Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Original post by LuvMyAlfonse
Had me wondering about honesty and I actually told my DH this the other day - that if he cheated (one time thing) on ME - to never, ever tell me.
So, if you cheated (one time thing) would you tell him or just live with the guilt? And would you want him to tell you?
SparkyandAng
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Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Like I am on every other thing.I go back and forth. Part of me says I would definitely tell him but I also know there's no turning back after that. another part says, if it were him cheating and it was a one time thing...what I don't know can't hurt me. But obviously when faced with the situation who knows what I'd do.
Just want to add...it took me 39 years to find FH, so cheating and risk losing him just seems impossible.
cbcf
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Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
I would not want to know. Especially if it was a Opps one time thing etc... If I had suspcions and ASKED.. then tell me the truth.
I think I would keep it to myself and deal w the guilt if I ever made that mistake.
I don't understand how an oops happens, though...
ETS: i should explain. 'oops' to me sounds like an accident and in my opinion, cheating isn't an accident.
i 100% agree with you Danielle...it's not like the guy or girl just slipped and fell ontop of you and clothes came off in the process...no 'opps' in my opinion!
But I don't know if I would want to know if it was a one time thing. I know FH would definitely tell me he has very bad guilt problems...even the slightest bit of guilt in him and he explodes and has to tell me lol so I know he would tell me, but I don't know if I would want to know.
but if other people knew about it like family and friends you bet your arse I want to know because I am not looking like a fool in front of them for staying with a man who did that and other people know except me
And I know I would definitely tell if I cheated.
davenjess
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Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by yelley77
Posted by davenjess
i would never be able to live with myself if i so much as kissed another guy....so i'd tell him.
we do have a firm agreement, cheating is unforgivable.. i would never look at him the same way again and he would never see me the same way.
it's our only deal breaker.
ditto and amen.
Although, if put in the situation, I do not know if I'd feel the same about the 'deal breaker'.
We just saw Dave's sister go through a TERRIBLE divorce. Her ex husband came home and told her how he had been cheating on her for months, they didn't use a condom and she may want to get checked for any STD's. Her ex is the DEFINITION OF SCUM!
I know it's not the same thing - but just seeing that in our faces, and seeing what it did to his poor sister, it's a DEAL BREAKER.
To me - cheating means there was some type of 'grander' issue in the relationship rather than a one time error.
There had to be something going wrong with the relationship to start with to make someone wander...and if he chose to go to someone else, rather than me to talk about it, do something about it...then our relationship was dead right then & there.
ETA: her ex is now married to the woman he cheated with who HATES kids....GUESS WHAT? dave's sis and her ex have 2 kids....
Kimbalina
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Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
I would not want to know. Especially if it was a Opps one time thing etc... If I had suspcions and ASKED.. then tell me the truth.
I think I would keep it to myself and deal w the guilt if I ever made that mistake.
I don't understand how an oops happens, though...
ETS: i should explain. 'oops' to me sounds like an accident and in my opinion, cheating isn't an accident.
I think it is part to do with my expectations of marriage and what happens. Almost EVERYONE in my family including my parents and also FH's parents have seen divorce.
People hit rocky patches and make a mistake an awful mistake. If that is going to kill an other wise strong marriage.. because you had a weakness and something came along at the 'wrong' time then dont tell me..
Remember why you love me and treat me and our marriage better from every day forward.
If you did it and dont Regret it... then it is time for us both to move on.
yelley77
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Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by davenjess
To me - cheating means there was some type of 'grander' issue in the relationship rather than a one time error.
bingo
Espo22
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Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
if i had thoughts of cheating first i would think if i was happy in the relationship. And if i realized that with these thoughts of cheating and not being happy in the relationship, i would first think about whether or not i should stay. I would break up with the person rather than cheat. I know i would do this bc i did this in my past relationship. I just wasnt being treated the way i should've been treated, i wasnt happy and of course if someone comes around who is being sweet and treating you like a queen you are going to want to continue feeling that. Usually(not always) but when a girl cheats is bc of what she is lacking in her relationship on an emotional level, and when she is at her lowest in the relationship its easy for a guy to come along and sweep her off her feet. In my past relationship i decided not to cheat though and instead i broke up with him, i knew what he was doing was wrong but at the same time i cant excuse my behavior if i cheated just bc of that, 2 wrongs dont make a right and this would just add on to the pile of things wrong in the relationship and make it worse so there would be no point.
So since i was in a similar situation many years ago with an ex, i know that i would break it off before i would even cheat
yelley77
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by Kimbalina
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
I would not want to know. Especially if it was a Opps one time thing etc... If I had suspcions and ASKED.. then tell me the truth.
I think I would keep it to myself and deal w the guilt if I ever made that mistake.
I don't understand how an oops happens, though...
ETS: i should explain. 'oops' to me sounds like an accident and in my opinion, cheating isn't an accident.
Remember why you love me and treat me and our marriage better from every day forward.
QUOTE]
I totally understand, but why can't you remember why you love me when we are going through our rough patch? you took me for better and worse...
Kimbalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
I would not want to know. Especially if it was a Opps one time thing etc... If I had suspcions and ASKED.. then tell me the truth.
I think I would keep it to myself and deal w the guilt if I ever made that mistake.
I don't understand how an oops happens, though...
ETS: i should explain. 'oops' to me sounds like an accident and in my opinion, cheating isn't an accident.
Remember why you love me and treat me and our marriage better from every day forward.
QUOTE]
I totally understand, but why can't you remember why you love me when we are going through our rough patch? you took me for better and worse...
I understand what you are saying totally!!
I am not saying I condone cheating.. I think I have just seen it so many times to realize that it happens sometimes. I would pray and hope that my FH and I are never put in the situation where he has this to tell me.. but., I know many people that are working their way past this,, I dont want to be one of them. It is awful.
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
I would not want to know. Especially if it was a Opps one time thing etc... If I had suspcions and ASKED.. then tell me the truth.
I think I would keep it to myself and deal w the guilt if I ever made that mistake.
I don't understand how an oops happens, though...
ETS: i should explain. 'oops' to me sounds like an accident and in my opinion, cheating isn't an accident.
Remember why you love me and treat me and our marriage better from every day forward.
QUOTE]
I totally understand, but why can't you remember why you love me when we are going through our rough patch? you took me for better and worse...
you are right and how its supposed to be. But i see people as being far from perfect, and people do make mistakes. Theres no explanation that makes it right or anything to justify their actions. But i think if somebody wants to do something they look at it from only one perspective and try to find the positives in doing so, and ignore everything they SHOULD be thinking about, well they're not really thinking actually, at that moment they have a one track mind. There are some people who just dont care and always do it, and feel no guilt or if they do its only temporarily.
What you are saying is perfectly right, but with more than half of marriages ending in divorce and many times bc of cheating, its just a thought that doesnt cross their mind when cheating. I think in their sick heads they make excuses for why they're doing it. Ive seen couples who werent even going through a rough patch when one person cheated
yelley77
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by Espo22
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
I would not want to know. Especially if it was a Opps one time thing etc... If I had suspcions and ASKED.. then tell me the truth.
I think I would keep it to myself and deal w the guilt if I ever made that mistake.
I don't understand how an oops happens, though...
ETS: i should explain. 'oops' to me sounds like an accident and in my opinion, cheating isn't an accident.
Remember why you love me and treat me and our marriage better from every day forward.
QUOTE]
I totally understand, but why can't you remember why you love me when we are going through our rough patch? you took me for better and worse...
you are right and how its supposed to be. But i see people as being far from perfect, and people do make mistakes. Theres no explanation that makes it right or anything to justify their actions. But i think if somebody wants to do something they look at it from only one perspective and try to find the positives in doing so, and ignore everything they SHOULD be thinking about, well they're not really thinking actually, at that moment they have a one track mind. There are some people who just dont care and always do it, and feel no guilt or if they do its only temporarily.
What you are saying is perfectly right, but with more than half of marriages ending in divorce and many times bc of cheating, its just a thought that doesnt cross their mind when cheating. I think in their sick heads they make excuses for why they're doing it. Ive seen couples who werent even going through a rough patch when one person cheated
I get what everyone is saying. But if I started to want another man, then there is a serious problem with my marriage and a trigger should go off that says 'HEY, why don't you go tell your husband that you are thinking about another man.' If Joey EVER felt the need to cheat, that means that there is something lacking in OUR relationship which may be easy to fix, or it may take work, but turning to another woman for a fix will only make things worse.
i respect what everyone is saying, please don't think that I am not.
Kimbalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Danielle,.
I think that something is WRONG somewhere in the realtionship too if one person is going to cheat. Could be that you dont know how to fulfill their desires.. maybe they feel like I dont listen to them when they talk,,, maybe there is underlining family pressure... Who knows.. but I think that for each reason that there is, it doesnt give you a 'right' to cheat. ..just some people dont know how to handle their problems.
yelley77
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by Kimbalina
Danielle,.
I think that something is WRONG somewhere in the realtionship too if one person is going to cheat. Could be that you dont know how to fulfill their desires.. maybe they feel like I dont listen to them when they talk,,, maybe there is underlining family pressure... Who knows.. but I think that for each reason that there is, it doesnt give you a 'right' to cheat. ..just some people dont know how to handle their problems.
Absolutely. I agree. Everyone deals differently.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that i know if i felt the need to stray, that is how I'd handle it and the same goes for Joey. That is why if he cheated, i personally don't think i'd be able to forgive him. But again, that is MY personal preference.
My mom always said that if her husband ever cheated, she'd leave... well, she was put in that scenerio and she said you can always say what you would do, but until you are in it, i guess no one can really say.
LuvMyAlfonse
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
A one-time thing though? I would definitely NOT want to know. Ever, ever, ever.
He's gonna tell me so he can get it off his chest? No frigging way pal - those are YOUR demons.
And if he cheated and I found out, I'd probably want to work it out. It's not a deal breaker for me.
An emotional and physical ongoing affair? That's another story.
Kimbalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
Danielle,.
I think that something is WRONG somewhere in the realtionship too if one person is going to cheat. Could be that you dont know how to fulfill their desires.. maybe they feel like I dont listen to them when they talk,,, maybe there is underlining family pressure... Who knows.. but I think that for each reason that there is, it doesnt give you a 'right' to cheat. ..just some people dont know how to handle their problems.
My mom always said that if her husband ever cheated, she'd leave... well, she was put in that scenerio and she said you can always say what you would do, but until you are in it, i guess no one can really say.
My mom was in this situation too and is still there 8 years later.. I always thought we would be gone if it happened..
Kimbalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by LuvMyAlfonse
A one-time thing though? I would definitely NOT want to know. Ever, ever, ever.
He's gonna tell me so he can get it off his chest? No frigging way pal - those are YOUR demons.
And if he cheated and I found out, I'd probably want to work it out. It's not a deal breaker for me.
An emotional and physical ongoing affair? That's another story.
I think you are completely correct. We are on the same wave legnth here!
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Espo22
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
Posted by yelley77
Posted by Kimbalina
I would not want to know. Especially if it was a Opps one time thing etc... If I had suspcions and ASKED.. then tell me the truth.
I think I would keep it to myself and deal w the guilt if I ever made that mistake.
I don't understand how an oops happens, though...
ETS: i should explain. 'oops' to me sounds like an accident and in my opinion, cheating isn't an accident.
Remember why you love me and treat me and our marriage better from every day forward.
QUOTE]
I totally understand, but why can't you remember why you love me when we are going through our rough patch? you took me for better and worse...
you are right and how its supposed to be. But i see people as being far from perfect, and people do make mistakes. Theres no explanation that makes it right or anything to justify their actions. But i think if somebody wants to do something they look at it from only one perspective and try to find the positives in doing so, and ignore everything they SHOULD be thinking about, well they're not really thinking actually, at that moment they have a one track mind. There are some people who just dont care and always do it, and feel no guilt or if they do its only temporarily.
What you are saying is perfectly right, but with more than half of marriages ending in divorce and many times bc of cheating, its just a thought that doesnt cross their mind when cheating. I think in their sick heads they make excuses for why they're doing it. Ive seen couples who werent even going through a rough patch when one person cheated
I get what everyone is saying. But if I started to want another man, then there is a serious problem with my marriage and a trigger should go off that says 'HEY, why don't you go tell your husband that you are thinking about another man.' If Joey EVER felt the need to cheat, that means that there is something lacking in OUR relationship which may be easy to fix, or it may take work, but turning to another woman for a fix will only make things worse.
i respect what everyone is saying, please don't think that I am not.
i feel the exact same way you do, i am not condoning cheating and i dont ever think it is acceptable. Just saying that obviously alot of ppl dont think while cheating and what makes sense obviously doesnt go through their mind bc otherwise they wouldn't do it. You said why doesnt the person thing about for better or worse and all that, and yes they should be thinking that, but for some reason all that must go out the window bc exactly like you said, then they wouldn't cheat or they would fix their relationship instead of running to somebody else. But they are idiots and do the wrong thing.
Point is that unfortunately ALOT of ppl do cheat, so all common sense goes out the window when it comes to this topic.
i was put in this position years ago with an ex and i didnt cheat i decided to end the relationship bc i had worked at it more than i already coud and knew something was wrong, so instead of cheating on him i broke up with him
sassygirl9
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Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Hey ladies. All of you make great valid points. It is definitely not ok to cheat. Personally, I'd have to tell cause I'd feel so guilty. I could see how some say what they don't know won't hurt. I think it's a bad situation to get in to. With internet being a major means of communication, what about people chatting or sending sexy pics. does that count as cheating?
AMGBride2008
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Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
My first instinct is to say yes, I would tell because I have such a guilty concious (I feel bad to this day about something I did in 6th grade!!). But if it actually happened... I have no clue.
Future Mulligan
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Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
Posted by LuvMyAlfonse
A one-time thing though? I would definitely NOT want to know. Ever, ever, ever.
He's gonna tell me so he can get it off his chest? No frigging way pal - those are YOUR demons.
And if he cheated and I found out, I'd probably want to work it out. It's not a deal breaker for me.
An emotional and physical ongoing affair? That's another story.
i think i agree with you....
this is why its so hard to know what you would or would not do - would you really want to throw away your marriage over something that happened one time? i dont know what i would do but i dont think its that easy to walk away from it all over something that happened one time...
TheFutureMrsM
Posted:
Member since
Re: Spinoff QOTD - would you tell your FH if you cheated on him?
I would never cheat but this is a what if question
My answer would be no i would not tell if its a one time thing,
If i planned on starting a relationship with someone else i was seeing on the side then yes i would tell him.
