a list of what i could do and what i could not do -- we both talked and compromised and the next day i told her everything.

But if i was forbidden to go, or i was forbidden to have girls, not only would i resent this, but it would motivate me to lie, do it anyway, and potentially do something that i shouldn't.

like i said, trust is a 2 way street

It is not that I don't trust my DH
I do trust him
but oggling naked girls is disrespectful in my book.

don424 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:50 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by Sassyz75

Posted by don424

anyway

the thing is as a male, if boosh ever told me i could not have a bacehlor party or couldn't have strippers, that is a major trust thing in my book and i would question the marriage

i mean, if DH is going out to a strip club every week that's a problem

but a bachelor party is once in a blue moon. when it was mine, we sat down and i was given a list of what i could do and what i could not do -- we both talked and compromised and the next day i told her everything.

But if i was forbidden to go, or i was forbidden to have girls, not only would i resent this, but it would motivate me to lie, do it anyway, and potentially do something that i shouldn't.

like i said, trust is a 2 way street

It is not that I don't trust my DH
I do trust him
but oggling naked girls is disrespectful in my book.

i don't see it as a problem when it is their chosen profession

Sassyz75 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:51 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by don424

Posted by Sassyz75

Posted by don424

anyway

the thing is as a male, if boosh ever told me i could not have a bacehlor party or couldn't have strippers, that is a major trust thing in my book and i would question the marriage

i mean, if DH is going out to a strip club every week that's a problem

but a bachelor party is once in a blue moon. when it was mine, we sat down and i was given a list of what i could do and what i could not do -- we both talked and compromised and the next day i told her everything.

But if i was forbidden to go, or i was forbidden to have girls, not only would i resent this, but it would motivate me to lie, do it anyway, and potentially do something that i shouldn't.

like i said, trust is a 2 way street

It is not that I don't trust my DH
I do trust him
but oggling naked girls is disrespectful in my book.

i don't see it as a problem when it is their chosen profession

So?
Selling crack is a good profession too- you can make a lot of money- doesn't mean we should go to crack!1

don424 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:52 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by Sassyz75

Posted by don424

Posted by Sassyz75

Posted by don424

anyway

the thing is as a male, if boosh ever told me i could not have a bacehlor party or couldn't have strippers, that is a major trust thing in my book and i would question the marriage

i mean, if DH is going out to a strip club every week that's a problem

but a bachelor party is once in a blue moon. when it was mine, we sat down and i was given a list of what i could do and what i could not do -- we both talked and compromised and the next day i told her everything.

But if i was forbidden to go, or i was forbidden to have girls, not only would i resent this, but it would motivate me to lie, do it anyway, and potentially do something that i shouldn't.

like i said, trust is a 2 way street

It is not that I don't trust my DH
I do trust him
but oggling naked girls is disrespectful in my book.

i don't see it as a problem when it is their chosen profession

So?
Selling crack is a good profession too- you can make a lot of money- doesn't mean we should go to crack!1

you lost me

violet Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:56 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

I think he meant that it's okay because that's those girls' jobs and not random naked women. I think?

Sassyz75 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:56 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

You can look at girls if it is their job?
Can you do drugs if you buy it from someone cause it is their job?
can you have sex with a hooker? it's their job...

lame reasoning.

RedHead Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:56 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

IMO...there is NOTHING wrong with B-parties...for both males and females...
IMO looking at a stripper is just that looking...they can look at worse on cable tv?

RedHead Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:57 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by Sassyz75

You can look at girls if it is their job?
Can you do drugs if you buy it from someone cause it is their job?
can you have sex with a hooker? it's their job...

lame reasoning.

those are kinda bad associations...the two that you are talking about ARE ILLEGAL...looking at strippers isn't

don424 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:59 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by violet

I think he meant that it's okay because that's those girls' jobs and not random naked women. I think?

exactly

i mean, hookers and drugs are on a different scale

i would have to physically do something (take the drug, sleep with a hooker)

looking and admiring is what they want you to do

you said it's disrespectful -- to who?

that's what the girls want you to do, it's how they make money

don424 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 02:59 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by oct.2004bride

Posted by Sassyz75

You can look at girls if it is their job?
Can you do drugs if you buy it from someone cause it is their job?
can you have sex with a hooker? it's their job...

lame reasoning.

those are kinda bad associations...the two that you are talking about ARE ILLEGAL...looking at strippers isn't

is it cold in here?

Karacg Posted: Jan 28, 2005 03:00 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Why did you want to know what went on besides how DH behaved? DH didn't tell you because he didn't want to compromise you. Now don't you wish you had never asked? We are not watchdogs for the rest of the world.

WHen I found out my ex was having an affair with my best friend, a few people told me they had suspected that but didn't have any 'proof'. A person has to find out on his/her own if his/her SO is unfaithful. Otherwise the tattler usually just winds up losing the friends, and then the couple wind up kissing and making up. Who's the bad guy then?

Sassyz75 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 03:00 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by don424

Posted by violet

I think he meant that it's okay because that's those girls' jobs and not random naked women. I think?

exactly

i mean, hookers and drugs are on a different scale

i would have to physically do something (take the drug, sleep with a hooker)

looking and admiring is what they want you to do

you said it's disrespectful -- to who?

that's what the girls want you to do, it's how they make money

Not disrespectful to the strippers..
Disrespectful to the BRIDE.

don424 Posted: Jan 28, 2005 03:02 PM

Re: Spinoff of Kathy's Poll: Similar situation - cheating husbands, bachelor parties, & secrets...LONG

Posted by Sassyz75

Posted by don424

Posted by violet

I think he meant that it's okay because that's those girls' jobs and not random naked women. I think?

exactly

i mean, hookers and drugs are on a different scale

i would have to physically do something (take the drug, sleep with a hooker)

looking and admiring is what they want you to do

you said it's disrespectful -- to who?

that's what the girls want you to do, it's how they make money

Not disrespectful to the strippers..
Disrespectful to the BRIDE.