Spinoff to Violetfairy's thread

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Posted by bm2013

We are discussing this later...Ugh, im sick just thinking about some of the stuff that goes on.

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This is exactly how I feel.

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Posted by jill13bean

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Posted by FeliciaDA


you know, i don't NOT trust my FH at all...but really, no matter what...you just never know...and like i said in the other thread...the power of alcohol and opportunity should not be underestimated---not to mention those things coupled with A$$hole friends egging you on!!

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you don't trust your FH and you are getting married??????????????? a bit odd

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re-read!

i said i don't NOT--double negative--meaning that i do...

and i also said that the power of alcohol/opporunity/being egged on shouldn't be underestimated...

as D&J said...why put yourself in a bad position?

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by jill13bean

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Posted by FeliciaDA


you know, i don't NOT trust my FH at all...but really, no matter what...you just never know...and like i said in the other thread...the power of alcohol and opportunity should not be underestimated---not to mention those things coupled with A$$hole friends egging you on!!

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you don't trust your FH and you are getting married??????????????? a bit odd

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re-read!

i said i don't NOT--double negative--meaning that i do...

and i also said that the power of alcohol/opporunity/being egged on shouldn't be underestimated...

as D&J said...why put yourself in a bad position?

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oh sorry.... that was weird
i agree

I talked to my FH about it too... at first he wanted a 'no strippers' rule for both of us... I didn't want to agree... now I'm reconsidering...

I started typing up a document of all the 'rules' for his BP and I'm gonna make him sign it and the rest of the guys READ it!!!

JT's bestman happens to be my bestfriend AND the person who is coordinating the bachelor party. He's already been given specific instructions infront of JT and all of the other guys involved that there are to be NO strippers in any hotel rooms or private rooms. If they want to go to a strip club, FINE, but no lap dances or anyhting to that affect for my man. This has been something that we have spoken about in detail. He is keeping his bachelor party to his very close friends for this reason. They are all very dorky and conservative and have pretty much decided to take a boat out and play poker all day instead of a late night party. And if they go anywhere, it will be to Foxwoods to gamble. And I don't care if someone tells me that I should not think 'not my man' because I know he would not do that. AND more importantly, I know his friends would not put him in that situation because they are my friends, too. Do I worry that something MIGHT happen? Yes, but that is only because I am realistic to the possibility that anything CAN happen, but I also trust in my relationship.

FH's bachelor party is this weekend. Part of me is nervous, but I think that's only natural. I happen to know for a fact that his brother and friends have hired strippers who do more than just strip. I also know my FH. I know how he feels about this issue and that he is perfectly content to let his brother and any of his other friends do whatever they want with these women, but he is not the type of guy who would let them touch him, let alone would touch them. A stripper is a visual stimulus for most men. He would much rather see a stripper from across the room than have her climbing all over him, wiping her skanky sweat on any part of his body. As nervous as I am (and I think that's natural just knowing that it's a bachelor party), I also know that of all the the things about my FH that I am not 100% happy with or the things about him that I do not necessarily love, the one thing I know for sure is that he would never put our relationship in jeopardy.

He has told me about everything his brother has been planning along the way. How do you think I know about the stripping wh*res that are going to be there? Either I trust him enough to marry him, share my life with him, and have children with him, or I don't. If I don't, then I don't belong here on LIW, now do I?

And you girls think you have it bad, my FH is going to Vegas for 4 days! lol! I can't say that I'm not nervous about it, but it doesn't cause me too much stress. I think I will ask that no strippers be in the hotel rooms, but strip clubs don't bother me at all. I've been to a couple of them with my guy friends and they're not that bad or raunchy, at least the ones they've taken me to. To be honest, I told FH to have a great time, but make sure to keep me in his mind and don't cross any invisible lines. I really don't have a problem with him talking to a group of girls that his friends are talking to, dancing with a girl (as long as they're not grinding) or even buying a girl a drink. I trust him to hold onto a level of respect and not do anything he wouldn't want me doing. Aside from that, I have no interest in knowing the details of his weekend. Not to mention, I do have a spy within the group who will tell me if FH does anything I need to know about.

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Posted by nferrandi

I really don't have a problem with him talking to a group of girls that his friends are talking to, dancing with a girl (as long as they're not grinding) or even buying a girl a drink.

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See, now I think that buying a girl a drink crosses a line. Not necessarily in his mind, although I can't see why he would buy a girl a drink for innocent purposes, but certainly in her mind. If a guy buys me a drink, it's because he's interested in me. If FH bought another woman a drink that was not a friend of his, I would wonder what it is he's trying to show her or impress her with.

Everyone has their lines. As long as my FH knows where I draw the line, that's all that matters. He knows exactly what it is that he can do to destroy our relationship. If he even so much as steps *on* the line, he knows he's finished.

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See, now I think that buying a girl a drink crosses a line. Not necessarily in his mind, although I can't see why he would buy a girl a drink for innocent purposes, but certainly in her mind. If a guy buys me a drink, it's because he's interested in me.

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I totally understand what you're saying, but FH gets a little loose with his money when he's drunk and will buy a round of drinks. I meant it wouldn't bother me if there was a girl within that mix. It would definitely be inappropriate if he was talking to one specific girl and buying her drinks, that would be like he's hitting on her and he would be in big trouble!

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Posted by jannshari

I'd rather FH get loose with his money than with his belt!

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Heck yeah!

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Posted by nferrandi

Not to mention, I do have a spy within the group who will tell me if FH does anything I need to know about.

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Let's be honest. This is the real reason why you're not worried

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by nferrandi

Not to mention, I do have a spy within the group who will tell me if FH does anything I need to know about.

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Let's be honest. This is the real reason why you're not worried

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You're probably right! lol! It's nice to know that I've got somone there who's got my back. He won't tell me any of the dumb details, and I don't even want to know, but if he thinks there's something I should know, he'll tell me.

I talked to my FH about it and his exact words were... 'What do you think happens at a bachelor party... at least he did not stick a bananna in her (the stripper)!!!

He went to a friends bachelor party this past weekend and they went to a strip club, while I was not thrilled at least there I know for a fact that you cannot touch the girls or you get thrown out. Not that I think it is ok for him to go to a strip club (FH first time going) but it is better than having a stripper come to someones house.

I AIM'd him ASAP. He already knows I am a nut so he just appeased me. Argh!

I can't believe that some women are actually telling their FHs that they can't have bachelor parties! If you treat your FH like a child, he won't respect you...he'll fear you. I think it also makes women seem really insecure and distrusting, which, to me, does not indicate a strong relationship.

Do I worry about the bonehead things that men do at bachelor parties? Sure. Would I ever tell FH that he could not have one just to appease me because of my own issues and not allow him to participate in a rite of passage for most men (and women, by the way)? No. If he does something at his bachelor party that would make me not want to marry him, then he would have done something down the line to make me want to leave him as well. If he can't fight off temptation for one night, then how can he do it for the rest of his life?

Ultimatums and demands usually backfire.

Jannshari, in our case, it was a mutual agreement not to have the bachelor/ette party. Neither of us drinks or does the bar scene. After hearing Violets story, though, I can definitely understand why it might be a good idea not to have them.

'If he does something at his bachelor party that would make me not want to marry him, then he would have done something down the line to make me want to leave him as well. If he can't fight off temptation for one night, then how can he do it for the rest of his life?'

Good point! I was wondering if I will feel comfortable with FH going to bachelor parties for his friends and family....But at least in those situations, the pressure won't be on him.